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TakeActionNow

Respected Member

Must watch

Post acute withdrawal symptoms.
Includes
Anxiety
Depression
Anhedonia
Low energy
Low motivation
Sleep disturbance
Lack of interest in sex

Managable if you know how
Keep a log to see improvements

Remember, when the body is going through withdrawal, is it UNDER STRESS !

Abstinence is insufficient.
Healing is necessary
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
REBOOT IS A DIPLOMA

People, myself included, and especially addicts, never planned for the reboot process properly.

They just jump right in thinking (just like addicts) everything will be alright and we'll all come out clean and successful.

REBOOT IS STRESSFUL FOR THE MIND AND BODY

Rebooting is like attending a diploma
1. Need to attend lectures (study)
2. Need to revise (journal)
3. Need to do tutorials (practice)
4. Need study groups (community)
6. Need to sit for exams (endure cravings)
7. Need rest & relax (recognize and reward)
8. If it's a part time course, then need to plan the time and work out a sustainable schedule with their life.

Most fail the diploma.

They think they can get through just by enduring and not doing anything else.
But when then flunk every test paper along the semester, they get dejected and upset and eventually give up.

But if they are better prepared, and
1. have a program to study
2. identify and correct the problems that led them to addiction
3. identify and correct bad behaviors and habits learnt through addiction
4. have a healing program whilst going through the withdrawal effects
5. have loving support along the way from themselves or others
6. learn to become independent again
9. realize that it's a multi-month and life long process and not immediate

They would then stand a better chance.

Unfortunately
1. most are either first timers or have multiple repeat unsuccessful and unknowledgeable attempts.
2. Successful rebooters rarely hang around in the community to share success methods
3. New rebooters don't study or try to understand the whole process.

This leads to a wrong belief that reboot is too hard or impossible

Reboot is possible.

You just have to treat it seriously like a diploma. This isn't a holiday from addiction. It's requires study, dedication and resolve.
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Four Foundations of Mindfulness

To better understand triggers, it is useful to study the 4 foundations of mindfulness.

The first key concept is speed and subtlety.
The second is the realizing of arising and passing away.

Speed and subtlety
These are the degree of how easy it is for us to become aware that something is happening within us.
1. Breathing is the slowest and most pronounced. We can all detect the start and end of a breath.
2. Body sensations are faster and more subtle. We usually sense in perhaps 1/4 of the way after it starts. Eg pain, itch
3. Mental formations are even more faster and subtle. We sometimes sense it only after we are already dwelling in it, and many times we don't sense it at all. Like daydreaming.
4. Objects of the mind are the fastest and most subtle of all. We mostly don't detect it because it is coded into behavior and habit. We do without thinking.

All these 4 effects goes through the process of arising and passing away. Nothing is permanent and all are temporary. Understandind we come to realize, the sooner we can catch the sensation, the sooner we can manage it to our intentions.

The key here to manage triggers better is to
1. understand it's nature
2. Become aware of it as early as possible
3. Address it to remove it's power
4. Practice so that we can prevent it in the future.

My situation now is
1. Think of past personal experiences leading to
2. Look at old photos
This opens the door to craving afor more sensations
3. Then I am more inclined to seek more material and possibly end up relapsing.

We all know the slippery slope after #3
But knowing that #1 is my earliest trigger helps me to practice resistance to it so that I don't have to deal with #2 or even #3

 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
I just realized one key component of reboot

Contentment.

Seeking addictive sensations is seeking for the supernatural beyond what my life currently is, and which can ever be.
Thus I can never appreciate my life
Thus I made myself miserable.
Thus the addiction persists.

Quite silly really.

So journalling across the day about whatever I've achieved and whatever makes me grateful is about contentment.

When we are contented, we really don't need anything else because whatever we have now is not only good enough, it is the very best.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
INTERMITTENT FASTING IS GOOD!

I am doing intermittent fasting for the following reasons:

1. Endure discomfort.
Training a general attitude towards life

2. Lose weight.
For better aging

3. Autophagy.
To repair faulty body issues

4. Mental clarity.
No food = no digestive down time

5. Joy.
Look forward to wonderful tasting food at the end of the fast

6. Appreciation.
Discomfort leads to better appreciation of small benefits

7. Drive.
Discomfort = tension. I get more driven and focused on work

8. Decrease risk of Dementia.
IF maintains insulin sensitivity by leading to a ketogenic state in the body. BOH-BDNF helps lay down new connection in the hippocampus.

