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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
So I'm extroverted
So I'm sporty
So I'm very visually stimulated.

In the traditional sense I would be a hunter.
I'm physical and visual.
I would go out and hunt.
Hunting is what I'd do.

But in today's context, sexes are equal, and some are more equal than others.

The hunt is no longer by one of greater strength. It is more of expression of ability and possession. It is an intellectual act more than physical.

My methods are passe and inapplicable except to the lowest in hierarchy.

Need to up my game
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
There are many things a guy can do that woman can't. This is usually external and involve strength and endurance, given our muscle and body size. As men are more self sufficient, they generally can go along alone.

There are many things that a woman can do that men can't. This is usually internal given their ability to give birth and their more socially wired brains that helps with child care. There is a toil on the body to maintain this ability. More likely women in the traditional sense will depend on men for physical, security and financial needs, while they focus on self care for sake of child rearing.

Thus it helps when they can develop means to attract the attention of men to provide.

Beauty and sexual ability is thus the common value of women.
Strength and survival viability is thus the common value of men.

Women who develop beauty has no issue of attracting men.
Men who develop strength and survivability has no issue of attracting women.

Focus on developing my strength. Don't focus on collection of women. It is meaningless.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Often when escaping from tyranny, the first exposure is the desert.
This is true in biblical story, it is true when escaping jail, it is true in today's term when escaping concentration camps.

So it is no surprise that when escaping the tyranny of porn, the first experience is desert, not an oasis.

Many are caught back into addiction because they did not expect, or are unable to endure, the desert.

The desert exists.
It represents void and emptiness.
It represents difficulty, challenge and struggle.
It holds secrets, but one must search or hunt for it.

Survival by virtue of only abstinence is like crossing the desert without water. Impossible.

New skills must be developed. Searching for water or bugs or fruits or animals is like relearning how to gain happiness in normal life. It must be learnt to survive the desert before rescue or salvation is possible
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Thinking Feeling Doing

Thinking. Planning and problem solving.
thinking. Lots of ideas but mainly daydreaming

Feeling. Using emotions to energize and empower ideas
feelings. emotions overwhel ideas, producing negative action

Doing. Focusing energy to create or achieve goals
doing. Activities are undirected and pleasure seeking.

It is important to be a TFD person and not a tfd person.
We need to use our mind, emotion and energy into positive output.
If we are a weak tfd, we rob ourselves of our mind emotion and body's opportunity to generate positive outcomes.

Strengthen TFD.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Relationship is hard

I'm not keen about porn.
No need for feel good at the moment.
Just frustrated about how I'm feeling always neglected and taken for granted.

No need for feel good.
I just need to take better care of myself without looking to my partner for contribution.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Effectively started in June.
Relapsed once in Aug, Oct and Dec.
Change in perceptive. Like shifting into a different dimension.
Not bad but also not fantastic. Just adapting.
The world remains the same. But I feel like I'm an expat.
New mental language
New emotional sensations
New tastes and feelings

Some new gains, and some loss.

The world is clearer.
It's not as simple as it used to be.
There are more details, more issues, more challenges. I feel lonelier.

This is the desert.
I will need to endure.
I expect another 6mths before I think I will be stable.
I need to practice more independence in everything, and continue to concern less about what I think others expect of me.

Keep reminding myself one day I too will die. What matters to me will always be more important than what matters to others.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Had a nice rowdy family gathering last night. Then I had a very vivid dream of activities.
And it made me think:
1. My wife is very quiet, introverted and reserved. But I do need people interest in me to get me going. How do I do this?
2. Large families while noisy are very energizing.
3. The quality of my dreams reflect the activation of my personality. I really should find healthy ways to meet my activation needs.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
What makes a good relationship?

Courtesy
Kindness
Gentleness
Consideration
Effort
Warm communication
Thoughtfulness

Have I been all of these?
Probably not.

Difficult relationships are filled with
Harsh tones
Anger
Inconsideration
Self centeredness
Distance
Entitlement
Rudeness

there is a very fine line between asking others to change to our needs or satisfaction, and stating that their behavior is inappropriate in any context.

I can either endure, which will eventually make me tired and drained, or I can state plainly the behavior is unacceptable.
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
I have not I am

I have anger
I have resentment
I have unhappiness
I have stress
I have depression
I have sadness
I have an addiction

Not
I am depressed
I am a failure
I am a negative person
I am an addict

There is difference between am and having.

Having is something temporary, something adjustable, controllable, manageable, alterable.

Am is fixed, unchanging, absolute, born with.
We were not born with negativity, anger, resentment, depression or addiction
We may be afflicted with some troubles sometimes, but it is not perpetual and it is not us.

Words are important in helping us perceive things correctly
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Many of us here have relationship issues with our partner.
I'm no different.
And we seemed to all struggle with seeking to have some level of understanding or support from them, but not getting any.

Perhaps we've kind of moved on, but they've not.

they have the pain of having to deal with us while we're under the influence. And it must have sucked for a long time for them. And we're not even remotely aware of it.

So of course its too much to ask for them to turn a new leaf just as quickly as we've turn a new leaf.

Hardened hearts are often very difficult, if not impossible, to soften.

The only recourse is to remember:
I am in this desert alone.
My wife is not here with me.
There are many trials in this desert, none of which is kind and forgiving.
One of the trials is the wife.

They have suffered enough.
It is not required for them to suffer more.

