My future is awesome!

TakeActionNow

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I WILL NOT FAIL
I WILL NOT GIVE UP

in the most difficult of times, these words motivate me and keep me going, past burning arms and fearful minds.

We seek PMO because we seek release. Release from fear, anxiety, uncertainty and worry.

But true release is completion and accomplishment. We recognize we have finished what we started, what we aimed to do. True release is the satisfaction of goal completed, job well done.

False release is escape from duty.
 

TakeActionNow

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OVER ANALYSIS

I have a friend I spoke with recently and I deduced from her stories the reasons for her business success.

1. Single track focus to make money
2. "I am always successful in whatever I do" she was not being boastful. It is a mindset she sets herself, to overcome all obstacles, find ways, and prevail.
3. Just show up. Just do.
Don't over analyze. Just do and do well.

My problem:
1. I think too much
2. I think it's never good enough
3. I think everyone knows as much as I do
4. I think people are skeptical

The truth is, I and everyone else, don't know or care too much.
There will always be some experts, but there will be many many more people just like me, still in the process.

So why worry
Just go do it.
Never fail
Never give up
 

TakeActionNow

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I've been trained
To be stronger and tougher
It's not what I want or desired
But it's probably what I need

So grit my teeth and learn
And not take it personal
We come into this life alone
And we'll leave alone as well
 

TakeActionNow

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DOPAMINE

It is important to recognize that dopamine serves more as a motivator than a reward.

When we start to look at P, Dopamine surges to motivate us to reach O. That's why P is so attractive, and O is so demanding.

After O, Dopamine recedes, and we enter refractory stage of satisfaction and cessation.

It takes upwards of 2 weeks to normalize Dopamine levels after O. During that period I often experience intense cravings to O again. This we need to guard against if we are to properly return to normal, failing which we would likely enter the addiction cycle of repeated PMO.

Minimum 2 weeks withdrawal in return for a 10 min yank.
Hardly a good deal.

the PMO cycle hijacks the Dopamine process for sexual cravings, leaving us empty of motivation for other activities. This is the same for other addictions. Prolong demotivation will lead to depression.

Motivation is crucial for overcoming adversity and achieving life goals.

 
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TakeActionNow

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ATTENTION SEEKING

Primary to successful reboot is to address root PMO motivation causes:
1. Lack of alternative activities to focus on
2. Overly stressing and extending self into urgency for release
3. Overly free or bored into seeking distraction

Secondary to success reboot is to satiate emotions once provided by PMO
1. External Attention
2. External Acceptance
(External dependency )
3. Internal comfort and relaxation

In the absence of attention from others, how do I address this?

I must give attention to myself.
I must recognize and congratulate my achievements.
I must reflect on my journey and stay motivated for the path ahead
I must reward myself such that I become my best supporter, my best mentor and my best friend.

I will have wonderful positive words to describe myself.

I will have encouraging things to look forward to.

I will celebrate by achievements
 

TakeActionNow

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SUSTAINABILITY
SELF RELIANCE
SELF ASSURANCE

I remembered earlier days when I was so hard on myself. I did plenty but could never see, and so was often drained and feeling empty. Only PMO satiates. But PMO had nothing to do with daily life. And daily life was hard. So when I could not put these 2 together, relating and equating effort with reward, obviously daily life got harder, and my condition got worse.

PMO is large impact, all or nothing, non incremental. This addiction taught me not to collect little daily improvement or achievement increments, but focus on one large dose of feel good. Without release, I implode.
This of course was not sustainable.

When I become incremental, collecting and recognizing all my little achievements, I'll feel good quickly and early without ever needing PMO's big delivery.

Also, but incrementally recognizing myself, I become more self assured. I need less external recognition because I am already internally recognizing.

With more incremental self recognition and assurance, I instantly become more independent, stronger and enduring.

I become less needy.
I become more strong
I can give more and ask less
I instantly become more attractive
and hence ask for less attention
And the world immediately opens up more to me

So much more, just by being more incremental.

