quit for good

joepanic

Respected Member
The inability to forgive and move forward ranks right up Betrayal. I am glad i have a huge capacity for forgiveness It has always allowed me to move forward unhindered with the bagage of the past. It is this skill that is allowing me to finally leave porn behind
 

joepanic

Respected Member
Good morning guys and ladies

It's been a week since I have posted here Things going very well at this point I think I would have to look back on my journal and actually count the days that i have been "clean" I simply don't have any urges at the moment and in general it was not "visual triggers that could set me off.
As most of you know I have been spending a good deal of time working one on one with another member and it is really helping as they understand my point of view so will be continuing on in there for the most part

Hope your all doing well

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joepanic

Respected Member
Ever since I began conducting my reboot 100% on my terms I have never been more successful. I need to again thank the member I have my 1 on 1 conversations with. Such understanding so non judgemental. I feel like I am being heard. Perhaps if they are ok with it I'll let you all know who it is at some point . I also want to thank Jordon Peterson for wisdom I did not think was possible. Bu he gets it out there tells it like it is. Tells me it's ok to be an imperfect man and you should not be punished for it. At the same time he says it's ok to be that way as long as you begin on improving yourself. He tells others that those who chose improve themselves are always worthy of support and understanding.

The last who year has been very tough interest rates in Canada have nearly doubled to try to stave off high inflation but its not working yet only costing everyone more money. I have a daughter 19 who was quite abusive physically as well as mentally She is now out of the country working and finding herself but from what I hear is not getting a much better outlook on life yet and I have to worry about her coming home in a few months. I also have aging in laws who we now have to put a great desal of time and money into making sure get the needed care and support it is burning both my wife and I out. wife does not find much time for intimacy. But than the last several years that has also been a minor issue.

All this used to lead me to rationalize heading straight off to some porn and chat. I now know this because I had no one in my corner. No one to hear my concerns stresses and worries. There was considerable encouragement in the forum here from a bunch of you guys and of course one member who I most often found very discouraging unless I reasoned my position to no end than she would back off. Hence my need to work one on one with someone.

I had my 1st urge today in a long time. The stage is set for it. I am home alone today do to extreme weather I have free time but lots of worries and stress weighing me down. This time instead of rationalizing why it would be ok for me to go and hot the chatroom and watch some porn I rationalized how it was not going to help me. So far that has worked Not once has the 2 people who I now listen to ever told me "stay away from porn". They simply told me the dangers of it and offer up better alternatives

Hope all are well

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Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
Sorry things are so rough. Sometimes you just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. :oops:
 

joepanic

Respected Member
I thank the Gods and Goddess's in whatever form they come in that during my addiction I never emotionally abandoned my family in any way. I always kept up intimacy with my "partner" and most of the time accepted the times that she couldn't without a valid reason or because she overworked and overbooked herself due to her personal control issues. There were times I found myself I found myself in an emotional void. in those times of darkness I always fumbled with lighting a candle to see the way, but I lit it anyway knowing that at the end of the tunnel there is always sunshine and blue skies. (or maybe it's raining but that usually makes things grow and brings a rainbow)I do not insist my wife "explain" to me why she has such control issues. I simply explain to her how it affected me and ask if we can work together on ways that I can live a fulfilling life with her. We treat it as a bit of an illness. Very much like addiction is an illness and should only be looked at in that manor.

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joepanic

Respected Member
Life is good for the most part no pmo no p occasional mo even that i would like to stop for now. So many conflicting views on that. When we were in grade 8 or so sex ed taught us "oh it's perfectly natural" I wonder if they said the same thing in the girls sex ed class. I'm not sure if my wife has ever done it once in her whole life. On the other hand I had at least 3 girlfriends who were into it over the years. Today though it seems to be a lan against mo. It almost seems the system wanted us to do it keep us in a haze throughout life. Conspiracy theory?? who knows. Is this mainly a western culture issue? Be an interesting study to do. Would straight mo has messed up my "personal" life as much as pmo? probably never be able to get an answer to it. Thank god I never dragged anyone else down with me all these years.

