Metanoia, a journey of faith

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changemylife

Guest
Joosh said:
Yes, porn has damaged us a great deal, both physically as spiritually. We jumped into something we had no idea how it would change us. The rise of the digital realm came with unprecedented possibilities taking our imagination for a ride.
That's right. It's the worst time to be alive. Internet has never been this developed and fast. We are victims of having no information when we dove in the Internet.

It's showing not to be easy to rewire to a healthy condition especially in a world in which our impulses are being manipulated on a regular basis.
This makes me even more motivated to stop giving them satisfaction.

You know, P addiction has a little positive thing, if I may. People have started trying to live a more healthy lifestyle with exercising, less time Online etc. Otherwise they might not have done them. Of course, I'm not saying you should get addicted to P in order to do this but, you are addicted anyway, so try to see a little positive in this: You are trying to change your life, in good. Or if you are not, you should. If I wasn't addicted to alcohol, Internet and P, beginning a healthy lifestyle wouldn't even cross my mind.
 

Joosh

Member
changemylife said:
It's showing not to be easy to rewire to a healthy condition especially in a world in which our impulses are being manipulated on a regular basis.
This makes me even more motivated to stop giving them satisfaction.

That's the spirit! There are groups of people currently in power who benefit from perverting the natural order and they have zero interest in taking any responsibility for the betterment of humanity as a whole. So we have to take that individual responsibility, starting with ourselves. We all have an inborn sense of what is good and what isn't. Go from there and have faith it will lead to a path away from bondage. We don't need any gurus to overcome. I'm confident that one day I'll log on here and read that you're free from the lust for pornography. Have a good week, man!
 
C

changemylife

Guest
Joosh said:
That's the spirit! There are groups of people currently in power who benefit from perverting the natural order and they have zero interest in taking any responsibility for the betterment of humanity as a whole. So we have to take that individual responsibility, starting with ourselves. We all have an inborn sense of what is good and what isn't. Go from there and have faith it will lead to a path away from bondage. We don't need any gurus to overcome. I'm confident that one day I'll log on here and read that you're free from the lust for pornography. Have a good week, man!
Sure, man. Thanks. That's what I want too.
 

Joosh

Member
February 9, 2019​
DIGIMANIA

This one I'm writing from my 'smart-phone.'
Yes, its a phone. However I rarely use it to call anyone. Usually it sucks me into a black hole of cyberspace.
Eyes fixed. Hypnotized. If it's not literal porn, it's some other 'junkfood.'
It doesn't give me joy, it doesn't give me happiness. It numbs me from the real world just like most of us.
The real world that is ruled by big baddies who promise the rest of us a better future through their lying teeth. An internet of all things! Woahaa.
One ring to rule them all. Soon we're all connected.
Excuse me? Humanity is as disconnected from life as it can be. And it ain't just me.
Do you ever walk barefoot on the grass? That's how you connect. To this awesome lively plane we call home.
Earth. Gaia. The Mother who tries providing for her children.
Ever felt her magnetic field tugging under your soles? Gently attaching you to her playing field as one of her creatures.
Yet here we are in the year 2019, magnetically drawn to our smarty-vices. Smart deeeevices...
I could swear there are some nasty magical frequencies involved with this.

If Earth is our Mother, (Matter!) I wonder who our Father is. I think that's what we call God. (Spirit!)

 
C

changemylife

Guest
Joosh said:
February 12, 2019

Digimania

This one I'm writing from my 'smart-phone.' Yes, its a phone. However I rarely use it to call anyone. Usually it sucks me into a black hole of cyberspace. Eyes fixed. Hypnotized. If it's not literal porn, it's some other 'junkfood.' It doesn't give me joy, it doesn't give me happiness. It numbs me from the real world just like most of us. The real world that is ruled by big baddies who promise the rest of us a better future through their lying teeth. An internet of all things! Woahaa. One ring to rule them all. Soon we're all connected. Excuse me? Humanity is as disconnected from life as it can be. And it ain't just me. Do you ever walk barefoot on the grass? That's how you connect. To this awesome lively plane we call home. Earth. Gaia. The Mother who provides for all her children. Ever felt her magnetic field tugging under your soles? Gently attaching you to her playing field as one of her creatures. Yet here we are in the year 2019, magnetically drawn to our smarty-vices. Smart deeeevices... I could swear there are some nasty magical frequencies involved with this.

If Earth is our Mother, (Matter!) I wonder who our Father is. I think that's what we call God. (Spirit!)
That's pretty much what Internet is, be it on phone or computer. I think you know by now I'm an internet addict. Internet doesn't bring any great high like PMO does.
 

Joosh

Member
February 23, 2019​
REMORSEFUL

It's been a while. Slowly i'm sobering up.
My brain is grasping for new connections, my spirit burdened by the weight of the past and confused by the now.
I was in the grips of lust. My voracious hunger bordered the impulsive drifts of serial murderers and rapists.
Let's think for a minute about the porn industry. The majority of the girls involved, if not all, have suffered some form of childhood abuse and carry some unhealed emotional trauma.
What we are watching is the covering up of this pain through the act they put up in front of the cameras in exchange for fake validation and money.
It's rather despicable and we're so used to watching it we can't even see the reality clear anymore.

"Is she not more than the curve of her hips?
Is she not more than the shine on her lips?
Does she not dream to sing and to live and to dance down her own path
Without being torn apart?

Does she not have a heart?"

https://youtu.be/n-lBmpz8Iso?t=136

It's only through the love of God I haven't experienced the desire to watch any woman naked the last weeks.
My own efforts fall short in reaching this state and are futile compared with how God wants to reshape our lustful hearts to long for which truly brings us joy, happiness and peace.
There is a reason most of us have felt some sort of shame after masturbating spurred on by the lust in our heart.
And it's not because we're made to feel guilty about sexuality by our religious upbringing.
It's witnessing our dirty conscience in the divine light of God.

