My future is awesome!

Nico

Active Member
I love that 6P model, its way better than the pros and cons I usually use. I am sure there is the potential for a course or book about that? How to make better decisions and change bad habits..or something lol. And 3W - ok I don't have a wife but the wait and why is great :)
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
I've been feeling edgy this week.
Mil is here and is causing some disruptions in practices at home. I welcome her but I didn't realize how settled I've been in our routine since COVID.
And her love-hate relationship with my wife is also giving me some tension.

I noticed some changes in me.
I'm responding faster
I'm alittle more anxious and uncomfortable, like I drank too much coffee.
I'm not sleeping well.
I don't feel as relaxed.

I may have some long standing anxiety issue that I self madicate with PMO.

I will need to practice more meditation and breathing techniques.

I must not let an overly imaginative mind lead me astray.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
I love that 6P model, its way better than the pros and cons I usually use. I am sure there is the potential for a course or book about that? How to make better decisions and change bad habits..or something lol. And 3W - ok I don't have a wife but the wait and why is great :)
Thank you for your endorsement @Nico. It's a very simple idea. I developed it only through this writing, and probably can expand it further. it breaks down cost and benefit by time and with emotion too. I'm sure some product supply books have it better haha
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
When emotionally charged,
Dont make poor decisions I will regret later.

Remember priorities

1. Always safety first, ego or learning later
2. long-term unsafe costs far outweighs and short terms savings or conveniences
3. Never be reactive, always be responsive. Own the process
4. Be flexible. Adapt. Modify.
5. Focus. Ignore distractions
6. Own the schedule always. Know the limits. Never stretch too far.
7. Be calm. Always be calm.

I'm not perfect.
But I will change and improve.
Things could have been serious, but it wasn't. Don't imagine and magnify. I will remember my values starting today.

Don't be angry with myself.
Focus on the learning more than the emotions. Emotions don't teach. Only learnings do.
Learn and improve.
Be quiet and observe and learn.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Severely upset with myself today. But enduring the pain is 1000x better than taking an escapist path.


So much learnings.
So many perspective change opportunities
So many correction opportunities
So much gratitude recognized

In the end
nothing serious happened.
I won't magnify it
I count my blessings
I learnt to prioritize
I made plans for the future
I'm more assured of myself
It's better than running away
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Pain, discomfort, embarrassment, failure, shame.

All necessary elements to learn something important so that there's a chance for correction and recovery.

Pain is the doorway to happiness
Pleasure is the doorway to suffering
All we need is to endure

To give up on pain and turn to PMO relief is to give up on ourselves. Not because we don't deserve relief. But because PMO is so thorough in wiping off discomfort that nothing worthwhile is left behind to motivate for change.

Dont lose this precious opportunity just because we cannot bear the negatives.
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
My wife looks at me with greater love and admiration these days. She trusts me more.

It's only because
1. I've been quieter
2. I'm more thoughtful and give more consideration
3. I'm neither distracted nor escaping.
4. I hold my ground. I seek her opinion, not agreement nor endorsement.

Which one is most important?
#3

They know the difference between who's been using and who hasn't. The enduring man is always more attractive.

And with that, there's now even less incentive to use
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
PREFERENCE FOR THE BAD (NOT GOOD)

There is nothing wrong with the bad. Nature is. Neutral between good and bad. Bad can simply be not good, and good is not bad.
What is bad?
Not as I desired or expected
Something I was not prepared for
Something that causes unpleasentness.

But what is also bad?
An opportunity to recognize something I've missed
An opportunity for good to happen.

Every addiction is a practice of avoidance. It is the seeking of an ideal state without regard of reality.

But be too good at avoiding the imperfect will leave the person
Unable to deal with reality
Unable to see opportunity
Unable to improve their life.


So I don't want to avoid the bad anymore.
I will embrace it with new perspective.
Every bad thing is an opportunity to become good.

I have some caveats though.
Someone else's opinion on what is good and bad, I will reflect and ultimately decide what is it I want to do. I will never follow through blindly without consideration.

I like the bad as much as the good.
It makes me creative
It makes me consider more things
It gives me opportunity to improve my life.

I will embrace both the bad and good on equal terms.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Some dirty messy work today getting the house fixed up.
I should be happy for my achievements, yet I'm feeling angry and resentful.
The idea of that old enemy relief is floating in the corner.

Another opportunity to reflect, change perspective and make it a win instead of a loss.

