My future is awesome!

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Just a reminder
"When people don’t smoke, they may have withdrawal symptoms. That’s because their bodies have to get used to not having nicotine. Withdrawal symptoms may include:

Feeling down or sad
Having trouble sleeping
Feeling irritable‚ on edge‚ grouchy
Having trouble thinking clearly and concentrating
Feeling restless and jumpy
Slower heart rate
Feeling more hungry or gaining weight"


Reads familiar?
Withdrawal doesn't only happen when we quit. It always happens in between addiction sessions. I don't need quitting to feel the above. I get it all the time while I was addicted to PMO. And I don't smoke.

So was quitting worth it? Absolutely!
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
@TakeActionNow that is some pretty good stuff man, thanks for sharing.

I know I really struggle with understanding the value I have and what I bring to others. I constantly live thinking I’m just an ancillary piece in most peoples lives that most people put up with or could deal without. That is one area I need to really to make an intentional effort to fixing. I know those thoughts aren’t real and yet I allow them to hold such power over me.
@Jlied I can only say give reboot a chance. Your true self is masked and your reality distorted when you are under the influence. My current state just fell into place once I went clean.
In the absence of "abundence" we take stock of ourselves and grow in value. I'm sure you will too.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Sensing emotional down today following yesterday's letdown.

Lower emo means lower motivation to do things. Lower motivation means lower optimism.

No inclination for PMO but good opportunity to understand the drive in the past towards this behavior when emo.

Emotions are energy, not cognition. It empowers but has no intelligence what is the appropriate thing to do. So we must never base our decisions on feel only.

I will do a few more applications to boost my confidence.
I will rest more to calm my mood.

My "pornstars don't help me solve financial calculation problems" motto is currently my most helpful reminder that PMO doesn't help me at all with improving life.

Cognitively I'm not affected by the recent loss, but emotionally I now have:
Low mood
Low drive
Low optimism
Low energy

I will direct my attention to activities that should improve these areas and bounce back.
 

Jlied

Active Member
@Jlied I can only say give reboot a chance. Your true self is masked and your reality distorted when you are under the influence. My current state just fell into place once I went clean.
In the absence of "abundence" we take stock of ourselves and grow in value. I'm sure you will too.
I do sense small changes in the shift in how I view myself, I am proud of going over a year without the need for porn or masturbation. In most senses I feel like i could leave the reboot nation nest and function just fine in the world, this is a major accomplishment. But for as long as I can remember I’ve always been shy, timid, agreeable. It’s going to take time and practice to overcome this mentality. I very much appreciate you sharing your strategy as I will look to incorporated it into my life. 🙏
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Day 3 and I'm back on track.

Some remembered dopamine hacks:
1. EPA 1000mg + b12 + vit D
2. Healthy dose of morning sun
3. Focus and attention to an activity
4. Clean eating. More chili!
5. More sleep and better hours
6. Large open spaces visuals

I remember I'm more emotional less intelligent. Guess that's my nature.

I recognized sometimes down behavior is just milking for attention and pity. Or insecurity. Bounce back and be stronger.

Focusing on the self is a bottomless pit. Focusing on the we is a neverending supply of benefits. I am alone when I think of I, and never alone when I think of we.

Anyway I feel energy returning and a resistance to slouch. Let's power on brothers!
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
I do sense small changes in the shift in how I view myself, I am proud of going over a year without the need for porn or masturbation. In most senses I feel like i could leave the reboot nation nest and function just fine in the world, this is a major accomplishment. But for as long as I can remember I’ve always been shy, timid, agreeable. It’s going to take time and practice to overcome this mentality. I very much appreciate you sharing your strategy as I will look to incorporated it into my life. 🙏
There's nothing wrong with being shy, timid and agreeable if that's who you are. Most nice introverts are of this sort and make very good and honest close friends.

However there is a distinction with determination. It's about how much you're willing to do to get to where you want to be.

If what you want is realistic and reasonable, and your nature is blocking or hindering you, then you gotta ask what do you need to do to get there.

Don't just change for the sake of changing. Change for a goal. Let the goal requirements guide you.

I want to quit porn because
1. its fucking up my life
2. It's fucking up my relationships

My goal is to be
1. An upstanding father
2. A dignified partner
3. A reliable brother
4. A diligent worker
These simple goals define the characteristics I should embody.
And so I evolve gradually to become the man I want to be.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
I look back and find that my down times were mostly related to reactions from others, rooted in rejection.
Breakups were the worst.
Somehow I considered that acceptance by others rank higher than acceptance by myself.
I am thus doomed to fail.

More than anything the reason for this is porn.
It is like my self worth is determined by others, which obviously is not true.

I need to determine for myself where I want to be in this world. Only I have a say in this.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member

Interesting reminder that there are other "porn" in life, such as processed foods and hidden sugars vs whole foods.

They are the same:
Cheap, fast acting, addictive and powerful acting.

Watch out for them
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
A recurring theme for many of us here, myself included, is fear.
I'm not fearful of bodily things, but I am fearful of failure, and this fear can be so overwhelming that I don't start, don't know where to start, don't know how to start.

I'm quite dumb.
I try to use knowledge to mitigate my fears, often hiding behind "proven" text.
But the unknown scares me, keeps me from trying.

Perhaps that's the reason I turn to porn to escape.
It's always about escaping.

Knowing too much can have it's drawbacks. It becomes another excuse.

