The Grim Reaper in my shorts!

mousemat1

Well-Known Member
I've just completed day 66 and I've noticed that my HOCD has pretty much disappeared as has my desire to look at porn. I'm not going to be complacent about this because I know that the urge to look at porn can creep up unexpectedly so I have to remain vigilant.

The only thing I have to report is that my penis has been completely dead since day one of this reboot and I'm starting to think it will never come back to life! I know this is probably normal and it's my brain playing tricks on me. I looked at my calendar and saw that I masturbated to porn on the 1st of January. This proves I can get an erection. Sadly, it proves that I can only get an erection to porn! I just have to ride this wave out!

I'm writing this just to fish for similar stories of long flatlines. I know a 66 day flatline isn't so long but at the moment I don't feel as though anything could wake my penis up. How have you normally come out of your flatlines. Has it been sudden or gradual. How long were you in your flatline for?

Thanks for any feedback.
 

mousemat1

Well-Known Member
I'm really emotional today! Porn usually dulls the feelings so perhaps my abstinence is lifting the anaesthesia from my emotions. It's not a pleasant thing at the moment. I feel really deep regret and guilt about my porn use. My girlfriend had suffered a lot this last 3 or 4 years because we haven't been very intimate. Today, I really feel shit about this.

I wish I could erase the last four years but I suppose it's all a learning process. I have to take this as an important lesson, recover and do better in the future.
 

gtl923

Active Member
Your hormones and libido are likely resetting. A big sign of progress for me is morning wood. I don't think I ever got it when I was a teen because I would PMO daily. I think it took about 3 months my first go to get morning wood and also wet dreams (definitely never had wet dreams before). It all takes time but you're doing it right.

Why don't you try and be intimate with your gf again? Don't try to have sex but maybe cuddle, kiss, hold hands when you're out etc. That should help speed up the process and rewire your brain to a real woman.

mousemat1 said:
I'm really emotional today! Porn usually dulls the feelings so perhaps my abstinence is lifting the anaesthesia from my emotions. It's not a pleasant thing at the moment. I feel really deep regret and guilt about my porn use. My girlfriend had suffered a lot this last 3 or 4 years because we haven't been very intimate. Today, I really feel shit about this.

I wish I could erase the last four years but I suppose it's all a learning process. I have to take this as an important lesson, recover and do better in the future.

My emotions went absolutely crazy when I first started to quit PMO and I definitely still have my moments. I've been looking at porn since I was 13-14 so my emotions have been numbed since then. I almost never cried or really felt anything other than emptiness and loneliness. Now I'm finally learning at age 25 how to manage my emotions.

The most difficult lessons tend to have the most significance in our lives. It's a good approach to view these things as lessons. Regret will get you nowhere.
 

mousemat1

Well-Known Member
Thanks gtl923.

I even got emotional reading your advice. I think you're right. It's a sign of some recovery. Your advice about being more affectionate with my girlfriend is spot on! I think that now is the time to try to rewire to the real thing. I was stroking myself earlier to see if I could get an erection from touch alone. I kept all porn images out of my head and also didn't fantasise. I haven't had a significant erection (except for some spontaneous morning wood) during this reboot. To my pleasant surprise I achieved decent erection. It was about 95% hard.

Thanks again for your advice. It really means a lot to me. I hope you're reboot is going well.
 

gtl923

Active Member
I'm glad you were able to find my advice useful. One more thing, I would encourage you to be very careful about testing your erections, stroking, etc. It doesn't seem that bad to do one time, but in doing so you have let your guard down ever so slightly. It was ok one time so what's one more time? Then you go a little bit further and before you know it your right back into those old habits. I'd say rewire to your gf, and let her be the only one to give you erections. And if you can't get an erection from her but you can from your hand then you might consider what that means about using your hand.

Stay strong brother.
 

mousemat1

Well-Known Member
Very wise advice gtl923.

I have no intention of making a habit of stroking myself. Sometimes it seems like there is a hole where my penis should be because it's so dead and lifeless. I stroked just to have the reassurance that I still have a penis that is waiting to come back to life!

Once again, thanks for the sound advice!  :)
 
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