Away from PMO, I could finally relate effort and reward. I could finally be proud of myself, because I could finally see myself. I was not useless. I was not worthless. I had worth. I was able.

I know I can
I believe in me
i don't need anyone
all I need is me
 
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TakeActionNow

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SEPERATION ENERGY

when confronted by someone who is angry I often take things personally.

This is wrong and silly.

People are angry for their own reasons, many times unknown and unspoken.

Just as I too have been.

Instead, I should see that what they are doing is energy expressed, merging (love) or seperating (anger).

Emotions are really just energy expressed. Often reason is not included.

Recognize the words, but see the energy more. If it is seperating energy, something must be causing them hurt inside.
 

TakeActionNow

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IMPOTENCE EXPRESSED

Read an article of a fellow blogger about his dislike for his wife and mom as needy and pathetic and this title was my immediate thought.

I reflect on myself.

I dislike my mom too, for she always complain about this and that, especially my father, but yet does nothing about it. He worked overseas for a long time to earn our keep, and they were not close, so while she was docile in front of him, when he was away she grumbles and is discontented. For he had a strong and independent personality, and so too was his mother, but my mom was needy and dependent, as was her mother. She craved his attention and support, but only received his discontentment, for he expected her to be like his mom, and was obviously disappointed. She was clearly not perfect, though she did tried her very best to care for us. She was very protective, maybe too much. That our care went beyond her duty, and meant more as a reflection of her needs. She could not endure failure and rejection, and thus that was all she had. She had many fears and worries, and invariably we inherited them.

And I blame her for many of my own woes, for I was too protected, and thus learnt to blame many, instead of moving forward to change or improve things.

PMO addiction is one such activity, for why do we yank in the dark when we could just approach woman and learn or deal with rejection? This is only one aspect of our overall impotence towards life.

Impotence here is not about erectile dysfunction. It is about the lack of ability or willingness to do something, to endure failure. Wanting something but not daring to reach it. So we blame others. Shameless.

So many things we inherit but are unaware of.

My mom is not the topic here.
I am.
I can continue to carry the family curse, or change it.

I better do something about this. Thank you fellow blogger for giving me a topic to explore.
 
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TakeActionNow

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As I move away from PMO,
and learnt to adapt from the comforts it once gave me,
I learnt to be more independent.
And independence begets awareness;
awareness begets clarity;
clarity direction

Fear is usually blind,
And the blind are often stuck
Held tightly on to the past
Unable to let go

Liberation is letting go

I will not my fears rule me
I will let go
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
IMPOTENCE EXPRESSED

Read an article of a fellow blogger about his dislike for his wife and mom as needy and pathetic and this title was my immediate thought.

I reflect on myself.

I dislike my mom too, for she always complain about this and that, especially my father, but yet does nothing about it. He worked overseas for a long time to earn our keep, and they were not close, so while she was docile in front of him, when he was away she grumbles and is discontented. For he had a strong and independent personality, and sotoo was his mother, but she was needy and dependent, as was her mom. She craved his attention and support, but only received he discontentment, for he expected her to be like his mom, and was obviously disappointed. She was clearly not perfect, though she did tried her very best to care for us. She was very protective, maybe too much. That our care went beyond her duty, and meant more as a reflection of her needs. She could not endure failure and rejection, and thus that was all she had. She had many fears and worries, and we inherited them.

And I blame her for many of my own woes, for I was too protected, and thus learnt to blame many, instead of moving forward to change or improve things.

PMO addiction is one such activity, for why do we yank in the dark when we could just approach woman and learn or deal with rejection? This is only one aspect of our overall impotence towards life.

Impotence here is not about erectile dysfunction. It is about the lack of ability or willingness to do something, to endure failure. Wanting something but not daring to reach it. So we blame others. Shameless.

So many things we inherit but are unaware of.

