alotofhopenow
Member
First Journal Entry.
Just saw this website on Global TV. It made me feel a lot better. I definitely thought about killing myself many times over the last years.
First started with porn when my brother gave me his old magazines. It was like Christmas! Crazy orgasm and I was hooked. Then the internet came up. At first it was pictures because internet was 56k. Then we got cable and it was a new addiction to videos. Then it was kinkier. Then it was a bunch of different kinks to reach orgasm. Then it was darker as well.
By the first girlfriend(16 year old) i was already porn addicted for 4 years. She couldn't compete. I couldn't maintain an erection. I already felt like I had no confidence so this worsened it.
Thinking back now I realize I did get an erection with her but because of my upbringing I was embarrassed of it and tried to hide it from her(3rd date). I forced it to go away. Then after that it was hard to get an erection. I also had a horrible diet so I would have disgusting farts and they sickened and embarrassed me so I would force them down but by doing that it was too much pressure and I couldn't get an erection. Always holding the farts down and trying to control them and tightening up inside.
Then I got scared I wouldn't ever be able to get an erection. This fear led to non erections with other girls. I also hated the size of my penis so I put pressure on myself to get hard before the girl saw it so i wouldn't be so humiliated.
I masturbated about an hour ago. Then I saw the program about 20 minutes ago.
I feel if others can beat this problem so can I. I also am happy that it's more common then I thought(Not happy that others suffer just happy that I'm not the only one).
I'm worried about the addiction of porn. I know on some level I can beat it. I think stopping porn will be better this time because now I can know its okay now to be really horny even though I haven't used porn for a while. The last "break" was 20 days but then I thought there was no hope so I might as well go back to it. I haven't tried to stop for a long time(Maybe two years). But now I know its okay not to get really horny even though I stopped using porn for the first few months.
Just saw this website on Global TV. It made me feel a lot better. I definitely thought about killing myself many times over the last years.
First started with porn when my brother gave me his old magazines. It was like Christmas! Crazy orgasm and I was hooked. Then the internet came up. At first it was pictures because internet was 56k. Then we got cable and it was a new addiction to videos. Then it was kinkier. Then it was a bunch of different kinks to reach orgasm. Then it was darker as well.
By the first girlfriend(16 year old) i was already porn addicted for 4 years. She couldn't compete. I couldn't maintain an erection. I already felt like I had no confidence so this worsened it.
Thinking back now I realize I did get an erection with her but because of my upbringing I was embarrassed of it and tried to hide it from her(3rd date). I forced it to go away. Then after that it was hard to get an erection. I also had a horrible diet so I would have disgusting farts and they sickened and embarrassed me so I would force them down but by doing that it was too much pressure and I couldn't get an erection. Always holding the farts down and trying to control them and tightening up inside.
Then I got scared I wouldn't ever be able to get an erection. This fear led to non erections with other girls. I also hated the size of my penis so I put pressure on myself to get hard before the girl saw it so i wouldn't be so humiliated.
I masturbated about an hour ago. Then I saw the program about 20 minutes ago.
I feel if others can beat this problem so can I. I also am happy that it's more common then I thought(Not happy that others suffer just happy that I'm not the only one).
I'm worried about the addiction of porn. I know on some level I can beat it. I think stopping porn will be better this time because now I can know its okay now to be really horny even though I haven't used porn for a while. The last "break" was 20 days but then I thought there was no hope so I might as well go back to it. I haven't tried to stop for a long time(Maybe two years). But now I know its okay not to get really horny even though I stopped using porn for the first few months.