quit for good

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
What to do today..... Perhaps continue to be a man and just get things done. Ive sort of discovered Jordon Peterson and watched something on you tube from him. I read he is a bit controversial though. If anyone knows any one else with advice on being a "man" and is not controversial please let me know and I will have a look. I'll let everyone know later how my day went and what I actually did

cheers
Jordan Peterson might be controversial but I don't know exactly in what way. What I know is that I've found some of his advice very valuable. He talks about responsibility and stuff like that. I guess the only ones who can say how controversial someone is is us. Take what's useful and discard what's not, like Bruce Lee used to say. You might not like some things but find some other things someone says very interesting and inspiring. For sure many things Jordan Peterson has said are inspiring me. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is study the man and decide for yourself if he is controversial or not.
 

joepanic

Respected Member
Jordan Peterson might be controversial but I don't know exactly in what way. What I know is that I've found some of his advice very valuable. He talks about responsibility and stuff like that. I guess the only ones who can say how controversial someone is is us. Take what's useful and discard what's not, like Bruce Lee used to say. You might not like some things but find some other things someone says very interesting and inspiring. For sure many things Jordan Peterson has said are inspiring me. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is study the man and decide for yourself if he is controversial or not.
Thanks for responding

I noticed he does talk alot of responsibility and accountability and so on. I say he must be controversial because he came to our city and did a talk at a theater and people were lined up protesting him. But I do find a lot of what he says does make sense. Just have to filter through like what you say... The stuff that is not useful in my life. Kind of like what I have decided to do at Rebootnation.

Cheers
 

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Can I chip in guys?

Jordan has been speaking the same things since long ago so any controversy was not his fault.

He first started airing his school lectures on YouTube for the benefit of all many years ago and rose in popularity when people recognized the truth in his words.

He was vilified by the feminists and LGBTQ folks after he was recorded logically and civilly shutting down a few feminists and even a BBC journalist for their self entitled and flawed opinions.

Ever since then he became the most well respected target they all wanted to take down, by whatever means, because correcting him would appear to legitimize their claims.

He's a good guy, a proper psychology professor, and he's fair and only trying to help disadvantaged men with advice any good father would give.

You can watch his class lectures from 6 or more years back. Some were really good.

Some good reads:
The Four Agreements
By Don Miguel Ruiz

The Road Less Traveled
By M. Scott Peck

Man's Search for Meaning
by Viktor Frankl
 
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joepanic

Respected Member
Can I chip in guys?

Jordan has been speaking the same things since long ago so any controversy was not his fault.

He first started airing his school lectures on YouTube for the benefit of all many years ago and rose in popularity when people recognized the truth in his words.

He was vilified by the feminists and LGBTQ folks after he was recorded logically and civilly shutting down a few feminists and even a BBC journalist for their self entitled and flawed opinions.

Ever since then he became the most well respected target they all wanted to take down, by whatever means, because correcting him would appear to legitimize their claims.

He's a good guy, a proper psychology professor, and he's fair and only trying to help disadvantaged men with advice any good father would give.

You can watch his class lectures from 6 or more years back. Some were really good.

Some good reads:
The Four Agreements
By Don Miguel Ruiz

The Road Less Traveled
By M. Scott Peck

Man's Search for Meaning
by Viktor Frankl
Wow This guy sounds interesting. I read up a little about him and he seems like a tell it like is is kind of guy. I suppose a little old fashioned in a way. The problem with the world today is certain groups just want to see a change somewhere because they need a claim to fame and to hell with who they drag down in the process. Jordon Peterson seems to really resent this concept. I read a lot of articles that say he is really on the side of men who are told that "being a typical man is no longer welcome in society". Its great that we now do the dishes and help out with raising the babies.... but that doesn't seems to be enough. We have to also give up who we are..

On a side note anyone ever notice that all the female partners seem to come and post at the same time and than all disappear at the same time again. i wonder why that is. I have stopped reading their section but of course you must scroll down and pass their section before finding the 40 and up section. So of course i notice that its been a week since anyone posted there.

Cheers
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Can I chip in guys?

Jordan has been speaking the same things since long ago so any controversy was not his fault.

He first started airing his school lectures on YouTube for the benefit of all many years ago and rose in popularity when people recognized the truth in his words.

He was vilified by the feminists and LGBTQ folks after he was recorded logically and civilly shutting down a few feminists and even a BBC journalist for their self entitled and flawed opinions.

Ever since then he became the most well respected target they all wanted to take down, by whatever means, because correcting him would appear to legitimize their claims.

He's a good guy, a proper psychology professor, and he's fair and only trying to help disadvantaged men with advice any good father would give.

You can watch his class lectures from 6 or more years back. Some were really good.

