quit for good

joepanic

joepanic

Respected Member
Nope she has no idea i ever had a problem  she new i surfed "a bit of porn on occasion"  but not the pmo i used to do daily  or he chat forums exc    So glad to leave it all behind  I always checked out my wife  but now i do oit even more than ever  I think she is a bit flattered

    hope all is well


      poist often it helps me it helps you
 
S

seneca

Active Member
Great. No need to share it.  A lot of guys fall into this transparency nonsense or 12 step stuff and spill everything.  Really unfair to burden our wives with our shit. 
Keep at it man.  The best thing you can do for your wife is what you are doing.
 
joepanic

joepanic

Respected Member
Hey guys  sorry its been a few days  been keeping very busy  and not on porn  whoo hoo    Thanks fpr reading  and I will journal a little more in the coming days

    Ive almost lost count here  but I think its now day  70  give or take a day


    Cheers and good luck fighting the good fight

        Post often it helps me it helps you
 
joepanic

joepanic

Respected Member
Wow  75 days  never felt better  I'm quite often at my computer and alone  so the  ability to just crash into porn is always present  but I have no urge  for it  another 15 days to reach the Reboot nation  recommended goal of 90 days    How to celebrate  need to start thinking about that  wish I had found this site years ago    Not feeling so guilty about all the wasted time  lost time    exc    Will ry to post a little more each day

    cheers


                  Post often it helps me it helps you
 
joepanic

joepanic

Respected Member
Day 81

                            I must say  there are moments when its hard (no pun intended)  but the urges seems less strong  as each day goes by  Its funny how after the 1st few weeks  I had huge motivation to quit P  but now as I approach the 3 month mark  winning the battle doesn't seem as exciting (although every one of us knows how important this is for everyone of us and our family and friends)  I will continue to say#1  I know I have/had a problem  and #2 I know I needed help with it  which I really seemed to find here  #3  I took responsibility for it and asked for that help  by coming here    Those were probably the most important steps    Now comes the  little things    keeping an eye out for the triggers  finding more little and big goals to achieve    For me  this is a bigger part of the battle  entering into the uncharted territory  I sometimes feel a light chill of fear of failure  in these endevours  and that being the cause of slipping back into old habits.
    With all that being said  I did make mad love to the wife Sat night  after almost 2 weeks(half our family was sick with colds for a whole week)  and I'm happy to report one old habit isn't disappearing  and that's I check out her ass every day as she goes about the house....... That is my new porn    Her and her alone  I know she is always flattered  that I do this

        Problem is I still check out other ladies asses (never seemed to bother the wife)  after all she knows I'm a man and that's just what men do(caught her  doing the same  but she is considerably more  choosy to the ones that she does    I find I do this less than I used to so that's a good thing but  Not sure I'll ever be able to stop  that habit  Its usually when were out and about  and It doesn't seem to cause a trigger    By the time were home  Ive forgotten about it

  So those are the thoughts of the day    Its march break  the kids are home    lots to do today  I hope to respond to a few journals as the week goes on


      Hope all are going well with fighting the good fight


                Post often it helps me it helps you
 
F

Free-man2018

Active Member
There are a lot of men out there looking girl's asses.

Yesterday I've seen 2 mid-aged men in their cars looking asses to 2 Young girls running doing footing. I've seen these girls too but I resist and I've just seen 2 girls running doing sport. it wasn't like before like these 2 men that they were fucking these 2 girls in their minds. In that moment I realized that I don't want to be like these men. It was something disgusting see their faces and their eyes, really.

Sometimes I can't resist and look, but I think I'm controlling this trigger.

You can too Joe
 
joepanic

joepanic

Respected Member
Good morning Freeman

                                      I do find i check out others asses far less than I used to  and its come now to wow  that is nice  I no longer think of the things i would do to them.    Yesterday i took the kids to the pool as its march break and  was easily able to control where my eyes were going  I would see a pretty lady  think  wow thats nice  and tell myself  thats someones mom  or wife  smile to myself and easily look away    After all this is a public pool  how can you not see them  I cannot just stop living because of this  but I seem to be rewiring my brain  to tell me  what is acceptable behaviour  these days    Each day gets more easy  and ever so slowly  P is becoming a thing of the past

