quit for good

joepanic

Respected Member
Another good day I still struggle but with so much on my plate its hard not to, There is also a lot of what should come 1st the Chicken or the egg. I say this in that do I need to quit porn 1st in order to get other area in my life straightened out or do I need other areas straightened out before I am able to leave porn behind. So much going on these days that it is hard to find any rest relaxation happiness and so on

Cheers
 

joepanic

Respected Member
And another good day all things considered Stress should have been at al all time high as the furnace in the house went for a dump on Thursday and its winter up here in Canada. Its a $9000 replacement but I am a bit excited over the new technology they will be using, It should save me as much as 20% on our heating and cooling costs, And of course much more environmentally friendly. It is also forcing my wife to deal with sorting through all the stuff we have accumulated in the last decade that is not stored properly and taking up space. This also excited me for some reason. Finally the husband gets what he wants for a change. Whoo hoo. all in all in a pretty good mood and enough things to keep me busy i wouldn't even have time to think of porn. Only reason its even on my mind is because I came here but its on my mind in a good way in that I have no interest or need to go and view it. Guess it helped wife and I banged away early this morning before the energy auditor came to the house.

Cheers
 

joepanic

Respected Member
Day is starting out pretty strong i know I have much to do and at the moment it seems that is usually my main line of defense I'm sure in time that will change where I won't need a line of defense. For me beating this is not so much about just using true grit to stay away from porn its about finding solutions to my "lot in life" "Lot" being the keep word. A lot of my time is taken away from me. A lot of my energy is taken away from me. A lot of my space is taken away from me.... I think you get the idea. I am just at that point in life (51) where I am near the finish line of raising 5 kids and now taking on elderly parents(in their 80s) still working full time as well as running a part time family business. It really is " a lot". So finding the time to do the things I want to do is sometimes difficult. I have a very driven wife and I love her to pieces but it is hard for me to sometimes keep up as well as live my life around hers. I do see a light at the end of the tunnel though it was just a little further than I thought it would be but it is there.

Cheers

Post often it helps you it helps me
 

joepanic

Respected Member
I know its been a week since I have been here. I have been working on a few things and taking some time to think. I have also connected with someone here and we have been in private conversations and I am finding that has really helped recently. I will be on here in my journal a little more as time goes by

cheers
 

joepanic

Respected Member
My photo represents a special time and place in my marriage it was taken on our honeymoon. As I said earlier I have connected with someone in private conversations who I believes understands my particular situation. Where I am coming from in my views. It is making it far easier to continue this process. It has now been 5 years since I came to the conclusion that I was a porn addict. I suppose I stilI am to some extent. What I do know is that access it far less than I ever did for shorter durations and less intense material. I am finding familiar patterns have been broken. I have a greater understanding as to why I became an addict in the 1st place and why I continue to still crave it. I am working harder on those issues before just using sheer willpower to just "say no" My wife who has always known I was into porn but doesn't not know the extent of my addiction has seen some change in my personality some good some that frustrates her. But change has never be easy.
 

joepanic

Respected Member
I think I have had the best 4 days in a long time no urges period I am in having healthy conversations regarding sexuality and life in general. They are non judgemental open and honest a real breath of fresh air. In late fall I began exercising again and actually dropped 20 lbs. Of course the Christmas season came along with the time off work and all the extra food and goodies I gained at least 5 back and of course for 4 weeks could not continue the original loss of weight. Tonight I aim to begin the routine again. I could use some reminders for when I get home from work. Perhaps a little accountability.

cheers

Post often it helps me it helps you
 

joepanic

Respected Member
I think I have had the best 4 days in a long time no urges period I am in having healthy conversations regarding sexuality and life in general. They are non judgemental open and honest a real breath of fresh air. In late fall I began exercising again and actually dropped 20 lbs. Of course the Christmas season came along with the time off work and all the extra food and goodies I gained at least 5 back and of course for 4 weeks could not continue the original loss of weight. Tonight I aim to begin the routine again. I could use some reminders for when I get home from work. Perhaps a little accountability.

cheers

Post often it helps me it helps you
managed to get in a 30 minute workout on the bike worked up a nice sweat felt great
 

joepanic

Respected Member
Having another very good week Really taking the time to get a few things organized. Never been one much for self help books or videos youtube etc. But I am really getting a lot out of Jordon Petersons stuff at the moment. So much of it is making sense to me
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Hey @joepanic, I'm glad to hear everything is going great for you.

I've never read much Jordan Peterson before, but from the few videos I've watched, he seems to be thinking good thoughts. Any video or book in particular?

Best
 

joepanic

Respected Member
Hey @joepanic, I'm glad to hear everything is going great for you.

I've never read much Jordan Peterson before, but from the few videos I've watched, he seems to be thinking good thoughts. Any video or book in particular?

Best
I'm almost afraid he might become my Guru. I get the impression that when particular group of people do not feel that they are being heard or their concerns are being addressed they turn to people like him for an answer. A lot of what he says makes since to me but here in Canada women's groups or lgbtq rights groups and so on have protested him when he has done talks.
 

joepanic

Respected Member
In recent weeks I have been told by a few people that they felt my posting had become a little softer less antagonistic. Tonight is going to be a bit of an exception

It is times like these that sometimes cause me to turn to porn. At the moment I do not believe my wife is listening to my concerns about where we are in life. At the moment her aging parents are taking up a lot of our time and resources as well as being emotionally mentally and physically draining on us. Of course this throws sex out the window these days. I am trying to be understanding. At the same time she is also enabling her father who is 86 to allow some of these frustrations. he is still working as a lawyer and allowing his sick wife to languish away by herself all day. It's called fucking "escapism" She says his need for control is the cause I agree. So that's where my wife gets her control issues from as well as at the same time my problems with a few members of our own family seem to be... well my problems. So much for working as a team. I get to say this because even at the best of times in our marriage I did not feel she was a team player. Again it's times like these that cause me to turn to porn for the "feel good" when no one else or nothing else is willing or able to perhaps just venting but isn't that what this forum is meant for from time to time
 

joepanic

Respected Member
8:39am Wow I made it through the night a little easier than I thought I would have I do feel a bit better this morning and now just have to get through the day I do have some ideas both big and small to help me with that We shall see
 
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