My future is awesome!

[TakeActionNow]

These days I'm able to commend on myself frequently for doing well. I was never able to do so before.
The reasons are
1. I am able to recognize my achievements more, instead of just do and move on
2. I am more principle based and I recognize myself when I follow my principles
3. I am more long term purposed based. I recognize myself whenever I do something that supports my long term purpose.

I find being able to commend myself frequently is very important in providing plenty of pleasure through self recognition.
It's super sustainable as it promotes good activities that I am also proud of doing.

 

[TakeActionNow]

I look back and find the girls I know always make food a big part of their life.
Guys can just eat a loaf and get on with life but the ladies always seek something more interesting.

I used to think it may be the difference in the way our heads and body work, but now i suspect it's that way pleasure is supplemented through daily activities.

When men can just wank one out and feel good immediately, this easy access quickly defeats all other sources, leading us unable to gain pleasure elsewhere.

But for people without easy access to pleasure, alternative feelgood sources needs to be found: e.g.
Food, fashion, cosmetic, attention, hair etc.

I'm guessing, because food is starting to become more important to me as a source of pleasure now. In fact I am paying more attention to what I do and what forms of pleasure these activities provide:
1. Principle based
2. Purpose / goal based
3. Sensory & stimulation (food, music, sports )
4. Achievement based

They often overlap each other and often support a longer term outlook in life.
I am happier because everything I do now contributes to a better tomorrow.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Men are structurally more capable of independence than women:
1. Physically stronger and thus more able to self sustain.
2. Not having to care and deal with a womb that bleeds every month.
3. Have an easily accessable and managable external sex organ.
4. Will never get pregnant, which is a huge life and body changer
5. Technically a male can father 1000s of offsprings and not take any personal ownership of their upbringing, unlike females who must endure long gestation and labor pain which invariable form deep bonds between them and the child.

So why aren't we more independent?
It's not the body.
It's the mind.
The mind directs the body.
If the mind is weak, so too will be the body.

Know now that we have the stronger body.
Make sure that it has a strong mind to direct it.

 

[Androg]

I look back and find the girls I know always make food a big part of their life.
Guys can just eat a loaf and get on with life but the ladies always seek something more interesting.

I used to think it may be the difference in the way our heads and body work, but now i suspect it's that way pleasure is supplemented through daily activities.

When men can just wank one out and feel good immediately, this easy access quickly defeats all other sources, leading us unable to gain pleasure elsewhere.

But for people without easy access to pleasure, alternative feelgood sources needs to be found: e.g.
Food, fashion, cosmetic, attention, hair etc.

I'm guessing, because food is starting to become more important to me as a source of pleasure now. In fact I am paying more attention to what I do and what forms of pleasure these activities provide:
1. Principle based
2. Purpose / goal based
3. Sensory & stimulation (food, music, sports )
4. Achievement based

They often overlap each other and often support a longer term outlook in life.
I am happier because everything I do now contributes to a better tomorrow.

Very insightful. A lot of us mammals are dealing with unwanted weight as a consequence of the phenomenon you describe.

We mammals are all dopamine-seeking machines. Our appetites run on feelings of scarcity/lack, in other words feelings of "I think I would find X would bring me pleasure and satisfaction."

But balance actually brings more pleasure throughout the day than chasing those buzzes, because lots of subtler things and occurrences bring more pleasure than they do when we are caught on the dopamine-chasing treadmill.

 

[TakeActionNow]

@Androg, thanks for weighing in.

Obesity is a modern problem. It's more than just accessibility to surplus food. It's what's driving surplus consumption.

Modern life, the pursuit of pleasure and pennies, and the seperation of family and relatives, made people more unhappy. Food today is merely another easy access to pleasure. Food addiction is probably more deadly than porn addiction, given its health issues. If porn can make us fat, I'm sure many of us will be morbidly obese now.

The easier life gets, the greater the unhappiness. Ironic isn't it?