My mom is not the topic here.
I am.
I can continue to carry the family curse, or change it.

I better do something about this. Thank you fellow blogger for enlightening me.


LOVE UNREQUITED

Is this why we yank, because we want but did not dare?
Or because we learnt, that only things kept in the dark are deserving?
Is our love not good and enduring, because we are not good and enduring?

Did we love internet woman like we loved our mom, not in the sexual sense, but in the seeking proper attention sense. I felt she constantly put herself down, so much so that she appeared underserving of our love, and thus we learnt ironically, that our love is unworthy, and thus can only be expressed in the dark, never to be received, just as internet girls will never know who we are.

She needs to be proud of who she is
And I need to be proud of who I am
That my love is attractive and desirable
That I am attractive and desirable
Not just to others
but more importantly to myself.

My mom does not know how to properly love others, as she does not know how to properly love herself.
And I cannot help her, because no one can fill a bottomless well.

Her time is nearing an end.
And one day my time will too.
Years of personal neglect have left her empty and filled with illness, sufferings mutliplied. I do not want my last days to be like hers.

I need to fill my own well quickly, and not pass on any more of this debilitating emptiness to the people around me.


Freud, you bastard, were you speaking the truth, or is this just a convenient excuse?
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
An interesting day
With many big enlightenments.
It doesn't necessarily make recovery easier, but it does make things clearer.

PMO. Was it about sex, self, mom?
Many of life's complications were really simple things to begin with.

My mom wants some things she cannot have.
PMO is about wanting some things we cannot have.
What a sick and pathetic illness (weakness)
She is a good woman. If only she knew how to love herself better. I need to love myself better.

Now comes the fun part:
Will I remember, and correct?
I better come back to review and reflect frequently :)
 
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TakeActionNow

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EARLY PREVENTION IS KEY

It's day 9.
The urges have passed.
I am in stable contemplative state.

The normal cycle is
Overstressed -> P escape -> desires arise -> overwhelmed.

The preventive steps are
1. Rest and recover early. Do not let one get into a desperate state.
2. No P access. None what so ever. Even without outcome, it will initiate the desire drive. That is the purpose of dopamine: motivation. This arising is impossible to turn off and only leads to release.

Without overstress or boredom, there is little reason for escape.

Overstressed comes from
1. Over stretching of self
2. Under recognition of self
3. Lack of rest and recovery
4. Lack of gratitude and appreciation

Everything in incremental steps.

I take time now each day to address the above 4 points, so by day's end I have incrementally rested, recognized and rewarded myself while appreciating and being grateful for the help of others.

Problems are addressed quickly. Things are not left hanging. Viewpoints are realistic. Gratitude given at every step of the way.

I am happier, more relaxed, more achieved and more thankful.

I am also more grounded, less fantasy making and more optimistic about tomorrow.
 
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TakeActionNow

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Addiction is a process.

Late stage addiction is habitual and instinctive, just like eat when hungry, sleep when tired, yank when stressed/bored/horny.

However, early stage addiction has motivating reasons that have not yet been habitualized:
Unintentional exposure
Peer presure
Seeking escape
Seeking pleasure

As we move away from addiction, we move back from late stage (breaking habit) to early stage (addressing root cause) characteristics.

The more we can address root causes, the more we may be able to break habits before instincts kick in.

Don't wait till too hungry to eat.
Else will overeat

Don't wait till too tired to sleep.
Else will take a longer time to become rested

Don't be too stressed for too long.
Else will get desperate and make poor choices.

Address issues early.
Accept that life is not perfect.
Recognize efforts taken by myself and every one.
Plan ahead and keep to schedules
Manage myself better
Let go early and frequently
Look forward to the next plan/program
Appreciate myself, everyone and the journey.

I'll be dead one day
Until then, I rather be a happy soul who can see the good than a miserable one who can see only flaws.
 
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TakeActionNow

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To take better care of others
I will have to take better care of myself.

I will add better scheduling and time management to my healthy bundle.

