My future is awesome!

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Not feeling energetic today, been having a bit of the runs.
Getting old is not fun.
Recovery is slower, symptoms magnified.

But on the good side I am more self aware and careful. Restoring today so that I may be better tomorrow.

2 thoughts today
1. Why fantasize
2. What is excessive.

Fantasy is avoidance
Can't face reality
Perhaps love self too much. Can't deal with failure or rejection.
Easier to fantasize than make the effort.
Easier to get what I want by imagining.
But the price is dreadful.
Always waking from the dream.
Why continue living in a dream, if I can make the effort and make my dreams a reality?

No more fantasies. They fuck me up.

2. What is excessive?

A Mars bar every 30 minutes, daily for 3 to 4 hours a day. Will definitely be diabetic and obese.

A cigarette every hour, daily for every waking hour. Will definitely get bad breath and lung disease.

Online gambling, daily for 3 hours a go. Will definitely be financially bankrupt given the house's better odds.

Online porn and MO, daily for 3 hours a go. Will definitely be socially, relationally, emotionally and psychologically bankrupt.

Any vice in excess has its consequences. Life is finite. But the price of vice isn't. And only leads us to our doom.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
We fantasize because we are by nature more creative and imaginative.
Unfortunately our imagination got the better of us, and instead of lording over it, we became the slave.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Another long day at the renovation site.

1. Taking more active approach to manage strength, stress and sanity.
Eat at designated times
Drink lots of water
Rest when possible

2. Recognizing my achievements
Taking up the duty when others have fallen short or unable to.
Did some plastering work myself and removed some fixtures.

3. Considered some neighbors' marital arrangements to decision making during renovation. The one who isn't involved is demanding this and that, and ask lots of why. If they are so opinionated, they should be involved in the beginning, and not bitch when all is almost done.

Fortunately my wife is not like that.
Fortunately my wife doesn't exhibit much of the common marital challenges (she has her own set of alternative challenges)

However I am grateful I don't have to deal with this sort of hindsight discussion.

Being grateful for so many things:
Good lunch
Easy access to renovation material
Good weather
Helpful workers
Supportive wife

Makes life wonderful and forward looking.

Less stress = less destressing needed.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Another day at the renovation site.
A bit more tired and less motivated today. Probably because I didn't sleep well last night. I detected some subtle signs of neediness and wanting to escape or avoid. I'm watching myself carefully now.

Not much to credit this morning.
The tiler seems decent and I'm somewhat confident of his work.

The electrician is doing his part with some corrections but overall ok.

I needed to do some more plastering but the weather and my mood is holding me back.

I hope I'll be more motivated in the afternoon.



PMO is about escape, avoidance, pleasure seeking.
It does not develop a positive, enduring and motivated spirit.
I am not quite sure how to generate that spirit at this moment. I am very aware that the lack of rest is a root for weakness. Perhaps I should give a bit more rest time today in the interim and be mindful of relaxing my mind.

I find that thinking positively about my achievements helps me. I will list my incremental credits here.
1. Tried another plaster base. Not too good. Will get the original brand later.

2. Spoke to get the main kitchen piping painted. Not too successful. Not to worry I'll schedule myself for it after I paint the plastered yard wall.

3. Sort out trunking error by the electrician. Will continue to monitor them.

4. Conversed with the tiler to get the job done well.

5. Conversed with the contractor office if the tileing I want is possible. May need to seperately indent.

So much for the morning.

May the Queen rest in peace.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Damn. Not a good day.
Rainy weather
Tired
Not feeling motivated
Lost my wallet and drivers licence.

Feeling down.
Not seeking pleasure or relief.
Just feeling really miserable.
So much unsettled stuff and now even more trouble to add on to


Life is not always about pleasure.
My situation is nothing compared to the folks in war torn Ukraine, flooded Pakistan or earthquake Chengdu China.

Attachment is such a painful thing.
Let go
Let go
Breathing slowly now.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
I and PMO have made me such a small and petty person.

All I care about is how I am and how. I feel.

This little event made me recognize how little I have.

If my world was bigger, if there were more things for me to care for, this little setback would have been nothing really.

I do have people to look forward to.
My good wife
My wonderful son

I will do more, build more, help more.
Focus less about me.
My days will quickly become better
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
QUESTIONS

losing my wallet yesterday gave me pause to reflect. I realized I have a few big concerns :

1. Sex as the main and only source of happiness

2. Older and more worried

3. Depression?



1. Sex as the main and only source of happiness
Sex and PMO were so central and major in my life that I suddenly realized I have not cultivated any other interests and thus am unable to find joy elsewhere. This leaves me difficult to find happiness.