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joepanic

Respected Member
I see were back to stifled conversation when someone does not like what's being said. The partners section has a journal "your partner can have real intimacy again" the spirt of it was in so many words "it is possible with a proper reboot" But Gracie decided that must be the 1st thing on an addicts mind. when the poster and others said no that's not it and tried to use fact the topic is shut down God i am glad my wife is not the ejous type and cynical and so on. We have intimacy on a fairly regular basis. Now some may say well "she doesn't know your an addict. According to Gracie partners always know because something is amiss in the relationship. Perhaps my wife does know and her ESP also tells her i must have worked it out on my own to beat my addiction. After this many years of marriage well i suppose we just know how to help each other understand each other and forgive each other without it being said

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joepanic

Respected Member
One the the great side effects of giving up porn is regaining my "masculinity" I seem to stand up far more for what i believe in these days especially to my wife. it;s something she is slowly learning to accept. She see's the change in me and i can tell she is a bit worried that at some point she is going to have to start improving herself

Its great to be a man sometimes

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joepanic

Respected Member
Still clean but that's it. Sometimes I till feel somewhat like an addict or a failure to a degree. Although it is getting better over time. I guess I have to learn how to be an actual man seeing as I have been addicted since before i was a man. It's funny though I certainly played the role of being a man quite well. I just got used in the process. No more of that though. My favourite times are when I challenge another and they don't have the courage to respond. That makes me a man and that person less of a man.

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joepanic

Respected Member
One of the ideas that is helping me is to ask myself "is what I am doing or about to do serve a positive purpose in my life and make me a better person?" I stole the idea from 12 Rules for life by Jorden Peterson. It usually allows me to take a moment and think. This allows me to reflect on what went wrong in my life and how I don't want to be that person anymore. I than start to think about am I a man or not? Is what I am about to do showing true masculinity? Giving up porn is not just about giving up porn. Its changing my mindset to the kind of person I want to be. Being the man I want to be and should always have been. If all you do is look at porn you have allowed yourself to become nothing more than a "wimp". And wimps just don't offer up a lot to society. Now of course there will be a short learning curve to catch up but that's ok. I have the time to take full advantage of it.

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joepanic

Respected Member
Still going strong all things considered. I would think I should be acting on sheer willpower at the moment but I think it's just really just not feeling the need for any sort of sexual outlet at the moment. Wife too busy and tired to bang this week. I understand. I'll just worry about myself for the time being. Working on my health in general seems to help. Slowly getting what is known her in Canada as the "Dad Body" If the other ladies in the world take notice so be it As long as I can live to a healthy 90 I'm good with that. All I can say is hanging on with porn is not going to allow me to get there. So again I am quitting porn for my own reasons.

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joepanic

Respected Member
An uneventful week so far staying clean its a bit odd that i don't really even feel like i am trying. guess the dopamine system is in proper working order. had some really great sex with the wife last night. For the last few months it has been morning quickies. but last night we actually had the time to really be involved. There was an ugly discussion in the partners section recently regarding addicts being able to be intimate I guess i am living proof of that. My wife never looked at porn as cheating and is not the jealous type .She feels jealousy is for the weak If only more women felt that way us men fighting this battle would have a far easier fight.

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joepanic

Respected Member
Wow where did the weekend go. Its mid march and the weather is cold still Winter is starting to drag itself. Mind you we are on a short vacation in one week for now. I must be careful. We will be at an indoor resort where there is going to be many "moms in swimwear" what was very much a weakness of mine. Although, I am on my longest streak in a few years and feeling the best I have felt about this addiction in a long time so feeling very confident.

