My future is awesome!

[TakeActionNow]

There are many widely accepted but wrong opinions floating in the media and social circles, things caring relatives would probably not encourage.

We have to be discerning and make the best choices for ourselves. Don't believe everything the media preaches. Be our own best carer and guardian.

 

[TakeActionNow]

RELEARN OVER RESIST

I am reminded that recovery is not simply abstinence. In a vacuum one will always return to old ways.

Instead, recovery is more about relearning.

Consider yourself as a freediver.
You can only hold your breath underwater for a few minutes, and then you have to return for air.

Now consider relearning as a skill of drawing oxygen through your skin from water. With this new skill you can swim freely in the sea without ever retuning to the surface for air.

What we all hope for is to never return. This is true release.

This is why we should all aim for relearning, and not simply abstinence, in order to successfully recover and become a nonaddict.

 

[Androg]

EMPTY

I'm have the runs recently, and last week was especially bad. I was dehydrated and so tired that I stayed in bed the whole night. I didn't want to do anything.

And I relate that to how porn overdose leading to neurotransmitter burnout and dopamine depletion is like having the runs of motivation.

Dopamine's primary use is for motivation. Pleasure is subsidiary to that.

Without motivation, the addict/abuser is not interested in doing anything. It was like me having the runs. The dreadful thing was that this disinterest perpetuates as long as i continued to wank. It was me continually eating rotten food and crapping, and then having to say no to all other healthier activities/options.

Without wanks and with dopamine restored to natural levels, I find myself interested and motivated to do many things, almost naturally.
And this feeling is very pleasant.
It's like having good health or good weather. I just felt better.

I won't trade it for fake synthetic pleasures. You know, the difference between freshly squeezed juice and a can of artificial soda.
Now let's go drink some more water.

Hope you are feeling better.

 

[TakeActionNow]

WAKE UP AND LOOK FORWARD TO EACH NEW DAY

I've cautioned against self-help "gurus" with only non-scientific anecdotal advice but once in a while they do provide some interesting insight.

"Wake up and look forward to each day." (Bob Proctor)

Now that's something I've not said to myself for a long time.

Now slowly I can.

It needs a few things first:
1. Interests in things beyond my current scope
2. Effort and agency to go find and plan for it.
3. Belief that tomorrow will be better and more interesting than today

It's nearing 90 days dry spell for me. Dry for no O and dry for no desire for P. It's well past 180 days since I seriously started. I feel I've finally gone past the bottom of the curve of being neither here nor there to be able to move forward freed from the old habit to seek happiness from within and around me.

And thus this line "Wake up and look forward to each day" is both possible and meaningful to me.
Hooray!

 

[TakeActionNow]

Addiction is mainly a damage issue.
With excessive abuse, neurotransmitters are worn out, leading to depletion
It is this depletion that leads to uncomfortable living experiences and desire to relapse

Imagine a normal person with healthy neurotransmitters
Their life cycle through highs and lows between 0-10
They average a 5 and are generally comfortable.
Their discomfort averages 3 and are still manageable.
Their life outlook is generally positive and optimistic

Now consider the addict with damaged transmitters.
Their life cycle between -5 and 5
They average 0 and are generally unhappy.
Even at their best, their life experience of 5 is only half of a normal person.
Their discomfort averages -2 and is depressing and very uncomfortable.
They sometimes scrape the bottom at -5 and this leads to very dangerous outlook towards life.
They are almost always -5 points away from a normal person's normal happiness.
Their life outlook is generally negative and pessimistic

This forces addicts to take drastic steps with potent and fast acting addictive activities to feel better quickly and restore some balance.
But unfortunately this is both short lived and very damaging, and very soon they return to exist under the 0 line.
They reside with this curve because their neurotransmitters are already damaged and depleted from repeated high intensity over use.
It is unable to generate healthy levels of motivational and pleasurable signals normally.

The RECOVERY CYCLE requires 2 steps:
1. Abstinence from addictive activities in order to stop neurotransmitter burnout and allow time for it to repair and restore
2. Active recognition of daily positives so that the addict learns to draw pleasant feelings from daily life instead of addictive substances
This is usually done by gratitude, appreciation, reflection, recognition and reward.
This process is very much aided by journaling which makes recovery process repetitive and reliable.
Through this process the recovering addict must learn:
1. to find joy through simple normal living
2. to correct wrong thinking and perspectives so as to see the world correctly and positively
3. to actively disassociate the addictive substance as pleasurable and reject it as harmful

This journey is very possible and achieved by many successfully recovered addicts.
It does require at least 90 days of complete abstinence to break the associative bond with the addictive substance.
During this period, make every effort to reconnect with daily living and practice the recovery cycle .

