I am awesome!

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There are good days and not so good days; full days and empty days; such is life.

On good days, maximize collection of good memories and gratitude

On bad days, reduce external attention and focus on internal effort and healing.

On full days, be happy and grateful for all the events and opportunity

On empty and slow days, take the time to accept and cherish the chance to rest and recover.

 

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Today we went to the zoo. The weather was cool and the animals were out. Giraffes and elephants and lions and monkeys. A lot of driving and riding and walking and sitting.

A long day and yet a not so long day.
One day I'll be dead so I'm glad to spend a day with my family and to get a chance to see the beautiful living creatures of this earth

 

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I believe
1. All who use porn have an entitlement attitude
2. Porn's false pleasures take us away from the here and now. But it is the here and now that gives us the most pleasures.

All addictions create self-centered and irresponsible behaviors
We all have responsibilies to ourselves and to those we are accountable for.
Time is a limited resource. If we spend it here, we cannot spend it there. Arguing what we do in our free time is our business is believing in evil media. Because porn, gaming, drugs and gambling all have draws and negative influences that extend well beyond their hour of use.
To indulge in vice is to indulge in personal reality distancing. This basically is self centered entitlement and irresponsible behavior.

2. Everything we need to be happy is available in our daily lives. Not living happily is due to
- Not recognizing what we have,
- Not have a goal and discipline to take us to where we will be happier
- not being grateful for what we have.

People in some countries have it worse:
Russia, Ukraine, Africa, Middle East, Latin America, Myanmar etc.
Living in those countries with violence, crime, lawlessness is difficult.

We have it much better.
Dont neglect our hours of fortune by spending it away on distant misfortune creators who are basically all the vice producers.
Eg. Drug or porn producers living in other countries

 

[TakeActionNow]

Addiction is avoidance.
Avoidance of awareness
Avoidance of acceptance
Avoidance of responsibility

Avoidance is bad and damaging.
Such as refusing to change and adapt.

Mistakes are by nature intrinsically neutral. It just means what we have done was not effective or appropriate. It means our assumptions of things were incorrect. There is nothing bad or wrong about it.

Correction simply means doing things that may be more effective or appropriate. It may not be comfortable or easy, but in the long run, we will reap rewards.

To not want to change when things are not effective or appropriate is not logical. It is wrong. It is avoidance. It is too much ego.

Not studying when exams are near is ego.
Not working when funds are low is ego.
Wanking when real world emotions are low is ego.

Don't let ego fuck us up.
Recognize our mistakes early and make changes.
Be aware, accept and take responsibility.

 

[TakeActionNow]

I don't like reading.
But reading is good for me.
It gives me much knowledge in a short time than everything else.

To not read is silly.
It disregards future benefits for current comforts.
Prioritizing feelings over returns is always a terrible deal.
It is ego.

I need to focus on the real benefits.
I need to let real benefits direct and drive me, not emotions.
Emotions only serve as warning, not directions. It is based out of survival needs such as conservation of energy and most efficiency, and on expectations. But lacking these concerns, we should expand ourselves and go for more.

 

[TakeActionNow]

I don't like reading.
But reading is good for me.
It gives me much knowledge in a short time than everything else.

To not read is silly.
It disregards future benefits for current comforts.
Prioritizing feelings over returns is always a terrible deal.
It is ego.

I need to focus on the real benefits.
I need to let real benefits direct and drive me, not emotions.
Emotions only serve as warning, not directions. It is based out of survival needs such as conservation of energy and most efficiency, and on expectations. But lacking these concerns, we should expand ourselves and go for more.

I recognize that I have difficulty sustaining focus.
1. But focus is foundational for happiness
2. I am easily distracted
3. I am more geared toward activity rather than inspection
4. I need fast rewards for stimulation and sustainability.

These are common reasons I am prone to addictive activities like gaming.

I could also have developed these behaviors due to extended time in addictive activities.

To break this cycle:
1. Clarify motivation and goal set
2. Set short episodes of focus.
3. Recognize at completion
4. Reward at completion

I am learning to motivate by positive reinforcement, not negative.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Have the rare opportunity of being alone with the house all to myself and yes, the old suggestion did popped into my head, though rather gently.

Not an issue for me but it's opportunity for analysis:
1. Old environments do trigger old familiar suggestions, so it's still best to stay away from suggestive friends and places.
2. Time away from addiction does allow time to observe things more clearly.
3. I observed the precurser, which was "I find myself some alone time and private space so what should I do"
4. I can create alternative options to address this precursor:
a. Cherish it
b. Enjoy my environment
c. Enjoy my peace
d. Enjoy my rare solitude
5. I find that these options actually give me better outcomes than old compulsive singular bad way.
a. I am more rested
b. I relate better with the here and now
c. I am recognizing and relating my real needs better.
d. my environment is actually giving me more pleasure than addictive avoidance activities.