Healthy bundle:
Address things promptly
Rest and recover
Recognize accomplishments
Gratitude and appreciation
Schedule and time manage
Let go quickly
Look forward optimistically

Life is good
 

TakeActionNow

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Every one loves pretty things and getting off, but I want to remind myself the reasons why it's not as great as it seems.

1. Psychological issues.
Dopamine is reduced under baseline after release and stays reduced for up to 2 weeks due to prolactin and androgen effects. Long term dopamine insufficiency creates clinical problems with dire consequences:
- Depression
- Lack of ambition, motivation
- Social anxiety etc

2. Focus Inability
The addictive cycle sucks attention to itself, making life elsewhere difficult to attend to. Suffering.

3. Fake and unrealistic worldview
All the fake attention makes one feel entitled, special and invicible, all obviously false in real life. This fucks up our world view and makes us confused and uncertain about ourselves, our decisions and reality.

4. Shame and avoidance
The desire to spend time and effort away from family and loved ones damages trust and relationships. It also makes spending time with them difficult. Double hurtful whammy.

5. Escapism
The constant seeking of pleasure makes daily life difficult to endure. This is suffering.

6. Ignoring self
The dependency on a single type and external source of pleasure which replaces all other sources of personal satisfaction negates all efforts made in life, resulting in very poor self care and self recognition.

7. Unequitable and unreciprocated
The constant one sided effort leaves one uncertain and feeling failed about his standing in life and with others.
We put ourselves down unnecessarily.

8. Ungrateful
All focus on vice to feel good makes us unable to recognize how truly blessed and lucky we are when we receive real world kindness and effort from others. Not knowing these makes us poorer and more pessimistic about the future.

9. Negative inner monologue.
A weird negative persistent questioning inner monologue that only appears if I relapse frequently. It leaves me heavily doubtful of myself and unable to move forward confidently.

10. Excessively attention seeking and people pleasing.
This automatic compensating behavior exists because real life is not the 100% positive attention that P provides and the confused mind works overtime to achieve it in real life. The fucks me up bad.

Just like it's never just a puff, a shot or a bet, it's never just a wank.
The after effects, the returning cravings, the sickness, avoidance, confusion and delusion, these are the true price of "just a wank" I have to keep reminding myself.


I have the pros of being addiction free
I have the cons of relapsing
I know better
I can make better decisions
I can make my life better

Life is good!
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
I must remind myself to love myself

Love myself really really well!
Let me be a shining example to everyone how to love themselves really really well!

Positively, a person who loves themselves really well will also be very attractive, because whoever loves themselves obviously likes themselves, and if you like yourself, others instinctively like you too! :)

And when you love yourself really well, you won't worry too much how others treat you. You'll either avoid the negative people naturally, or overwhelm them with your positivity! Ha!

And when you love yourself really well, your eyes will start to see good things all the time, things that are good to you, caring things, wonderful things. Life instantly becomes more attractive too!

I love me! Hahaha!
 

TakeActionNow

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Simple day early start
Others haven't caught up, but that's ok

Spent a little time with my son before heading out.

Made some conversation with the neighbors. The renovation hacking works have finished and is now starting the cement and water proofing phase, so not much is happening and I can rest easy for the next few days.

I'm thinking about the next phase of cleaning and painting and getting myself mentally prepared and organized.

I'm looking forward to the updated house and my mood is good.

It's exactly 2 weeks from the last relapse. My dopamine levels should be up to normal and I'm feeling motivated. Urges have subsided and I have no intention for surfing or release.

At a good place now.
 

TakeActionNow

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Came back early and picked my son up from school and cycled with him to meet the Mrs for dinner. Afterwards she went home while i rode with son around the park until it was dark and time to return home.
He was happy and so was I.

These simple things are so much more wonderful than anything else in the world.

Having an attitude to look forward to going back home every night and celebrating each evening with the family is so motivating and happy.
 
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