It takes a very mature mind to be able to be content with oneself and see through the problems easy access brings.

I think the key here is having the skill to be happy with whatever we have and whatever we are doing, and distribute pleasure generation across a multitude of daily life experiences (like you shared), instead of focusing on one main source or relying on external parties to do all the pleasure generating work for us.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Men are structurally more capable of independence than women:
1. Physically stronger and thus more able to self sustain.
2. Not having to care and deal with a womb that bleeds every month.
3. Have an easily accessable and managable external sex organ.
4. Will never get pregnant, which is a huge life and body changer
5. Technically a male can father 1000s of offsprings and not take any personal ownership of their upbringing, unlike females who must endure long gestation and labor pain which invariable form deep bonds between them and the child.

So why aren't we more independent?
It's not the body.
It's the mind.
The mind directs the body.
If the mind is weak, so too will be the body.

Know now that we have the stronger body.
Make sure that it has a strong mind to direct it.

Further on this, it's not that the female sex is weaker, but that they are more burdened and have more responsibilities than males in taking care of themselves and their young.

Thus it makes sense that females are generally more dependent on others to aid them in their burdens, and would develop behaviors that better attract and demand males to take up this task.

With this premise, we understand better the following:
1. It doesn't make sense to be dependent on dependents. Doing so makes males functionally weaker than females. We immediately become unattractive to females and also to other males.
2. It doesn't make sense to collect too many dependents. If we are to select a female and support her, we need to select the best female, not any slutty self centered ones who are devious in looking for as many males to support her as possible, or use abuse and then dump us.
3. It makes better sense now that simple parties can just be attracted by looks whereas complicated or well thought of parties are attracted by ability (complex).
4. The requirements for both sexes are different. Men consider their past contributions but females look only at immediate and future concerns. You buying last night's expensive dinner has no weightage if you forget to pick up the child today. That is why women are particular about details, future, nag and pester. They demand men to keep on improving. They need to ensure that support is well maintained for the now and future because the past is over and unimportant. Many men who are self reliant and care only for themselves rarely think and plan far into the future. They know they can hardly get help when struggle gets too real. More males commit suicide then females.


Therefore, to succeed in life as a male, we need to:
1. Take full care of ourselves first so that we are independent and can take care of dependents
2. Limit the numbers of dependents and not be excessively seeking, attracting or collecting dependents.
3. Never focus our lives on dependents. But focus our lives on strengthening ourselves.

This is what it means to be male.

Spending time on porn is collecting dependents.
Needing porn to soothe oneself is dependency on dependents.
Focusing life on porn takes precious time away from making ourselves more able and independent.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Thus,
1. the one women who will ever love me the most is my mother.
2. Women will nag and pester, and men will beome aloof and distant are normal
3. Both sexes can never be equals because they are fundementally different
4. Financial freedom can transform certain dynamics but cannot change physical reality

 

[Nico]

Love your journal and the doses of tough love you give yourself but also acknowledging your progress and successes! I know you are writing to help yourself but it helps me too, like a real good talking to, and an orientation towards becoming the best you can be.

 

[Blondie]

Good stuff @TakeActionNow.

the one women who will ever love me the most is my mother.

I agree with this to some extent. No other women in your life will love you unconditionally besides your mother. That is literally programed in her DNA. Hell, I'm sure even Hitler was still loved by his mother if she was around at time. But yes, The rest of women, even the best of them, will still need something from you besides you just being "you". This is why I hate the phrase "just be yourself" women love saying this. Obviously, it's usually meant well but it does absolutely nothing for a male trying to succeed with the opposite sex. To succeed with the opposite sex you have to become your "best self". If being yourself is sitting on the couch all day long, dressing like shit, not taking care of yourself, not having a mission in life, looking at porn, this is the absolute worst advice you can give a man. Unfortunately, many young boys with no dads hear this from their well intentioned mothers, not realizing the damage it does to them.

