Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
- Thread starter BabySteps
- Start date
Hey, BabySteps!
Good on moving forward...
You will learn how that this dynamic is an illusion. Pressure from work and school cause stress, and you're used to escaping the stress through the fantasy and dopamine rush of p/mo. But the urges brought about by stress is something you can ignore, and take back your power from external things and circumstances into your own hands.
You can outlast any urge, and no matter what the pressure cooker of life throws at us, it can never cause you to do anything. The reaction to pressure, stress and urges are all in your control. The more you realize this, the sooner you'll take back the power.
Good on moving forward...
You will learn how that this dynamic is an illusion. Pressure from work and school cause stress, and you're used to escaping the stress through the fantasy and dopamine rush of p/mo. But the urges brought about by stress is something you can ignore, and take back your power from external things and circumstances into your own hands.
You can outlast any urge, and no matter what the pressure cooker of life throws at us, it can never cause you to do anything. The reaction to pressure, stress and urges are all in your control. The more you realize this, the sooner you'll take back the power.
recovery000
Member
Hey Babysteps,
You know the drill. Shake off the dust and carry on. The only path is forward. Sometimes pressure can be rough and you only want step out and take a breath. Think about a way to endure the pressure calmly. You can also think about healthy ways to take a breath and regain energies to step back in. Healthy distractions from the source of pressure. Wishing you all the best.
Merry Christmas.
You know the drill. Shake off the dust and carry on. The only path is forward. Sometimes pressure can be rough and you only want step out and take a breath. Think about a way to endure the pressure calmly. You can also think about healthy ways to take a breath and regain energies to step back in. Healthy distractions from the source of pressure. Wishing you all the best.
Merry Christmas.
Be encouraged, BabySteps!
If you can do two weeks, you can do two months, and so on...
Horniness is normal, it means you're healthy. But if the horniness is related to urges coming from behaviors that relate to this habit, then they can be dismissed.
If you refuse to react to your urges, dismiss them, ignore them until they pass (and repeat this whenever urges come), then you will beat this habit!
Walking with you!
If you can do two weeks, you can do two months, and so on...
Horniness is normal, it means you're healthy. But if the horniness is related to urges coming from behaviors that relate to this habit, then they can be dismissed.
If you refuse to react to your urges, dismiss them, ignore them until they pass (and repeat this whenever urges come), then you will beat this habit!
Walking with you!
Mikeyp8619
Member
Hey BabySteps,
When I was reading your story I saw myself. There are many parallels between your story and mine, only I think you are much braver. You have a son and more responsibility and are here because you care, and I think that's quite brave. You've also been through a lot more than I have, and so I look up to you for that. I haven't been able to read all the replies here, but have you sought therapy? I am currently looking myself, and it seems there is help out there, no doubt. I'm also reading Treating Pornography Addiction by Kevin B. Skinner, if you can get your hands on that. It might give you the drive to control your compulsive behavior. I also am using accountability software (Covenant Eyes) which has helped me stay away from pornography. In time, I hope it will help my reboot. I had to tell my friend and my dad so they could help me. If you can, avoid YouTube, delete it from your phone. It's important to build a fence around yourself to keep out as much explicit material as possible so you're not triggered. But in the end, the real struggle is within; you're your own worst enemy. Don't let setbacks get you down. Don't let one setback ruin all that you achieved before or bring you down. If someone has been exercising for 6 months and then they eat a donut one day, do you think because of that one donut all the other days they worked out and stayed focus were wasted? Just stick with us.
When I was reading your story I saw myself. There are many parallels between your story and mine, only I think you are much braver. You have a son and more responsibility and are here because you care, and I think that's quite brave. You've also been through a lot more than I have, and so I look up to you for that. I haven't been able to read all the replies here, but have you sought therapy? I am currently looking myself, and it seems there is help out there, no doubt. I'm also reading Treating Pornography Addiction by Kevin B. Skinner, if you can get your hands on that. It might give you the drive to control your compulsive behavior. I also am using accountability software (Covenant Eyes) which has helped me stay away from pornography. In time, I hope it will help my reboot. I had to tell my friend and my dad so they could help me. If you can, avoid YouTube, delete it from your phone. It's important to build a fence around yourself to keep out as much explicit material as possible so you're not triggered. But in the end, the real struggle is within; you're your own worst enemy. Don't let setbacks get you down. Don't let one setback ruin all that you achieved before or bring you down. If someone has been exercising for 6 months and then they eat a donut one day, do you think because of that one donut all the other days they worked out and stayed focus were wasted? Just stick with us.
Good job, BabySteps!
