I am awesome!

[TakeActionNow]

I believe our desire to win is very important. Today's event still angers me alot, not simply about what this person said, but also how I responded.

As a ex-addict, I know I was weakened morally and mentally for a long time. My addiction made me look down on myself, doubt myself. This is wrong and must be changed.

If I am to succeed, I must believe in my ability to do so. To do so, I must believe in myself.

For me to succeed, i must be strong.
When we are filled with so much self belief, the only outcome we will ever come to see will always be the good one, because the strong will always strive for the best.

===

When faced with a doubter, and there are so many doubters that we don't need 1 more (ourself), don't take on their doubt.
Push it away.
Push it back at them
Turn it around.

Doubters are weaklings.
They only use words, and never make any physical effort.
They try to sound like they are helping, when all they do is shaming and putting people down, to make themselves look good. Scums of this earth.

Remember that a doubt is only an opinion, and never a truth. A waste of energy that would have been far better spent had it been offered as help instead.

Be strong in the face of doubters.
Turn the shame back at them.
Dare me? I dare you back.
Talk is cheap. If you're so good, do it.

 

[TakeActionNow]

I use this as a reminder for how I need to debate with my mind.

1. Process.
There is a process that should be used to handle a thought. It is structured and rational, orderly and coherent.
History, rational, reasoning.

2. Prepare
Always have good logic ready when irrational illogical mind hit.
Why is PMO wrong? It objectifies women, turns our brains into mash, and turns grown men in wimpy whiny needy children.

3. Identify a flawed thought early.
Recognize it's characteristics.
Selfish, self centered, egotistical, arrogant.

4. Shut a flawed thought down, fast.
Hit back at it before the thought is complete.
Question it's validity early
Do not give space to a flawed thought, for once it is complete and taken hold, it would be harder to tear down.

5. Be gentlemanly.
Nothing like letting the other know they are dealing with a smart, well prepared and well armed person. I know what you're up to and I'm not gonna let you fuck around with me. Smile. Alot

 

[TakeActionNow]

I give thanks to this ignorant person for giving me this lesson on strength today.

After the exchange I am more fiercely determined to defend my right as a father to choose what I know and believe is best for my child.
I have and will always give the best to my child, and I will beat down anyone who dares to challenge me.
I vow that it will be my eternal mission to continue and make every effort I can to ensure my child is well loved and cared for.
I will give no fucks about anyone telling me what to do in my home, or telling me what I am lacking.

I pray they are wise to learn their lesson quickly before I rip them apart.

===

Anger is energy.
It is to enable action.
Undirected and left on its own, the owner will get burned badly.
I have channelled this energy into thought and plan. I will now let this energy go and return back to my tranquil life.

 

[Blondie]

How we doing @TakeActionNow ?

I miss you.

 

[AJ7]

You have a positive influence man. Hope to see you back soon.

 

[GBS]

Hey @TakeActionNow - you ok?

 

[GBS]

Yo @TakeActionNow - just checking you’re ok? No need for long discourse, just let us know you’re Surviving.

 

[Ezel]

ayo man, you good bro?? come back brother, you posts and reflections were mindblowing as hell. we could really use your help.

it's hard to win againt this filth alone, together we stand divided we fall.

looking forward to hearing from you.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Hope everyone is doing well.

Will post here for a while.

1. I didn't realize how absolutely important blog and community is to recovery. You really feel it when you lost your access. In an age of lonely and isolated males, communities such as these are almost a last lifeline for men.
To all of you who help and comment on each other's post, thank you. You cannot imagine how important you are to others.

2. PMO is not about sex, or dick. It's about you. PMO is just one recourse for people struggling through life. I know now that I used to turn to it to blank out the world. It becomes meaningless when we truly face our life, just as a crutch is meaningless once the broken/sprained leg has healed.

