REBOOT

DIMA-NBA

Active Member
Day 26,27,28

Overall busy with work. I noticed some lustful behavior. When I was at the mall, I would look at girls, not staring but just looking at them, seeking them. Not sure what you guys think of that, but I personally don't like it.
 

DIMA-NBA

Active Member
Day 29

Went to the gym by myself for the first time in a long time. Afterwards met with friends and I was a bit worried because we stayed till 4am and I remember that is how I relapsed last time, after a music concert late at night. Thankfully, I abstained.
 

DIMA-NBA

Active Member
Day 30

Cheers @GBS !

I went to the gym with good friend of mine. We had a pretty good workout. Afterwards I met with the gf, we cooked and did a few rounds. Things are good right now, hopefully I get a good job offer after the 3 interviews, however my friend who works there said that they would likely have me do a presentation in front of the team even though I got an email from human resources saying that they are "looking into" making an offer.

To be honest, it's a bit tiring mentally with all these interviews but if I want that new job, I'll simply have to do them even if I don't feel like it. As of right now, I'm not making the money I want to be making and I don't feel like what I'm doing professionally is something that matters to me.

The monthly salary I got lasted me about 10 days so that tells me I have a lot of work to do in order to get to the income I would comfortably live off of. I also need to consider my mission in life. It used to be personal training (fitness trainer) but that hasn't been the case for over 3 years now.

Thank you for reading my journal and have a great Holiday season free of PMO!
 

DIMA-NBA

Active Member
Day 31 and 32

I had a dream I watched P, it was not a good feeling. Anyway, still clean. It's important I stay sober during the holidays.
 
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DIMA-NBA

Active Member
Day 33 and 34

🎄 Christmas day was a nice day. I had a good time with the family, but also in the background was the thought "I don't want to fuck up and PMO, it would ruin the holidays."

In the evening, I went for a dinner with my gf and her family. It was a bit mentally tiring because I was sitting next to her grandma. Also I saw that her father is lying to her.

The context is that my gf has a French bulldog, that dog is cute and well trained by her but it's very allergic to certain foods and long story short it has to eat only dog food granule. My gf's dad knows that the dog isn't allowed food from the table. He gave her some meat from the table while my gf wasn't in the room.

Then I watched him lie to her and say he didn't give her food. I thought I'll keep it to myself, I don't want her family to hate me, but later I decided I'm going to tell her.

The day after my dad and I did some work in the house, we put a new door handle. I met with the gf and we watched a movie. No urges to PMO, however there were instances where some porn scene would start in my mind, but I would refocus on the present moment.
 

GBS

Respected Member
Then I watched him lie to her and say he didn't give her food. I thought I'll keep it to myself, I don't want her family to hate me, but later I decided I'm going to tell her.
Hi @DIMA-NBA and merry Christmas from me here in the UK. Not quite sure why I am so interested in your above soap opera, but I am. You’re definitely doing the right thing. Your relationship with your gf is way more important than with her parents. What happened next?
 

DIMA-NBA

Active Member
Hi @DIMA-NBA and merry Christmas from me here in the UK. Not quite sure why I am so interested in your above soap opera, but I am. You’re definitely doing the right thing. Your relationship with your gf is way more important than with her parents. What happened next?
Hey @GBS thank you and Merry Christmas and joyful holidays from me, a former immigrant in the UK 😄 and now living in my homecountry Bulgaria.

I'm glad you agree that I made the right decision to tell my gf about her dad giving her dog food from the table which isn't allowed for the dog and more importantly that her dad lied to her.

You're absolutely right that the relationship between me and the gf is paramount as opposed to the relationship between me and her parents. It seems like I had lost sight of that in my aspiration to have good, cordial relations with her family.

It was sort of weighing heavy on me that I hadn't shared that (that her dad lied to her) with her. That has to do with the fact that I hate lies. Surprisingly when I told her about it she took it better than I expected. She said that she basically knew that her dad didn't tell her the truth. My gf thanked me for sharing that with her, we are on the same team after all.

