partner success story

[DavS]

  Yes, thank you for this thread.
  You are absolutely right, it's about the whole self, and the relationship, if there is one. I'm three months into my reboot. My wife and I are also doing much better.
  I just want to share something that has helped us have more fun and less worries in bed. During my reboot I discovered that I don't need as many orgasims as I thought. (I guess I thought my head would explode.) It doesn't mean I don't want them, but the reward for having almost 90 percent less has been amazing! I'm in my mid sixties, and I'm more virile now than when I was a teen having one a day. In my experience, just being highly aroused for a long time gives me the dopamine, or whatever, I need to feel satisfied. My ED is gone. In our culture, much of what men are told about healthy sexual functioning is wrong.

 

[misc person 86]

I'm in my mid sixties, and I'm more virile now than when I was a teen having one a day.

Great input Turtle. Like hearing healing and perspective from older guys going through a similar thing. Gives me hope that I have plenty of time to enjoy sexual energy with a human as I wasted 15 years of my life to PMO (I'm 32 and still recovering).

 

[aquarius25]

Thank you for the encouragement. I think it is really important to share and celebrate every success with or without porn addiction. This life can be hard enough, celebrate the positive!

On that note I wanted to share another things that my husband and I have been doing to really help us grow closer. We encourage each other. I know this sounds really dumb and obvious but honestly when we aren't consciously thinking about it sometimes we don't realize just how much goes unsaid. I think he is amazing but I found myself not telling him that enough. In the early part of the reboot he was filled with so much shame and me with so much hurt. I think we could have used some positive. Our commitment is to say something kind and uplifting to each other every day. If we are going to voice a frustration then it needs to be sandwiched between two thing the person does well. Not only does this make the  criticism not feel like such a blow but it also reminded the person giving the critique that you love this person and they do a lot of things well instead of focusing on only the negative. Though this process I have learned so much about how much husband feels about me. Some of my biggest insecurities I am realizing are some of his favorite things about me. It shows me just how much I am way too hard on myself and how I need to love myself more. It also is a daily reminder of just how amazing the man I married is.

So I guess to wrap this up I would say, even in the darkest and most difficult moments there is still always a bit of light. There is always hope for a better tomorrow and there is always something to be positive and celebrate. When you share that with someone else you create connection. Connection is where healing can really take off!

 

[aquarius25]

I just wanted to add to this success story a few more things I have noticed. My husband is 2 1/2 years pron free. We no longer have sexual issues at all. He is a much more confident man and doesn't really carry the weight of shame with this addiction. He talks openly and freely about it with others when the topic arises and he doesn't seem to care about others opinions if they are negative. HE isn't worried about what others think, he just says this is a big part of his story and who he is today. He is proud of the work he has put in and really walks like a new man. He is more empathic and shows more care for others and how his actions impact those around him. He is someone I love so much more than who he was before D-day. He no longer struggles with performance anxiety as he knows he doesn't have to perform. When we are intimate it is so much better!!!! I can not emphasize this enough. He is present and sex really feels like a connection and not just sex.  We both trust and encourage each other and we both talk regularly about our life, goals and our future. Our marriage feels more like a partners and true best friends. I love this man so much more than I ever knew I could. We just celebrated our 15yr anniversary and I still feel like I miss him when he is gone for the afternoon. I look forward to seeming him when he comes home. He feels like my home. Our family is closer and I feel so much more love and joy. Looking forward to another year together!