Quitting for good

DGF_AU086

Member
I'm not familiar with the study you mention. The primary role of melatonin secretion is in preparing the body for sleep. It's part of the circadian rhythm system. There are some things you can do to help naturally produce it. I'd recommend the book Sleep smarter by Shaun Stevenson for some practical advise. If your also interested in a more scientific explanation, Why we sleep by Matthew Walker is great too.

That's for sure an interesting discovery. Do you live in a noisy environment? Is it possible to sound proof your room a bit better to avoid the plugs altogether?
 

mpj86

Member
Day 227 no P, day 11 no MO

Yeah, I guess I thought there were issues with my circadian rhythm in that I was waking too early and was fully alert, despite not having had enough sleep and spending the day feeling terrible. This has been much less of an issue lately and I'm sleeping lots better and generally sleeping in until my alarm. I've also moved to a new place and there's a lot more background noise (white noise rather than anything troublesome) as it's nearer the centre of town. I'm sleeping without earplugs for the first time in years, it's great!

A couple of sleep books I found helpful were The Sleep Book by Guy Meadows and also The Effortless Sleep Method by Sasha Stephens.

Nothing much to report on the reboot - it won't be too long before I reach my 1 year anniversary since turning my back on porn. In a bit of a flatline at the moment.
 

mpj86

Member
Day 4

Resurrecting this after nearly 2 years!

I made it to March 2020 (around 18 months) with no porn, though masturbation continued throughout. Covid turned my life upside down, I'd made plans to quit my highly stressful job, travel a bit then take my career in a different direction but all of that had to be cancelled. The removal of the braces from my teeth was also delayed by around 4 months, this all proved too much, my mood fell through the floor and I succumbed to PMO. It's been over a year since and I haven't been able to rein it in despite several 1 month+ long periods of abstinence, though I am now once again 100% committed to moving on.

The reason I returned to this thread is that I've put together a timeline of erectile performance issues as this has continued to go downhill, so I want to figure out when things started to deteriorate and what has caused it. It's a completely different ED to the PIED I had before. I exhibit several symptoms of hard flaccid without the actual hard flaccid penis or pelvic pain. It continues to feel disconnected from my body and has a rubbery texture and a fairly unpleasant sensation. It's much smaller in a flaccid state than it used to be and can look shrivelled. I feel like I have PIED and a different, physical kind of ED both going on at the same time. It has a cold, sour feel to it and sometimes this can reverberate through my whole body and I can feel like I want to shake it out.

A pelvic floor physiotherapist said my symptoms are consistent with various accounts of hard flaccid and did an ultrasound scan which showed possible signs of a tight pelvic floor. I have been given exercises to do based on belly breathing and pelvic floor relaxation. I'm not 100% convinced it's pelvic floor-related due to the absence of any pain.

Potential causes of the current issues are:
- 'herbal viagra' that I bought from Amazon in early 2018 - highly unlikely but I do have a journal entry referencing inability to get an erection from masturbation just after the effects wore off.
- Crossfit (late 2017)
- bodyweight app-based exercises (various times from mid-2018 onwards)
- manual kegels (late 2018-mid-2019)
- electronic kegel machine (mid-2019 to early 2020). This is the most likely cause in the physio's view.
- 2 masturbation techniques I started using in 2019 - 1) aiming a shower head at the back of the glans, 2) using a bathroom sink (putting the back of the penis on the top of the sink and putting my hand on the top of the penis). Neither of these were painful at the time however.
- cold showers where I would aim the water at my penis and testicles for a prolonged period (2019 sometime) - probably unlikely but when I first started cold showers it would often give me an erection but this stopped happening the longer I did them.
- stress from worrying about my life situation and not knowing what to do (early 2019 - late 2020 - I have now changed career and am really happy)

Anyway, just putting this here to document the upcoming reboot.
 

mpj86

Member
Day 21

Saw the pelvic floor physio again yesterday, this time he did an internal examination and said the pelvic floor was very tight, took ages to relax after contracting and was very reactive/kind of in spasm. I still find it hard to comprehend as there is no pain at all, but he couldn't have been more clear that this was not a healthy pelvic floor.

This has got me wondering how long this has been going on and what the cause is - could extended PMO sessions with constant edging have played a part? Perhaps, along with straining to go to the toilet, doing Crossfit when I had a weak core, using a Kegel machine etc. Perhaps the pelvic floor was already tight and the kegel machine has taken it to a whole new level.

I've been assigned another 4 weeks of diaphragmatic breathing and reverse kegels. I have no libido whatsoever and my penis is still shrunken with a rubbery feeling. But I do feel slightly better now that a potential cause has been identified.
 

casanova

Member
Hi! I'm 129 days without P and still don't got my libido back as well. Have you tried to go hard mode, no M?
After 70 days hard mode without P, M and O I was super horny. Then I had real sex (which was fantastic), and felt like starting from zero once again. I'm now on hardmode again and making progress. It takes a while, but it's clear for me that M is prejudicial to rewire.

You can follow my journal here: https://forum.rebootnation.org/index.php?threads/20169/#post-210825
 

mpj86

Member
Hi! I'm 129 days without P and still don't got my libido back as well. Have you tried to go hard mode, no M?
After 70 days hard mode without P, M and O I was super horny. Then I had real sex (which was fantastic), and felt like starting from zero once again. I'm now on hardmode again and making progress. It takes a while, but it's clear for me that M is prejudicial to rewire.

You can follow my journal here: https://forum.rebootnation.org/index.php?threads/20169/#post-210825

I have previously done 120 days hardmode and am committed to doing this again but going further this time. It is undoubtedly better than just going without P, for a number of reasons, mainly because more has been achieved and there is therefore more to lose.

However, unfortunately this isn't like before as something has changed with my penis and it's like a different organ. Still doing the exercises prescribed by the pelvic floor physio but seeing absolutely no improvement. I never feel horny and my penis never feels nice to touch. I'm finding it really difficult to deal with, it's like I've been rendered asexual.

Day 32 of no PMO today.
 

mpj86

Member
Day 68 no P, day 8 no MO

I would definitely have relapsed at some point if I didn't have my parental control system in place on my computer - if anyone would like further detail on this please PM me, basically it's a reasonably watertight solution I've developed with the Norton Family software, it's the only viable solution I've found since K9 Web Protection was phased out.

I've decided to give my penis a full rest from any stimulation or masturbation. This is because I'm unsure as to whether I've injured it in some way. I'm still sceptical that pelvic floor dysfunction is the cause given that there is no pelvic pain and no other symptoms, but my pelvic floor physio insists that it is very tight in there (following internal examination).

I am applying vitamin E cream twice a day in the hope that this will address the very physical changes that have taken place in terms of appearance and feel (the head has basically gone from being very sensitive to tough and leathery), and have been taking hot baths with Epsom salt. I am also planning a 7 day water fast at some point in the next few months.
 
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