My future is awesome!

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
WHY INTEREST IS LESS AFTER REBOOT

1. More distance less interest.
Like memory or any other forms of contact, the less contact we have, the weaker the neuro connection, the weaker the interest until it is normalized like any other contact.

2. Real relationships reveals the falsehood of fake relationships.
With decreased fake relationships comes increased real relationships with both ourselves and others.
Next comes the realization of the fakeness of this addiction.
It is like tasting real food after eating synthetics for a long time. We cannot possibly be interested in it again.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
IMPULSE CONTROL

It happens to us now and then.
The familiar urges and sensations, arising out of the blue, demanding attention, no reason needed.
Do you give in or not?
When you do , regret ensues
When you don't, another victory gained, another lesson learned.
Everything passes, even this.
Looking back, a moment of temptation.
I did not succumb.
I remain on my journey.
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
POST PMO IMPACT

Largest impacts following PMO

1. Delusion and Entitlement
PMO makes me believe things are achievable quickly and easily. Little effort is needed.
I become less able to handle real world challenges.

2. Emotional imbalance
In this addiction, relationships are one sided.
This confuses me in real world and I have difficulty adjusting and behaving correctly.

3. Satiation and laziness
PMO satiates. Dopamine is released, leading to weakened drive and motivation.
This leads to laziness and lack of effort.
Future outcomes and benefits are reduced.

These are the long term price of addiction.


I quit because I desire:
1. No false sense of entitlement
2. Emotional stability
3. Continued effort and success
4. Grounded and in touch with reality
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Been clean for a long while
Some close calls, some strong urges, fortunately nothing became of it.
With every passing day, resolve is getting stronger and stronger whereas needs get lesser and lesser.

Not necessarily feeling happier, but definitely feeling more liberated.

Beginning to understand this addiction's bondage. The further we are from it, the less delusional we become.

Healthy is the mind free of falsehood and cravings created by an industry peddling the false and the fake.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Its interesting how, with an extended period of celibacy, I have disassociated women, sex and pleasure.
Meaning I can see a pretty person and not have intimacy desires for her.
Also, my sense of pleasure are no longer derived from sex, or that sex is not a driver for pleasure.

I'm in a state of indifference.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Another interesting aspect

In moments of seeking escape, I find myself preferring to come here than the internet vice sites.

At least I know and recognize friends here as real and genuine. And I know I am honest with myself here.

Whereas I see online vice performers as fake and sad that they either made a choice, or had no choice, but to resort to exhibiting themselves for a living or a ripoff. And I see myself being dishonest with myself there.

After decades of consuming "plastic", reboot has helped to recognize and reject fake brain synthetics (PMO) and yearn for healthy real relationships.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
THE CYCLE

While alcohol is a poison, it stimulates dopamine to be released while intoxicated, making alcohol attractive even as it damages.

This dopamine feel-good is a also true for drugs, cigarettes and even sex.

The cycle to understand is :
1. There is contact to the object
2. There is thought about the positive effects of the contact
3. There is motivation to gain that effect
4. There is plan to achieve it
5. The plan is executed
6. The rewards are derived.

This process is true for addictive and non addictive activities

However, the percieved positive effects for addictive items are so domineering that all negatives are ignored.

Imagine applying for other healthy aspects like planning a trip or movie
High negative costs will deter addictive behaviors. No one will travel 1st class or watch movies endlessly.

But life has been so convenient that we stop accrediting dopamine to joys like clean running water, access to hygenic bathroom facilities, easy access to food and transportation, good weather etc.

So what have I learnt?
1. The cycle can be applied to regular beneficial activities like work with the intention to derive dopamine and joy

2. Thinking deeply helps me to understand my motivations and allows me to plan better to get what I want more skillfully

3. If I hack my life and apply the cycle to everything, I should therefore be able to gain dopamine from everything.

All recovery programs emphasize on gratitude. That's only the first step. Deeper to that is the recognition of all advantages and benefits we have taken for granted.
When we recognize it, we recognize how privileged we are, and thus can have a happier life, even moment to moment.