2. I find that I often get caught in a negative spiral that I often neglect my achievements and focus only on issues incomplete or cannot be resolved that it leaves me unhappy.
Losing my wallet actually made me pause and ask have I been so neglectful of my personal care to the extent that I got careless with my possessions.

The older I got the more worried I find myself. This were due to progressively more financial and physical discomforts.
This is quite serious I feel.
I need a happier mindset for aging.

3. Depression?
Am I facing recurrence or seasonal depression?
a. I have been stressed for quite a bit of time.
b. I have been moody and unable to sleep well
c. I found little joy lately in spite of encouraging words I wrote


These 3 items are big concerns for me. I need to find some answers or take action. Soon.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
While doing some research, I found this very good paragraph:

"When one enters into a sexual relationship, a lot of issues (both behavioral and mental) are often overlooked. Physical and emotional senses are so heightened during sexual relationships, that often people are blinded by their appetite and overlook many issues that won’t emerge until months or years later — long after the thrill is gone."

This is also true for a PMO "relationship". So focused are we on getting off that physical, mental, emotional and financial wellbeing have not been well taken care of.

There are of course pros and cons of every relationship and every thing.

All things in moderation.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
I am reminded that I usually take 3 days to naturally resolve emotional issues. It is very difficult for me to logically will myself out of emotional discomfort or unhappiness.

I also need to remind myself not to wallow in self pity. What's past is past and not worth crying over.

Today is a new day.
I managed to connect with a neighbor, painted a pipe and smooth out a rough wall patch.

Nothing much, but still worth mentioning. The weather is warmer and sunnier today. I'm already feeling better and letting go more.

Let's hope tomorrow will be better.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Some things to remember by
1. No one will ever be able to take care of me as well as I can take care of me.
So I better take better care of me.

2. I really need to be aware and grateful for what I do have than to grumble and waste time over what I don't have

3. Happiness can only come from planning and doing and looking ahead. The past only serves as lessons and reminders and are not meant to dwell over. The more time spent over the past, the more pain it ensures.

4. In the longest scheme of things, I won't be around. So don't be too caught up with the details. Be positive and gather all that I have as good things.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Part of my addiction problem is attention seeking.
I seek attention by trying hard, sometimes too hard.
And I can get very defensive when I feel the attention is not reciprocated.

It also means I am too externally dependent for my own wellbeing.

I need to do more self affirmation.
I shouldn't be spending so much effort on others
I need to spend more effort getting my attention and winning myself over
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Part of my addiction problem is attention seeking.
I seek attention by trying hard, sometimes too hard.
And I can get very defensive when I feel the attention is not reciprocated.

It also means I am too externally dependent for my own wellbeing.

I need to do more self affirmation.
I shouldn't be spending so much effort on others
I need to spend more effort getting my attention and winning myself over

On this note, I've decided
If my work is not appreciated
If my work is not recognized
If my work is not requested

Then I will remove myself and not worry about others anymore.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
It's hard to find something else that feels good so quickly and easily. Then again, nothing else in life is so easily available and possible. Nothing. Therefore this product is synthetic and unnatural.

It's hard to find something else that relaxs and calms so instantaneously like the refractory stage. Natural refractory is meant for bonding and closeness and energy retention. However there is no one to bond with after PMO. The loneliness is destructive.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
It's hard to find something else that feels good so quickly and easily. Then again, nothing else in life is so easily available and possible. Nothing. Therefore this product is synthetic and unnatural.
I too feel the same way.

Somedays, even almost a year out from ground zero, I still crave the exhilarating high that only "it" can bring. It will pass, it always does, but yet it's still there, lingering in the shadows.

But as you said, with such a deadly high comes a deathly low following in its path, destroying everything that I love.

I sometimes think, "Man, it would be great to have a threesome or whatever!" :cool: I'm a pretty open guy sexually so why not? However, then I think, "Damn, that's only one extra girl lol" 🤦‍♂️ In realty that would be truly great, but the problem is, none of us have been dealing with reality.

We've seen more pussy than Genghis Khan.

Porn... truly the death and destruction of the modern man.
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
PRECURSOR

I used to think that the PMO habit was founded on seeking pleasure.

But the precursor for that is actually to avoid pain.

If we can properly deal with pain, then we won't been needing to seek pleasure.

Pain is harder to deal with if we
1. actively not see it clearly as it is, a part of life
2. do not have good self care routines
3. are too serious
4. do not involve ourselves directly in dealing with it
5. have unrealistic expectations
6. are lazy or ignorant
7. are pessimistic and worrying in nature

So the answers are clear and simple:
1. No daydreaming
2. Realistic expectations
3. Active involvement
4. Be optimistic and cheerful in nature
5. Practice good self care
 
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