a letter to the partner of a PA advise


Respected Member
I have been in the works of organizing a group at our church for partners. A lot of work has been put into this. My church has done a lot to support as well. They have even ordered a bunch of books that I requested so that we could have them to work through together as well as resources for women who want to read on their own.  I have selected a time to meet on a weekly basis and childcare is going to be available for any ladies needing it. I have listed some places to put info about the group so that other women in the community can hear about it. I was thinking of leaving some sort of flyer at some counselling centres and various other places. I have been stumped on the wording of the flyer itself. Finally, I have decided to make postcards that written as a letter to the partner of a porn addict. I have thought about the emotions I went through when I first found out. All the emotions of anger, shame, hurt, sadness, feeling like it was all my fault, low self-esteem, ect. I wanted to reach out to you ladies and ask what would you say? This letter will be put in postcards and distributed around town with contact info to get time and place meetings. My church and a few others int he area are going to put it in their bulletin as well.

So if you ladies had to opportunity to say something to a partner who is maybe out there all alone what would you want to say? Seeking input and advise. Also, the letter is anonymous and the group is set up in an anonymous fashion as well, similar to 12 steps.

raven song

Active Member
This is such a courageous move on your part to create a support group in your community.  I'm sure this will have a positive ripple effect and so many women will benefit.  Maybe not at this moment, but just seeing a flyer for a group like this will plant the seed of change. I applaud you for taking strong steps to create change and support for both yourself and others. 

Some things I might post...maybe something like:
- If your partners porn use leaves you feeling worthless and confused you are not alone.
- Some of us find that porn and marriage don't mix, they leave us feeling bad about ourselves and our bodies. This is a normal response.
- maybe include some statistics that are in the Geoff Steuer podcast about porn and marriage don't mix?  like how many women suffer from poor self-esteem and body image.  when I heard that statistic, it really helped to validate my confused feelings about porn.  I realized I was normal, not hyper sensitive or a prude.


Staff member
I would ask about discovering or suspecting husbands porn use.  Feeling alone.  Needing to talk.  Seeking guidance.  Feeling crazy.  Oh did I say feeling alone? Seeing sexual innuendo everywhere.  Needing compassion and empathy. 

Short bullet points.


Active Member
That is a great thing you are doing Aquarius, I am interested in the response you get, I think it is a huge problem that women hide from and feel disconnected with the rest of society, as we are made to feel that we are not mainstream,  (P is normal) P is far from normal and healthy for a relationship built on trust and integrity.

I echo the responses above...

Flyers are a great way to spread the word...

Good luck my friend my best wishes are with you x


Active Member
So glad to see that this is moving forward for you! Honestly, the people above have said the things I would have said. I hope this works out, and please keep us updated!