Just saying "no" to P will, in the long run, just leave me with an empty heart, with no fire in the belly. I begin filling my heart with love--love of God, love to and from my dear wife and children, love of my fellows--leaving no room for the demons of fear, lust, and anger to take root. For if they do visit, they don't stay very long; for they find this place too crowded with those that they don't like to mingle with."When an unclean spirit comes out of a man, it passes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then it says, ?I will return to the house I left.? On its return, it finds the house swept clean and put in order. Then it goes and brings seven other spirits more evil than itself, and they go in and dwell there. And the final plight of that man is worse than the first.?
Hi man, I'm a newcomer to this space. I read your intro and thought I'd give you a message! The work you've done on yourself such as therapy and 12 step programs is really good.3rd Reboot Day 12
What's on my mind now is this. How much time do I really have left on this earthly plane? Do I really want to waste it wrapped inside my own head, or do I want to expend the precious time here connecting with my wife, my children, and a power greater than my self. My relapse happened by being neglectful over time. Letting the false connections into my psyche one drink (look) at a time. I had stopped my morning and evening prayer/meditation so now my rudderless heart became became susceptible to fear (and fear's B-side known as anger), resentment, and jealousy making it impossible to love my wife. A loveless empty heart eventually wants to attach to something, so I turned to a well-practiced habit to medicate and feel a connection, even if though it is a false connection.
As a former backpacker, I like hiking analogies. So right now, instead of lamenting about how much farther along the path I could have been were it not for this unfortunate 3-year detour, I hope to get back on the path, to enjoy the hike one step at a time. Or, as those in recovery say, "trudge the road of happy destiny."
og123, thanks for your encouragement. I will keep posting my progress (or lack of progress, whenever that happens) and staying connected.Keep us posted on your progress as its always helpful to get words of encouragement from the community, I guess we all need a bit of help sometimes - I certainly do