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DIMA-NBA

DIMA-NBA

Active Member
Day 14

Yesterday was a busy day, when I came home from work, I was exhausted. I had a job interview in an hour. I took a shower and felt better. The interview went well and I am feeling optimistic about the outcome. I'm glad I didn't turn to PMO when I was feeling that tired and was almost on "autopilot".
 
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DIMA-NBA

DIMA-NBA

Active Member
Day 15

Yesterday was a good day. I watched the movie "Gladiator" with Russell Crowe with my gf. The movie is from the year 2000. I'm not a movie buff, I haven't watched a lot of movies, but I have to say that Gladiator is now my favorite movie of all time. The movie for me is about the ideal masculinity and always doing the right thing. Even when everything is taken away from a man, he still has his attitude and character. A very inspiring movie for me and as a result I couldn't fall asleep till 5am but I'm alright and feeling well.

Thank you @Blondie and @GBS for your support! I wish you guys and everyone reading a PMO free weekend!
 
DIMA-NBA

DIMA-NBA

Active Member
Day 17

I was busy at work and throughout the whole day. A close friend called me and wanted to meet in like half an hour. Even though I had rough plans to play cards with my family, I went to see him because I felt like he might be struggling and going through a rough patch in his life. I'm glad I did meet with him and made an effort to listen to him.

He left his girlfriend a few months ago and he hasn't had a lot of luck with his dates recently but he seems to be on the right track now, he asked me to be his gym buddy and I agreed.

Thankfully, there were no urges recently.
 
DIMA-NBA

DIMA-NBA

Active Member
Day 18

Things went well at work yesterday, however the salary is not satisfactory. I started working at that place, because I hadn't been able to find my preferred job and I was out of work for over 3 months, therefore financially things were tough and still are and I'm ashamed to admit I'm relying on my parents for money.

Hopefully I perform well and present myself in a good light at the upcoming job interview next week, so that I least have another offer on the table.

The thought of PMO appeared yesterday but I dismantled it quickly. I had diarrhea. It was around 3-4am. I hadn't even tried to go to bed. I couldn't fall asleep till around 5am. I took Melatonin and I had about 3 hours of sleep. I think I can catch up on sleep the following days.

Wishing you a PMO-free day today!
 
DIMA-NBA

DIMA-NBA

Active Member
Day 19

I had an unpleasant morning. I threw up. I was slacking at work. I was on 3 hours of sleep and I had to cold approach business clients. I felt like I didn't have the energy. I canceled the workout I had planned with my gf and we didn't meet. I went to bed early. I barely made it through the working hours. At least I didn't PMO.
 
DIMA-NBA

DIMA-NBA

Active Member
Day 20

Thank you @GBS it was a tough day, but I'm glad I didn't give in. Your continued support surely contributes to my abstinence.

I'm glad to report that yesterday I held strong too. It was another non eventful day at work. A date with the gf fell through and a gym session with a friend too. I made some plans to meet with another friend. We met and had a good time. I went home, I felt tired and went to bed relatively early.
 
A

achilles heel

Well-Known Member
Congrats on 20 days, you’re doing great! I read through your journal and can relate to lots of things as I’m struggling for a decade now to leave this behind.

There are some uncomfortable conclusions we all need to discover the hard way, for example that your early streaks of abstinence in 2018 while still watching videos of girls without complete nudity were technically still porn. You still had your artificial dopamine fix, just not through the hard stuff. Somewhere I read the comparison “It’s like an alcoholic sticking to beer instead of booze”.

Therefore you did a good job deleting instagram from your phone because the endless timelines of social media are the entry gate to the scrolling through porn.

I can also relate to your thought of “If only I could have a relationship it would be easier to abstain” and then struggling in that relationship. I’m also going through those struggles in a relationship and the fantasies about your co-worker during sex are completely normal (I did that too and feel bad about it) because your brain is used to get stimulated by thousands of different women during your porn sessions and now suddenly gets drained and bored. You have to shut it down and only allow real interaction with a human, not a screen or a fantasy.

Reading about your discipline regarding exercising and your skills to socialize you have all the ingredients to a happy and successful life - just stay strong and kick this addiction out of your life once and for all!
 
DIMA-NBA

DIMA-NBA

Active Member
Day 21

Thank you brother @achilles heel ! I value your input and I believe you're right on point about the illusion that PMO is, also the distorted version of reality in which I wholeheartedly felt that if only I had a gf, things would naturally take care of themselves and I wouldn't PMO at all. Cheers again for the encouraging words and have an awesome weekend!

