My future is awesome!

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Learning to be present in all its comfort and discomfort is a difficult but vital practice for us addicts.
Actually it is not difficult.
It's just that we're not practiced doing that, since we've been "away" for so long.

When the option of being away is not desired anymore, the eyes slowly but surely start to see all the good here that we've been ignoring for so long.

And because the good is real and near, we get to experience it immediately and continuously, unlike self generated illusions.

As you have correctly mentioned, to be present at all times and unjudgementally accept both the good and the bad.
I would also like, to constantly give encouragement and support to ourselves like we are our best friend and believer.
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
When under stress and seeking escape, do this:

Take a short rest
Have a drink of water
Think about your completions and achievements made today
Be optimistic about the future
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
HONESTY

this is by far the best gift of recovery.

When we stop
Dependency on others
Detachment from our situation
Distraction from what is important
Delusion from reality

We become honest about ourselves.

With honesty we can
See things clearly
Deal with people openly
Face discomfort courageously

No more hiding
No more inadequacies
No more shame

Be honest with ourselves.
It is the best gift.
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Ask myself, without the involvement of someone else, directly or indirectly, what would make me happy.

I need to know myself well
I need to know what are the things I do that can make me happy

And then go forth and do them
All the way to completion
And reap the joy
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Independence requires a high personal standard to sustain.

However, dependency lowers one's standards automatically, in order to accept whatever standard others are willing to give away, be it in kind or attention.

Don't be a dependent and have low standards.

Raising one's standards automatically raises one's independence.

Setting high standards is also a form of self-love knowing we should deserve the best.

By standard it is the quality we set on ourselves when getting things done, and on the people we choose to associate with.
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
NEAR VS FAR

Porn is distancing.
It draws your attention away from yourself.
In time you'll not understand yourself anymore.
And grow to depend on others for direction and affirmation.
Eventually you'll find no one adequate enough for this job, but being so far from yourself, you'll feel hopeless and lost. Depression and worse ensues.

Meditation is near.
In fact, meditation is bringing yourself to your very center.
Your breath.
Your core.
You hear yourself breathing
You sense your skin prickling
You feel your joints ache and muscles twitch.
You are one with yourself.

At this moment, everything about yourself is clear. No need to ask another. No need for another to help. You know exactly what you need and what to do.

Come back to yourself
Be one again with yourself
Never leave yourself alone again.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
I'm exploring some personal characteristics.
The nice titles are
Perfectionism
Attention to details

The actual proper ones are
Overwhelmed by fear of failure
Procrastinating over details
Not seeing the big picture
Caught up with the little things
Unable to endure pain

I wonder how much are inherent and how much are learned.
I know I am self sabotaging when I do too much too soon and get bogged down and overwhelmed.
I can also be negative early on, and take some time to achieve some before feeling good about myself

I really need to game myself properly if I am to sustain and achieve.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Whenever I need to look at a pretty face to pick me up, I go look at a photo of..... Me!

Hahaha

It serves 2 strong purposes:
1. No pretty pictures of some one else can truly help me. In fact, it additionally hurts me because it creates unhelpful desires to be away from where I am now, not dealing with the challenges head on.
2. It is to remind me of the most important person in my life ... Me!

So whenever I'm feeling down, have a look at a happy picture of myself!
This is the guy I'm fighting and rooting for!
He's a good guy!
Let's take good care of him!

Ha!
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Boredom is important

It's not boredom per say that's important, it's what it brings that is:
Time to oneself.

Hyper internet connectivity creates too many problems:
1. Too much comparing
2. Too many choices
3. Too much to catch up on
4. Too much fun
5. Too much stimulation
6. too fast
7. Too easy
Most importantly, too little time for oneself.

