quit for good

joepanic

Respected Member
So the big change in my life is my 18 year old step daughter who pretty much hates me is now off in Europe for the summer. I have never in my life felt such a burden lifted off my shoulders, When someone you love treats you with that much disdain and hatred and can barely tell you why and you bend over backwards and do everything in your power to make it right refuses to work with you. Well you basically give up. Now there is peace in the house. Its so easy to stay away from porn now.

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GBS

Respected Member
Hi @joepanic . I am pleased you have some peace, but I am very sorry if a price is paid for that. 18 can be a tricky age. I won’t say anything crass. I just hope the peace develops in a good way.

I am glad you can steer away from porn with greater ease. Keep going, keep writing.
 

joepanic

Respected Member
Day 3 complete heading for bed a bit early work catching up again Will be kind of boring in a way for the next week and a half i have always found it easy to get a few weeks in

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joepanic

Respected Member
Day 5 finally got on the exercise bike 1st time in months but it's all all good
off to bed now

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GBS

Respected Member
5 is good. I read yours every time you’re on and it helps me so please keep going
 

joepanic

Respected Member
Day 6 would have been last night but our internet service company went down nation wide yesterday morning so could not get online till this morning so here is last nights entry.

Day 6 feeling pretty good actually got on the exercise bike for 30 minutes its been a while there All week I have felt my stress level dropping as my step daughter is now away in Italy working for the summer hopefully she finds her happiness for a little while It really does go to show a porn addiction is not always based on a man just being selfish Quite often it is a stress coping mechanism

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joepanic

Respected Member
Day 7 completed went to a rock concert earlier this evening so that's why I am so late its now just short of 3 am.

all good

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joepanic

Respected Member
Sort of an early posting for today I won't declare day 8 success until I head for bed tonight

Just read another user's journal regarding his bullying mother and had this to say about it.

This may not be popular but I think it needs to be said I understand the whole "bullying mother" issue. but from a slightly different angle. My mother was very controlling. She needed to have complete control over her environment. The food she ate the music she liked... Her interests always came 1st all the way to the point that it affected me greatly. My interests many times were not her concern or really even considered valid in her eyes. Over and over we heard.... "in our day blah blah blah" it gave me the impression I could do no right in her eyes. If I stood up to it in any small ways the guilt trips were thrown back at me. Many years later I see the same pattern in my wife. She can become "hyper focused" on a topic and if I am not able to give her the support and consideration to maintain that, she feels I am "unsupportive". Once again this has caused the guilt trips to be thrown at me all the way down to turning on the tears. very frustrating indeed. I suppose in a way I set the bar to high in the beginning of our marriage and now I can't keep up to it. The same pattern has also followed to my step daughter who has the greatest sense of entitlement I think I have ever see. We basically had to send to Italy to work for the summer. That was not cheap but in a funny way a small cost to get some peace in the house. In the end it is not always been just men who are controlling manipulative and bullying. It's probably a topic that could use a little more discussion in the future by society.
 

joepanic

Respected Member
Day 8 was last night I fell asleep on the sofa a bit early all is good

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Mjori

Member
Being above 40 while struggling with PMO is very hard situation, my economic situation is also in jeopardy as I am spending a lot of money in internet service, guys we need to help eachother.
 

joepanic

Respected Member
Day 10 complete going to listen to some tunes and than head for bed

Cheers

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joepanic

Respected Member
Day 11 is complete Its too bad partners don't understand an addicts struggles but we are sure meant to understand their struggles. It really is a mixed up world isn't it? But none the less all is good here. Haven't even had any cravings for some of my old gateway sites which is a small change this time I am pleasantly surprised. Now off for some tunes and a can of beer

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k-fff

Well-Known Member
Day 11 is complete Its too bad partners don't understand an addicts struggles but we are sure meant to understand their struggles. It really is a mixed up world isn't it? But none the less all is good here. Haven't even had any cravings for some of my old gateway sites which is a small change this time I am pleasantly surprised. Now off for some tunes and a can of beer
Post often it helps me it helps you
Women have no empathy for men imo. Just likely unable to. I think my main frustration is just the lack of anger at the society which promotes and pushes porn into every aspect of our lives and it’s instead seemingly reserved for the men that get addicted to something that is shoved in our face daily.
 

Aeodh Dan

Active Member
Its too bad partners don't understand an addicts struggles
My advice is to not expect anything from a "partner". The worst thing that I could have done was sharing all this shit with my wife 2 decades ago, which turned out to be a serious mistake! No, she doesn't understand and never will! As a matter of fact she is now gone, and I can finally breathe!
My wife thought she could "fix" me, which obviously is bullshit...nobody can fix another person, only themselves.
Where in the rule book for "partners" does it state that they must understand everything about each other?? That's way too complicated.
I am responsible for myself that's all, (and of course my children when they were minors) but the wife has to sort out her own shit just like I do. Some people are more understanding than others, but is that why I chose her? No, I chose her because I wanted to have sex with her. I guess it depends on the reasons for choosing a partner...mine was for sex, that's all. And that's obviously not enough for a successful family, there needs to be an agreement on other issues like how to raise kids, on worldview, on how to conduct a household, recreational interests, future goals etc.
But I think a good rule of thumb is to not expect anything and just appreciate what we get from others, even if we think it's not enough.
For me, the recovery journey is primarily personal, even though I can share it, or parts of it, with others, but other people have no responsibility for my personal welfare or health, that is entirely up to me.
When I finally realized this, things started to "click". It was right there and then when I had to emotionally separate from the woman with whom I had shared my life for thirty years! It was long after that she moved out. Of course my kids are now adults and on their own, so the timing was right, but I know how difficult it is with kids in the household. But a guy has to find his own way, with or without kids in the house. Those same kids will later appreciate it. It may mean sleeping in separate rooms, it may mean changing the habits in the relationship, even if the partner doesn't like it. The dependency is the problem, or at least a big part of the problem. My emotional dependency on others is what kept me in bondage.
 
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