22 year old girl addicted to porn since age of 15

[Babygirl55]

Hi guys, i've been searching for help everywhere and i finally found this site where people are having the same problems as i am. My story is pretty long but ill make it short. I started watching porn since the age of 15 and became extremely addicted. It started of with pic's and progressed into becoming more extreme like lesbians, gay, hentai and others i don't want to get into too much detail. i was depressed for 4 years and at the beginning it would turn me on so much but afterwards i would watch it just out of boredom or for something to do. It slowly stopped turning me on but i would still masturbate over it because i felt the need too. When it stopped turning me on i would force myself to orgasm without stimulating my clit but fingering myself.  I didn't realise i had a serious problem untill i started going out with my boyfriend. We started fooling around and i couldn't get turned on at all, i felt nothing and no arousal even when he touched me down there or kissed my neck or rubbed his hand down my leg. I then found the site your brain on porn and read into it. i found a lot of this happens to men more than women so im not sure what the difference would be as women are aroused mentally by thoughts and images. I firstly thought it was him but it turned out it was me as i tried with other men to see if it was really just me and none of them could get me the slightest turned on after doing everything that they could have done. I do become wet but no feeling of wanting them inside me. I really don't know what my problem is, i stopped watching porn since October last year and have been trying to reboot with my bf for so long but i can never get that feeling. If i video tape me and my bf kissing and i watch it, or i imagine a guy doing stuff to a girl or if i saw two people fucking it would turn me on, also i think the lesbian porn has affected me too as women bodies does turn me on a lot but i still don't think im lesbian as im attracted to men. I just feel no connection while kissing my bf and having stuff done to me does nothing to me but the idea of other people doing it does. I'm so sad and depressed and i dont know where to turn or where to get help and if i'll ever get back to how i used to be, which i think feels impossible. If anyone can give me some advice or what i should do to get better.

Thanks.

 

[PMOVictory]

Hi Babygirl55

You have taken some significant steps in your recovery. You do not mention your age or for how long you have been trapped with this addiction. This may affect how long you will need to reboot. However the experts say that people that started at a young age while they were still developing their brains, training them with the wrong distorted type of pathways in their brains takes longer to reboot.

I'm no expert and just relate to you what I have been reeding and some of my own experiences. It will most definitely also be different from men and woman. It might be necessary for you to seek professional help.

Posting your journal will also help you to clear your mind and find answers for yourself. This also gives other rebooters on the forum opportunity to interact with you and give advice. So once again, you have taken the first steps into the right direction.

Stay strong and be Blessed!

 

[kaybee]

Hey Babygirl, I see it's been a while since you've been on here. Are you still interested in getting past this? I'm a 22 year old girl and struggling with this too, you can message me some time if you want.

 

[Yelashade]

Hey Babygirl55,

I totally get where you're coming from, we all want to get results as soon as possible. Perhaps it's because, even though you've given up porn, you still fantasise about porn scenarios that you used to watch? I would also suggest to completely abstain from PMO for 90 days at least. If you haven't already, explain this to your bf and he should (hopefully) be encouraging. It's not easy. I'm only on day 20 and it's murder here/feeling the flatline too haha! Anyway, I hope that helped but if you need to talk, feel free to message me

 

[TAKID]

I've been reading a few women post. I honestly didn't know it was this bad.. I do hopeople you have a successful recovery.

 

[PMOVictory]

I've been reading a few women post. I honestly didn't know it was this bad.. I do hopeople you have a successful recovery.

The porn beast does not make any distinction between gender, age & race. It is bad and mean and destroys.
I'm so happy for all who have found YBOP and RN. This forum does help a lot on recovering from it.

Stay strong and receive the Blessing!

 

[Viper]

Welcome-
You came to the right place.
A good collective source of experience and support.

 

[Poker]

Ladies.....  while it is predominantly a male problem, I can assure you, as long as you's have brains, porn can rewire them.  So yes, the exact same effects of the dopamine high, can and will affect you.

I hope you stick around and find the support you need,

Cheers,

p.

 

[miomio]

This is a great post and it has widened my horizon on rebooting. I hope you will find a solution to your problem and rewire soon!

 

[ntg2978]

I really don't know what my problem is, i stopped watching porn since October last year and have been trying to reboot with my bf for so long but i can never get that feeling.

You said you're trying to do a reboot; does that mean no P or MO as well, or just P? 

If i video tape me and my bf kissing and i watch it, or i imagine a guy doing stuff to a girl or if i saw two people fucking it would turn me on, also i think the lesbian porn has affected me too as women bodies does turn me on a lot but i still don't think im lesbian as im attracted to men. I just feel no connection while kissing my bf and having stuff done to me does nothing to me but the idea of other people doing it does.

This sounds like something that happened to me at one point.  I remember I was with a girl, and I could not get hard.  She was cute, and she started saying, "you're not attracted to me" and I told her, no, it's not her, just that sometimes I can't get hard due to stuff in my past.  So she had the idea of watching P, so we watched P together and I got hard, and then she got all pissed off at me because I got hard at P and not with her, thinking I thought the P stars were more attractive or something.  But anyway, this is the same thing as I have experienced, and I think a lot of people on here have; like how they can't even ejaculate unless they watch P, even if they are with a woman.  So, I think it's a brain issue, not a gender issue; just have to weaken those neural pathways and make some better ones, which is what this site is all about.

I'm so sad and depressed and i dont know where to turn or where to get help and if i'll ever get back to how i used to be, which i think feels impossible. If anyone can give me some advice or what i should do to get better.

First thing is to try to focus on what you're going to do to make this better; if you stay sad & depressed, you're going to use P to feel better, and it will continue the addictive cycle.  Decide that you're going to do a reboot with no P or MO (I think that is what you're going to need in order to truly rewire your brain for the natural pleasure pathways).  Set a realistic goal, and then put all your energy into reaching it, and keep focused on positive things.  Read some of my posts on here for help on that, as I've talked about NLP stuff as well as positive affirmations too.

You're among a lot of people who are going through the same kinds of things, so know you're not going it alone!  I'll help however I can, if you need something.