You will recover.

 

[TakeActionNow]

DISCIPLINE MY THINKING TOO

Discipline is not just doing what you should when you should.
It is also active thinking and consideration in order to make good decisions.

Have the discipline to
1. pause and think about the situation
2. weigh the long term consequences
3. pick and do the chosen solution

thus, discipline involves both body and mind.

Addiction is a dealing with discomfort issue.
Addicts are generally unable to deal with discomfort.
they do not have the discipline to think about the situation and resist acting too quickly to resolve the discomfort.
this leads to short term effect with long term impact.

discipline yourself:
weigh consequences
reflect on principles and values
take necessary action

 

[TakeActionNow]

BE MY BEST FRIEND AND SUPPORTER

I painted my living room today.
It was hard work and I'm not quite complete.
I was encouraging myself all the way, saying good things to myself and complementing my work. It's not too good I must admit. But I'm like an encouraging parent to myself, even as I paint wild uncoordinated strokes, and smudge on where I should not. Keep on going, I'm doing great !

I thought about how we were lovingly encouraged everyday when we were young and that got less and less as we grew older. We were always demanded to do our best, even when we dont know how or why.

Something happened as I was aging and my inner voice slowly turned more negative and critical. Life got darker and more doubtful. Life wasn't nice anymore.

But today I'm different.
I refused to be critical towards myself. I know I'm making effort and accept the outcome whatever that may be, good or bad. I answer only to myself.

If I am not my best supporter, sponsor, promotor, and friend, then who?
Absolutely no one else is able or willing.

So I must be the best friend towards myself. Encouraging and supportive. And I'm beginning to enjoy my company alot now! I'm becoming my own best friend.

I get more done this way, and feel better too!

 

[TakeActionNow]

I reflect on my achievement today.
8 walls and the stairs done today, with irritating cornice and plenty of window and corner edges
I did good by myself.
I did really good as a newbie.
I've never painted a whole house before so I need to pace myself.

Tomorrow I'll return, so I won't overdose today and feel bad tomorrow, or get overly fatigue and be tempted.

Now I gotta go celebrate and find sometime nice for me to eat.
I'm like women who starve themselves during lunch in order to let loose during dinner. I can relate with that now.

Last night's dinner was good and very rewarding.
I have to find something else for dinner tonight for variety.
Gotta think...

 

[Nico]

Yes! Good skills and self love..I am going to try to do the same today

 

[TakeActionNow]

NEW BEGINNINGS

This addiction developed some really bad habits
1. Flagrant waste of time
2. Lazy and entitled
3. Lacking interest elsewhere
4. Image conscious
5. dependency

Instead I find myself these days
1. Better plan and use time
2. Making effort
3. Many interests and motivated
4. Happy to be myself
5. Self reliant

I gladly accept that I'm not special and thus need to work hard to improve myself. The difference is that it used to be for sake of image or title. This time I really want to do it for my own benefit.

I was fearful to trend new ground in the past because failure meant destruction of my image, whatever that is. Now I don't care about failure just as I don't care about the P industry. I just want to do my thing and I feel nothing and no one can hold me back.

This incredible sense of self fulfilment and self empowerment is wonderful and uplifting.
I'm happy.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Addiction is spelled DISTRACTION

when you should be thinking or doing something, the mind suggests something else to do.

That's distraction.

Don't be distracted
Stay focused
Real joy is in focus, desired results and achievements.

Be proud of yourself.
Don't be a slave to the distracted mind.

 

[TakeActionNow]

DIVERSIFY FOR MORE JOY

It's interesting for me how significant the addiction was to my life. Now that I'm not focusing on ONE mega source of distraction, I have to create MANY small sources of satisfaction.

It's like portfolio management and diversification of risk.

This diversification behavior is better than an all-in-one. A big high is always followed by a crash. The mind doesn't differentiate types of pleasure. Some is better than none. So now I'm working on multiple of sources across the day. And every hour I can get a micro dose of self recognition that goes a long way in keeping me happy and going.

Most importantly now is to change habit of time management and have better planning to spend it better.

 

[TakeActionNow]

LEARN TO LIVE WITH DISCOMFORT

I'm kinda intermittent fasting now w little bf and no lunch and a reasonable dinner. The goal is to lose weight but interestingly the discomfort across the day is not high if I'm busy and preoccupied. I'll give it a 2 out of 10 hunger discomfort rating.