A happier person thus do not need further excessive stimulants for dopamine feel-good
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Entering another down phase.
Not sure why
Perhaps lacking rest and sleep
Rating myself a 4/10 in mood
Still going, but without big sense of joy or happiness.

There are some benefits of going clean for long
1. There is no quick fix like before, which only ignores the root issues
2. I am thus forced to find out why I'm feeling down and address it properly.
3. this helps me to understand and plan better. Though it's kinda difficult since for decades I just PMO my worries away.
4. I'm now more reserved and quiet. I don't seek attention as much and don't care for it too.
5. Iconically this new stoic nature may make me more manly as women, who represents life and chaos, generally prefers quiet strong men who represents pillar and stability.
6. So I am more "independent" now, focusing inward more and working on taking better care of myself in healthier and more sustainable ways.

It's not easy. There are difficult days. I should look forward with planning and optimism.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
I must deny release
I must endure discomfort
Only in suffering will I face reality
Only in reality can I see truth
Only in truth will I find the answers

To live is to endure
To endure is to develop strength
With strength i can master myself
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
When I keep yearning for something or someone I cant have
When I keep ignoring what I do have
When I keep wanting to avoid and escape
When I keep denying my duties or challenges

I hurt and harm myself
I make my own life difficult
I create suffering for myself.

Learn to love what I have
Learn to accept that which I cannot change
Learn to be smart about things and take each day as it comes
Learn to look forward so I can be happier and more appreciative.

Learn to smile and let go more
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Years of addiction have created severe mental delusions
It is difficult to see clearly and differentiate between what is real and what is imagined.
I am poor at determining what is important and what is not
What can be have and what cannot
To know what must be done and what needs to be let go of.
I have been too easy with myself.

My time is limited
There are many things and people that draw my attention, but only a few that are important
There were many things I have been forgiving at, but come at a huge price at my acceptance.

I can no longer accept that which is unacceptable.

I must let go of the past
I must look forward with earnest and optimism
I shall only talk and hear of the good. And be wary of the bad that comes from the weak who depend, and blame.

I must not allow myself to become like them
I must be careful, and guarded
I cannot be so open and trusting as before. I must come prepared.

I shall become a beacon for myself
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
It takes a lifetime to correct the flaws of our parents, because it's so deeply encoded that we cannot see what we are blind to.

I too am a parent and I must be very careful how I become a role model to my child.

Thus I must own and follow a set of values, and constantly uphold it.

Do not talk bad of others
Let go of the past
Look forward in optimism and positivity
Recognize my achievements constantly

===

I have been intolerant of others because I have been intolerant of myself.

I trouble taking care of others because I flawed at taking care of myself

What we spill over to others is what we hold inside. If it is anger, resentment or tiredness, and not laughter and happiness, it pays to take a little time to reflect and correct.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
This addiction always represented
Privacy
Intimacy
Acceptance
To me.
It was my safe space
A place I can retreat to
A place I can be myself.

Now that it cannot be, what ways can I replace it such that the above aspects can still be achieved?

This is important as I recognize the need for self care, but in a healthier way.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Often when I post alot, it is when things are getting dicey.

The problem is not the addiction
The problem is the reasons that lead to wanting to act out the addiction.

If I was craving a need for
Privacy
Intimacy
Acceptance

That must mean I am getting too much of the reverse:
No safe space
No one caring for me
People finding problems with me.

I shall care for myself
I shall give myself safe sauce
I accept myself and shall be proud of who I am.

I will learn to care and confort myself better
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
I've been helping to clear a disorganized place.
I keep reminding them:
Don't find convenience
Find appropriate and purpose

This is the same for our addiction
Pmo is convenience care
But it doesn't serve long term.

What is appropriate and purposeful care?

In the house case:
Purpose of house
1. To help child focus on studies
2. To be a safe heaven for rest and social gathering
Appropriate
It should be a refreshing place clear of clutter, well organized.