Getting married and having children is tough.
No personal time and space.
So having a bit of solo rest time matters more to me than pleasure.
I feel better just lying here listening to some music or podcast and doing nothing.

Hooray!

 

[TakeActionNow]

I remind myself to do more things that are beneficial.
These may not be easy.
These may not show immediate results
But one way or another I should be better off in the long run.
Generally quick fixes won't make the cut

 

[TakeActionNow]

Cost benefit analysis

Types of costs
1. Time
2. health
3. money
4. opportunity

Benefit
A. Quality of life
B. Knowledge and wisdom
C. Health
D. Long term Financial


Reading is lowC highB
Finding a good wife is midC highB
Exercise and healthy diet is lowC highB

Porn and vice are highC lowB
Wayward friends are highC lowB
Aimless living is highC lowB
A hot but bad partner is highC lowB.

Many times highC is not money but time and opportunity costs.

Whereas highB leads to good financial because it reaps from good early investment of time, money, opportunity and relationships.

Don't be guided by emotions because feelings are short term.
Guide by long term benefits for better outcomes.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Addiction is often an outcome based activity that eventually becomes compulsive to conclude outcome.

Initially the journey is disregarded and all attention is given only to the concluding high. Eventually even the concluded high is insufficient as the attention has now shifted to focusing on the completing activity for sake of putting out the cravings.

Anyway, I'm working on returning the attention back to the process rather than the conclusion, as I have fortunately abstained enough to eradicate the complusive effects of cravings that perpetuates habit and cycle.

It is this focus of process that allows cost benefit analysis to be possible.

It is very hard to do this analysis if the mind is still too focused on outcomes or compulsion.

Focusing on the process allows us to determine outcomes.

However focusing on outcomes determines likelihood of compulsion. It ironically takes determination away from us. True for gamblers, gamers and all addicts.

By focusing on what I do now, I get to enjoy the process and enjoy the outcome, a far better preposition.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Addiction makes us emotional animals

Addiction first overloads neurotransmitters.
Then it fries them.
Soon addicts become depleted people looking for relief.

Addicts live between volatile emotional states, living for the emotional high. As a result, their decision making is based mostly on emotional whelms: whichever gives them faster and higher highs are preferred. It's not even gut feel. It's feeding and seeking relief for the complusion.

Unfortunately this also means logical reasoning is rarely practiced on.

It is important to practice cognitive reasoning after reboot. This is what helps improve decision making, option choosing and long term outcomes.

Hot chick? No thanks
Junk food? No need
Get rich quick? Gotta be kidding

Emotion and cognitive thinking are not opposites. It's kindergarten vs university. It's optimism vs practical and pragmatic. It's a world of difference.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Many liberations of not wanking.

1. Not living on demand
2. Freedom from complusion to seek relief
3. Freedom from out of control emotional cycles
4. Freedom from depression from worn out neurotransmitters
5. Freedom from negativity from dopamine insufficiency
6. Freedom from pleasure seeking nature
7. Freedom from unrealistic and fantasy thinking and beliefs
8. Freedom from ignorance and inability to see truth and reality
9. Freedom from fear and avoidence

 

[TakeActionNow]

Benefits of not wanking

1. Generally calmer and more collected
2. Able to make better decisions
3. Able to focus better and longer. Less easily distracted
4. Able to see reality clearer
5. Able to take care of self better
6. Able to be happier more often and on less
7. Able to have longer lasting goals
8. Able to pursue our interests because we are more focused, self assured and motivated

 

[TakeActionNow]

There is no challenge in obtaining and consuming addictive material.

I now prefer a proper challenge where I am tested and effort is needed to succeed.
Success is not assured, such is life.
But the outcome is learnings and personal satisfaction gained.

This has greater and longer lasting feel good than porn, which ends immediately upon cumming and brings about 2wks to 1mth of nasty refractory doldrum. What a short term gain for a long term pain!

I will never be perfect, but in trying, I get better every day.

 

[TakeActionNow]

The real function of dopamine: motivation

On the road yesterday, of the hundreds of people I walked past, only 3 caught my eye. That's a realistic ratio of beauty in nature.

Now I of course felt a spike within. That the first dopamine trickle doing it's real function: motivation.
I felt lighter, more energized, alert. I was being motivated by my genetic code to take action. Translation: lessening of inhibition, focus of attention on target, activation of energy to do more work.

If I was single and gone ahead to talk with her, that dopamine will keep on trickling and sustaining my motivation to keep at pursuing her. If all goes well, we'd eventually couple and climax.
Genetically coded motivation has achieved its goal of transferring generic material, and if we're a good pair, coupling will be dopaminergically sustained and repeated, ensuring higher reproductive outcomes.
This is motivation by positive reinforcement.

