quit for good

NYC

Member
@joepanic @GBS I just had 3 of 4 days sex with my wife, first since Jan 2024, after 50 days no P and about 18 days no MO, but I MOd last night, why, not sure, just feelin relaxed, thoughts of the real sex, my being says that MO will be infrequent as sex becomes more regular. I will keep ya posted.
 

joepanic

Respected Member
So a total of 5 weeks exact no m. A record for sure. Now I m'd last night but not to porn . just sort of did it. I feel indifferent about it and don't really think of it as a big deal. I was not actually trying to abstain from it. It was just going about life and that's how it played out. I have no urge to do it again at the moment. Guess I'll see how it goes moving forward
 

NYC

Member
So a total of 5 weeks exact no m. A record for sure. Now I m'd last night but not to porn . just sort of did it. I feel indifferent about it and don't really think of it as a big deal. I was not actually trying to abstain from it. It was just going about life and that's how it played out. I have no urge to do it again at the moment. Guess I'll see how it goes moving forward
So did I, I think these sensations and responses are certainly more normal, certainly then reaponding to P with MO, Im right there with you, having sex with my wife but have thrown in 2 MOs over a 5 week period, compare to daily PMO. I believe a reinforcing measure is being able to MO without any P or any facsimile of P!
 

joepanic

Respected Member
It would seem the pattern of m is also now broken. Perhaps that's because I have a reasonably supportive wife who is willing to always work on a relationship through the thick and thin the health and the sickness and the understanding that everyone is different and has/had different interests, unlike some we have heard about over the years
 

joepanic

Respected Member
Wow where did the time go I guess a 9 day vacation will do that to ya Spent a week in Florida over the holidays Was nice to actually walk down the beach even though the weather was a touch off. There were people swimming in the ocean.

I have been in the fight for many years and have won it. But it was not the just abstaining through shear willpower that provided the victory. It was not saying porn is bad blah blah blah If one want's to have the argument than my response is the reasons for seeking out porn in the 1st place is the real enemy. Take away the demand the supply will disappear. Porn is just a bandage covering a wound. It's sad that most can not realize this.

Sure there are open minded people or couples who enjoy it in a healthy atmosphere. I believe somewhere a few years ago here a partner mentioned having enjoyed it on some level.(perhaps i will try to track it down) But I think generally that strain of porn viewed by couples or whatever is probably somewhat more tame and plot driven than most.

Back to the idea that it is a bandage for a wound, I can say for myself after working through a few issues so me past some present I beat porn not by shear willpower but by slowly changing my life to be the person I wanted to be. Porn began to disappear all by itself. All this bullshit about how it ruins lives and loved ones lives blah blah blah, the guilt trips betrayals and so on have nothing to do with porn. I say this to those in this section.... MEN (I wont speak for ladies they have their own voice for that) change your lives exercise eat healthy learn things educate yourselves improve your job skills the list goes on. be a full grown man. Stop winging on about women. They are who they are in 2025. many will not agree with their views. Be the bigger man and prove yourself worthy and they will either come to you or lose out and you move on to the next. Most importantly leave that past and your old self behind and move forward. weather married or single it does not matter. If single take the opportunities available to you don't squander the time and energy. If married prove to your wife you are worthy. If she can;t find that in you than it's perhaps time to move on in or out of the relationship(moving on in the relationship shall not include cheating) but do the things that fulfill you and make you a man. life is too short to wait on others for forgiveness and acceptance

I am not counting days I find that irrelevant at this point. I count the inches lost to my waistline. the amount of iron I lift The days i come home from work happy because I have improved my work skills just a little and was able to do a task that i liked compared to some of the tasks i did for years I didn't like. Living in a house that is a little more organized because with a clear head I stood up for myself and pushed my wife for it with sound reasons and solutions. I did all this without abstaining from porn. that came later. I healed the wound and through out the box of bandages.
 
