Metanoia, a journey of faith

[Joosh]

Mai 11, 2019​

It's been almost a month since the last relapse. I haven't had any desires to watch porn.
One night I almost gave in to tempting thoughts of fantasy, but I got corrected in mind and spirit. I went to sleep and that night I was attacked by something in my dream.
It has been said this is a battle in the mind and there's a lot of weight to that.
Ever since I got out of occult practice and the darkness of lust was shown to me in Gods light, I've been battling disturbing thoughts.
'Random' pervertedness trying to get me to lose concentration when reading. Convicting thoughts. All kinds of demonic poison.
It's the ancient liar, trying to pull me back into the dark. 

Truth is and stays that Jesus is King and I've submitted my life to Him.
With that assurance I finally can rest after a decade of 'soul-searching.'
It might take time to break down all the treacherous thought patterns but I have trust in that God will renew my mind.

Again I'm going to say, don't fool yourselves guys. A life guided by the desires of the flesh isn't worth it.
Gods Holy Spirit is available for those who chose to repent from their selfish ways. It's turning back to what you once all longed for.
Try to see past your religious programming. This is about being the man you are meant to be in Gods divine light, instead of conforming yourself to the standards of society.
This is about true freedom, love and peace. This is about the children of wrath becoming children of light. Take it from someone who was deeply embedded in darkness.

Might have to write a testimony sometime

​

 

[Joosh]

May 15, 2019​

PORNOFIXATION​

In this post I want to make the argument that porn (etymological meaning: prostitution), masturbation and all forms of sexual lust are idolatrous practices that lead to death.
Most of us start out with masturbation. We hold an image in our mind of another human being and use it for what is pure self-gratification. This is where the trouble starts.
The taking of living being created in the light of God and reduce it to a mental fantasy for our own sexual pleasure. It's egoistic and a form of idol worship.
Basically while masturbating you worship the body and/or personality of that human being in the false hope of it bringing you happiness.
An (mental) image obviously never can bring you true happiness, for it's just a shadow of the actual human being.

Now to watching porn (prostitution) and having casual sex out of lust.
In the latter there is human contact, but it's lacking love and thus again the gratification sought by both persons is selfish.
The 'love' of self is not the love of God.
And where the one leads away from a life with God, logically resulting in death,
the other is the realization that God is love and as long as live is lived through the love of God, it's an eternal life.
For God is eternal.

In no way I want to condemn anyone. We have all fallen short when it comes to loving God, listening to His voice and doing His word.
Blessed with a rich imagination I've misused my mind in countless ways as I was a slave of my lust.
When Jesus was asked what the most important commandment in Gods Law was he answered the following:

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment.
And the second is like it: ?Love your neighbor as yourself.? All the Law and the prophets hang on these two commandments.?

Let's put the second commandment next to the practice of masturbation or watching porn.
Are you loving that girl who's images you masturbate to by having reduced her to a mere fragment of who she really is?
Would you want to be reduced to an object of someone else's pleasure?
Love isn't unhealthy fixation.
Love gives more than it takes.
Love first looks to God and asks for His guidance, for we weren't created to live by ourselves.

Have a blessed day.

​

 

[Joosh]

Abstaining isn't recovery.
What's the point being 'clean' for several months when you haven't changed your life values? You'll just end up going down the same destructive route again sooner or later.

Here are some of the negative values that made up my character while being an addict:

egocentrism
weak-willedness
calculativeness
vanity
shyness
pretentiousness

They all fed into the stronghold called addiction and without replacing them with some healthy life values that 'building' is still standing somewhere in me.
The Recovery Nation Workshop works with pro-active action plans instead of simply abstaining. The goal is to actively commit to plans which strengthen positive values.
This will create a structural backbone in your life, so in times of hardship you won't have to rely on your old values. I recommend it to anyone taking this serious.

Then on here I see those who want to quit porn to get laid more often. The level of self-deception is high in that one. 'Getting' woman will never make you feel more of a man.
Unless you consider Hugh Hefner the epitome of manliness.
I see people pridefully talk about their sexual encounters with women, reminiscing those days, not realizing this hook-up lifestyle is the very reason they have become slaves to the porn.

 

[MaterDeiOraProNobis]

Abstaining isn't recovery.
What's the point being 'clean' for several months when you haven't changed your life values? You'll just end up going down the same destructive route again sooner or later.

Here are some of the negative values that made up my character while being an addict:

egocentrism
weak-willedness
calculativeness
vanity
shyness
pretentiousness

They all fed into the stronghold called addiction and without replacing them with some healthy life values that 'building' is still standing somewhere in me.
The Recovery Nation Workshop works with pro-active action plans instead of simply abstaining. The goal is to actively commit to plans which strengthen positive values.
This will create a structural backbone in your life, so in times of hardship you won't have to rely on your old values. I recommend it to anyone taking this serious.

Then on here I see those who want to quit porn to get laid more often. The level of self-deception is high in that one. 'Getting' woman will never make you feel more of a man.
Unless you consider Hugh Hefner the epitome of manliness.
I see people pridefully talk about their sexual encounters with women, reminiscing those days, not realizing this hook-up lifestyle is the very reason they have become slaves to the porn.

Great post, I completely agree. Sexuality should be used in marriage and in the context of potential procreation. Otherwise, it is improper and leads to the qualities you mentioned. I absolutely have experienced being calculating when thinking of times and ways I can look at porn alone. It's crazy.

 

[Joosh]

Writing a follow-up post considering to continue this journal.

Honestly, when I read the posts I made, I feel I was in a stronger condition at the time. I had no interest whatsoever returning to the cesspool of pornography, which I can't say with the same conviction right now.

Maybe my former posts are useful to someone here, so i'm giving this a bump.

 

[Joosh]

Halleluja. I marked my facebook-account for removal. Those cooks dont give you the option for direct removal for obvious reasons; so you get suckered back in! (day 1)

Anyway. I believe my last relapse was a week ago. It took me almost a week to get myself up out of bed again.
Today I woke up early, but I feel generally exhausted and i'm dealing with this intense pressure in my frontal lobe. It's pretty much like that everyday.
I wonder if anyone else has the same frontal lobe pressure when waking up in the morning?

I'm pretty much confident in saying we can never go back to the old. Especially not as a believer. It's like, hey, you just got eternal life through Christ and then you turn around to step back into the grave. That doesn't work. Not for a believer, but also not for a unbeliever who wants to be free from addiction. You can't stick to the old habits, old environments etcetera. For many this means they'll have to turn their back on the cyberworld all-together. Get real. Christ is.

In the next post I'll speak a few words about what 'addiction' is, looking at it from an etymological perspective.

 

[ShadeTrenicin]

Hey Joost,


Great choise to get rid of the FB account. If you realize it will not bring you anything positive then there is no need to keep it!


What are your strategies in countering your urges? Do you know what your triggers are?


Good luck man, i am rooting for you

 

[Joosh]

Reboot.

First of all i'm not a computing machine. Having said that I use the computer and porn has written error in my operating system so to say.
All dramatism aside, I'm doing pretty good. The tug of war is still there, but I also find myself dismissing that stupid game. In the end porn is deceit and if they sold it for what it is people wouldn't get addicted to it. As I get older and think more about it, a real relationship seems interesting but still i'm scared of the commitment. I seem to enjoy the loose ties to much. Ugh.

 

[Joosh]

Sober

Maybe I should be counting days, but I have lost track. I looked at porn last night but I didn't give myself over to it. For some reason I'm able to retain a sober mind. The pull isn't as strong as it used to be.