If she or I were disagreeable, dopamine would dip and motivation to connect would end. Eventually we will call it off and look for partners elsewhere.

That's what dopamine is about.

Now, if every human would walk around naked, attraction would normalize.

If only hot chicks would walk around naked, every male's dopamine would fire out of control and chaos would ensue.

The human body is very efficient. Most can go without food for weeks without issue. There is very little waste. That's why it is not adaptive to modern society where food and nudity is abundent and at fingertips.

If a car can run on jet fuel and it did, the engine would burn out quickly.

Motivation is also applicable in other aspect of life, although with less intensity than desirable mating.

If you were stranded on an island and hungry for days, dopaminergic motivation is what lights you up when you happen across a plump chicken and primes you for the hunt.

It is naturally harder to activate dopamine in modern society where the pursuit of happiness is mostly indirect.

School for education
Work for money
Exercise for fitness
Diet for weight loss

It is hard to be dopaminergic where the outcomes are not immediate, noticable or happy. That's why Its difficult to be motivated in modern living.

But that's not the fault. Of modernity. It is our own fault for not practicing change perspective in order to see modern living in different light.

I get a bit of dopamine when I write this post.
I get a bit of dopamine when I recognize what I want and work towards it.
I get a bit of dopamine when I acknowledge my salary as an outcome of my efforts.

Summary
1. Dopamine is meant more for motivation, activation and continuation, then just pleasurable sensations
2. Dopamine should be kept at small but consistent doses
3. Modern living requires learning how see and activate motivation in different perspective
4. Modern living requires learning how to be motivated during the process as outcomes are usually long delayed and disassociated with initial effort.
5. Modern living requires learning how to motivate in areas not strongly associated with the senses eg. Work, study, fitness, health or when outcomes are long drawn out instead of discrete

 

[TakeActionNow]

The real function of dopamine: motivation

On the road yesterday, of the hundreds of people I walked past, only 3 caught my eye. That's a realistic ratio of beauty in nature.

Now I of course felt a spike within. That the first dopamine trickle doing it's real function: motivation.
I felt lighter, more energized, alert. I was being motivated by my genetic code to take action. Translation: lessening of inhibition, focus of attention on target, activation of energy to do more work.

If I was single and gone ahead to talk with her, that dopamine will keep on trickling and sustaining my motivation to keep at pursuing her. If all goes well, we'd eventually couple and climax.
Genetically coded motivation has achieved its goal and if we're a good pair repeated coupling will be dopaminergically sustained and pleasurable.
This is motivation by positive reinforcement.

If she or I were disagreeable, dopamine would dip and motivation to connect would end. Eventually we will call it off and look for partners elsewhere.

That's what dopamine is about.

Now, if every human would walk around naked, attraction would normalize.

If only hot chicks would walk around naked, every male's dopamine would fire out of control and chaos would ensue.

The human body is very efficient. Most can go without food for weeks without issue. There is very little waste. That's why it is not adaptive to modern society where food and nudity is abundent and at fingertips.

If a car can run on jet fuel and it did, the engine would burn out quickly.

Motivation is also applicable in other aspect of life, although with less intensity than desirable mating.

If you were stranded on an island and hungry for days, dopaminergic motivation is what lights you up when you happen across a plump chicken and primes you for the hunt.

It is naturally harder to activate dopamine in modern society where the pursuit of happiness is mostly indirect.

School for education
Work for money
Exercise for fitness
Diet for weight loss

It is hard to be dopaminergic where the outcomes are not immediate, noticable or happy. That's why Its difficult to be motivated in modern living.

But that's not the fault. Of modernity. It is our own fault for not practicing change perspective in order to see modern living in different light.

I get a bit of dopamine when I write this post.
I get a bit of dopamine when I recognize what I want and work towards it.
I get a bit of dopamine when I acknowledge my salary as an outcome of my efforts.

Summary
1. Dopamine is meant more for motivation, activation and continuation, then just pleasurable sensations
2. Dopamine should be kept at small but consistent doses
3. Modern living requires learning how see and activate motivation in different perspective
4. Modern living requires learning how to be motivated during the process as outcomes are usually long delayed and disassociated with initial effort.
5. Modern living requires learning how to motivate in areas not strongly associated with the senses eg. Work, study, fitness, health or when outcomes are long drawn out instead of discrete

I got messed up when young by porn and gaming.
Porn cos we're at end goal immediately.
Gaming cos periodic wins (kills, loot, quest completion) are all dopaminergic.

School is viewed worse when compared to them. Perhaps farm hands sustain on the field better if they didn't have access to these nonsense.

Restricting access to overly dopaminergic easily accessible material is vital for healthy living. Do not believe in media arguing for Yolo or living to the fullest. Do your own test to find out what's reasonable. When daily living feels worse after consuming some modern offerings, don't create more suffering by consuming more short term pleasurables at the expense of long term suffering.