      Cheers all


                        Post often it helps me it helps you
 
joepanic

joepanic

Respected Member
Day 84

                          No urges these days to view P at all  this is now becoming more an adventure for a new life  and how best to forget about the old one  They say  you forget the past  your bound to repeat it  not in this case though  I would like to forget p even existed  I look back and find even before I quit P  there were sights i went to 10 years ago  I have forgotten the names of    perhaps I can forget the names of the more recent ones  I think the next step for me will be managing the P subs  the things we see on tv  or in the real world (ie  the public pool i was at the other day)    That is a funny one as these people are real  and those are the relationships we want.  All of us say how important it is to get out  and be in the real world with others    get in shape  exc    Well the pool was more than half full of march break moms  with there children  Winning the real battle for me will is being able to be in this environment  and talk to people without triggering an urge    To be able to think  yes she looks nice  and  move beyond that

      On another note coming here  to read and post I am finding just as important today as  almost 3 months ago when I discovered the sight  To be able to be told over and over again  that  there is nothing wrong with me  but everything wrong with p  made me feel better about myself  and to be able to reason it out  and start to thihnk of the problem in a wider sense

      Fight the good fight  and post often  it helps you it helps me
 
S

seneca

Active Member
Very good stuff, jp.  Thanks for posting. I agree with you on the psubs.  All of my relapses began with psubs.
 
joepanic

joepanic

Respected Member
Wow    Day 88   

        In theory 2 days to go to be considered successful in the 1st stage of porn addiction recovery.  The 1st stage for me  is the reboot    just the clearing of the head  and re balance of dopamine  levels and control      Made mad love to the wife again on fri night    She is noticing a difference  in our lovemaking I think as she just seems more relaxed  and open to initiating  I dont know if she is seeing signs in me  of a different attitude    In general  I have become a more calm person  who thinks things through a little more than before  My outlook is  much better these days  and I am more productive  less critical  than before      As for recovery  I still see my share of p subs although this is not something that I actively search out    I may not be as quick to turn away as some  but I wonder if my level of addiction was not as intense as some ..... a touch of brackground    its a 30 year long issue  but I never  used more than once a day  and  nit was not everyday  there were times in the last several years that i went 3 4  5  days without using  and sometimes for as long as 2 weeks    when I did use it was usually at night for as long as 6-7 hours  just searching for the right scene  or the right chat partner    or when I was off work  it  the same thing.
    Also noticing that the p subs  dont get me the way they used to  although it  does  from time to time just pop into my head to go and use  I shut it out very quickly  and i'm back to the new normal    I am telling myself that its the online porn is the problem here  not the waitress that brought our dinner last fri night  or the mom in the pool with her children    before beginning this process of reboot  I would not even go to the pool  for fear it would just trigger me  It took 2 months  before I would  and now I go with the intent of  bettering myself  physically    But p subs  is something that I will for the next little while I will keep on the radar  these are the ones we stumble across everyday.   

        Hope all are doing well in the battles

                        Post often it helps me it helps you
 
S

seneca

Active Member
I?m in the same mode, same history,jp. It?s the pixels. When it?s on line there is something way more lethal about it
 
joepanic

joepanic

Respected Member
Hey Seneca

                        It is becoming more then just a porn battle for me now  its a different outlook on life    I still don't discuss it with anyone because I don't need anyone being critical  of my choices and deciding that I'm going to tell hem they are wrong  or have them think  "censorship"  We are not here to tell others how to live their lives  but to gain control of our own    Very much like an alcoholic  having to leave behind an old drinking buddy  its all about choices now  and how I will use my new found freedom  energy and free time


            Fight the good fight and post often it helps me it helps you
 
S

seneca

Active Member
Jp, ?less critical?. That is interesting.  I feel the same on that.  I wonder what that is about. 
 
joepanic

joepanic

Respected Member
90 DAYS NOW

                                Wow that time went quick  no tube porn  no on my knees for hours stroking  to porn  no endless  jumping from page to page

    What I have experienced was an awakening  to a better life    yes I saw some images  which I chose to look away from  right away  lots of p subs  which I also chose to look way from  or to look at with a different view( see a few of my previous posts for more on that)  its the need to chat  with others  that is still a small struggle  but  I feel far less of a grip on it  and as time went by  it began to become easier  after a month or so I was getting more interested in doing other things  exercising  getting organised  exc  but that is still a very slow process    I am no looking to go he next 90 days with a few other small goals in mind  will keep posing here as in how progress for that goes

        Now  to celebrate  I think I will go out and buy myself a nice lunch and go downtown to the music shop  and get new strings

                                  Fight the good fight and post often it helps me it helps you
 
S

seneca

Active Member
Congratulations, brother.  Well done. I like your reward idea.  I?m going to do the same in 28 days, but I?ll be getting myself some new reeds. 
A word of caution from someone who has seen there.  Your brain is different now.  But the grooves are still there.  In 2016 I relapsed at about 100.  I promise you it did not make me happy.
 
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