Firstbigstep
Active Member
Hi ladies.
This is a really difficult topic for me, which is why this seems to be the perfect place to discuss it.
I had a tremendous 3 1/2 year relationship with an amazing woman which ended in a pretty harsh fashion on her part some 5 or 6 years ago.
We've kept in touch and still see each other most months for a drink. She knows that I still love her despite the fact that she left me for someone else (who she's still with despite his domineering and controlling behaviour)
I stayed at her house on Wednesday night (as I have on a number of other occasions) as I had an early start the next morning 10 minutes from her house.
We were discussing the "me too" campaign after a couple of drinks and she was particularly vehement about the issues it highlights.
It came as a horrific shock to hear her say that she had been raped by a powerful work colleague. Not only that, but the timing ties in with both her finishing with me and the start of some of her self destructive behaviour and self chastisement. I realise now that it was about this time that I first heard her saying something I've heard hundreds of times since: "I'm a terrible person"
I've met the guy concerned.
I'm also devastated by the fact that we had talked of moving in together, having a life together, being together. I can't help but think that this assault has been at the root of a lot of things and may have had deep impacts on all of us involved.
What should I do? How do I move on - I'm devastated by the news, I want to rip the guy's head off, I'm heartbroken that someone I love has a) been through the horror of the incident b) has carried it inside for 6 years (she's not told anyone else) c) feels that she is responsible "I should have fought him off harder, I snogged him, I was drunk"
Any advice would be appreciated. I'm in bits.
This is a really difficult topic for me, which is why this seems to be the perfect place to discuss it.
I had a tremendous 3 1/2 year relationship with an amazing woman which ended in a pretty harsh fashion on her part some 5 or 6 years ago.
We've kept in touch and still see each other most months for a drink. She knows that I still love her despite the fact that she left me for someone else (who she's still with despite his domineering and controlling behaviour)
I stayed at her house on Wednesday night (as I have on a number of other occasions) as I had an early start the next morning 10 minutes from her house.
We were discussing the "me too" campaign after a couple of drinks and she was particularly vehement about the issues it highlights.
It came as a horrific shock to hear her say that she had been raped by a powerful work colleague. Not only that, but the timing ties in with both her finishing with me and the start of some of her self destructive behaviour and self chastisement. I realise now that it was about this time that I first heard her saying something I've heard hundreds of times since: "I'm a terrible person"
I've met the guy concerned.
I'm also devastated by the fact that we had talked of moving in together, having a life together, being together. I can't help but think that this assault has been at the root of a lot of things and may have had deep impacts on all of us involved.
What should I do? How do I move on - I'm devastated by the news, I want to rip the guy's head off, I'm heartbroken that someone I love has a) been through the horror of the incident b) has carried it inside for 6 years (she's not told anyone else) c) feels that she is responsible "I should have fought him off harder, I snogged him, I was drunk"
Any advice would be appreciated. I'm in bits.