Life is indeed much better today than 100 yrs ago. I dare say even just 5 or 10 yrs ago. But that doesn't mean core values and beliefs should change just because availability has changed.

If everyone suddenly became crack addicts today, we as a species will die out very quickly.

Core values are:
Work hard and live honestly
Enjoy the process
Be present so as to recognize the accomplishments and reward the achievements
Be grateful. Everything we get to enjoy today really was someone else's effort yesterday.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Just as I own the responsibility to ensure I get fed, water, rest and safety, I also own the responsibility of ensuring I get motivated and happy daily.

Also, just as junk food is not healthy nutrition, soda is not water, gaming is not rest and pub is not shelter, porn is not happiness.

So while I make the effort to look out for necessary things, I also own the effort to help myself feel good properly

Preparing for feel good is like preparing for lunch.
1. Have a goal
2. Prepare the ingredients
3. Work the ingredients
4. Enjoy the meal

So for study
1. Know what I am studying for
2. Find a quiet or suitable place
3. Set the time to study and focus
4. Have self recognition of knowledge gained and study completed

So in life always be aware of what I am doing
1. Set goal and purpose
2. Prepare for success
3. Focus for success
4. Recognize the success

 

[TakeActionNow]

As recent as June 2022, I was
- Unmotivated to work
- Unhappy with wife
- unclear about my future
- Living day to day without purpose
- Had nothing to be happy about at all
- Fault finding and blaming with everything
- Gossipy and attention seeking
- emotionally charged and hyper sensitive
- future is negative, dark and pessimistic.
- highly dependent on others for my happiness
- past looking, forward avoiding

Something happened in June that made me stop completely. I'm not clear what. I need to go back and review. Renovations started in August and I lapsed once because of stress.
Oct came about and I lapsed once for relief. Went on a family trip and lapsed once in Dec for relief.

After 7 months dry and 3 outages, today I'm a changed man.

My mind is clear about the nonsense and irresponsible person and living I was last year. I am now filled with motivation to work and improve for a better life.

Let's compare again. Today I'm:
- Very motivated to work harder
- happy with wife
- clear about my future
- Living day to day with purpose
- aware and happy about many simple and small things in life
- quietly observing to understand and identify solution plan and path
- not interested to draw any attention to myself
- emotionally stable, comfortable, contented.
- future is positive and optimistic
- highly independent on others for my happiness
- past ignoring, forward looking

The people who educated me the most:
- this article that made all the sense about post orgasm destabilization
- Dr Andrew Huberman, on understanding physical and neurological nature of human beings.
- Dr Trish Leigh, on understanding porn affliction and recovery
- Dr Jordan Peterson, on psychology and reminding on good values
- Kevin Samuels (RIP), on seeing the real side of entitlement and delusion
- and a host of other educational sources for direct and indirect learning and understanding.

My own recovery phase theory:
Phase 1. Dealing with abstinence
Phase 2. Reconnect positively with environment
Phase 3. Redirected living with purpose.

What I did differently:
1. Blog obsessively everyday my thoughts (reflecting)
2. Watch only media with the intent to learn and understand (realization)
3. Focus on every little accomplishments I did (recognition)
4. Recognize and reward myself (positive reinforcement)

I didn't run, eat or slept differently. I didn't meet more people. I didn't have a therapist. I didn't change other aspects of my life. Aside from the above mentioned activities, my life didn't change.

Addiction is not about sex or even pleasure. It is about complusion and depression. It is about avoidance. It is about delusion. It is about misinformation. It is about ignorance. Its outcome is 100% bad.

Happy living is akin to fresh air, freely available to all of us. Evil capitalist made us believe smoke was good. I know better now. I'm going back to green fields.

Recognizing that recovery is possible and within us all, I hope you too can rediscover yourself.

 

[TakeActionNow]

General view lately
1. I avoid drama
2. I am less emotional
3. I am more grounded, more confident about my abilities
4. I am more present.

Overall I am more collected and peaceful.
I seek drama in the past because it was stimulating. But I know better now that drama, like porn, like social media, is bad. It is attention seeking by. Others, becoming attention seeking by me.

I am aware there are still some areas that need addressing
1. Less nonsense media
2. More effort to read and improve
3. More urgency towards goals

I am becoming old. Happy to stay home watching YouTube videos on woodworking

 

[TakeActionNow]

I feel I am finally shifting towards where all my successful peers are at: dedicating themselves towards their own success and achievements, instead of seeking only pleasure and avoidance.

The future is bright for all who seek improvements, and dark for all who depend on pleasure to feel good.

It never dawn to me that something so beautiful as the human form can be so devastating to the human soul.

Beauty is to be appreciated, not consumed. The only thing I want to consume now is knowledge and accomplishments.