Life Level Up

MashuSan

Member
It's been well over two years since I've last posted. I tried once to go a year without any PMO, or even just porn. I've been struggling with reboot ever since I've read all there is to know on YBOP... that must have been back in 2009. It's almost been a decade and I still have never reached my goal.

The longest I've gone was about 8 months ... and even at that, I've "cheated" sometimes, watched porn and masturbated a little bit. I felt the changing of a new man within me but clumsily f*cked it up after a while: naturally.

I haven't tried finding the strength to overcome this life-becoming plague by looking for it within people, by opening up to a group of strangers online to receive help when I'm on a low and do the same for them. So here it goes.

Last time I was on this forum they had a counter, I guess it's not here anymore. Either way, this marks my day one of a year-long journey. No porn, no masturbation. Simple. I know one year is a bit ambitious, but I've already had my share of little victories, 1 month here, 3 months there.

I still don't know how to be a member of a forum, nor to be part of this community, but I'm willing to try, navigating with my hands outstretched in this dark room.

Thank you for reading,

Matt
 

MashuSan

Member
Well,

second day and I kinda fucked up. I woke up this morning feeling very horny. I think depravity somehow makes you want to even more. I didn't PMO, didn't even watch porn, but I did MO.

I don't know how to feel about this. Should I just brush it under the rug and pretend like it doesn't count? Or should I be rigorous and restart the clock?

I find it's frustrating. I still haven't figured it out, but I'm leaning on the side where I should store this as emotional leverage and restart the clock.

That's the tough part of always restarting the clock when things get hard, is it wrong to restart if you're halfway through your goal?

 

MashuSan

Member
Oh yeah! Just got my counter, today was an awesome f*cken day, no thoughts or urges happened, especially when I watched this movie that had a few naked parts in it, I could feel my reward circuit starting to light up and initiate one of my porn rituals, but I stayed focus, went to the site, read an awesome reply to someone else's post, a and even found myself a counter!!!!

Stay strong out there, and as Youtuber Maximbady would say: yallah!
 

MashuSan

Member
Ok o my counter fucked up,
I fucked up, a lot
went to Thailand in May, I've been doing good for a few weeks before traveling to Thailand, but that place is just so crazy, I got laid the first night I arrived, then again the next day and again, I was so amped up and horny by there I just had to masturbate, and slowly tipped my vessel down the neverending pit of shame and frustration.

Ever since then I've been on and off of porn. I've now got a girlfriend, and finally had sex with her last weekend. Shameful to say, it was a cialis encourage sex weekend, but the frustration and shame is still there. I'm starting to lose hope now to go on a constant 365 day run with no PMO. I don't know what's keeping me hoping. I've been trying to get this done for almost 6 years now, and ever single time, fail and fail and fail.

Maybe this is the new comfortable. Idk.. I'm starting to feel pretty alone now.
 
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