9. Reduce inflammation.
Reduces risk to Alzheimer's.

You know more when you find out more.

Yes it's a first world problem, just like excesses and entitlements. But I haven't been appreciating all my first world benefits. So let's get this fast going.

💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼


Of interesting note, as a defense mechanism, body fat actually traps some consumed poisons and burning fat will release them.
Chemical addicts need to be aware that losing body fat will release earlier consumed fat soluable addictive substances like cannabis and might cause some problems.
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Hunger creates discomfort
Discomfort leads to tension
Tension creates drive
Drive creates focus
Focus leads to results
Results create recognition
Recognition leads to rewards.

Craving is hunger.
Don't give in to hunger.
Let hunger be your guide.
Use hunger to get results.
Results will lead to much bigger rewards
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
OBJECTIFICATION

I find that once the links to women as purely sex objects have been broken, I can finally discover and experience the universe of character that lies beneath their skin. And that universe is wide and varied.

I have been shallow for too long. That probably also means that porn performers and porn addicts are also generally shallow in nature, because all they focus on are about the surface and self.

Today I think more deeply about the person's character before I want to engage with them.
I don't want to jump in for my attention seeking problem, nor be engaged with people too different from my values. I need all those around me to inspire me.

I have been through enough relationships to know
1. Most won't last
2. Personality, values and character matters alot
3. It takes effort on both halves to commit and give to sustain.

Most characters won't fit me.
Beauty will buy a moment of desire but reality will be the deciding factor. It is better to understand the person before diving head in. Porn teaches us the bad ways of jumping in before checking. Porn promotes impulsivity. The price afterwards is always high and painful.

Most porn performers are not worth the time because of their character and the values they represent. Sure there are some good people. But the industry as a whole is not. Let me not be shallow anymore.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
EXCESSIVE

I find I am spending too much time on this forum.

I do enjoy it , and it gives me great satisfaction to help and share, and to discover more about myself, but beyond the intellectual and emotional front, it is not helping me much elsewhere, namely financial, which as we all know is very important.

I realize while addicted I don't give much emphasize to time and direction. It was mostly impulsive and indulgent. Thus I am slow and uncoordinated. I have results but they lead nowhere.

I have a hard time breaking the association that social recognition, affirmation and validation represents all of my success, happiness and achievement. I now know that all of these reside only within me, and it is my self recognition of my achievements that truly give me joy.

I need to be more disciplined now.
I need to have better planning and direction.
I need to allocate time properly to what matters more to me.

I will try to spend less time here and more time on my goals. It will not be easy but the plan-do-accomplish-rexognize-reward structure is what I want to instill now.
It is the basis of my on going pleasure and happiness.
It should eradicate the impulsive and adhoc nature that I currently have.
It will make me a more long term person, which is beneficial.

Let's do this
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
GRAVITY - ORBIT - SPACE

I used a wirlpool analogy earlier of escaping addiction.
Now I use escaping Earth's gravity as a similar example.

Gravity is the pull that keeps us addicted
Orbiting is the space between addiction and release.
Outer space is new direction.

I am orbiting now.
I am freed of the gravitational pull of addiction but currently preparing myself for the long interstellar travel ahead of me to another distant planet.
I am not hasty
I am preparing my navigation and supplies.

Escaping gravitational pull was the toughest challenge. Like a space rocket I had to use a lot of fuel and jetison a lot of parts. That's synonymous with effort and letting go.

I was naive and fell back to earth several times. It took many retries and redesign of the rocket before I finally made it. It was not easy. Gravity is powerful and I am but a small rocketship with a team of 1. Escaping gravity was a knife's edge and I respect that greatly.

Now that I'm orbiting I must regroup and reassess. The retirements for interstellar travel are similar but different from escaping gravity. There will be many other suns and planets along the way that may pull me astray. I must be mindful of the still existing gravity on Earth as I orbit currently.

I am prepared myself
I am reinforcing myself.
I see my brothers ahead of me and I will join them soon.
I will be on my way.


I like my orbit analogy.
I like that space travel is far, directed and restricted.
I know I need to plan, resources are limited and duration is long.
Only the items most important to me matters.

I am getting ready
I will be on my way soon.
No time for other things
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
When I was addicted, I was a no-body
I had no personality, no interest, no passion, no ambition, no life.
I had only 1 thing that meant absolutely no-thing. Life sucks.