I was bored at work yesterday till lunchtime, things quickly got more intense as the day went on. I also had a fever and still do. The thought of PMO appeared multiple times at work and also after meeting my gf, around 3am, regardless of the fact my girl and I were intimate. After taking Melatonin I finally fell asleep around 4am. I took medication for the fever too.

I got "flashbacks" of adult content when I went to bed. I just laid there in bed and let the thoughts go away. For now, when I start thinking of acting out, I play some music, read journals here or I watch the movie Gladiator. Admittedly, it might not be the best system/strategy but so far it works.

I also remember that I quickly escalate the genres even if I have abstained for a few weeks let's say. So, another clean day.
 
Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
Looking good @DIMA-NBA!

The thing with those flashbacks - although they can be a pain in the ass - they also are a great way of seeing how lame this habit really is and it's further proof that your brain is trying to heal. So it's kind of a plus when you think about it like that.

Also, I was going to mention this to you last week when you talked about Gladiator, but that was my favorite movie for years when I first saw it back in 2000. Maximus is a fantastic manly character and has so many attributes that men lack today that he's a good role-model in this age of effeminate men. Duty, honor, devotion to his wife and family, you name it, he has it in spades.

Best
 
DIMA-NBA

DIMA-NBA

Active Member
Thanks @Blondie !

That's a nice shift of perspective regarding the flashbacks.

Regarding the movie Gladiator, I couldn't agree more, it really moved me! Since you mentioned that it was your favorite movie, do you mind sharing which movies are your favorites now?
 
Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
DIMA-NBA said:
Regarding the movie Gladiator, I couldn't agree more, it really moved me! Since you mentioned that it was your favorite movie, do you mind sharing which movies are your favorites now?
Click to expand...
That's hard question! I couldn't put them in any order, but here's a few.

Gladiator - A great masculine role-model with fun action/battle scenes. It's completely historically inaccurate, but I couldn't care less.
Fight Club - A great masculine message about self-transformation. They wouldn't dare make a movie like this nowadays.
Band of Brothers (tv series) - All men here. All leaders. All on a mission. Great story, though a little too "Pro patriotic/America" for my taste.
Original Star Wars Trilogy - Hard to beat the originals, especially the first two episodes. Han Solo was a great masculine character. Who could beat his retort to Princess Leia after she finally confesses her feelings for him by saying "I love you" with his stoic reply, "I know." Maybe the greatest line in movie history. I will always love it for nostalgic reasons.
On her Majesty's Secret Service - A great James Bond movie and an even better book. Action. Adventure. Romance. Nothing beats it. It shows that James Bond is actually a real human being with real human fears and feelings.
The Thin Red Line - A brilliant philosophical war movie and perhaps the best war movie of all time. It's definitely anti-war but at the same time it is more about the war raging inside a man than without. The psychological chaos in men is the real war for us all, even in times of peace. I've gone back to this classic over and over again and it has aged like a fine wine. What is more, there's always a beautiful Christlike figure in the story who shows the sacrificial aspects of masculinity while not being overtly "masculine" like the other soldiers in the movie. Thus, it's extremely nuanced in its take on what it means to be masculine.

There's hundreds more I could mentioned, but those are some of my favorites.

Best
 
DIMA-NBA

DIMA-NBA

Active Member
Day 22

@Blondie Thank you sir for the detailed reply! Not only did you provide us with great movie recommendations but you also described why they are special to you. 👍

Unfortunately yesterday was more of the same: fever and I even woke up shivering. I took medication and had poor sleep.

Good thing at least in the morning I watched my sister's basketball game 🏀 and I went to the barbershop for a fresh cut. 💇‍♂️

Clean day!
 
DIMA-NBA

DIMA-NBA

Active Member
Day 23

I felt better when I woke up. I met with a good buddy of mine who's helping me with a job opportunity at his company.

I worked out with my gf and then we went home and watched a TV series. Oddly enough even though we started getting physical, I wasn't fully erect. I thought to myself "That's weird, that has literally never happened with my gf and I also haven't watched porn for about 3 weeks". I wasn't hard enough for penetration.

The music that was playing while we were trying to have sex was making me uncomfortable. I stopped it and after like 20 minutes we tried again and I had no problem. What was weird was that I have a prostate infection, I found out later. It hurts when I urinate and when I orgasm.
 
DIMA-NBA

DIMA-NBA

Active Member
Day 24

I took the laptop with me to work, because I had an interview not too long after work. I went to a urologist and he prescribed me medicine for the infection/inflammation. I informed my supervisor that I'd be late, because of the doctor appointment. The doctor said no sex for a week, I looked at him and he said "you can do it with a condom on the 3rd day"

In the evening I had a 3rd interview with the same company. I'd say I'm about 65-70% certain I will get an offer. I'm pleased with how the day went, there was a lot of work.
 
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