This journey we must endure on our own. It is only through self sacrifice may we gain salvation.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
When I have the addiction, I was under it's influence.
I made me magnify the bad, and minimize the good.
I could not see anything good about myself.
Everything was poor or shameful.
Even though I was top of the class, head of the team, I could see no future. I could see no success.
Consequently, my relationships falter. My careers ended prematurely. And I had an unnecessary burden of feeling inadequate and incompetent.

And try as I did to support others and rise to the occasion, all too often the negativity crushes me and lowers me further.

And the cycle keeps on repeating , until even I believe it's true.

So it's doubly hard to get back on my feet again, because I was working against the world, and I was also working against myself.

But at rock bottom, where we often find ourselves, perspective is sooooooo important.

Since I'm so low, I can't go anywhere else but up.

Since I'm so low, nothing bad others say about me matters. I just can't get any worse.

Since I'm so low, there's no need for anyone's help or pity. Anything I do is better

So just do
Don't ask for opinions
Don't ask for help
Don't seek empathy or understanding.
None of it matters.

Just do
Only doing matters, not feelings.
Only doing gets results.

All the negative people of the world can fuck off.
That includes the most negative of all living inside my head.
Fuck off.
No pleasing anyone.
No living off other people's opinions.
Just do.
Only doing matters.
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
A big part of improvement is not to over analyze or over think.

What others think matter little.
Most important is what I do.
And then one day we'll all die, so why worry so much?
Just keep making effort and the universe will sort out by themselves
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Effectively started in June.
Relapsed once in Aug, Oct and Dec.
Change in perceptive. Like shifting into a different dimension.
Not bad but also not fantastic. Just adapting.
The world remains the same. But I feel like I'm an expat.
New mental language
New emotional sensations
New tastes and feelings

Some new gains, and some loss.

The world is clearer.
It's not as simple as it used to be.
There are more details, more issues, more challenges. I feel lonelier.

This is the desert.
I will need to endure.
I expect another 6mths before I think I will be stable.
I need to practice more independence in everything, and continue to concern less about what I think others expect of me.

Keep reminding myself one day I too will die. What matters to me will always be more important than what matters to others.
So my relapse window at the moment is 2 months. That's neither too long nor too short. What is definitely apparent is that
1. Attractive people doesn't quite work for me like before, which is good
2. I care less about how others might opiniate about me, which is good
3. I am more focused on getting feel good from my daily environment, which is good
4. I am habituating recognizing and gratifying local events, which is good.
5. I have more CBT methods and healthier sources to counter negativity and pessimism, which is good
6. I have longer term outlook, which is good
7. I have more meaningful and less self centered goals that will also benefit me in the long term, which is good
8. I am letting go faster, and look back less, which are good
9. I keep more regular hours, and spend time on more meanignful and educational items, which are good.
10. I have greater sense of stability and self confidence, which are good.
11. I am less concerned or distracted by emotional or trivial issues, which is good

All from
1. Not focusing on self pleasuring or seeking relief
2. Recognizing and dealing with discomfort and challenges timely and appropriately
3. Relearning how to gain happiness from my surroundings
4. Perspective, opinion and behavior changes

All good for the moment.
Let's keep on going and maintaining
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Negative dopamine seeking behaviors:

1. Bad news
2. Attention seeking
3. Food and indiscriminate eating
4. Loud or noisy music
5. Social media
6. unexpected shock or surprises
7. Fast changing media
8. Vice (smoke, alcohol, drugs)
9. Indiscriminate shopping
10. Indiscriminate internet or media browsing

Positive dopamine behavior
1. Goal related achievements
2. Meditation
3. Rest
4. Nature
5. Good social interaction
6. Good animal interaction
7. Calming environment


The brain can't differentiate dopamine sources as good or bad. But the bad sources are generally purchasable, very easy to obtain, fast and high.

We should seek unpurchasable, very easy, slow and moderate sources to protect the neurotransmitter from burnout and prevent baseline lowering whiles cultivating heathier habits that promotes quality of life.


In this sense, we need to learn to be self sufficient.

Look not to others for our dopamine needs.
Look not to media or substances for our dopamine needs.
Cultivate a peaceful, inward looking, inner recognizing mindset that promotes hard work, honesty and appreciation.
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member


Reads familiar?

High dopamine symptoms:
high libido,
anxiety,
difficulty sleeping,
increased energy,
mania,
stress,
alertness (improved ability to focus and learn)

Exposed to too much dopamine:
aggression,
hallucinations,
twitching,
nausea and/or vomiting,
depression.

Low dopamine symptoms:
fatigue,
moodiness,
dysphoria,
physical pain,
changes in weight, sex drive, and ability to focus
Depression



So basically, having a stable and regular dopamine level should negate most of these issues and put us in a calm and reasonable state.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
I am beginning to sense the nature of my draw to porn as a seeking of help.

Let me explain.
1. I encounter challenges
2. I am fearful and want to seek help and assurance
3. But I don't have anyone to turn to
4. So instead of finding qualified people to help solve my problems, I turn to porn people as a means of comfort and assurance.
5. I yank and get instant relief.
6. My problem is still not solved but I am oblivious to it because I am in refractory
7. Repetition leads to habitualization.


To solve this is to take correct approach:
1. Calm the fuck down
Identify the problem and clarify what's needed. Break it down.
2. Develop a plan
3. Execute the plan
4. Be proud of the execution
5. Accept the outcome.
Don't seek perfection.
Seek execution.

Be kind and gentle with myself.

I really do not need porn.
It really doesn't help solve my problems (financial calculations 😂)
I will only pay if they provide tutoring and technical consultation services 😂
 
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