Women will nag and pester, and men will beome aloof and distant are normal

This is true. Nagging and pestering and using sex to get what they want, is women's only real form of control that they have in this world, that is, soft power. And what a power it is! I have no problem with women being able to vote, but to act like they had no power before this modern invention is to not understand the nature of soft power, and quite frankly, it's really putting down the only power women actually have. Find me a man who hasn't been overrun by his wife over the years by her using soft power to control him: either by nagging (taking a judging role in the relationship) or more overtly, by using sex to dole out rewards for his obedience. Most men, utterly fail this test, and if you watch porn, hell you've alreadly tripped on the way out of the starting gate. Do all women do this? Yes, to some extent, even though I would say many are not aware of it and most are not doing it out of spite, it's just in the nature of the sexes. The real question is, why wouldn't they do it? In fact, I have no problems with women doing this, because it simply is the way it works. But woe to the man who is not aware of it!

Women's rights to not exist unless enforced by an all encompassing patriarchal government. A government that will use male violence, either the police or army (mostly all men) to back up its "progressive" laws. If the world went to shit or we were invaded by a foreign army, almost all of our modern conversations would be made obsolete in a moment's notice.

I don't necessarily mind progress, or women having somewhat more "male like roles" but it is still mostly an illusion, and one that might come crashing down if the circumstances were right.

 

[Androg]

A friend sent me this. I'm curious what you think of it:

 

[TakeActionNow]

A friend sent me this. I'm curious what you think of it:

@Androg , thanks for sharing and asking.
Let's start with principles first.
My principles are
1. Information followed should be scientific and evidence based, from reputable and established sources
2. Community is the root of society.
3. Life should be wholistically experienced
4. Your choice of association determines your outcomes.

So my first thoughts of the video were that it is too short and narrowly focused to determine if the advice preached is suitable.

Now I can see some benefits a teen or young adult can gain from this YouTuber's personal view and experience to help them differentiate from social and media noise and get ahead in life. Many parents tell kids not to be involved during school for good reasons.

But as an older man, my views are:
1. Family is the true driver of man's focus and discipline.
2. A good partner does more than no partner
3. Loneliness is detrimental to health
4. Most single men wank to get by because they are lonely
5. It is not retention that improves one but purpose
6. At the end of the day, what is the purpose of all the growth and improvement?

Life is complicated with no right or wrong answers. A young mother at 18 is shunned, but she at 36 has an 18 yo child to experience adult lives together.

No one solution works across all time, but I as a father will advise this to my child:
1. Work and study hard because life only gives back what we put in
2. Find a good partner with good values to grow a family together
3. Be a good example to others
4. Do not live only for yourself but help in your community

I won't say the YouTuber is wrong. But I do think at 30s men should all find a good partner and make a home. I am blessed that I have a decent partner. My child is the reason for most of my decisions and happiness.
My family is the root of my recovery.
Before them I was alone and living a meaningless life. I experienced many immature and unsuitable partners. I was lonely and did not have a greater reason to improve. Having a family really taught me about the circle of life, the opportunity to give back and the joy of growing some one else. I am happier, more grounded and focused than ever before.

So I am for family. But a good partner nevertheless not a self centered self serving one. Not easy to find, and definitely not an attention seeker.

A partner that cares only about pleasure and leisure is clearly detrimental. But a partner who is interested in improving themselves and others is definitely beneficial.

 

[Androg]

Thanks for your thoughtful reply. I also found myself hoping the Youtuber might outgrow his current belief system.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Good stuff @TakeActionNow.


I agree with this to some extent. No other women in your life will love you unconditionally besides your mother. That is literally programed in her DNA. Hell, I'm sure even Hitler was still loved by his mother if she was around at time. But yes, The rest of women, even the best of them, will still need something from you besides you just being "you". This is why I hate the phrase "just be yourself" women love saying this. Obviously, it's usually meant well but it does absolutely nothing for a male trying to succeed with the opposite sex. To succeed with the opposite sex you have to become your "best self". If being yourself is sitting on the couch all day long, dressing like shit, not taking care of yourself, not having a mission in life, looking at porn, this is the absolute worst advice you can give a man. Unfortunately, many young boys with no dads hear this from their well intentioned mothers, not realizing the damage it does to them.