1. Yes things are messy now but I'll be successful by week's end
2. A bit disorganized in terms of process and goals. Better to firm it tomorrow
3. Start counting my completions. Piping cleared, basin moved and mounted. Hooks removed. Holes patched and cracks plastered.
4. Slow start today. I'll be stronger tomorrow.

I'll get my kicks from
Time with my kid
Time with my wife
Relieving work stress is less important than accrediting work success. I must get all my feel goods from my effort and achievements and not from freeloading ways.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
The less I need from another, the less power they have over me.
The less I need from another, the less anyone has power over me, the more I'm my own man.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Had to spend time with someone today.
I made many efforts to bring her into the team.
But she had nothing but negative things to say. All negatives. Only want things her way. Everyone else is wrong.

Of course it's so easy to dislike this person. Toxic is the word.

And yet, I have pity for her.
She must be so low on her dopamine scale that everything is terrible in her eyes. She is unable to see opportunity and effort, unable to receive kindness and warmth, unable to generate gratitude and generosity.

Her life is so miserable, and yet she does not know. A living hell. Unliked by others, I'm sure she doesn't like herself very much too.

I empathize because I was once very much like her. Deep in depression. trying so hard, often too hard. No sense of place or self. Perhaps I still am. But I know I'm saying more nice and positive things these days. :)

It's all too easy to dislike her. And for a while before I wrote this, I did. But I only have sympathy for her now.

No one can save themselves but themselves. I will not attempt to save her too. I will keep a respectful distance and attempt to let her negative words pass through me without sticking.

Wish me luck!

This is part of reboot because I can pause to think more before reacting. I am calmer and more forgiving than before. And most importantly, unaffected by others.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
PREFERENCE FOR THE BAD (NOT GOOD)

There is nothing wrong with the bad. Nature is. Neutral between good and bad. Bad can simply be not good, and good is not bad.
What is bad?
Not as I desired or expected
Something I was not prepared for
Something that causes unpleasentness.

But what is also bad?
An opportunity to recognize something I've missed
An opportunity for good to happen.

Every addiction is a practice of avoidance. It is the seeking of an ideal state without regard of reality.

But be too good at avoiding the imperfect will leave the person
Unable to deal with reality
Unable to see opportunity
Unable to improve their life.


So I don't want to avoid the bad anymore.
I will embrace it with new perspective.
Every bad thing is an opportunity to become good.

I have some caveats though.
Someone else's opinion on what is good and bad, I will reflect and ultimately decide what is it I want to do. I will never follow through blindly without consideration.

I like the bad as much as the good.
It makes me creative
It makes me consider more things
It gives me opportunity to improve my life.

I will embrace both the bad and good on equal terms.
Further on good and bad.

It's all perspective.
A good guy who is patient and optimistic may end up enduring too much negatives and not be opportunistic.

A negative person may end up serving as an excellent reminder of how we should not behave and improve our interactions with others.

Find that space where we can be neutral and see both sides of the coin
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Addiction recovery is never easy because the vice material was always easily available and transactional.

All too often addicts move from one source of transactional vice to another. This is counter productive and unsustainable.

Sustainable sources of feel-good are NOT transactional, and are actually abundent like air. But unfortunately like air we take for granted until we cannot have it, like lung cancer or scuba tank running out.

So before that happens, we must (re)learn to appreciate the good and free feel good that's all around us.

The ego and privileged entitlement robs us of recognizing the gifts we are enjoying. One must put these down first.

Then start giving thanks to all that we enjoy or take for granted that were gifts by nature and others before us:
Safety
Convenience
Efficiency
Affordability
Access
Choice
Space
Time

These feel-good are usually micro compared to the marco feel-good that transactional vice delivers. But it is abundent and non addictive, and it adds up to far exceed the quality and durability of vice.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Continue to fill your life with positive people.
Remove all negative and bad influences
Collect and gather all good ones.

Be wary that bad and negative items are actually higher dopamine generators than good and positive items.

It works on the surprise and shock spectrum. Think of car crashes and accidents. Everyone is curious. Everyone wants to watch more. Why? Cos it stimulates.

If we are overall dopamine deprived, we need to become. Jedi masters : the force is the feel-good that sustains us. It is all around. We only need to learn how to harness it.

Don't be the Sith. Don't harness happiness through suffering and the suffering of others. (negativity) don't be the leech that depends and preys on others.

Be the Jedi
Be the tree that supports others and provides their oxygen
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Completed another day of clearing. Moved more items to the room for storage. Cleaned the kitchen and did some laundry. I must clean up before leaving to feel better and set tomorrow up for success.

I don't think I can finished within this week but it would be close. I'm feeling good because today's goal is met and improved and I'm progressing.

