I am awesome!

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
I ALLOWED IT

There is a difference between let and allow.

Let has a giving connotation
Allow is about endorsement.

Much of our problems stem from allow.
We allowed ourselves to falter
We allowed others to abuse us
We allowed others to benefit at our expenses.

Much of our predicament happened because we allowed / endorsed it.
To stop the bad is to stop and disallow it from continuing.

We must be vigilant and mindful of the consequences of our actions and approvals.

Know the difference
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
FIND AND MAKE OUR OWN RIGHT

Frequently we do not know what is the right thing to do

This is because we start from unsure footing.

1. Long term goal and ambition is missing
2. Purpose is missing
3. People who are involved is missing.

We must find out first in order for us to ask better questions.

Without the above 3, we are often just trying to fill time.
That is aimless and unbeneficial.

For example, why do I blog here?
1. I need to (must) clarify and write down my thoughts
2. It might benefit other readers
3. Other readers might contribute things I have missed out
4. I know this is beneficial for me and others
5. It is helpful to have a journal I can return to and reflect upon
6. It allows me to repeat and thus retain what I have discovered.
7. Blogging has been very rewarding, relaxing and enjoyable for me. I think I am good at this. And the more Indo what I am good at, the happier I become.

So the right thing to do tends to be
1. Something we want to achieve and can enjoy at
2. Something that is worthwhile, meaningful, beneficial and rewarding, not just for me but for others
3. I need to take it upon myself to discover what is real, and what is made up by my mind.
4. Be answerable to myself, that it resonates with my core beliefs of who I am and how I should live my life.
5. Am I sacrificing too much or is this good for the greater folks.


When we do things we are
1. Good at
2. Proud of
3. Beneficial to self and others
We automatically feel better about ourselves.

I want to study Nietzsche
It is good for me
I don't care what others think about it
I will go ahead and do it.
It is beneficial for me.
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
DEEPER MEANING

Assuming the person is reasonable and sane, the key reasons someone will treat another person poorly are
1. General unawareness
2. Feeling aggrieved
3. Their basic nature ( core beliefs)

Acts of aggression often stem from a position of defense.
1. Feeling overwhelmed and tired
2. Feeling attacked and hurt
3. Feeling inconfident and insecure
4. Feeling unheard and unloved
5. Feeling injust and aggrieved


So before we jump the gun and say and claim to know someone's actions because we think it is behind some logic,
1. Ask ourselves if we can relate with their belief and behavior
2. Ask if we are the root of their behavior
3. Ask if we have done something to cause it
4. Ask if we have not done something to cause it
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
LET THE LONG GOAL GUIDE US

Of course it is hard to treat another person kindly when they are treating us poorly.
It is auto defense and reciprocity.

But some things must be seen from a further and larger perspective.

We must look from a vision, ambition and purpose perspective. Then we can take out the emotion, our protective selves and apply effort more effectively

He who desires safety and protection can never cross oceans or scale mountains.
He who fears pain can never grow muscles.
This man will forever stay within his room and wall himself in. He is closed and limited.

Achievements are always traversed through struggle and suffering, and never through parks.

Let go of your self
And let your spirit be free
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
My wife is unhappy because
1. She is a high achiever
2. She has high standards
3. She feels I am not putting in effort
4. She feels she is letting herself and others down
5. She feels unachieved and frustrated
6. She feels unheard and unloved
7. She feels mistreated and misunderstood
8. She feels unsupported and alone
9. She feels burdened with too much responsibility

Her anger and resentment are at a boiling point.

I know these because I am also feeling the same.

And the problem is simply because of our inability to
Show clear appreciation of each other
Recognize the efforts of the other
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
SOLVING MARRIAGE ISSUES BEGINS WITH ME (ACTION NOT SUBMISSION)

Many folks here have problems with their wife. I do too. Let's explore.

1. It's not her, it's me
It's not about her fixing her thinking or self. It's not even about understanding or addressing her needs.

