Found out my husband's porn addiction when I saw the computer history. He works online (freelance IT-ish, well that's what he tells me) and though I'm not tech savvy myself, I should know - a greater chunk of his time online was spent watching porn. When I found out, he admits he's dependent on it. The worse part is that he's also fond of watching gay porn sites. I had the most terrible time of my life. I felt like I just wanna leave him for good but realized how much I love him and that I will do anything to help him get through his addiction. But what if he's able to overcome his PA but realizes he's bisexual or gay? I don't know if I should be fighting for him or to just file a divorce.
It's been two years...
- Thread starter NJLady
- Start date
I understand completely. I found out several months ago and decided to stick it out for a while. I won't say it has been easy and have thought of leaving many times. I think he is really trying, but there are no guarantees in life for sure. I am still swayed one way or another depending on how things are going and how I am feeling about myself. It sure hits your self esteem. I have tried to educate myself and understand the addiction cycle. When I am in an OK place I can be understanding about it I can do OK, but when I am emotional I have a harder time. Only you can decide what is right for you, but if you really love him and he wants to quit, it can be beneficial to give it a try once you get past the hurt and lies.
Hi there NJLady! First of all, its entirely possible that your husband is bisexual... but I think if he was gay he probably would have realized that by now (How old is he?).
However, there's also a chance that he simply has escalated into gay porn, like many other addicts have done. I started with straight porn only at 13... then by 15, I was very much into anal porn... at 19 I think I had escalated to Shemale/Transsexual porn and then it only took another 3-4 years before I was looking at some gay porn too and even talking to men online and eventually meeting them as well.
I still think I am straight however, I do not want to kiss men, hug them, cuddle with them or even caress them or even be caressed very much myself. Its just the penis that holds any interest. Compare that to how I feel about women? I love the way they smell, running my fingers through their long hair, feeling the soft skin of their legs or bum in my hands and giving it a squeeze, feeling their lips on my own, kissing their neck and then down towards their breasts, I love their smiles, I love it all, even a belly with a few extra pounds on it is adorable
I want to cuddle up in bed with them and put on a movie and afterwards just have her lie with her head on my chest and talk for an hour until we're both yawning madly and can hardly keep our eyes open.
So looking at the difference well, I think its clear that I'm straight. But if I'm bi, then I'm okay with that too. If your husband turns out to be bi... that doesn't mean that he will love you any less! And as long as it simply remains a fantasy and he stops watching porn... You should be just fine as a couple
I'd suggest talking to him about it, why does he watch Gay porn? Is it something that came later on in his porn habits? And he think about the things I mentioned above, cuddling with a man, kissing him, caressing etc etc.
Best of luck to you! I hope things work out
However, there's also a chance that he simply has escalated into gay porn, like many other addicts have done. I started with straight porn only at 13... then by 15, I was very much into anal porn... at 19 I think I had escalated to Shemale/Transsexual porn and then it only took another 3-4 years before I was looking at some gay porn too and even talking to men online and eventually meeting them as well.
I still think I am straight however, I do not want to kiss men, hug them, cuddle with them or even caress them or even be caressed very much myself. Its just the penis that holds any interest. Compare that to how I feel about women? I love the way they smell, running my fingers through their long hair, feeling the soft skin of their legs or bum in my hands and giving it a squeeze, feeling their lips on my own, kissing their neck and then down towards their breasts, I love their smiles, I love it all, even a belly with a few extra pounds on it is adorable
I want to cuddle up in bed with them and put on a movie and afterwards just have her lie with her head on my chest and talk for an hour until we're both yawning madly and can hardly keep our eyes open.So looking at the difference well, I think its clear that I'm straight. But if I'm bi, then I'm okay with that too. If your husband turns out to be bi... that doesn't mean that he will love you any less! And as long as it simply remains a fantasy and he stops watching porn... You should be just fine as a couple
I'd suggest talking to him about it, why does he watch Gay porn? Is it something that came later on in his porn habits? And he think about the things I mentioned above, cuddling with a man, kissing him, caressing etc etc.
Best of luck to you! I hope things work out
Thank you all for the replies.
@giveitup- That's the thing. When I try to reflect on things, I think my being supportive outweighs the times that I have been impatient and frustrated with him. I can't really tell if my determination is still the same like two years from now. We have decided to enroll him on Greatness Ahead as I've read a blog about it that it's effective, easy and affordable. I have high hopes it will definitely help him, alongside other methods that will eliminate his porn addiction. Fingers-crossed that he will never be attracted to the same sex ever again.
@fnatk- Thank you so much for the enlightenment. He's 25. Everything you've said made sense. My husband didn't realize that he eventually got addicted to gay porn too. Maybe it's the process.... Thanks for that, my faith is now strengthened and my hopes are increased that my husband is still attracted to me and definitely loves me!
@Androg- Thanks, lengthy but definitely worth reading.
@Viper- Yes, we still do. Twice a month and I'm unsure if he thinks about me when we do it or he's fantasizing about the guys he has watched online. ;'(
You're all amazing, again many thanks.
@giveitup- That's the thing. When I try to reflect on things, I think my being supportive outweighs the times that I have been impatient and frustrated with him. I can't really tell if my determination is still the same like two years from now. We have decided to enroll him on Greatness Ahead as I've read a blog about it that it's effective, easy and affordable. I have high hopes it will definitely help him, alongside other methods that will eliminate his porn addiction. Fingers-crossed that he will never be attracted to the same sex ever again.
@fnatk- Thank you so much for the enlightenment. He's 25. Everything you've said made sense. My husband didn't realize that he eventually got addicted to gay porn too. Maybe it's the process.... Thanks for that, my faith is now strengthened and my hopes are increased that my husband is still attracted to me and definitely loves me!
@Androg- Thanks, lengthy but definitely worth reading.
@Viper- Yes, we still do. Twice a month and I'm unsure if he thinks about me when we do it or he's fantasizing about the guys he has watched online. ;'(
You're all amazing, again many thanks.