It is only during time to ourselves that we:
Recognize what we have done
Discover what is bothering us
Explore internally what are important and what needs to be prioritized

It is only during time to ourselves (boredom) that we are truly knowing and taking care of ourselves.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Who served who

During my time, Internet took me to
computer games
MMORPG
pictures
Rooms
Videos
Memes

Actually, internet
Took my time
Took my life
Took me away from me

Internet did not serve me
Instead I served the internet
And the powers behind it
Even if I did not pay for it, I added traffic to it
I added support
I added demand
I was like the second hand smoker, the pedestrian who caught the stray bullet, the wrong place wrong time guy, the black Friday guy who went home bruised and empty handed.

The internet took decades of my life away from me.
I must not serve it anymore.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
1.
Reading dopamine nation by Anna Lembke. Very informative regarding psychology and behavior behind any form of addiction. Added more understanding to our condition. Very helpful when it comes to self management and expectations especially within the 2 months window post MO.

One key lesson is the balance between pleasure and pain.
The more pleasure in life, the less discomfort is needed to become uncomfortable.
Conversely the more discomfort is endured, the less pleasure is needed to feel better.
The modern world has too many options - too easy to obtain - too fast effect - too long lasting pleasures:
- Internet
- Food & drugs
- telecommunications
- transport
- Shopping
- Amenities
- amusement
The more we have the more easy it is to become unhappy.
Imagine how quickly unhappy and uncomfortable we will be if we suddenly lose access to many of the above, like getting stuck in a deserted island. So unhappy!

Therefore, learning to moderate and restrain in this age of plenty is key.

This book is a must read.

2.
Went for a hour long run first time in 3 months after knee injury. Need to get fit again for an upcoming trip. Felt really glad but exhausted after the run. Added one more option to do to take my mind off things.

Many good clear thoughts came during running.
1. Emotionally people tend to have less or poorer command of their lives, because choices are short termed and based on feelings rather than consideration.(book reflection)

2. It is most important to prioritize self care over all others.(ongoing reflection)

I was tested when the Mrs insisted I join her and child for a walk after my run. I was totally exhausted and didn't want to. She didn't get her way and was visibly unhappy. I wonder why she has no consideration for my physical state. I don't like getting into disagreements with her but I have decided I will not deprioritize my needs.

If I don't respect myself, no one will.

I'm glad to write this down as it removes this unhappy thought from my chest and reaffirms my decision for self priority.
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Dopamine nation chapter 5.

Ways to distance from addictive behaviors
1. Physical. Remove, dispose, limit, block, shrink, lock. (May ironically turn into an attractive challenge to overcome)
2. Time. Availability, duration, period.
3. Category. Allowed vs disallowed. Differentiation.


Reminders
1. Habits are strong. Pharmacology, without insight, understanding and the will to change, will be ineffective.

2. willpower is limited. The more it's been used, the more it will run out.
Abstinence by willpower alone is therefore not enough. Other supportive measures are necessary.

3. Risk of replacement. Addiction is grounded in psychology. Inaccess to one might lead to another form of addiction as replacement. Solving the root is key.

4. Addicts view future on average 9 days long while healthy people view 4.7 years. Addicts cannot build a future based on 9 days.

5. Fast rewards makes people more emotional and less thoughtful. When solutions are too easy, we stop learning how to think and plan for ourselves.

6. addiction is not govened by reason, but by the pleasure-pain balance. More pleasure = less pain tolerable = more pleasure needed. Influence destroys objectivity.

Finally, only the one who binds and limits himself is truly free.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Whatever the reason, be it
Curiosity
Claimed benefits
Experiment
Experience
Enlightenment
Relief
Release
The risk and damage of addiction from any afflictive products are too high and too long to worth any momentary gains or highs. Many have permenent effects even with just 1 dose. The commercial industry is too self serving and evil to be trusted.

For example, cannabis and nicotine, just because they are legal, should never be tried as they are all addictive. Do not be fooled that we are special and can resist.

Likewise opioids, alcohol, porn and gambling. No benefits at all except to the industry that creates them.

We must be our own gatekeepers to our mind and body from deception and dangers created by evil people.
 

