REBOOT

Blondie

Respected Member
It's almost like I'm a different person when I'm using PMO vs the person I am when I don't use.
I get this @DIMA-NBA.

When we return to porn, we get in that trance like state, which is a sign we need to wake the hell up. Don't be too hard on yourself, just get back up and keep on moving.
 

DIMA-NBA

Active Member
Hey @Blondie thanks for reaching out!

Unfortunately I relapsed on the 15th of January around 3.30am in the morning. Since then I've been clean, no porn or masturbation. There have been thoughts of PMO however.

I notice that I'm not comfortable spending time alone, out of fear I'll turn to my vices - PMO and overeating. I guess on some level I still haven't overcome the downward spiral of the disappointment after relapsing on Day 42.

Other than that, I'm glad to share that things with the gf are well, I now have all the documents needed for the new job and I will be signing the contract on the 22nd of January.

Any advice about overcoming the disappointment after the nice streak of no PMO would be appreciated.
 

DIMA-NBA

Active Member
NO PM Day 4

Yesterday was a good day. I did meditation 🧘‍♂️ for the first time in a long time. Only 5 minutes but I plan on gradually building that habit. I felt refreshed after the meditation. I want to do 10 days of meditation. I've done 2 out of 10 days so far.

Meditation 2/10 days

I'm glad I meditated today regardless of the fact I've got a bad flu. I was more present during yesterday's mini session that today's one. I worked during the bigger part of my shift, but I suddenly felt a fever and a bad cough so I went to see a doctor. I'll likely be on sick leave for the next couple of days so I'm feeling slightly anxious about a possible relapse during those non-working days.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Any advice about overcoming the disappointment after the nice streak of no PMO would be appreciated.
Hi, @DIMA-NBA.

Overcoming this has been one of the hardest areas for me. It's still ongoing. The best thing is to be a realist with yourself and realize that self-pity is never the answer and never solves any problems. If your goal is still to quit porn, then all you can do is keep moving forward; self pity never fixes anything and never will. I know, easier said than done. Another lesson I've learned is to focus on what I've accomplished, that is the days I was clean, and NOT focus on the one day I blew it. For instance, when I blew it a year ago, all I could think about is that I blew it - again! - while never realizing the amazing fact that I had been clean for almost two years. I focused on one bad day off compared to two years clean, when my thoughts should have been completely the opposite, I had almost two years clean and only one bad day. What an accomplishment! Doing this doesn't deny our desire to be "completely" clean, that's still our main goal, however, that goal is very hard to define, especially when we've been doing this so long as most of us have been. Thus, you had 42 days clean which is an amazing achievement. Focus on that and don't worry about the one day. Even if you spent the rest of your life relapsing every 42 days your life would still be considerably better than your previous life.

That's just something I do when I've blown it. But yes, easier said than done.

Best
 

DIMA-NBA

Active Member
I've been struggling with PMO lately, I'd go maybe 5 days without it and then I'd go back to it. The past 10 days I've been sick and I've been on antibiotics for 8 of those days. I went to 3 different doctors. This week I've PMO-ed twice. I meditated 4 days in a row and then I stopped. Unfortunately all of this is frustrating.

At least yesterday I started writing in my food journal that a nutritionist had given me. I want to write there for 7 days and then book a consultation with her. Today I was 124KG when I stepped on the scale in the morning.
 

DIMA-NBA

Active Member
Day 3

Yesterday was my day before last day at the current workplace. I'm thankful for that job because it helped get back on track. Both with PMO, being more busy and also just getting in a routine. Before starting there, I was unemployed for about 3 months.

I'm looking forward to starting at the new place on 3th of February. I do have some concerns about my work ethic and the friendship with that buddy of mine who works there and helped me get the job.
 
Last edited:

DIMA-NBA

Active Member
Day 12

Thanks @Blondie ! I've been having thoughts about PMO last couple of days and I've thought about looking up something provocative, not P per say, but I know where that road will lead me. I don't want to forget how shitty I feel after a relapse and how each day of freedom stacks up and makes me a better man.

📈I've achieved my small goal of writing out my food consumption for 7 days in the excel table that was given to me by the nutritionist. I plan on continuing to do that and perhaps tomorrow, on payday, I might book a consultation with her. Even though this morning I was lighter than I've been in the past 8+ months, I haven't been perfect at executing the steps she had given me, especially about eating slowly.

I know I can't be perfect, but surely I can eat slower once again, even though I'm doing ok with the weight loss. I also need to continue to work out, the past week I didn't work out. I want to work out with a gym buddy ideally, but as of right now, it's not convenient due to my work schedule. I have to continue doing what I had been doing (working out, eating slower and conciously) if I want to stay on the right path. I think all of this is a foundation for staying off PMO too.

I believe I'm either going up and making a positive change or regressing, there's no staying in the same place. That's why I have to keep going and not forget what got me in the bad place with PMO in the first place.

💪Have a great day free of PMO guys!
 

DIMA-NBA

Active Member
Day 15

I'm starting to accept that urges are not "scary". Meaning that I get an urge but I simply don't give them too much thought. I carry on doing what I am doing and the urge eventually goes away. The urges come most often when I'm bored. I try to redirect my attention elsewhere and so far so good.

Have a great rest of the week guys!
 
Top