quit for good

joepanic

Respected Member
So the time has come. i am now going to enter the final stages of my recovery and that is to do the next 90 days without the aid of reboot nation. I have came here everyday pretty well for a few years I am exteremely happy with my progress and new life. The goal has always been to kick porn and leave it behind without having to come here for constant support of help. if I get through this stage I will declare victory. I feel this is a necessary step for me as much as there were many here who offered extremely valuable support and insight, there are some here who have at times made my recovery difficult. Its now time to live without the support as well as the hinderances

Cheers to all and good luck see you in 90 days

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guitar1968

Well-Known Member
Wishing you the best of luck. We all have to head out on our own at some point. I don't plan on being here forever, but we'll see. Right now the journaling is helping.
 

joepanic

Respected Member
Well where did 6 weeks go. Looks like I need to be here a little longer. hat proved to be so difficult to break. I had long ago broke the patterns of seeking out porn. But over the last several days have struggled with chat to the point that it was leading to porn. So I have broken a rule in the open chat forum which got me temporarily banned (usually less than a week). I hope to take this time and really reflect on why I slid back into chat and the answers keep coming out the same. This topsy turvy life my wife insists on living has more often than not caused me stress. Its as if going to porn or chat site was pretty much the only thing I had control over. She always new I surfed a little porn and couldn't care. Just didnt know I was a full blown addict. And I don't think she ever new about the chat. Now this brings things to a double edge sword. On one side she knew and probably realized I would be occupied and she could dedicate her time to a major hobby. This made things easy I think for both of us. Now if I were to say I'm addicted and need her help on this i could be taking away from her time So this I am not willing to do. Instead I will be here for support for a little while longer. I think I just need to grab some control from her for a little while and pursue my music hobby for a while. This is going to take me away from both chat and her (see dedication to the home life) which of course is going to cause a bit of friction but so be it. I suppose I set the bar a little too high in the beginning of our marriage. Gonna slowly over time lower that bar. I know this is probably a controversial topic for some here but so be it. My relationship is my business not anyone elses

Cheers And starting Day 1 89 more to go

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guitar1968

Well-Known Member
Well where did 6 weeks go. Looks like I need to be here a little longer. hat proved to be so difficult to break. I had long ago broke the patterns of seeking out porn. But over the last several days have struggled with chat to the point that it was leading to porn. So I have broken a rule in the open chat forum which got me temporarily banned (usually less than a week). I hope to take this time and really reflect on why I slid back into chat and the answers keep coming out the same. This topsy turvy life my wife insists on living has more often than not caused me stress. Its as if going to porn or chat site was pretty much the only thing I had control over. She always new I surfed a little porn and couldn't care. Just didnt know I was a full blown addict. And I don't think she ever new about the chat. Now this brings things to a double edge sword. On one side she knew and probably realized I would be occupied and she could dedicate her time to a major hobby. This made things easy I think for both of us. Now if I were to say I'm addicted and need her help on this i could be taking away from her time So this I am not willing to do. Instead I will be here for support for a little while longer. I think I just need to grab some control from her for a little while and pursue my music hobby for a while. This is going to take me away from both chat and her (see dedication to the home life) which of course is going to cause a bit of friction but so be it. I suppose I set the bar a little too high in the beginning of our marriage. Gonna slowly over time lower that bar. I know this is probably a controversial topic for some here but so be it. My relationship is my business not anyone elses

Cheers And starting Day 1 89 more to go

Post often it helps me it helps you
Well, sorry you're back and sorry you slipped a bit. However, you are back and you haven't truly gone back to zero. You've built a much better base to build the next phase on.

You life sounds like mine a lot. I'm a musician and my music has helped me pull myself out of the daily porn grind. However, even when I was making more music than ever, I still found time for porn. I'm just over 100 days in on this journey and it has been rocky. But, I'm still going forward and I'm coming back here a lot for support and to mind dump my issues. I don't know if I'll ever have a sexual relationship with my wife again and I may need to move on. She knows that I use porn, she's not a fan, but I made it clear long ago that I'm an adult and it's my choice what I want to do. Not the best way to make a wife happy. I have never told her I'm an addict and I'm not going to. I know my wife and my relationship. She is not the type of person who will be there to help. She'll hold it over me and I don't need that while I'm trying to quit. You said it right, it's your relationship and you have to handle it your way, same here.

Good luck. Sounds like you are already doing well and only slipped a bit. I'm sure you'll be feeling on top of it rather quickly.
 

Phineas 808

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Hey, Joe. Sorry for your recent struggles.

I know that the need for control is important to us, which is why we went off into these self-medicating behaviors to begin with. And being in a complex and potentially volitile relationship doesn't help when we're trying to be free... But, we work with what we got, right?

My wife and I's relationship has been pretty good, but part of this is by me keeping my own struggles private. Years ago I tried to reveal things, but this always brought on misunderstanding and ad-hoc judgment and endless criticism, and that's after the initial explosion of fighting and insult. It's always proven to be very toxic to divulge my male struggles. And so I've found the best (and most peaceful) experience in keeping these things to myself.

I often say that they're simply not equipped to handle our burdens, and I think that a lot of men over burden their wives with struggles that we as men got ourselves into, and only we can get ourselves out of. Again, God bless all those exceptional women who do understand (yes, despite the legitimate anger), and are actually there in a supportive role.

Like Guitar said, you're not truly at 0, as you know. Simply focus on your goals, and find alternative ways to offset the stress and build a life that's on the otherside of PMO.
 