Some good reads:
The Four Agreements
By Don Miguel Ruiz

The Road Less Traveled
By M. Scott Peck

Man's Search for Meaning
by Viktor Frankl
Yes, that's right, you've described him better than I could, I wanted to more or less say the same thing but couldn't remember why was he controversial for. I like what Jordan Peterson says. I've watched many videos/podcasts with him as guest. That's right, it seems that feminists have a problem with him because he came up and said what he thought about the whole thing. During on of his podcasts with Joe Rogan he speaks about why men and women are different and it's an interesting discussion. He talks about why men gravitate towards some interests and why women choose other things. I remember a video of him arguing with some people at some university campus (?) about personal pronouns. I think the people there considered themselves binary or something like that and wanted to be addressed with some certain words and Jordan Peterson didn't agree with that. He even came to a television and had a debate with another guy. So probably these are some controversial things about him. And there is also an interview on some television where he debates with a woman about I think salaries or something like that, I don't remember.
 

Beautiful1973

Active Member
@joepanic from a Woman’s perspective I also don’t understand why Jordan Peterson is considered so controversial, I’ve listened to some of his stuff and thought it made complete sense. I believe in healthy masculinity and as a Woman who is nearly 50 are constantly asking myself when men stopped being men🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️
 

joepanic

Respected Member
@joepanic from a Woman’s perspective I also don’t understand why Jordan Peterson is considered so controversial, I’ve listened to some of his stuff and thought it made complete sense. I believe in healthy masculinity and as a Woman who is nearly 50 are constantly asking myself when men stopped being men🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️
I hate to say it but when equal rights of the sexes came into being I think men needed to give up some of their masculinity. or at the very least the definition of it has surly changed. I am in no way against equal rights based on anything. But when certain groups are given enhanced programs and men alone had to keep going with no assistance for any struggles they may have been facing, it would surly make for a hard pill to swallow and basically in 2022 pretty much everything a man does or says or feels is open to challenge or is under attack. I am raising essentially 3 teenage daughters and 2 preteen sons. I can not tell you what comes out of the mouths of teenage girls these days. Basically every generation of men has destroyed any chance they have of a good life. So I bend and break every view of life I have ever had in the last almost 50 years to help them reach the success they are deserving of as girls/women. Its a shame they just squander it at "Starbucks"

As for today I have a long list of "chores" that need to be done that if i don't do them will not get done. I just don't have enough cheese to go with the whine they offer up when asked to "help out"

Now off to work

cheers
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
I hate to say it but when equal rights of the sexes came into being I think men needed to give up some of their masculinity. or at the very least the definition of it has surly changed. I am in no way against equal rights based on anything. But when certain groups are given enhanced programs and men alone had to keep going with no assistance for any struggles they may have been facing, it would surly make for a hard pill to swallow and basically in 2022 pretty much everything a man does or says or feels is open to challenge or is under attack. I am raising essentially 3 teenage daughters and 2 preteen sons. I can not tell you what comes out of the mouths of teenage girls these days. Basically every generation of men has destroyed any chance they have of a good life. So I bend and break every view of life I have ever had in the last almost 50 years to help them reach the success they are deserving of as girls/women. Its a shame they just squander it at "Starbucks"

As for today I have a long list of "chores" that need to be done that if i don't do them will not get done. I just don't have enough cheese to go with the whine they offer up when asked to "help out"

Now off to work

cheers
I don't have a problem with women having rights, I believe they should have rights but my problem is with the people who want to use this to obtain power. And some of the women who say they don't have rights or are oppressed they have a lot of rights. Other women in other parts of the world don't even have half of that.
 
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joepanic

Respected Member
Well Jan 1st 2023 is here Happy new year to one and all I will say that 2022 was my best and worst year at the same time. It was the worst daughter in that financially we took a great many hits and setbacks. Through careful planning over the years we were able to weather that storm to come out still debt free but savings is no longer in our dictionary and will probably not re-enter it till Sept.

There were terrible emotional moments through the 1st half of the year over our 18 year old daughter in that she just felt we (more specifically me) ruined her childhood and did nothing but throw tantrums hi the walls in her room storm out the door and so on. To this day she will 1. not say exactly what it was I did that has made her that angry and 2 won't even come to the table to let us work on making things better for her. Unless of course there is thousands of dollars up on offer in various forms and that must be unconditional. She is currently in Germany on a working position. This almost destroyed our marriage. Over the last 5 months we have been able to really start to get things back on .

2022 has also being a year where lots of small things were not going well. Our social lives, my working life. hobbies, the condition of our household in general. Most of suffered but are intact with brighter days ahead.

After all this I am pleasantly surprised to say that we are still ahead on most counts although just marginally in most cases but ahead none the less.
With that being said that also includes my struggle with porn addiction. I have probably dropped my usage by 70% on average throughout the year. I have stopped any sort of cross dressing 100%. That one has really surprised me. But this is still not good enough. the aim is for removing hardcore internet porn 100% from my life I don't own any dvd's tapes magazines or anything like that. Its all about the tube sites.

My strategy in 2022 was to try to build improve areas of my life (hobbies work volunteering how our household is kept and run) in the hopes that would keep me from turning to porn. This seems to have worked for the most part and I would have probably have been 100% successful by now if it hadn't been for the major setbacks. So i will continue the present course tweaking it as I go along.