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joepanic

Respected Member
I must say for the 1st time in I don't know how long I can say I am really only seeing positive comments in the forums. There is no negativity, judgement blame games reminders of how imperfect we men are and no reminders of damage we may or may not have caused as an addict to porn. It is making recovery so much easier. I have now lost count of how many weeks it has been since I last surfed porn. The more I stood up for what I believed and the more I embraced my masculinity the less I felt the need to turn to porn. That seemed to be my recipe for success

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joepanic

Respected Member
Feeling the strongest I have felt in years. I probably think about and fantasize about sex a little too much but it gets left there. I am putting in a pretty steady and fair effort into working on my health and going to bed at a decent time during the week these days. Pretty happy with my outlook
I think one of the things that is also helping me is telling myself I don not need to be ashamed of this whole situation. That is just the weak road to recovery. We did not get into this voluntarily. So there is nothing to be ashamed of. The people who allowed all this stuff on the internet for free should be the ones who are ashamed of themselves. And I am not buying the argument of freedom of speech or expression. Before the internet porn was only available in a controlled system and I must say I watched it but can not say I was addicted because it was not something I could run to on a spur of the moment. Sometimes I honestly believe our governments don't mind us being addicted to porn. It certainly kept us busy all those years. kept us in a brain fog as to what is really going on in the world .

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Daybyday1988

Active Member
Feeling the strongest I have felt in years. I probably think about and fantasize about sex a little too much but it gets left there. I am putting in a pretty steady and fair effort into working on my health and going to bed at a decent time during the week these days. Pretty happy with my outlook
I think one of the things that is also helping me is telling myself I don not need to be ashamed of this whole situation. That is just the weak road to recovery. We did not get into this voluntarily. So there is nothing to be ashamed of. The people who allowed all this stuff on the internet for free should be the ones who are ashamed of themselves. And I am not buying the argument of freedom of speech or expression. Before the internet porn was only available in a controlled system and I must say I watched it but can not say I was addicted because it was not something I could run to on a spur of the moment. Sometimes I honestly believe our governments don't mind us being addicted to porn. It certainly kept us busy all those years. kept us in a brain fog as to what is really going on in the world .

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Absolutely agree with you here. This type of content being readily available I'm sure was known to negatively effect the entire part of life with regard to courtship, romance and pair bonding in general. This stuff is toxic and is what I like to call "spiritual heroin." The complete unmitigated and uncontrolled access to this stuff without having the knowledge of what it will do to you (LIKE LOOSING YOUR ERECTIONS!) is darn near criminal. At the very least, there should be warnings about the negative effects of P plastered on the front of every page and video. At most, i think at this point you could make a case for it being illegal, as I'm not really sure this is really in the category of protected speech.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Sometimes I honestly believe our governments don't mind us being addicted to porn. It certainly kept us busy all those years.
Indeed. If Hannibal would have had porn as a weapon of mass destruction, he wouldn't have needed to cross the alps to defeat Rome. He could have just set up shop in Carthage and wait it out tell Rome fell from within. Porn takes no prisoners. I imagine he would have broadcasted it with the motto, Porn is Freedom and Let Us Make the World Safe for Sexuality.
At the very least, there should be warnings about the negative effects of P plastered on the front of every page and video.
This would be great. I mean anything would be better than nothing at this point.
 

Daybyday1988

Active Member
This would be great. I mean anything would be better than nothing at this point.

The least to do would be to educate people before thy start their consumption. I view it almost looking like how the UK or even the USA does with cigarettes, where they have graphic warning labels on the side of the box of cigarettes (UK) or just a written warning on the side of the box like the USA.

Everytime a user goes to cornhub or an explicit site, there should be a pop up window that clearly makes it known that the material can cause impotence. Just a basic one sentence line, not endless amount of fine print that states somthing such as:

"WARNING: masturbating to explicit material can eventually lead to sexual dysfunction, relationship dissatisfaction and decreased libido, consume at your own risk"

Then followed up with a check box down the bottom indicating that the user understands not simply that they are 18 years old like on some
 

joepanic

Respected Member
On vacation for a few days at the Great Wolf Lodge in Canada Bit of a tough time too many moms in swimwear all day long including my wife. So I'll spend the next 3 days checking her out

cheers

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