Now clean, I'm a some-body
I have some personality, some interests, some passion, some ambition and some life.
I didn't have 1 thing that meant no-thing.
I have some things that meant every thing.
Life is finally good.

😂
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
THE NATURE OF THE SEXES

Female: Burdened - Dependency
The nature of the female is to give birth and rear children. This is a burden on their body and mind to dedicate themselves to another.
They are the burdened sex and dependency makes perfect sense to help with sharing the burden.
Instinctively aware of each other's burden, females are therefore more sociable and mutually considerate.
They therefore instinctively look for males who can protect, support, depend on and have potential in order to improve their own position. In return they provide that which is absent in male society: softness and gentleness. Such is their body and spirit.
Females are happiest when that have the dependencies to give them the freedom to do as they please.
Females are most attractive when they exhibit non aggressive feminine traits.

Male: Deliver - independence
The nature of the male is to deliver. They are the hardened sex that must endure danger and violence of the environment and other males in order to reach their goals. They need to be a force individually and thus must be independent and self sustaining.
They are built to protect and take care of many. They need to goal focus and tune down their emotions in order to reach their goals.
Males are happiest when they have the ability and independence to do as they chose.
They are most attractive if they exhibit strength, confidence and self assurence

The problem happens when media and financial ability warps this structure:
1. Males who adopt dependent natures
2. females who take their privilege to the extreme and abuse males
3. Media and groups who claim that roles can be reversed and project their opinions onto others.

My point is:
1. Males need to learn and be independent.
2. Males who adopt the female persona of dependency is doomed to be both unhappy and unattractive.
3. Females instinctively DO NOT want needy males.


Recognize that female porn stars who exhibit their bodies are doing exactly that which benefits them: attracting a pool of male audience that they can depend on.
Males who adopt these porn stars or other similar natured females have effectively fallen into the honey trap.
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Why did I chose the surety of a fake bang than the reality of a real person?

What was i not confident of?
Why did I think so lowly of myself?

Why did I pick fantasy over reality?
It was like eating the paper of a food magazine instead of a real bowl of food.

Because they were too good for me?
Why did I think I was so bad?

Ah negative thinking, my nemesis.
You took so many good opportunities away from me
You made the possible impossible
You made the beautiful ugly

I know and can see you now, negative man
You're the true boogie man
In the closet and under the bed, in the shadows and behind the bend.
I see what you are doing and what you are peddling.

I ain't having any more of that.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Misunderstanding and disagreement.

Decision making is generally a cognitive activity based on personal experience and opinion.

Disagreements happens when we disagree between the opinions
Misunderstanding happens when we do not understand or did not clarify the acts or opinions of others.

Anger happens when we begin to move away from logic and into ego and emotions. This is energy now, no longer cognitive. It is powered by insistence of our position regardless of the other.

Fights happen when we take this energy to the extreme without realizing that we are now no longer discussing but aiming for harm of the other party.

Do we have internal disagreements?
Do we have self misunderstanding?

This must be resolved to prevent harm to ourselves.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Repair is the hardest part about reboot.

Generally speaking, abstinence is the easiest part of reboot. Because strictly speaking, you have only 1 thing to do and it's clearly spelled out: DONT DO IT.

But repair is much more difficult.

During addiction, we learn and ingrain alot of bad habits, wrong beliefs and ineffective behavior.

To repair is to rewrite all these bad with the good.

But what are the good?
And how to rewrite them?
WHAT IS THE SPECIFIC DIRECTION?
WHAT AND HOW TO DO?

I list 2 here for my analysis
1. Avoidance
2. Process

1. Addiction is avoidance.
We look to pleasurable activites whenever we want to avoid unpleasent ones. And then it gets worse because we keep on putting off what we need to do and so we fall behind and then want to avoid it some more. Very vicious cycle.

2. Process appreciation
I still find myself looking too far into the future and constntly feeling overwhelmed by what still needs to be done.
I find that saying "here and now" repeatedly helps me to ground myself to the present and be better at appreciating the moment.
Every journey is a long one but the conclusion is instantly over. We believe that we'd celebrate at conclusion but usually once concluded we'd instantly look for the next conclusion. And thus there is never a celebration or appreciation.
Timelines and targets are always a great source of pressure.
I need to find balance.
 
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