Cheers
 

GBS

Respected Member
Nice one @joepanic . Refreshing to hear your trials and tribulations however difficult some have been. Your daughter (did you say step daughter?) will get older and wiser. That’s a test for you right there. Of course she can’t explain what precisely you did wrong, because most likely you didn’t of course. Expecting her to say that would probably be a little unrealistic. Just be the new person you are becoming and in time she will rejoice in that.

Good luck for 2023.
 

joepanic

Respected Member
Nice one @joepanic . Refreshing to hear your trials and tribulations however difficult some have been. Your daughter (did you say step daughter?) will get older and wiser. That’s a test for you right there. Of course she can’t explain what precisely you did wrong, because most likely you didn’t of course. Expecting her to say that would probably be a little unrealistic. Just be the new person you are becoming and in time she will rejoice in that.

Good luck for 2023.
Thanks for weighing in GBS Of course she won't explain anything. Typical of teenage girls in my experience. In the meantime we pay a heavy price for such an attitude.

In the meantime today had been a great day. I got my home studio better organized and set up with a new set of studio monitors. The sound is beautiful. Finally spent a little time and money on myself for a change. Made mad love to the significant other 2 nights ago just after midnight. She certainly woke up with a smile. i think tonight I will just kick back with a few cans of cold beer and enjoy some tv time.

Cheers
 

joepanic

Respected Member
Quiet couple of days. I live a bit of an emotional roller coaster type life in general. My wife and I have very different ideas on how to raise kids and run a household. Basically for the last 17 years both have been under her system. In the end it has worked for her. but it's very frustrating to me. She taxes the resources(time space money etc) to the max leaving very little if any ability to maneuver. this has had a detrimental effect on how I get to live my life. Again it all comes down to her obsession for control as to how she lives he life. her need for complete control over all aspects of her life. I am not saying she is trying to control me in any way but have total control over her own life. We have talked about this and she understands it is a problem but deep down she knows that its possible that to have to give up that will mean sacrifice. And she is just not ready to do that. Quite frankly it leaves me to find the easy joys in life food porn beer. So far recently I have been able to keep all 3 at bay for the most part but as I get older and realize that the time I need to accomplish the things I want to is running out. I am not getting any younger. very frustrating indeed. I had a conversation a few weeks back with another poster about weather my wife should play into "finding my own personal happiness" I don't think this question pertains to that. It is about how to get her to play fair in a marriage.

Some more quick background. I love her to pieces we have great sex( most of the time as long as her control issues don't come into play) e both share the same values for most things we like to do the same things most of the time. Our level of education is far different and our childhood experiences are far different But we always make it work

Just as time is running out in life I find it harder to manage the situation each year

I am struggling to beat an addiction and understand my partners needs and feelings at the same time.

Cheers
 

Beautiful1973

Active Member
She taxes the resources(time space money etc) to the max leaving very little if any ability to maneuver. this has had a detrimental effect on how I get to live my life.
Hi @joepanic I enjoyed reading your post, there was a softer tone in your writing today.
I’m wondering how you would like to live your life, what would be authentic to you?
 

joepanic

Respected Member
It's amazing the things I do in life and have done since entering a marriage. How did I ever find time for all that porn? It's still one of life's great mysteries. I sometimes worry that I gave too much of my life to others, it was never appreciated and now time is running out. Incredible that a porn addict can actually be that productive. Well guess I'll just get on with my day like most men(porn addicts) do and get things done.

Cheers
 

joepanic

Respected Member
More to do today to just get things done. Got together with the band last night after over 6 months of not playing. Things were a little rusty to say the lease but again I do not have the time or space at this time of year to practice. Wonder how long I can keep up the idea of "sometime I'll find the time" . I can only hope because upsetting the status quo around here is not worth the effort In the meantime have a few things I want to take care of today. Remember Happy wife happy life. Or maybe Happy spouse happy house. Would that be inclusive to porn addicts wouldn't it?

Cheers
 

joepanic

Respected Member
Fun fact Guilt is not a powerful motive for quitting porn. Understanding why you were forced into it in the 1st place and understanding what continues to keep forcing you to use it just might be though

cheers
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Fun fact Guilt is not a powerful motive for quitting porn. Understanding why you were forced into it in the 1st place and understanding what continues to keep forcing you to use it just might be though

cheers
To be honest, a lot of things, for some people, might not be a powerful enough motivator. I know because this is my situation. I was in the middle of a strong waves of urges and could not find anything to motivate me not to do it. Thinking about how bad/lethargic/depressed etc I feel after PMO? Nothing. Think about the benefits I would get if I continue to abstain? Nope. And many others. The desire to PMO was stronger than anything else. In the end I remembered that when nothing works, I needed a tactic to use quick for those situations. I started practicing my dopamine management and detachment and it saved me. And this was yesterday. What I'm trying to say now it's obvious: We need something that works in that very moment. Whatever it may be. If anything can motivate you, great. If not, if you have something you can use (meditation, exercise whatever) then great. At the end of the day, what matters is surviving the hardest moments. When you are not tempted it's easy. When you get tempted, then it's on.

Peace ✌️
 
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