3. My initial start is in July 2017 but my true start is jun 2022 (faced with divorce) It's been slightly over 2 years now, and I dare say change and improvement have been significant.
I no longer see or seek porn or women for relief or escape. I finally can see them clearly now. They are individuals just like myself, also trying also struggling. They hold no secret or special powers that can magically change my life (or day). In fact, they'll probably bring on a whole new set of problems instead of helping.
PMO is not and never the solution.
It was just to blank out the discomfort.
This change has been internalized.
It requires no effort from me.
It is like falling apart with a business partner who has been tampering the books and stealing the accounts. It requires no effort to dislike and avoid this person.

4. So why am I here?
My wife wants to divorce me again.
I'm at my wits end.
I've done as much as I can to save this marriage.
I've changed so much.
Yet it's still the same after 2.5 years.
I don't want divorce because of my son.
I firmly believe a married home is the foundation for any good upbringing.
It is true, married life is not easy.
But then, women and men are dichotomously different as night and day. It is impossible to always be happy together unless both make the effort to appreciate each other.

My wife doesn't see it that way. She rather be free
She rather my son live without a (regular) father
She rather prioritize her own happiness than find a way around living with me.

I do not know what I did wrong

Anyway, I need a platform to write about this. This allows me to unload and hopefully think more clearly.

5. In other news, I would like to remind folks here:
Life is not about getting over
Life is about getting to where we want to go.
PMO destroys aspirations and ambitions.
It "fulfills" us today at the heavy price of tomorrow.
So what does it take to get to tomorrow?
Direction
Discipline
Determination
That's all.

If one cant stop wanking, it's because he lacks one or all of the D's above.
That's all.
Everything else is an excuse.

If quitting PMO is what you want (direction), than do everything you can to make it happen (discipline and determination). It will happen.

Thank you for reading.

 

[Blondie]

Hi @TakeActionNow, it's great to see you again. I've missed your enlightening posts over the last year. I'm sorry to hear about your troubles with your lady. At least by being here again, perhaps it can give you some comfort just being able to open up about it. This place is great for that.

I like what you mentioned in point 3. It's very true.

Best

 

[Ezel]

hey @TakeActionNow good to see you man. i'm sorry about what you have been through for the last 2.5 years. i hope things work out between the two of you. god bless you brother...

 

[TakeActionNow]

Hi @TakeActionNow, it's great to see you again. I've missed your enlightening posts over the last year. I'm sorry to hear about your troubles with your lady. At least by being here again, perhaps it can give you some comfort just being able to open up about it. This place is great for that.

I like what you mentioned in point 3. It's very true.

Best

Thank you @Blondie. Good to hear from you. I've missed your good company too. I hope you've been doing very well.

I'm super glad and grateful I still have this community to fall back on.

Much has changed since I left. I joined a larger community and it has helped a lot in broadening my perspective.

A bad episode this Feb also saw me seeking psychotherapy and that has helped me understand some roots of my problems
Core beliefs
Perspectives
Inner narrative

Fundementally, we are what we see, think, believe, and say to ourselves.
Changing these help us move towards a better direction.

My old beliefs were based on need and insufficiency. I lack this or that. PMO kind of fulfills that, hence the dependency.

My new beliefs are different.
Wealth (money, experience, abilities) is gained only through working hard.
Some people like Tom Cruise are wealthy mainly because they work very hard. They have vision and ambition (direction), determination and discipline. I will aim for the same.
Ask not what others can give me.
Ask not what I can give to others.
Ask only that I make my best efforts.
That is sufficient.

Much of my time away was spent being realistic and recognizing myself.
When I know what and who I am
I need no one to tell me
I've put in effort
I've been a good father
I've done my best
I don't need endorsement
I don't need approval
All these I can get from myself
All these i can give to myself
All the strength I need I can find from myself
And thus I become liberated.

It feels good to write here again.
I wish strength, courage and belief to everyone here.

 

[TakeActionNow]

hey @TakeActionNow good to see you man. i'm sorry about what you have been through for the last 2.5 years. i hope things work out between the two of you. god bless you brother...

Hey @Ezel thank you. Good to see you here. It means only 1 thing: you are still determined and dedicated to this endeavor to improve yourself. Well done!

