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DIMA-NBA

DIMA-NBA

Member
Day 3

🏀It was a good day overall, I was busy, went to my sister's basketball game then met up with my gf. We both still had the symptoms but I was feeling slightly better than the day before. We had pasta which was delicious but unfortunately my stomach didn't react well to it. Took medicine for the stomach ache. Then I went home, played a videogame called Assassin's Creed Odyssey for about an hour, showered and went to bed.
 
DIMA-NBA

DIMA-NBA

Member
Day 4

It was an odd day. It was going fine until the evening. I was with my gf and all of a sudden, I start thinking of how I've had no success with PMO since forever. We headed to the bedroom, she made a move on me, but I wasn't present to the moment, all I could think of was how I fucked up my life in such a big way. We got intimate, I reached O with her, but I felt really strange and left her apartment soon, still thoughtful about what I've let PMO do to me. I'm still kind of thoughtful and sad.

I've really let myself go physically, only recently I've dropped a few kilos. Work-wise I'm supposed to start in a few days, but I'm ashamed to admit I've been relying on my parents financially, since I quit my job about 3 months ago. That's not something I'm proud of, being 26 years old. Basically things took a sharp turn for me in 2020. I was a foreigner in the UK and I had lived there for about 4 years.

Due to the pandemic I got back to my hometown urgently. My dad insisted I come back home, because he was afraid the borders were going to close. I packed my stuff and I also was doing no PMO at the time. It was a very stressful period for me. I was severely underslept, couldn't get any sleep.

As I result, about a month of low sleep after I had come to my hometown, I went to see a psychiatrist.. at first she said it's no big deal but later on after a few wrong diagnoses from 2 psychiatrists, I went to a third one. He concluded that I have Bipolar Disorder. I've been taking medication for over 4 years now. I just have been feeling shit each evening recently, when it's time to take 4 pills for my mental health.

I guess it's normal to start being more thoughtful and mindful about past mistakes, I remember I had a similar experience in 2018, when I quit PMO and had a period of almost 3 months without that shit.
 
DIMA-NBA

DIMA-NBA

Member
Day 5

I felt like shit when I got up from bed. After doing my routine, I started to think of what I could do with my free time today. The only planned things were a meet up with a friend and later I was going to see my gf.

I had a few hours to kill and I decided to go on a long walk. I walked for about 2 hours. That made me feel better.

However I was still feeling low. I didn't PMO.
 
DIMA-NBA

DIMA-NBA

Member
Day 6

🤬I felt irritable and somewhat angry during the day. I was easily rattled. Maybe that has something to do with my financial problems.

👍Towards the evening, I started feeling better when my dad helped me out with money and I felt a bit of a relief. I went to my gf, I was in a great mood. We did 2 rounds this time and it felt good and refreshing to not worry if I'm going to have a difficult time getting it up
 
Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
Hey @DIMA-NBA. So ob is a mistake, I was trying to say "job." :cool: Your English is very good by the way. "Ob" usually is a prefix meaning "to" or "against"

Best friend.
 
DIMA-NBA

DIMA-NBA

Member
Day 8

First day at the new job. It went well, I was feeling very upbeat until the evening. I met up with my gf, we got intimate, but what's fucked up is that while we were having sex I started having this fantasy about one of the girls in the new job.

That had never happened before while having sex with my gf. I realize it's unhealthy. It felt like pure lust. Not sure how to process that and what to do so that it doesn't happen again, except writing it out in detail on paper in my journal. Any advice would be appreciated.
 
Alexey

Alexey

Active Member
How often do you find yourself doing one thing, yet thinking about something else?

Likely you are successful at your job. How do you stay consistent in it and handle distractions?
 
DIMA-NBA

DIMA-NBA

Member
Alexey said:
How often do you find yourself doing one thing, yet thinking about something else?

Likely you are successful at your job. How do you stay consistent in it and handle distractions?
Click to expand...
Day 9 and Day 10

Everything was fine, no urges.

@Alexey To be honest it happens often that I'm thinking of one thing while doing another. I'm not sure I catch your drift, could you elaborate on your point?
 
Alexey

Alexey

Active Member
Good you are progressing(y)

I suppose that it is about brain discipline. You do one thing, but thing about something else (sex with other person). NoFap is also about discipline -- interrupt destructive thoughts.
 
DIMA-NBA

DIMA-NBA

Member
Day 11

Work was fine. Again I got a headache and fever. Took medication. The thought of PMO entered my mind in the evening when I got home, because I felt exhausted, but I reminded myself of the progress I've made recently and kept on the right track.
 
DIMA-NBA

DIMA-NBA

Member
Day 12

I got into an argument with my gf and we haven't resolved it yet. When I got home the thought of acting out with PMO entered my mind, even though we had just had sex a few hours ago. I remembered that watching that shit and what I consider to be extreme genres I'm not comfortable with, is so destructive to my mental well being I let that thought go.
 
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