Its too bad partners don't understand an addicts struggles
My advice is to not expect anything from a "partner". The worst thing that I could have done was sharing all this shit with my wife 2 decades ago, which turned out to be a serious mistake! No, she doesn't understand and never will! As a matter of fact she is now gone, and I can finally breathe!
My wife thought she could "fix" me, which obviously is bullshit...nobody can fix another person, only themselves.
Where in the rule book for "partners" does it state that they must understand everything about each other?? That's way too complicated.
I am responsible for myself that's all, (and of course my children when they were minors) but the wife has to sort out her own shit just like I do. Some people are more understanding than others, but is that why I chose her? No, I chose her because I wanted to have sex with her. I guess it depends on the reasons for choosing a partner...mine was for sex, that's all. And that's obviously not enough for a successful family, there needs to be an agreement on other issues like how to raise kids, on worldview, on how to conduct a household, recreational interests, future goals etc.
But I think a good rule of thumb is to not expect anything and just appreciate what we get from others, even if we think it's not enough.
For me, the recovery journey is primarily personal, even though I can share it, or parts of it, with others, but other people have no responsibility for my personal welfare or health, that is entirely up to me.
When I finally realized this, things started to "click". It was right there and then when I had to emotionally separate from the woman with whom I had shared my life for thirty years! It was long after that she moved out. Of course my kids are now adults and on their own, so the timing was right, but I know how difficult it is with kids in the household. But a guy has to find his own way, with or without kids in the house. Those same kids will later appreciate it. It may mean sleeping in separate rooms, it may mean changing the habits in the relationship, even if the partner doesn't like it. The dependency is the problem, or at least a big part of the problem. My emotional dependency on others is what kept me in bondage.