In our case
Purpose of self care
To feel accepting and comfortable with oneself. To relieve stress of acceptance.

Appropriate
Address root causes, and provide appropriate action or remedy.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Why do I think of sex?
Because I am not thinking of other things

Why do I seek attention of others?
I am not giving myself proper attention
I am not recognizing or acknowledging attention others give me

Why do I seek comfort?
Because I have not given myself appropriate rest and care

Why so I seek privacy
Because I am seeing relationship incorrectly with too much expectations. I need to let go and just be
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Why do I not move forward?
Because I keep looking back
Because I resist change
Because I refuse to change my perspectives
Because I insist others to change instead of me
Because I am lazy to make the effort
Because I had things too easy
Because I refuse to face my problems.

This creates an unhappy outlook
This creates the requirements for relief

Self fulfilling prophecy of the addictive cycle.

I need to change
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
MIRACLES AND HIGHLIGHTS

Actually miracles and highlights happen around us everyday, the question is
Do we see it and
Do we appreciate it ?

Life is wonderful when we can recognize all the benefits we received
A helping hand
A friendly face
A nice meal
Convenience when we need it
Good weather
Good health
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Lapsed and learnings.

I lapsed yesterday.

BACKGROUND
I have been tired and stressed for a while. My recent writings have a strong negative tone.
My injured knee has made life difficult with pain on stairs and no running
I have used P recently to destress without MO. It has likely added more stress and desire for release.

I have finally lost the battle and gave in.

OBSERVATIONS
1. Very strong creation of emotional attachment to the source. I wonder why I instinctively create this attachment bond which is obviously fake and false. Like a hoarder with their emotional attachments to their hoard.
2. Refractory: Immediate relief and relaxation. I let go of all baggage and felt completely at ease. No interest to pursue anything. No interest to MO further. Awesome state of calmness and contentment. I would like to recreate this without PMO. Perhaps meditation can achieve this.
3. Wife made comment that I looked v relaxed today. I am amazed that the extent of relaxation is observable.
4. Detachment. I felt less intent and interest to spend time with the family. This is a very bad aspect of this addiction.
5. Demotivation. I can clearly feel low interest to improve. This needs to pass.

MOVING FORWARD
1. I cannot relapse further. I need to stay completely away from any more P
2. I need better self care management. I have been sleeping too little, doing too much and not caring about my mental health with negative concerns
3. I need to raise my drive and motivation. Demotivation leads to poor outcomes and eventually depression.


(Original post was deleted in error)
 

PrometheusUnbound

Active Member
Lapsed and learnings.

I lapsed yesterday.

BACKGROUND
I have been tired and stressed for a while. My recent writings have a strong negative tone.
My injured knee has made life difficult with pain on stairs and no running
I have used P recently to destress without MO. It has likely added more stress and desire for release.

I have finally lost the battle and gave in.

OBSERVATIONS
1. Very strong creation of emotional attachment to the source. I wonder why I instinctively create this attachment bond which is obviously fake and false. Like a hoarder with their emotional attachments to their hoard.
2. Refractory: Immediate relief and relaxation. I let go of all baggage and felt completely at ease. No interest to pursue anything. No interest to MO further. Awesome state of calmness and contentment. I would like to recreate this without PMO. Perhaps meditation can achieve this.
3. Wife made comment that I looked v relaxed today. I am amazed that the extent of relaxation is observable.
4. Detachment. I felt less intent and interest to spend time with the family. This is a very bad aspect of this addiction.
5. Demotivation. I can clearly feel low interest to improve. This needs to pass.

MOVING FORWARD
1. I cannot relapse further. I need to stay completely away from any more P
2. I need better self care management. I have been sleeping too little, doing too much and not caring about my mental health with negative concerns
3. I need to raise my drive and motivation. Demotivation leads to poor outcomes and eventually depression.


(Original post was deleted in error)
Sorry to hear about your predicament. I hope you are forgiving yourself and moving on.

Your No.2 Moving Forward seems to be particularly important. Also, have you done a gratitude/positives list recently?
 
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