DickPalmer
Member
OK, I haven't read back through the entire thread, but with compulsive behaviour my feeling is it's about identifying the triggers or circumstances that give rise to it. I think you've done that, and it has some resonance with me, absolutely. One of mine is simply being home alone. I think that stems from emotional neglect in childhood, being put in my own room and finding a way to self-soothe. I have, or had, an avoidant attachment, and had issues in relationships arising from that in my twenties. I didn't understand why I would push people away instead of letting them get close, chose to remain in a relationship that contained lots of red flags and then married, my low self-esteem making me feel I couldn't expect any better. My compulsive behaviour was there throughout and worsened, to the point it played a role in the situation I now find myself in.
I tried to stop before, but the stress and just the same presentation of being home alone meant I couldn't, and it was only events this year that made me confess and seek to get a hold of the issue once and for all. It's a day-by-day thing, but I saw a reply to you where Phineas (I think) said that keeping a hold of the disgust you feel about yourself is a powerful motivator. I write down my experiences and although they have the power to trigger me into a relapse, they also have the power to make me think "that person isn't who I want to be - do I want the rest of my life to be affected?"
I don't have children, but being able to be a better father to your son sounds like a wonderful motivation.
I send strength and resolve your way, if you want to message me directly any time please do.
BabySteps
Active Member
Thanks for your Dick, much appreciated!!
BabySteps
Active Member
Day 26 no porn or CAM girls
Day 16 no MO
In the afternoon I felt like blowing a load, I decided to instead go outside and work in the garden. Now the edge is gone! I will always try to find a productive escape.
I just know I'm tired of my ED, in a months I had sex with two ladies. They all refuse to ever meet again. One of them actually dumped be on Saturday. It hurts!!
It makes me feel super rejected, I often wonder whether i will ever find a lady who will stick around after discovering my ED. I know the main cause is PMO, I want to get rid of this compulsive behavior.
Moving forward with hope!
Day 16 no MO
In the afternoon I felt like blowing a load, I decided to instead go outside and work in the garden. Now the edge is gone! I will always try to find a productive escape.
I just know I'm tired of my ED, in a months I had sex with two ladies. They all refuse to ever meet again. One of them actually dumped be on Saturday. It hurts!!
It makes me feel super rejected, I often wonder whether i will ever find a lady who will stick around after discovering my ED. I know the main cause is PMO, I want to get rid of this compulsive behavior.
Moving forward with hope!
DickPalmer
Member
The timing of this post is amazing, as I'd just decided to log in to ask / talk about something similar.
I've had PIED for a very long time, having been a compulsive user of porn for 25 years; first it was magazines, then online porn. I know from the magazines that my behaviour wasn't good, and porn was already affecting my normal life. I'd know exactly which day a new issue of my favourite magazine was released, and would go out of my way to get a copy.
With that in mind, it is clear that my behaviour with porn during my marriage was dreadful, and would undoubtedly have affected my wife's self-esteem, for which I am truly sorry. I hadn't considered how it might make her feel, but I hid my behaviour, or tried to, so clearly I felt it was something shameful. She did suggesting watching together at one point, but I think I had so much shame about porn that I didn't consider it.
That porn use has continued in a subsequent relationship, again damaging my partner's self-esteem, and I have committed to stop, but it makes me wonder whether I should even consider a relationship unless I know that the ED is a thing of the past? I find I can dispel porn memories a lot more easily these days; I know feel it should be a case of shutting the lid down on that particular box and finding mutual pleasure with a partner, letting thoughts of them be what fills your mind, rather than imagining them in sex acts with others, etc.
I guess it's not an awful thing to fantasise, but of course men and women tend to have very differing fantasies - that's why 'Fifty Shades of Grey' was popular, as it was about exploration and imagination, whereas men tend to be more visual and direct.
Great job Babysteps on finding that proactive means of addressing the urge (or perhaps need?) at the time. If you can manage that urge, you can manage any urge.
Re the ED - I relate to that sentiment so much it hurts. I think all of my (few) relationships have at least suffered considerably as a result of my poor performance and unwillingness or inability to properly address it. STILL we are recovering every day we are clean and if we can find a way to make living P free sustainable, it is not a matter of 'if' we recover but 'when'.
If sex is discouraging you, i'd suggest taking a break for a couple of (or few) weeks before trying again. You might be surprised at how different it feels after even a couple of extra weeks clean. Either way, if anything is discouraging to your recovery, it may be best to leave it behind at this stage.
Keep up the great work!
BabySteps
Active Member
I know my performance will improve in time, I decided to go for the ladies instead of jerking off. Jerking always has lead me to PMO, it doesn't happen same day but I know as time goes I'll PMOing. That's why I decided to share a moment with a lady. I hope one day I'll find someone who will stick around even though I underperformed.
Thanks for your comment buddy!
Striving_for_Life
Member
Wonderful man. Let's keep up the support of each other to escape this addiction. Watch out for triggers.