I'm recording because it locks in feel good and feel good is the only way to feed and combat cravings.

I'm feeling more confident about my relationship w my wife. I'm growing strength to be more open and vulnerable. Some will say it's silly. I feel like it's another kind of journalling, except this is through conversation with her instead of writing down.

Let's see how things goes.
Reserving my needs and intimacy with the people closest to me.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
This video popped up on my feed today


While it's on drug addiction, there were many important lessons and reminders that applies to ALL ADDICTS :
1. "Our family loath us"
2. "He is of no help to the family. He is a dead weight."
3. "Why hunt us? You should be going after the dealers."
4. "We have no motivation. There are no jobs and we have families to feed. No one accepts us. Only other addicts. "
5. The kindest man was the warden who was himself a past addict and stayed on inspite of harsh conditions, and because he was helped by others in the past.
6. The withdrawal process for drugs can be deadly. Some do die.
7. While they were being forced to rehab centers, rehab is still best for them and society.

Addiction is bad for everyone. It is not just the addicts who suffer, but their family, social workers and society.
Only the suppliers profit.

While the addicts are a pathetic and sorry lot, it remains that it's no one else's responsibility but their own to dig them out of their mess.

Do not be fooled.
Do not fault others for the predicament we have brought upon ourselves.
Own our own recovery.
Be responsible for ourselves and our family.
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Lesson in gratitude.

You're having lunch and it's a dish you eat often. Nothing special. Completely average.

You examine it and explore details about it that are special.
And then you say to yourself.
This dish is great.
The ingredients taste great.
I'm glad the chef made this for me.

Many things are happening here:
You discovered nice features
You get satiated
You connect with someone (chef)
You now have a positive story you can share with others
Your outlook with the world improves.
You positively look more forward to the next thing / future
You feel happier

When we are grateful, we'd immediately
Feel we have more.
Feel more positive
Feel more optimistic

This negates the harmful effects of negativity:
Things are bad
We have less
The future is going to be worse
There is nothing good about my life

Practicing gratitude develops very beneficial habits:
1. Ability to identify more things in life that makes you feel better
2. Ability to think and speak more positively and optimistically.
3. Become more open to ideas and ways that improve quality of life
4. Feel more blessed and unlonely
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Most days I'm safe. I don't meet many people. I surf safely without much provocation. I can even surf media sites that have the occasional provocative or even nude pics and not be triggered.

But every once in a while the type that ticks all my boxes appears, and if she appears long enough to catch my attention, the idea and arousal will arise.

This makes me think:
1. It's only natural. Normal people wants to procreate with the opposite sex that they find attractive. It is genetics.

2. Desire does not have to translate to action. This is maturity.

3. I recognized that my propensity towards sexual stimulation is probably higher than others. I don't know if this is perpetual or will it get less with time and abstinence.

4. Perhaps I am still shallow and still see women as sex objects. But I seriously find it very hard to deny attraction.

5. Abstinence really requires logic to help push it through. One needs reasons to successfully navigate emotions.
I have to argue hard against impulsivity:
- Beaking my streak
- Breaking my intentions
- Ruining my focus
- Jeopardizing my progress and future
- Destroying my steady stable mood

Logic over feelings is so tough.
I remain on my path
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Sometimes I think
I only want pretty people around me.
Why aren't there more pretty people around me.

And now I realized 2 big problems:
Why how people look have such a big impact to my day?
How can I be so entitled to demand such treatment?

And I think
Concentration and over exposure to stimulating visuals have incorrectly adjusted my perception of the world.

The world is not disproportionately normal looking. It is the internet that is disproportionately pretty looking.

Also, decades of having control of who and what I see on the Internet made me think that I can apply the same logic to reality.

Both of these feed into the flawed and detrimental belief and attitude that I am entitled to what I want.

Here then is another thing I need to detox.

Realistic.
Acceptance.

I am so attached to pretty people. Like they feed me or something.
Attach needs to change to appreciate.
Appreciate is so much healthier.


More mental practices to change behavior and attitudes.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
The pretty person is not a dish.
She should be viewed like a bird or a butterfly. Not to be ensnared for my personal use, but free and flying and beautiful for all to appreciate.

There are some who presented themselves as a consumable dish. They should be viewed of wearily. They meant to ensnare.

Do I know when I am the predator and when I am the prey?

No, I shall be the farmer.
I'll water the plants and feed the animals. I'll help all to grow and become better.

I'll be clear about my goals and not be distracted by the weeds of temptation
 
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