Last edited:

NYC

Member
@joepanic the timing of this and the meaningfullness, of what should be so obvious but is not when in the grip of self destructive behavior of any sorts. Your post was able to help me turn around, because I have experienced everything you describe, only to have let it go 2x now. I truly feel "normal" , good about myself, my relationships, and life when not consuming porn and false self pleasure. Thank you!
 

joepanic

Respected Member
@joepanic the timing of this and the meaningfullness, of what should be so obvious but is not when in the grip of self destructive behavior of any sorts. Your post was able to help me turn around, because I have experienced everything you describe, only to have let it go 2x now. I truly feel "normal" , good about myself, my relationships, and life when not consuming porn and false self pleasure. Thank you!
Yes NYC I think the narrative needs to change. This should not be about being a porn addict. It should be about becoming the men we need and want to be Let me ask you what to you have and what endeavors do you aspire to that make you the man you want and need to be. I don't want to hear about how you abstain from porn. i want to hear about the things you are doing to be a man Glad to hear I am inspiring you cheers
 

NYC

Member
Giving generous attention and listening to those I Love, sharing my talents for the betterment of others, having a mind and heart clear and clean of any regrets. Appreciating what I have and realizing everything I have is a gift from God. These are what I aspire, need and want, oh a single digit golf handicap too!
 

joepanic

Respected Member
Giving generous attention and listening to those I Love, sharing my talents for the betterment of others, having a mind and heart clear and clean of any regrets. Appreciating what I have and realizing everything I have is a gift from God. These are what I aspire, need and want, oh a single digit golf handicap too!
Regrets.... That was a big one for me. It took time but I came to the realization that what happened to me throughout my life was not always my fault even some of the choices were made out of necessity. They were coping mechanisms. Probably kept me from really doing damage to others. The damage was caused mainly to myself. There were probably a few indirect effects such as I could have been educating myself better instead of hanging on a computer or in front of a vhs tape and tv screen. Perhaps I would have had a better job which of course may have benefited others. In the end I did the best I could with the cards I was dealt. Even with that deck I always tried to improve myself while others who were given a better hand squandered it. It's hard when some will never be able to recognize that
 

joepanic

Respected Member
I have never felt more organized than the last several months I don't think it's just the absence of smut but having taken the time to do the things that needed to be done years ago. Really looking at how I live myself and how the rest of my family lives. I honestly think they took advantage of the cloud I lived in for so many years and did what they wanted. How was i to stand up to it. now that I am clear headed I can stand up and say why are there no boundaries. I am seeing progress in the way the house is kept I am losing weight and feeling better i am spending less money on things that it does not need to be spent on There of course is a bit of pushback but were working through that 2025 really looking up
 

joepanic

Respected Member
So many days I have lots count I think that is what is important. It's funny when they say if you forget your history you are bound to repeat it. This is one case in which I feel the opposite, I don't ever want to remember I was a porn addict. It wasn't something I set out to do in life. Life had other plans i suppose. I don't make it here on a regular basis these days because I am busy living that new life. A life I always wanted to live and the less I think about having been a porn addict the easier it is
 

joepanic

Respected Member
Trying to decide if coming here still serves a purpose. The original purpose was to stop being a porn addict. the daily use the hours of searching for the perfect scene. The need to fill the voids in my life. I don't do that anymore. I don't need it anymore. Is this still helping me? I don't know. Am I able to help anyone else? Don't know about that either. Perhaps giving advice to some of the younger fella's. Maybe it's time for sponsorship or mentorship for some of those fella's. The journals here in the 40 plus forum seem to be a bit different these days. I am not one to judge just put out the facts as I see them. This has on occasion made me unpopular but I am good with that. Seems the 40 plus forum is turning into a group that either counts days or relapses and tries the same things over again or quotes scriptures/ religious views. there is nothing wrong with these concepts but how innovative are they in solving what is becoming a societal crises Several years ago there was a lot of very vigorous conversation happening here. A lot of new ideas insight and education. That sort of seems to be missing
 

Phineas 808

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
I appreciate where you're coming from, Joe. But we're not here to solve the world's problems or a societal crisis, we're here to solve our own problems that are brought about through porn.

You had a good post above (from January 3rd) that I thought would be a good exit and "Success Stories" post.

While it's entirely up to you as to whether continuing to journal here is helpful to you, please understand that we're all doing the best we can with our own approaches to beat this thing, and any debate about methods, religious or non-religious, counting days or not counting will not be helpful here.
 
Top