It's about fixing ourselves.

We can't save others from drowning if we can't swim. So learn to swim first. Fix ourselves first. Quickly.

2. Reasoning or Fault finding serves nothing and causes even more unhappiness because it only digs up all the imbalance of relationships and paints them as all against us. Yet we'll absolve our own flaws, most of which we are unaware of. It is pointless.

3. The core is how we can be attractive and respected.
Attractive is about behavior and action that others like and admire
Respected is when ones hold us in good or high regard

These both stem from effort.
For example, a decent and hard working man is attractive. A lazy and selfish one is not.
A man who upholds his standard and dignity is respectable. A man who puts himself down for freebies and whenever the wind blows is not.

4. Some things are beyond hope.
We cannot control the thinking of others, so don't bother.
Focus on controlling our own thinking.

If they recognize our efforts and are willing to accept, good.
If not, it wasn't meant to be.
But it requires that we make the changes to ourselves first.

5. It's always and only about ourselves
Know that we harbour a lot of wrong thinking perspective beliefs and behavior.
PMO creates many delusions
We think we are something or somone we are not
Years or decades of reality not matching to expectations only lead to depression.
Reality is harsh but always correct.

It's not her it's us.
Change another woman but don't change ourselves and we would still be in the same place 5 years later.

6. Accept only reasonable behavior
If we accept unreasonable behavior, it will continue. This is about boundaries.

7. Stay on the bigger longer goal.
Work towards it with effort not submission. The submissive employee will always get the longest hours and lowest pay. Don't be him. Be the smart guy. Work with an intention to be the boss one day. The thinking and behavior will show intent and change others opinion.
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
CARE FOR OTHERS BUT ALWAYS LOVE AND RESPECT SELF

I was very angry with my wife earlier for mentioning divorce.
I was very angry with her recent behavior and several "unreasonable" outbursts

The more I thought about it the more angry I got, because I ended up feeling unfair.

But my sis taught me seceral important lessons.
1. Victim and abuser all believe they are right. It's pointless to think on this level

2. Changing others is fruitless. Focus only on changing and improving self.

3. Love and respect self by setting correct effort and boundaries.

4. Anger is often reciprocated. She is angry at you because you have done somethings hurtful to her.
A. I learnt this because this is what I felt when her anger hurt me
B. A person who makes a lot of effort to earn more money and remember more things will not accept the behavior of someone who is the exact opposite.

Ultimately it still returns back to the same situation
Change self, not others.
Raise the standard
Maintain the boundaries
Love and respect self.
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
FOCUS ON ACTION NOT OUTCOME



Understand this

PMO is
Freebie mentality
Shortcut mentality
Entitlement mentality
Submissive mentality

It makes the man
Uneffortful
Selfish and self centered
Have low standards
Unwilling to stretch and demand more of and from his self

He is thus seen as
Lazy
Timid
Low potential
Unable
Burdening
Unexciting
Unrewarding
Too safe too careful

Depression and low dopamine states are secondary.
These are only outcome, and thus not permanent
What is important are activities that drive outcome:
What can I do to get myself out of my rut?

Mostly it has been unwillingness to make effort.
Scared of failing
Scared of messing up
Scared of rejection

But no effort means no outcome.
Depression and low dopamine will thus not leave me.
This way is thus not effective

What is effective are
Direction
Discipline
Determination

Don't sit back and wait for others to make any effort to help us.
Step forward and make all effort to help ourselves
The path out of depression, delusion and discomfort comes not from others but ourselves.

Learn to recognize your SELF
This self needs discipline and direction.
This is not a yes man self
It must be a self that knows what he wants and needs, and be willing to make changes for it to happen

Women want sure footed man
They don't want yes men
They don't what to care for other men
They want to enjoy individuality.

Just as I don't want yes woman
I don't want women who always seeks my care.
Who cannot care for themselves.