Life has no assurances. I can't always wait until I'm 200% certain before moving.
I'd have to think about how to deal with this.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Thanks for this, I've noticed this recently in my life as well.

The ability to analyze is good or bad, but sometimes it's just plain bad. Action is what is needed, not falling back on text, or "inspiration" etc.

Best
 
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Jlied

Active Member
So I read something one time that said sometimes knowing too much can be detrimental. Like for example you are good at understanding how things work by watching them or looking at them (them being objects, machines, policies, etc….). Because you understand it easily you tend not put much more effort into things or you tend to not put things into practice. You know enough to get by and that becomes enough.

I think I fall into that category, I tend to pick things up and understand things pretty easily, I get by on not investing more time or effort into things. But then when I talk to people who are really invested into those fields I become painfully aware of how much I really don’t know.

I also heard something that resonates with me especially is you aren’t going to be an expert at anything new you start, you have to mess up and make mistakes to get better. You have to be ok looking foolish once in a while. This is another thing in life that holds me back quite often, I wouldn’t say I’m a perfectionist as I’m too lazy to be a perfectionist. However, the threat of not doing something right, or it not turning out how I want it to look holds me back from learning or trying new skills.

it’s an area of life that I know needs work and I just need to keep challenging myself to be ok with not being perfect.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
The truly misfortune ones are not those with misfortune, but those who do not know how fortunate they are.

Lacking the insight of their fortune, they make less effort, try less, work less hard, complain, victim mentality, focus on the bad, and invariably perpetuate their own misfortune.
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
I took a look at old sites.
I am pleased to discover the pleasure associations are gone.
By gone I mean I cannot instinctively relate casual nudity with pleasure anymore.
I find this is good, because the bondage between porn and pleasure has been broken.

But I am still a male, so something else has arose within me and it took me a while to determine what was that feeling.
Anger.
Great anger.
For reasons I am not yet certain.

I do know the following:
1. Porn makes us soft men.
By soft men it means we are subconsciouly aware that the nudity was not earned, but handouts. And thus we behave like beggers, begging for more. Beggers are not muggers.
In the bad sense, muggers are go getters. Beggers on the other hand rely on passivity to gain more. This is a bad behavior to gain. Both associations are bad. I must remind myself to be a farmer. Growing and tending crop for all to benefit.

2. Repetition breeds behavior.
While I'm not enticed to take further action than to "check things out", even the "checking things out" behavior is habit forming. And this behavior is undesirable. So it must stop.

3. Porn creates warped beliefs of reality in entitlement. Getting things I don't have to work for. Enjoying outcomes without effort. Energy and focus are placed on wrong things.
This is not just misdirection. It's proper robbing of limited resources.
It's like living in an altered reality. This is damaging and distructive.

I am now in an unhappy state and place.
I need to let the hormones work out of my body before I can gain peace again.

It's probably like a vegan seeing animal slaughter.
Displeasure is high.
Purity ruined.
I have only myself to blame.

I need to channel lethargy into effort.
I will need to make more effort and get things done.
Fuck this senseless entitlement shit.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
So what is proper pleasure?
1. Seeing something get done that improves tomorrow
2. Being focused and deeply involved in the process
3. Seeing my family safe and happy

These are more than visual based.
There is satisfaction of achievement and awareness.
There is a comforting sense of growth, of a better future, of continuation.

Continuation.

Correct sense of pleasure should be continuation than completion. Of going on than ending.

Porn, orgasm, and all other forms of vice are about completion, ending. There is no further growth, or continuation.
The mind is thus cannot see further, and is short sighted and limited.

Real pleasure is thus about continuing.

I've been trained to "end" things all the time, like life is undesirable.
I now need to train to "build" and continue endlessly, to look forward.

Pleasure is the ability to look forward optimistically into the future.

Let's train this
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Ha, no wonder some christians are so happy. Everlasting life with God in eternal bliss.

I will be simplier. To be with people I love is bliss enough.
Don't take myself away from me.
Right here right now is the most important.
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Thanks for this, I've noticed this recently in my life as well.

The ability to analyze is good or bad, but sometimes it's just plain bad. Action is what is needed, not falling back on text, or "inspiration" etc.

Best
@Blondie yes action is needed. Family has been sick recently with seasonal flu and wet weather. We're all better now and back on our feet.
Let actions speak louder than words.
Do more and bask in our achievements.
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
So I read something one time that said sometimes knowing too much can be detrimental. Like for example you are good at understanding how things work by watching them or looking at them (them being objects, machines, policies, etc….). Because you understand it easily you tend not put much more effort into things or you tend to not put things into practice. You know enough to get by and that becomes enough.

I think I fall into that category, I tend to pick things up and understand things pretty easily, I get by on not investing more time or effort into things. But then when I talk to people who are really invested into those fields I become painfully aware of how much I really don’t know.

I also heard something that resonates with me especially is you aren’t going to be an expert at anything new you start, you have to mess up and make mistakes to get better. You have to be ok looking foolish once in a while. This is another thing in life that holds me back quite often, I wouldn’t say I’m a perfectionist as I’m too lazy to be a perfectionist. However, the threat of not doing something right, or it not turning out how I want it to look holds me back from learning or trying new skills.

it’s an area of life that I know needs work and I just need to keep challenging myself to be ok with not being perfect.
Yeah @Jlied there's a time for study and a time for action. Balance is needed, and perfection avoided.

Better to be like a startup sometimes, and push out an MVP before overthinking everything and end up analysis paralysis.
 
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