So the big change in my life is my 18 year old step daughter who pretty much hates me is now off in Europe for the summer. I have never in my life felt such a burden lifted off my shoulders, When someone you love treats you with that much disdain and hatred and can barely tell you why and you bend over backwards and do everything in your power to make it right refuses to work with you. Well you basically give up. Now there is peace in the house. Its so easy to stay away from porn now.
Day 6 would have been last night but our internet service company went down nation wide yesterday morning so could not get online till this morning so here is last nights entry.
Day 6 feeling pretty good actually got on the exercise bike for 30 minutes its been a while there All week I have felt my stress level dropping as my step daughter is now away in Italy working for the summer hopefully she finds her happiness for a little while It really does go to show a porn addiction is not always based on a man just being selfish Quite often it is a stress coping mechanism
Sort of an early posting for today I won't declare day 8 success until I head for bed tonight
Just read another user's journal regarding his bullying mother and had this to say about it.
This may not be popular but I think it needs to be said I understand the whole "bullying mother" issue. but from a slightly different angle. My mother was very controlling. She needed to have complete control over her environment. The food she ate the music she liked... Her interests always came 1st all the way to the point that it affected me greatly. My interests many times were not her concern or really even considered valid in her eyes. Over and over we heard.... "in our day blah blah blah" it gave me the impression I could do no right in her eyes. If I stood up to it in any small ways the guilt trips were thrown back at me. Many years later I see the same pattern in my wife. She can become "hyper focused" on a topic and if I am not able to give her the support and consideration to maintain that, she feels I am "unsupportive". Once again this has caused the guilt trips to be thrown at me all the way down to turning on the tears. very frustrating indeed. I suppose in a way I set the bar to high in the beginning of our marriage and now I can't keep up to it. The same pattern has also followed to my step daughter who has the greatest sense of entitlement I think I have ever see. We basically had to send to Italy to work for the summer. That was not cheap but in a funny way a small cost to get some peace in the house. In the end it is not always been just men who are controlling manipulative and bullying. It's probably a topic that could use a little more discussion in the future by society.
Day 11 is complete Its too bad partners don't understand an addicts struggles but we are sure meant to understand their struggles. It really is a mixed up world isn't it? But none the less all is good here. Haven't even had any cravings for some of my old gateway sites which is a small change this time I am pleasantly surprised. Now off for some tunes and a can of beer