I think it depends on who you are trying to tell. Is is close friends? A partner? I think educating them on what porn addiction is can be a great jumping off point. There are some great videos on here. Honesty and sincerity is always a great place to start especially with the people you love.
Ive only told one family member about my addiction (brother) and only because I trust him more than anyone else. I haven't told another person about my PIED or my abuse of porn. When I told my bro we were driving around in his car and I just came out and said it. I just blurted it all out. I explained what my particular issue is, how long it's been affecting me, how it's affected my love life, the basics of porn addiction, and why I was telling him (for my own recovery). The only reason I told him is because guys like Noah Church have come out and said not to be ashamed or guilty about it and telling someone helps you with recovery. I really don't plan on telling anyone else, because Im still embarrassed of my erectile dysfunction, but telling my bro turned out to be a good thing. Every few days he checks up on me and asks how Im doing, even though he doesn't really believe that I have PIED. He thinks its just in my head (which is true, but not in the way he means). I do believe telling someone about this kind of thing (besides on an internet forum) is a great way to heal. I just don't have the courage to shout it from the rooftops like the guys who created this forum. Ive got a lot of respect for people like that.
Recovering1 i completely understand, i don't really worry that people know i just have a problem with some reactions. Just get a wife one person said and i agree getting a partner is very helpful but you don't just get in a relationship like that, using the relationship as a kind of method that will finally help you with the addiction. My brother generally has a problem with accepting or understanding there is such a thing as addiction but i think he is changing his mind now. Other people just think your strange or something, the one thing that worries me most though is what people do with this revelation and/or information. i prefer to be the one telling people about this unless its someone who will address it right. Cause some people basically go to people and tell them your a pervert even though they don't say the exact words. then people start acting weird around you or they start laughing at you in a way that categorizes you as a loser. i hope this makes sense, its the negative reactions that get me.
Ok, I want to be very clear about something. I didn't not say "get a wife". In fact I would discourage seeking a relationship at this point. What I would encourage is getting support! I think having an in person accountability is huge for a recovery. My husband had this addiction and experienced PIED for almost 2 decades! I would consider him an extreme case and the biggest difference in his recovery was when he started engaging in a group of men that he could be open and honest with. I do think having someone you can talk to is so important. This site is great but there is something about looking into someone's eyes and having a connection with another person that is so very important. A lot of men on here think you can recover faster with a girlfriend/wife. As a wife I have to tell you that is not only a short sighted thought but it can also be damaging to your recovery and to the person you drag into this mess. Work on getting healthy first, then think about a relationship. Men think being able to have sex with a partner helps your PIED. A lot of guys don't realize that in fact if you read the countless journals on here that the chaser effect is real. You will find a lot of guys relapse and or have the biggest urges after sex. It doesn't help! It makes it harder!!! I think a porn addicted brain is just trying to justify and keep those self center pathways open when I read things like that. Telling a person is scary. It is actually pretty scary as a partner telling a friend about your husbands addiction too! But reaching out to someone you love and trust, a friend, can be a big game changer in your recovery in a positive direction.
I am happy to answer and encourage anyway I can. I just think porn feeds on isolation, secrecy, and shame. In order to rewire and heal you need to change those behaviors.
First of all, you should tell only to people that you are sure that they have the same values as you. To people you can really trust. If you tell to people without the same values as you, you will find some problems to explain your situation and they will mess up you. So, please, do not tell your situation, thoughts and any other thing to people you can not trust. Tell only to people that you are sure they will understand you. To people that use the same language as you. To people that have the same values as you and have the same way of think you have. If you are too ashamed to do this to people around you (even if you know that they will help you, but you are not sure at all), go to a strange place (very far from your home) and tell your thoughts to a random strange. He or she will disappear soon and you will never be recognized. But be careful to choose...
Once you know for who you will tell, you have got to think how. You can write a short note explaining what is your addiction, the studies about that, the side effects and with the common QA or mistakes. Then, your history. It is all about rhetoric. Train your speech in front of a mirror and make sure that people will understand what you are saying. You can use metaphors to tell things you do not want to say directly.
And the most important: why are you telling this to someone? What you want?
@aquarius25 i wasn't referring to you ; i was talking about a guy i know, you and i are on the same page. Vampire you answered my question, to answer the question about why i basically wanted to sort of prepare when the time comes , leaving porn causes you change your life in ways that u don't expect and people notice and some ask questions. i just wanted to find out how other people have expressed this problem to other people , esp those who are unfamiliar.
Most people who I've told don't think it's a big deal; that it's an overreaction or something like that. I generally just assert that it's a big deal for me but I don't try to make them believe that they should feel that way. Definitely frustrating at times. If I'm with a woman I tell her in case I have issues in the bedroom so she knows it's not her fault.