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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
A simple test.

To determine if something or someone is worth prioritizing and pursuing, is to ask if they will bring into our lives any true benefits beyond pleasure.

Pleasure and relief are not enough.
Relief may be considered as moving away from an absense of pleasure.

Benefit means improvement in physical, mental, spiritual, informational or financial states.
Real proper help in the quality of life.

Any quick assessment will find that highly pleasurable and addictive activities like porn, drugs, alcohol, gambling fail immediately.
Also unhealthy food choices, binging, late nights, bad company etc.
Interestingly even crushes, quick sexual encounters with strangers, one night stands and flings fail too, because these people do not care nor improve us.

Worthy:
A good partner, if they make effort to help us become better for our own good.
Children, because we learn and improve by way of parenting.
A good boss who helps us improve.
Informative books.
Social work, which humbles us and make us feel more connected to the world.
Cleaning and gardening makes our environment better.
Sports that makes us fitter.

A simple test.
We should never prioritize pleasure over real benefits.
Be your own judge.
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Dopamine nation chapter 5.

Ways to distance from addictive behaviors
1. Physical. Remove, dispose, limit, block, shrink, lock. (May ironically turn into an attractive challenge to overcome)
2. Time. Availability, duration, period.
3. Category. Allowed vs disallowed. Differentiation.


Reminders
1. Habits are strong. Pharmacology, without insight, understanding and the will to change, will be ineffective.

2. willpower is limited. The more it's been used, the more it will run out.
Abstinence by willpower alone is therefore not enough. Other supportive measures are necessary.

3. Risk of replacement. Addiction is grounded in psychology. Inaccess to one might lead to another form of addiction as replacement. Solving the root is key.

4. Addicts view future on average 9 days long while healthy people view 4.7 years. Addicts cannot build a future based on 9 days.

5. Fast rewards makes people more emotional and less thoughtful. When solutions are too easy, we stop learning how to think and plan for ourselves.

6. addiction is not govened by reason, but by the pleasure-pain balance. More pleasure = less pain tolerable = more pleasure needed. Influence destroys objectivity.

Finally, only the one who binds and limits himself is truly free.

Following this I need to do a few things.

1. Recognize and replace all stimulate type replacements.

Anything too easy too fast too high must be stopped.
Social media and internet

2. Introduce more challenges and discomfort

Raising pain resets balance and make joy more accessible

Fasting
Meditation
Exercise
Reading


3. More dull non stimulant time.

Walks without music or podcast
Easy time with the family
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Balance.

Following the book's discussion on imbalance, I think about other things affected due to imbalance and the need to return to homeostasis.

Stability
Fast Internet/YouTube scrolling leads to hyper sensitivity for hyper stimulation. Ability to stay still is weakened. I notice I can't even sit through an hour's primetime episode.
I balance by no more fast scrolling or switching type behavior and internet, more books, walks and meditation.

Neutrality.
Addiction is dependency. Leads to attachment. Leads to externality. Leads to hyper sensitivity.
I will balance by internalizing.
I will focus on myself more. Become dependent on myself more. Become less sensitive to external.

Positivity
Addiction leads to negativity focus. Leads to greater dependency and depression.
I will balance by uplifting myself more.
Talk more about my achievements. Be proud of myself. More positive self talk.

Love.
Every addict hates their situation, their behavior, themselves. Ironically it reinforces the addiction.
I will now balance out by falling in love with myself. I will love myself deeply and give only the best to myself.
I will love myself
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
I am proud of myself

For pulling myself out of a multi decade addiction
For dragging myself out of near suicide depression
For the determination to exercise and get back into shape
For getting married and becoming a father
For saving my marriage from the brink of divorce
For fulfilling my duty to be a good father
For the tremendous effort to be good and disciplined with myself
For doing what I said I would
For constantly transforming myself with new knowledge, learning and behaviors

I am proud of myself
 
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