She said she "negotiated" with her dad that if something happens to the dog and it needs to go to the vet, her dad will take it there.

Not that much drama on my side I suppose .. for now 😄
 
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GBS

Respected Member
Thanks @DIMA-NBA - you did the right thing. Oddly I think recovery brings focussed light on what doing the right thing is. Hope the dog reaps the benefits of your recovery! Keep well, friend.
 

DIMA-NBA

Active Member
Day 35

Work was fine. I got an email confirming I'll get an offer from that company I did multiple interviews with. Man, great news. Met with the gf, we diversified the sex location - we did it in the kitchen, that was exciting.
 

DIMA-NBA

Active Member
Day 36

🧥 I went to the mall with the intention to buy trousers. I ended up buying a nice black coat instead. I've wanted to get myself a coat for some time so finding that coat made me feel good.

Right after that, I had a hot chocolate with a good buddy of mine. After talking with my friend, I went to the barbershop for a fresh cut. Then I went home for a shower and to get workout clothes for later.

My gf and I had plans to workout after I get my haircut. The barber started cutting my hair 20 mins late, because of late customers. So I went to pick up my gf from her home like half an hour later than planned, for which I let her know in advance.

When I went to pick her up she was pissed off because I arrived late. She was in that mood for a short time. When we started our workout she quickly cheered up. I'm happy with how the day went.

Day 37

I woke up slightly earlier, before the alarm. I was excited about the upcoming job offer. I worked out with the friend that recommended me for the job. He told me good things about the workplace.

After that I went to see my grandma with the family and I helped her with getting her wood 🪵 for the fireplace.

My dad and I carried a washing machine from the first floor to the third floor of the house where I live. Then we played cards ♣️♦️♥️♠️ with my family. That makes another good, clean day.

I haven't had urges to PMO recently. I'm not sure it's a good idea to write these seemingly insignificant parts of my life here, but I think it's better to focus on such things and improve that way and also thinking about what man I want to become rather than just telling myself don't PMO each day.

Have a great week free of PMO guys!
 

DIMA-NBA

Active Member
Day 42

I messed up big. I PMO-ed on Day 42.

I was at home, it was late at night and we had changed the new cable TV provider. I saw that there were password locked porn channels on the new TV. I decided to "have a peek". I tried a password for the porn channel, it was incorrect. On the second try, I guessed correctly the password.

I thought I'll have a look to see which channels were on there. No need to go on further, I ended up relapsing and watched PMO for 3-4 days straight. Some self reflection is necessary. I'll try to dive deeper but for now I wanted to write this here as a first step, because I've been putting it off for a few days now.
 
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DIMA-NBA

Active Member
Day 1

I had a much better day yesterday than the day before. I felt present to the moment and I enjoyed my day. I'm considering starting meditation because I have to replace the bad habit with something productive.

I'm happy to report I got a job offer from that company I applied to and I will be starting there on 3rd of February.
 

achilles heel

Well-Known Member
The surprising availability of porn that often catches us off guard is what makes it so difficult to quit, nevertheless your 6 weeks were not in vain, think about all the hours of valuable lifetime you saved by not watching porn for one and a half months. And now think about all the good and productive things you will do in the future due to avoiding porn!
 

DIMA-NBA

Active Member
Day 4

I relapsed during working hours a few days ago. It's almost like I'm a different person when I'm using PMO vs the person I am when I don't use.

Yesterday night just before going to bed I had a "psychological" urge (I wasn't hard or anything, just the thought of PMO entered my mind). I thought I'll PMO because I want to go to bed earlier and that would somehow help me fall asleep.

I somewhat realized that is bullshit. I decided to not PMO yesterday, out of stubbornness. I was like "Let's see what happens if I don't PMO."

I had a more difficult time falling asleep but I managed to sleep after all. I got 9 hours.
 
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