We are the same.
Give me a recurring drug addict to care for and I will be pissed off too.

Raise our selves
Don't let others do the heavy lifting.
It is worth it
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
HE WHO GIVES UP SELF FOR SAFETY DESERVES NEITHER.

In my time with my wife, thinking it would help my wife because she was the breadwinner
1. I moved out of our bedroom as I sleep late and she is a light sleeper
2. I often took care of child when she wants to rest
3. I don't speak back to her because she has a bad temper and I want to keep the peace.
4. We weren't intimate for a long time

Eventually she still wants to divorce me.

We are on a road trip now and it is giving interesting perspective
I am making effort now to
Kiss her as often as possible
Lead the planning and initiatives
Not stand up to any more tantrums
Show appreciation though words and discussion
Direct talk that I think are necessary

I am doing things I have not done for a long time. That's the difference. I hope it'll help. This has been enlightening for me too
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
TO BE PLEASED WITH MYSELF IS FAR MORE IMPORTANT THAN PLEASING MYSELF

we often seek pleasure
But the correct directions are

Am I pleased with myself?
What pleases me?

It is not the satisfaction of others
It is the satisfaction of myself

What pleases me?
Results at days end
Recognition of myself
Continued positive belief in myself
Upholding my integrity and not letting others step over my boundaries
A positive sign of moving forward towards my long term goal
Efforts and results made

These pleases me more than pleasure of senses.

I need to focus on the things I do that can please me.
Pleasure is a far second
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
STERILE

Too often I think and worry about how people respond to what I say.
So I package it nicely and clean up all the ugly but necessary.
And it comes out sterile and meaningless
The packaging is pretty but the box is empty.
Overtime it becomes a drain on others.

Say what I mean
Let's others process it
It is what it is.
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
OPINION

Every one is entitled to their own opinion, no matter how much we may disagree with them, no matter how unfair it appears on us.

This is because we are also entitled to our own opinions, no matter how much others disagree with us, or how much it appears unfair to them.

Disagreements are just that.
Disagreements.

It only becomes an issue when we willingly make it an issue.

No one is going to be 100% happy with anyone all of the time. We're not even happy with ourselves some of the time.
So don't expect or desire others to always be happy with us.
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
DO; DONT DOUBT

Pmo creates 2 big detriments
1. Delusion into depression
2. Doubt and disbelief

Both are very troublesome in preventing a fast recovery, especially doubt.

Because we were delusional, success often eludes us as we're wrong on judgement and doing wrong things.
We soon believe that we are inherently unsuccessful, no matter what we do.
That is doubt

And yet success is what we need the most to help with recovery, to believe that recovery is possible.

And results come only from doing.

Delusion and doubt are the forces that keep us from doing.

With little or no doing, there can be little or no results, and thus little or no recovery.

Do
Just do
Get results
Don't be misled by doubt and delusion.
They are not friends.
Only doing is our true friend.

Do what you ask?
Whatever!
Keep busy. Make outcomes and results.
Anything that serve towards the long goal is do.
Yt or surf aimlessly is not do.
Watching Coursera with the aim of gaining a course or cert is do.
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
My writing of it's me not her does not mean I absolve her of bad behavior. It means I do and see things within my fair reason and belief.

Its main aim is to direct our effort and attention at our own behavior and not hers.
We are here to improve ourselves, not others.

When faced with a bad behavior, ask what is the root or reason behind that.
Has my past behavior lead to this learned response from her?
Is she being defense because she is defending her beliefs or defending her person?

These serve clues to ask what we have done.
If we feel what we have done is just and reasonable, then let her be. She is entitled to her opinions.
If we feel that our poor past behaviors had lead to today's poor response, then look inwards and find the courage to change.

Change is always uncomfortable.
But it is only though discomfort that change happens.

At the end of the day we must answer to ourselves.
1. Have we done all that we can to improve ourselves?
2. Have we done all that we can to understand the situation.