This is true. Nagging and pestering and using sex to get what they want, is women's only real form of control that they have in this world, that is, soft power. And what a power it is! I have no problem with women being able to vote, but to act like they had no power before this modern invention is to not understand the nature of soft power, and quite frankly, it's really putting down the only power women actually have. Find me a man who hasn't been overrun by his wife over the years by her using soft power to control him: either by nagging (taking a judging role in the relationship) or more overtly, by using sex to dole out rewards for his obedience. Most men, utterly fail this test, and if you watch porn, hell you've alreadly tripped on the way out of the starting gate. Do all women do this? Yes, to some extent, even though I would say many are not aware of it and most are not doing it out of spite, it's just in the nature of the sexes. The real question is, why wouldn't they do it? In fact, I have no problems with women doing this, because it simply is the way it works. But woe to the man who is not aware of it!

Women's rights to not exist unless enforced by an all encompassing patriarchal government. A government that will use male violence, either the police or army (mostly all men) to back up its "progressive" laws. If the world went to shit or we were invaded by a foreign army, almost all of our modern conversations would be made obsolete in a moment's notice.

I don't necessarily mind progress, or women having somewhat more "male like roles" but it is still mostly an illusion, and one that might come crashing down if the circumstances were right.

@Blondie, so glad to have a thoughtful discussion with you.

I wrote because earlier, I didn't or were too influenced to think deeply about the differences and relationships between men and women. These are probably lessons parents should teach their children to be mindful of.

I never had a "just be yourself" partner. When one says that, it's cos I'm not "the chosen one". All my vested partners demand that I constantly improve, and I can understand better now. If I was her, a dependent, I cannot allow my supportive partner to slacken. They must float before I do, else they're dead weight and together we'd drown. So I don't think nag and pester are bad. It's in their genes. They have to

But it also turns out v few people understand the detriments of porn. "Every guy looks at porn" is just as widely accepted as everyone smokes in the 50s. Hopefully there will be a antiporn revolution. But even in 2023 we are all still struggling to eradicate cigarettes.

I only recently learnt, women control who they have sex with, but man control who they marry with. The women do so not out of love but baiting, so to all men, choose well! Take their power away by refusing their advances!

Anyway, I'm glad and grateful to read your thoughts. My happiness and changes these days are from new insights and perspectives on self and relationships.

Cheers and congrats on your 500 day mark!

 

[TakeActionNow]

Love your journal and the doses of tough love you give yourself but also acknowledging your progress and successes! I know you are writing to help yourself but it helps me too, like a real good talking to, and an orientation towards becoming the best you can be.

Thanks @Nico
I find that real recovery has nothing to do with sex, erections or girth. Thus I have no comments nor involvement with discussion on these.

It's 100% reconnection with self and perspective change.

I think I'm in a good place now, where I can honestly be happy with the things I do moment to moment.
I am blessed with good partner and environment, and I know I am very fortunate.
Gratitude and appreciation were all very cliche 8 mths ago but today I'm actually living, breathing and believing it fully. I'm like an atheist turned devote believer.
All these philosophical thinking is very instrumental to changing my perspective.
Giving myself up for a greater purpose (child or work) also helps provide reason for later reflection and self congratulations.
I recognize there is a healthy cycle developing here, and it begins with giving, and not taking the easy way out.

I read you are feeling down now, and in our kind meditative learnings, this too will pass.
It's really helpful to practice constant self reflection and self commendation. Learn to feel good about ourselves no matter what. Let go of attachment to discomfort. There is no need for external supplements.

