Hey man was going through my journal and saw some of your kind posts. How are things going for you? Hope all is well.
I think in this post I was doing more dumping instead of sharing--sorry about that! That being said, thanks for the suggestion. We have done a little marriage counselling, which did help. But the process got interrupted. We need to pick it up again. In the meantime, I'm going to get out that post-it note and focus on that!! It's impossible to love a person when I'm looking at their flaws. I'm always amazed that when I chose to chose to focus on her strengths they seem to multiply!Can you find a marriage counselor?
I really like this post, while I am respectful I don’t think I realised how much I project and objectify. I often felt a sense of jealousy at attractive women but didn’t reflect on what’s really happening for them.4th Reboot, Day 70
Yesterday, about 7 hours after posting that am making a daily effort stay grounded in reality, a bit of a different reality crossed my path. It was woman dressed in an extremely provocative manner and obviously looking for attention. I felt the immediate rush. I was about to start staring, but instead I stopped and turned around, closed my eyes, put my hand to my head in an "I'm thinking" pose and paused momentarily. This was literally that moment between stimulus and response. I definitely felt the stimulus. What was going to be my response? I asked myself, am I going to let this person's disfunction disrupt my equilibrium? Am I going to hand my power over to her? I thought of the line in the 12 steps of SA "Lusting after the ‘Big Fix’ we gave away our power to others." Also, is she objectifying herself because she has low self-esteem? Was she emotionally or physically abused as a child? Maybe this is the only way she knows how to present in the world? Whatever the case may be, does she not deserve to be treated like a child of an all-loving creator? Even if she is debasing herself now, she was created noble. Does she not deserve the same genuine connection that I vow to make with all who cross my path? And do I have the capacity right now to treat her with the respect that we both deserve? At that moment, I chose empathy instead of objectification. I opened my eyes, turned around and handed her the papers, taking care to only look her in the eye. Cognizant of my limited capacity at that moment, I quickly exited the scene. Thanks to you all for helping me to survive this test of my resolve to stay grounded in reality.
Thanks, Androg! I think you're right--I have slipped into "addict think." Just now I was looking at some images on FB that were not P but were triggering nonetheless!Maybe...but remember that fatigue is a very common trigger for "addict think." I wouldn't make any firm predictions just now.