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DIMA-NBA

DIMA-NBA

Active Member
Day 5

I felt terrible in the morning. I didn't sleep well at all last night. Also there was an argument with the gf.

I was feeling anxious about the upcoming week at work and not only that - money, renovation of the first floor, feeling like 2 of my closest friends are no longer that close to me, my weight gain, the need to buy a newer car (less money more problems) and all those things made me sad and I was thoughtful.

My girlfriend sensed that and asked me if everything's ok, but I refused to talk about it. At least initially. Then I gave in and said it's about work.

Then things quickly got worse because it was late, we both couldn't sleep well. I said I didn't want to bother her with my stuff.

I was close to crying when we were about to about to go to sleep. Unfortunately, she sensed that too. In the morning she mentioned it, it really sucks because that's how she can quickly lose respect for me. She mentioned in the context of "I don't know what is going on in your head, I'm worried" etc.

Well, time to work again.
 
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Iwantthesecondchance

Active Member
@DIMA-NBA I get you, man. In these times, having a good real friend really helps and I get your worries about not being as close to them as you used to be.
In my modest practice of relations with women, I think it is better not to open up 100% because more often than not they won't understand you and will use your words against you in future. I think that it happens maybe on unconscious level, but I experienced it a couple times. You think that after opening up and showing your weaknesses your bonds will become even stronger, but in reality it pushes her away. I really hope that there are many women who would appreciate honesty and would value the sincerity that a man demonstrates, but I do not think that it is the case.

I really hope that you will be able to revive your friendship very soon! It will at least help on a mental level.

I hope that this wave of difficulties in your life will soon be changed by a new wave of good news and successes, remain strong, man!
 
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achilles heel

Well-Known Member
Glad to see you’re back at 5 days - however the situation with your friend turns out, however your other problems evolve, don’t let your brain talk you into “needing” PMO as a relief. You will have emotionally challenging situations all the time in life and we as addicts need to learn to deal with our emotions without the easy way out - because the problems are still there afterwards anyway and nothing got better.

I also guess your girlfriend won’t lose any respect for you because of your emotions, it would be really sad if she did.
 
DIMA-NBA

DIMA-NBA

Active Member
Day 1

I watched P yesterday. Not a good feeling. My phone stopped working, I got a new one. One lucky bastard I am, my mom helped me financially.
 
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Iwantthesecondchance

Active Member
Hey man @DIMA-NBA, it is okay, you also now have a lot of expenses due to the repair works at your house.
We all have ups and downs, but we need to believe that we can go up again. I remember how I read your journal a few months ago, and I thought "Wow, this guy has everything under control! I have to do like him!". So I know that you have it in you, just need to make yourself go onto this path again. Believe in yourself, and you will come back even stronger!
 
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achilles heel

Well-Known Member
You’ll get back up and succeed, no doubt about it!

Are there any tricks or restrictions that might help you get through the initial stage? Using blockers on phone or computer?
 
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DIMA-NBA

DIMA-NBA

Active Member
Day 3

Thanks for always supporting me guys! @Iwantthesecondchance @achilles heel @GBS Who knows how deep in the hole I'd be if it wasn't for your help.

I don't think blockers work for me, I have tried them, but I always find myself looking for a loophole.

I believe starting to write in my journal more often, just reminding myself that I can lead a healthy lifestyle without PMO. I think that'd be a good first step.
 
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