Today I am constantly seeking to do things that I know will make me feel good later on. I prefer less leisure time and more achievement time. I'm becoming a more effortful person and I'm liking it.

If you can, have a pet which can give you unconditional love. I have my child and this love is so very important to me.
Or help a nearby charity and know that your work is going to be good for yourself and the recipients.
Or have a new interest. I think I'm going to take up some singing classes soon.
Or go crawl into bed and sleep sleep sleep.

No porn is good. Only then will we look for correct and appropriate sources to feel good. It is regaining this skill that will truly lift us from perpetual sorrow to perpetuate joy.

Take care my friend. You are in my thoughts.

 

[TakeActionNow]

DISCOMFORT: ENVIRONMENT VS INTERNAL

I am fortunate that I currently have v low environmental discomfort.
I am thus able to focus more on internal discomfort.
So far only 3 events create this:
Running
Fasting
Meditation
Having to endure internal discomfort builds endurance to discomfort in general, and also teaches delayed gratification.

Environment discomfort is harder to manage because it is forced upon us with little to no eventual reward for enduring, such as violence, bad traffic or construction noise.

But internal discomfort is good that it teaches us that we don't have to feel good all the time. We don't have to seek pleasure only from pleasing activities. If we can learn to prefer pleasure from challenges instead, then we'll not only achieve more, but we'll also learn to enjoy to process instead of only focusing on the goal. That's the true secret to happiness.

 

[TakeActionNow]

EMPTY

I'm have the runs recently, and last week was especially bad. I was dehydrated and so tired that I stayed in bed the whole night. I didn't want to do anything.

And I relate that to how porn overdose leading to neurotransmitter burnout and dopamine depletion is like having the runs of motivation.

Dopamine's primary use is for motivation. Pleasure is subsidiary to that.

Without motivation, the addict/abuser is not interested in doing anything. It was like me having the runs. The dreadful thing was that this disinterest perpetuates as long as i continued to wank. It was me continually eating rotten food and crapping, and then having to say no to all other healthier activities/options.

Without wanks and with dopamine restored to natural levels, I find myself interested and motivated to do many things, almost naturally.
And this feeling is very pleasant.
It's like having good health or good weather. I just felt better.

I won't trade it for fake synthetic pleasures. You know, the difference between freshly squeezed juice and a can of artificial soda.
Now let's go drink some more water.

 

[TakeActionNow]

I'm working very hard to connect logic with emotions. And I think the link is principles and values.

It's very hard to think myself out of a strong emotion. But principles and values are like a loving parent who gently guides me away from bad decisions.

The outcome of following principles and values is happiness and contentment. The opposite is regret.

Let's keep this tripartite happily working together.

 

[TakeActionNow]

The do good feel good equation is easy to maintain.

When we are reminded that what we do is good for us or someone, it not only becomes more bearable and easier to do, we also get to reflect later and score some self recognition and commendation points.

We also reinforce these good habits and it becomes easier in the future to repeat.

Everything can be viewed as habits.
Good habits, bad habits are all rooted in motivation and reward.

Bad habits are simple to identify:
Selfish benefits
Lazy
Fast and easy to achieve
At the price of another
Short termed outlook and reward.
Not long term beneficial

Good habits are also easy to identify:
Benefit many
Challenging but rewarding
Longer term outlook and reward

 

[TakeActionNow]

Inspiration can come from a variety of sources. We just have to be open to ideas.

"One has to gird yourself with reality,
Ballest yourself with reality,
And then do what you like.
One should not have to tolerate an awful situation,
but we won't get out of that situation if we live in a fantasy"

 

[TakeActionNow]

TikTok - Make Your Day

www.tiktok.com

Another great quote, this time from a very thoughtful young lady to an emu!

"Leave it alone!
Don't do it!
Think about it!
Make smart choices!

You didn't get anything out of that.
Nothing.
Can you please stop?"

These simple but effective words can be applied in our context, yes?