Liked minded community striving for improvement is like fellowship to me. We are all moving forward together.

Thank you for your support and encouragement. I really appreciate all that you have done and given to me!

 

[TakeActionNow]

NARRATIVE AND MANTRA

Some ways that has helped me a lot.

1. write all that you have done in your day. Including every small thing.
It helps to recognize that you have made effort and are improving.

2. Our inner narrative is incredibly powerful in directing our thoughts and beliefs, meaning wrong inner narrative can literally guide us off our cliff. Controlling inner narrative is thus imperative.
Stop destructive and negative inner narative like this suck, I suck, you suck, everything sucks.

Inner narrative should always be based on
1. Long term ambition and plan
2. Encouragement and support
Keep reminding myself the purpose of my efforts strengthen and encourages me.
The world may fall down on me, but I can continue on.

In times of great difficult, keep chanting to myself
1. I love myself
2. Everything is alright.
Keep repeating it like a mantra. Soon the anxiety and discomfort will pass. Return and continue to accumulate personal achievement and recognition for the day.

Even reverse mantra also works.

"I wish this would never end" reframes our thinking from
Detest and denial
To desire and delight

 

[TakeActionNow]

RESPECT

I thought when I am submitting, submissive and subservient to my wife, she would accept and appreciate me.

No

Fundementally She does not respect me.

She doesn't respect me because I didnt respect myself.

This is the same in school and work.
I didn't get respect and recognition because I didn't respect myself enough to deserve or demand it.

No one respects anyone who doesn't respect themselves.

Respect involves requirement and boundaries. It always goes both ways.

So ultimately we must do what is right for and to ourselves first.

Do not expect others to give to us what we cannot give to ourselves first.

I don't want leftovers and I don't want scraps.
I don't deserve them too.
So why do I allow for it to happen?
Ostensibly I allowed it for some "greater" reasons.
In reality I allowed it because i did not prioritize myself.
I prioritized my feeling and desires
I prioritized my beliefs
I prioritized others
But I did not prioritize my person.

When we prioritize our person we automatically lift ourselves up.

We hold ourselves to a higher standard, both by ourselves and by others.
I don't want shit to happen to me.
If that's the case, then I must not allow shit to happen to me.
For shit to not happen, I must take the effort and discipline to prevent it.
This is where we build ourselves a brick house and not a straw house.
This is where we put in the effort, such as working hard or studying hard.
And recognizing ourselves.

This is not empty talk or big talk.
This is talk when talk becomes necessary
This is talk based on information events and effort.

I know what I did
I know what I put myself through
So I know my value
And I will let others know so that they won't be able to take advantage or put me down unnecessarily.

 

[TakeActionNow]

SELF LOVE AND RESPECT

I wrote about these a long time ago.
I knew they were meaningful but i didn't appreciate how.

Now I do.

When we're deep in PMO, we relied on others to project the love and respect that we need onto us, simply because we do not, or do not know how to, love and respect ourselves.

This reliance makes us dependent and subservient to others. Many of us know this behavior. It is almost automatic.
Be it
1. Put others ahead of us
2. Seek their agreement and endorsement
3. Follow their direction instead of our own.

These are not self love and self respect.

Self love is the love and care of ourselves in the absence of others.

Self respect is the doing and giving of the best to ourselves, and not allowing others to take advantage of us.

When we love and respect ourselves
We are sufficient
We do not need others
We have everything we need

Fyi.
I am 800+ days done with less than 30 wanks during that time.
There is no need or demand for it at all.
No situation is so bad that we need it.

I want to tell you that I can
So that you know that you can too.
It's not about wanks.
It's about how we approach life
We all have difficulty and challenges.
Even whores and hookers have it tough. I bet we don't ever want to be one. So our life can't be that bad.

It's not that bad.

We deserve better from ourselves.