This low grade discomfort is useful in keeping me alert and focused. And not eating also means delayed gratification. Overall learning to live with discomfort is helpful as long as it's not debilitating. I can celebrate success in resilience, goal achievement and weight reduction.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Intermittent fasting is GOOD.

I am already feeling tougher.
It's like running. I'm not comfortable, and I am enduring. I must remember to give myself occasional positive encouragment.
The importance of these sorts of discomfort endurance is that quickly the unimportant are dropped and we become more acutely aware of what is important.
Focus and attention is hightened.
There is less delay.
I treat myself and my actions seriously.
Nothing is wasted. Not time, not brain space. Gotta keep myself tight and held together!
I can do this!

 

[TakeActionNow]

THIS TOO SHALL PASS

As with all waves, they peak and recede.
So too my hunger
So too my discomfort

I just need to remember at the hight of discomfort, this too will pass.
And so we continue on our journey

 

[TakeActionNow]

HUNGER AND INSUFFICIENCY IS GOOD

When we are well fed and full, we stop and we rest. We have little desire for anything else. We are contented. This is the same for PMO. We are satiated and we stop and we stone. There is nothing more to aspire for. This is why the addict does not strive, does not pursue, does nothing, because they are satiated.

The hungry man is not full. He is incomplete so he continues to strive and work hard. He seeks. He is aware of his limited resources and plans and uses them carefully.

Not the satiated addict who is careless with his time and attention. He feels he has all the time in the world because he is going nowhere and he has no desires because he has everything he needs. There are no more dreams because all dreams have been fulfilled. He is effectively dead. No wonder he is so miserable.

Less is more. Do not forget.

 

[TakeActionNow]

GUARD AGAINST SUGGESTIONS

We are of the easily suggestive sort.
I know I am.
Heck, why else will we fall prey to our own inner suggestions time and time again?

This is why our inner voice must be even more guarded.

Don't use "don't do ... "
The "..." here is actually the suggestion.
Don't say "don't quit"
Instead of saying don'ts, say dos.
Say beneficial suggestions.
Say keep on going.
Drink water.
Be hard working.
I can do this
Just a few steps more

Give myself the best suggestions
Suggest myself towards success!

(Insight from sudoku hard mode)

 

[TakeActionNow]

HOW TO DEAL WITH DISAGREEMENT WITH ONESELF.

you don't want to but you do.
This is a disagreement between emotional cravings and cognitive desire for improvement.
This is the root of our dilemma.

We need to have a productive conversation within ourselves to come to an agreement on the way forward.

While I've never done this structured way of resolving conflict within myself, I certainly think there is something to be learned here.

Learning from the extended family example, I felt the most important virtue that needs to be aligned is "how can I love myself the best".

The emotional side is the loud unlistening uncle full of passion and certainty, while the cognitive side is the soft loving father of gentle reason.
And I am the pimply pubescent caught between them.

Inner disagreement is not good for our wellbeing.
Coming to consensus and finding something that pleases both sides would be beneficial.

I used to do just cost-benefit analysis but I think more could be better understood through this exercise. Don't neglect our emotions while we reboot, for it drives many of our motivations.

The RISA framework verifies:
REAL vs misunderstanding
IMPORTANT enough to justify
SPECIFIC enough topic for progress
ALIGNED in objective to partake

RISA helps
1. Every disagreement should start with a little agreement, by being specific about what is to be discussed (so as not to expand out of scope)
2. Checking why are we disagreeable (reasons) and what we hope to get out of this conversation.

SIDE SWITCH EXERCISE
My best interest is to understand the other side
1. Build up the other side's strongest case
2. Be in their shoes and write their 4 best arguments
3. Identify all the flaws and criticism that can be leveled against me
4. Imagine I have lost and come up with reasons why

Friends who have difficulty convincing yourself, perhaps it's time to have that dialogue with yourself.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Another round of paint prepping and detailing today. Just a few hours. Got a very slight interest to look at pretty faces. I gather I'm just seeking a bit of attention. So the question is why I wasn't able to get from myself? I need to sit and recall every little activity I made today to self acknowledge.

And I realized once again I did an awful lot during that time. And I felt really good about myself.
And once I felt good, I don't need any external attention. I stand tall and am proud of myself

 

[TakeActionNow]

A gentle wave still exists within me to take a peek. That's why seperation distance is good. The memory of pleasure is distant and not significant.

At the same time the discomfort training through intermittent fasting is also v beneficial. It's teaching me greater self awareness and manage self care better across the day.