Cmax

Active Member
Hey friends This is a continuation of my post in porn addiction as this is more my journal and the other post was sort of mislabeled So from now on I will be continuing my journal from here

as of midnight tonight I will be 14 days free and I'm feeling pretty good no real side effects yet I've been spending my time doing as much reading as I can on the topic and slowly working on other things round the house to keep busy I am off work till March so tend to have a lot of free time The wife and kids are back to school and work this coming Monday when the real test will begin. Trying to take some time to find ways to get out of the house and do something meaningful. I think most of us understand how much we have missed things and forgotten even how to act and live in certain situations ie interacting with the public and our friends and family basically our confidence to achieve certain level of results is diminished I believe this could be the hard part in this so that is where I'm gong to put some of my energies Will keep you all posted as to how this moves along

Post often it helps me it helps you
Day 55 for me.....stay strong it's worth it!
 

joepanic

Respected Member
4 days down 86 to go Feeling very strong and looking ahead to the next 7 as we have a short vacation coming up and we'll be away on a campground so it should be easy to stay clean.

Hey Gentlemen Thanks for tuning in and for the support. Phineas you and I have known each other on here for quite some time and I think we are generally on the same page. I can't say my relationship is volitile in any way. My wife and I truly love each other. Just our beliefs in some things are slightly different. But for the most part we make it work and she has always admitted to having some control issues and they rear their ugly head from time to time. I too believe in fighting this battle on my own as it was the way I was brought up and thats never going to change just as my wife has certain views on things that I disagree with but are never going to change. I know this is a contentious issue here at Reboot Nation especially amongst some partners. One of the reasons I was away for a while was I was really bothered that they are entitled to post on my journal and tell me I am wrong or as it was actually put *I am not being the best version of myself" for not telling my wife about my addiction. Man if I posted something in the partners section challenging one of their views imagine the shit kicking I would take. It would be relentless. Quite frankly I was looking for a site that did not have a partners section so I could conduct my "reboot" in relative peace.
I cant say as I am thinking this as just going back to 0. I have beaten porn I no longer spend hours on my knees dick in hand going through one scene after the other till the sun was coming up. But I was visiting chat rooms. Again it was not for the hours that I used to and the topics I was involved with were far less ". For the moment I am taking a break from a lot of things just to get some mental rest and try to plan out the near future to get more out of life. The more I get out of life the less inclined I am to hit the porn. Again the problem there is how busy and stressful our my life is due to my wife's high drive to do things

Cheers

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Rookie

Active Member
Thanks for checking up on me. I have to admit, I was embarrassed to come back after falling to viewing and a bit of edging. I did not "O" however, so just completely tortured myself. But I'm back, and I think I only had one tempting day in the last couple of weeks.

Just way too busy every day between preparing bible studies that I sometimes lead, work, plasma donations, naturopath appointments and weekly groceries.
 

Cmax

Active Member
Hey friends This is a continuation of my post in porn addiction as this is more my journal and the other post was sort of mislabeled So from now on I will be continuing my journal from here

as of midnight tonight I will be 14 days free and I'm feeling pretty good no real side effects yet I've been spending my time doing as much reading as I can on the topic and slowly working on other things round the house to keep busy I am off work till March so tend to have a lot of free time The wife and kids are back to school and work this coming Monday when the real test will begin. Trying to take some time to find ways to get out of the house and do something meaningful. I think most of us understand how much we have missed things and forgotten even how to act and live in certain situations ie interacting with the public and our friends and family basically our confidence to achieve certain level of results is diminished I believe this could be the hard part in this so that is where I'm gong to put some of my energies Will keep you all posted as to how this moves along

Post often it helps me it helps you
Good luck
 

joepanic

Respected Member
Well it begins again day 2 complete Yesterday I had the biggest blowout ever with my wife and I finally think she is beginning to understand that I need some time and space in my life. I think she understands now that she may not have always been right in her way of thinking. Its just sad that it had to come to a total blowout. Mind you it didn't last more than 5 minutes. I did the safe thing and just told her to fuck herself and went out the door and was super productive for the rest of the day getting a lot of tasks done and what do you know came home and she had actually sone a bunch of things instead of working on her passion/hobby all day. We spoke this morning about it. I got through to her that if she wants certain things completed around here by me than I had to have 100% freedom to do it the way I see fit without interference. Without feeling like I am under her control. Like I say the more freedom I feel I have the less likely i am to consider porn as an option

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joepanic

Respected Member
Beginning day 4 things feel pretty good spoke to the the wife about what sort of changes would help me gain some control in my life as well as what I would consider making for the good of our marriage and asking her what she might think will help a bit of a positive discussion will see how things progress.

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joepanic

Respected Member
End of Day 5 things going good not sure what to say to keep from sounding repetitive perhaps later

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joepanic

Respected Member
My latest attempt I am now just finishing day 7 no porn no chat no subs Only thing I see if my wife in the buff which I will never give up looking at Almost a week ago we had a major blowout regarding time usage around here and how it relates to my level of stress(which of course I used porn to soothe) But she has seemed to finally back off and give me some space in my life. I am now finding it super easy to abstain from p

Post often it helps me it helps you
 

Phineas 808

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Thank you for your reply, Joe.

Sorry for your recent struggles, but at least it sounds like the wife is backing off, and giving you space.

We discussed in the past how stress from our marriage can make p-use seem more appealing or even likely.

It's not only the desire for dopamine to feel better, there's the added emotional component in our relationship that we're wanting to deal (or rather not deal) with.

Hope everything irons out from here...
 

joepanic

Respected Member
Wow quite a leap last night Played a gig didn't get home till almost 2 am A time when I usually found it very easy to unwind to some p Instead I headed straight off to bed woke up this morning feeling a bit better about things.

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