 

[TakeActionNow]

PURPOSE MAKES IMPOSSIBLE POSSIBLE

I went hiking with my son today.
All that mattered to me wasn't my enjoyment but his safety.
We make 9 hours and 14k.
I can't believe my son managed so far at his tender age
But I also can't believe how I managed, after being sedate for such a long time.

The impossible was possible because my focus was on someone other than myself
My direction was on my son
My discipline and determination were automatic.
I only realized how far I've pushed myself at the days end. I was totally exhausted.

When we give ourselves to our ambition and purpose, we can do the impossible.

If you don't have that, in the meanwhile, find an interesting hobby. Let that be your purpose.

 

[TakeActionNow]

BLOGGING

I'm not sure why but I need to blog on a forum such as this.
I have written for myself privately on obsidian app, but without the internet community I find it is not sustaining. Somehow writing on forums "bring out the best in me"

Perhaps owing to readership I am more diligent. But I also think I brings out a degree of honesty and accountability I for some reason cannot do privately.

Moreover, responses also help me to adjust and review if my thinking has been reasonable.

It has been this format that I stuck with that has helped me to move forward.

 

[TakeActionNow]

IDENTITY

There is a cliche story.
Mice in a cage frequently load themselves with cocaine until they die.
But there is a catch.
The cage is empty and void of anything other than cocaine laced water and food.

Meaning... There is nothing else interesting for the mice to enjoy.

However when placed in a space with lots to do and discover, some of the mice did not succumb to cocaine addiction and final death.

What does this tell you?

Are we in addiction/ dependency because our lives are boring and meaningless?

If so, who caused it and what can be done?
That's right. It is ourselves who caused it upon to ourselves.
And since we caused it, we can change it.

I changed because I have a son to live and devote myself to.

I changed also because I found passion and interest elsewhere.

These together form the joy, happiness and pleasure that I need.

It is not about replacing addiction with these.
Addiction was the replacement.
These are the fundamentals.

Go and find things that give you intrinsic pleasure.
Blogging does this for me.
So is an aquarium hobby
So is keeping cats
This are not hobbies
This is identity!

I do them because I like to do them.
Some people like to read
Some people like to study foreign language or play music
Some people like to help others.
These are all identities.

Find your identity that you left behind after years of pmo
You stopped because you weren't able to continue or someone stopped you from continuing.

Go back to do them
Not for financial or recognition reasons
But for self fulfilment.

You will enjoy

This is fundamental to improving your life and moving away from dependency.

This is your true frequency
This is the reason for your existence

 

[TakeActionNow]

SOUP

You want to make tasty soup.
So you boil your pot.

A streak here is boiling your pot.
It is hot and uncomfortable.
But you are determined to boil your pot.

After some time, you check on your soup.
How does it taste?

If all you have is a pot of water, at the end you will have no soup but hot water.

If all you add is salt, at the end all you have is salty water.

As you add more ingredients, your soup gets nicer and richer.

The longer you can boil a pot with many ingredients the better your soup gets.

The best soup is not a pot with only water boiling for a long time.

The best soup is a pot with many ingredients boiling for a long time, with new ingredients added continuously.

What is the reason for this post?

Ingredients are like interests, activities and events in life.
Boiling is the act of not pmo
Boiling duration is the not-pmo streak.

If all one cares about is how long their streak is (boiling time) without adding ingredients into their life, all they end up with is just hot water and nothing else. They will go back to canned soup (pmo)

But if during the time of their boil, they make the effort to do lots of other interesting things, then their life soup becomes rich, tastey, nutritious, interesting and invigorating.

Do you think they will go back to the heavily salted, tasteless and un-nutritious canned soup (pmo)?

Never.

Reboot is not simply about keeping streaks.
It is about making your soup (life) rich and tasty again.

A pot of just water boiling for 5 days has the same taste and content as one that has been boiling for 100. It makes little difference.

But a pot with vegetables, meat, herbs and spices slow boiled for 5 days or 100 days is very very different from boiled water.

If you don't change your mind, beliefs, lifestyle while you reboot, nothing much is going to change. But if you do, and make an effort to make your life interesting, your life will become interesting again.