If we have, benefit will be universal, and everyone, not just our wife, will recognize and respect us.

But most importantly, we will respect ourselves.

Remember., do not focus and take it personally what she said. She is entitled to her opinions, as do I. She could be wrong, as can I. Thus it is not important. What is important is that I stay on my long goal.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Luck

Christopher Waltz spoke on his award ceremony
How much did he think his career was due to luck?
He replied, 100%

This here is a grateful, appreciative and very wise man.


I too am lucky.
Lucky to have a wife and son
Lucky to have this road trip
Lucky to have this forum
Lucky to have good friends and fellow rebooters on this forum
Lucky to live in this time and age, not 20 yrs ago, not 40, not 80, no 110 ...
I am lucky. So very lucky.

What's there to be unhappy and miserable about?
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
ALL GOOD THINGS REQUIRE EFFORT

The reasons why we're miserable are because
1. We focused on misery
2. We've spent a lot of time in misery
3. We think in misery

It's all choice and training.

How to live in happiness:
1. Focus on good things that happened to us. Make effort to discover it.
2. Make happiness a choice. Don't leave it to feelings and environment. Choose.
3. Think in happiness terms. Focus on what we have, not what we have not.

I have a wife vs I have a wife who disagrees with me sometimes.

I have a night to stay and a bed to sleep vs I have to spend money on Airbnb

I am fed vs it's the same food again

I get to see the world and make my family happy vs I got to drive for hours again

Whenever we get to chose what we want we automatically become happier.

Hey do you want burger or salad?
I've had so many kebabs lately all I really want is salad. More kebabs will make me unhappy. Salad makes me happy. Create choice even when there is little or none.

I remember I am happiest when
1. I got the opportunity to chose.
2. I got what I want

My motorcycle model
My laptop model
My fishtank content and design
My destinations
My dishes
My shoes

Don't let your mind corner you into a kebab only world. Find your salad. You must make the effort to find it.
It's the same way in real life.
Anything that's worthwhile and meaningful never comes free. It must be sought-after.

Then you will be rewarded.
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
I am happier these days because I know what I did.

In the past I didn't

1. It doesn't matter what I did..I'd still be rewarded at days end, regardless if I did anything or nothing
2. I didn't recognize what I did during the day, for better or worse, for more or for less, for this day or for tomorrow, because there was no need to. I got "rewarded" regardless.
3. There is no sense of continuation. I wasn't accumulating anything for tomorrow, I wasn't bothered about what I did yesterday.

But today it's different

I do see what I do everyday, and I am proud of my accomplishments for each and every day

I do see what I do today contributes to benefiting tomorrow

I am only rewarded by effort. No effort means no reward. So it makes more sense to make more effort.

Thus i am positively motivated and incentivized to make effort more. It is a healthy cycle.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Delude... Clarity
Distract... Focus
Doubt... Believe
Drain... Fulfilled
Deceive... Truth
Detest... Embrace
Deny... Accept
Desperate... Sufficient
Depend... Self
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
I have changed my title from
My future is awesome
To
I am awesome

There are reasons for this.
1. My future is now.
2. My future depends on me
3. I depend on me
4. I must encourage me
5. I must love me
6. I must believe in me
7. I must depend on me
And thus i must empower me
And that way is to endlessly ceaselessly motivate myself with strengthening words.

I am awesome.
You are awesome
We are awesome

From these words, greatness will happen.
Impossible becomes possible.

We can do this.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
I have changed my title from
My future is awesome
To
I am awesome

There are reasons for this.
1. My future is now.
2. My future depends on me
3. I depend on me
4. I must encourage me
5. I must love me
6. I must believe in me
7. I must depend on me
And thus i must empower me
And that way is to endlessly ceaselessly motivate myself with strengthening words.

I am awesome.
You are awesome
We are awesome

From these words, greatness will happen.
Impossible becomes possible.
 
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