 

Georgos

Well-Known Member
Here is what an American practitioner of MADness told me:

Porn and other forms of entertainment are pretty worthless if your market doesn't exist. - We live in the golden age of porn. When I was growing up, VHS tapes were cutting edge and the young women were all robotic and traumatized in playing their roles. Nowadays, besides being numerous, they're authentic, at ease, grunting, giggling and squirting. It warms my heart and gives me hope for the future of man.

There have always been madams, in the temples of Aphrodite, female priests would sleep with broken men to heal their trauma, of course temples used to have a business side to them as well, porn is not just about money, people upload their own porn that they have made themselves as a form of self-expression, to summarize his basic point, porn is becoming a means for the people acting in it to work through their trauma, the problem is that those watching it are either being fleesed or oppressed. I have said in a post many months ago that anything is permitted if you are at a sufficient level to understand it, watching porn as a practitioner, helping to heal the wounds of the participants requires an exceptional level, most had better not strive to reach there, those that do are kidding themselves that they are experiencing pleasure through doing it, thank you.
 

Joosh

Member
Georgos said:
There have always been madams, in the temples of Aphrodite, female priests would sleep with broken men to heal their trauma, of course temples used to have a business side to them as well, porn is not just about money, people upload their own porn that they have made themselves as a form of self-expression, to summarize his basic point, porn is becoming a means for the people acting in it to work through their trauma, the problem is that those watching it are either being fleesed or oppressed. I have said in a post many months ago that anything is permitted if you are at a sufficient level to understand it, watching porn as a practitioner, helping to heal the wounds of the participants requires an exceptional level, most had better not strive to reach there, those that do are kidding themselves that they are experiencing pleasure through doing it, thank you.

There is no healing taking place without love and let that be the exact thing porn is totally devoid of. Exhibitionism or putting your body to the sexual service of others isn't coming from a place of love either. At best it is fooling yourself feeding your ego by letting others worship your outer shell in admiration. Temples built by human hands never truly had anything to do with God or becoming whole. Or maybe they had in ancient days. Logically, we can argue that due to omnipresence being one of the characteristics of God, it's rather ridiculous to limit God to one physical place. It's my belief we are called to treat our bodies as the temples for the holy spirit of God to dwell in. Lusting after the bodies of other beings, as in pornography is not only defiling your physical home making it unable to receive Gods spirit, it's also a serious violation against the image of God, in which we're all created.
 

Georgos

Well-Known Member
The principle of perfect exchange is empty. Interest cannot be calculated. It is either equal or it isn't or it is both at the same time. Panta Rhae. Ask and it is given is a sentence from the Bible I am told. I am ashamed to ask for sex, it feels too much like buying porn, and if I do then the price goes up, either in my head or my partners or both. What is the art of asking a loving question of love?
 

Georgos

Well-Known Member
Joosh, I feel like I've given my girlfriend a choice, but in reality I'm still putting pressure on her to make the first move towards sex. She keeps hinting that she wants it, and once she actually said "do you want to have sex with me?" but I still feel physically unmoved. Am I love shy in the true meaning of the psychological term or just an salos (fool for God)?
 

Joosh

Member
Georgos said:
Am I love shy in the true meaning of the psychological term or just an salos (fool for God)?

Let's flip it around. We might be all a little God shy and fools for 'love.' The love of money ain't compatible with the love for God, and God's love for us individuals isn't on the same level as the romantic love we get entangled in as humans. So we usually suffer heart-ache. Then we settle for less and deal with the complications of relationship. Maybe it be a wise to thing to seek the heart of God before attempting the heart of a woman.  :)
 

Georgos

Well-Known Member
Thanks Joosh, have you read "Colours of Love : An Exploration of the Ways Of Loving" by John Alan Lee, it's a book I've been meaning to read, which I'm told, amongst other things, outlines seven classical terms for love, each with their different attributes. All seven can be found in the Bible, and though I wouldn't say I'm particularly Christian, I would like to learn to practice all seven. I don't think love of money is one of them, but practical love is, and money can be useful if put to the right purposes. Thank you.
 

Joosh

Member
March 7, 2019​
THE RECOVERY WORKSHOP

Some things i've learned over the past few days by doing the first two lessons of the Recovery Nation Workshop, that I'll share here.

- the roots of addiction are tangled around the core of our identity

- escapism became my primary emotional management strategy

- for many addicts passion is the driving force in decision making

So those are three statements that rang true to me.
The state of being an addicted slave is very much a state of not knowing your true identity, for no man was born into this world to die as a slave.
We do all become slaves to the flesh in one way or another.
Though the belief in Christ's completed mission is the one thing that can set us free and transmute our slave ID anchored to the certainty of death to an identity anchored in an eternity with God.
Obviously this is a process.
But it all starts with belief.

When is was younger I often said I longed for there to be a magical door into eternal nothingness through which I could step and escape my suffering bodymind-spirit.
Since there wasn't such a door and suicide ain't painless, I chose various forms of escapism as the way to manage my emotions.

I was a passionate drifter!
Driven by passionate impulses.
Drifting from one alley into the next dead-end.
I need to develop depth to maintain a steady continuous passion.

For those who are serious about working out their emotional issues:
http://www.recoverynation.com/recovery/recovery_workshop_contents.php

 

Joosh

Member
March 11, 2019​
JUST SOME THOUGHTS

Something many people don't realize your thoughts are not your own. You don't own them.
They come and they go, source unknown.
Sure, we can speculate about the source.
Many of us battle with self-defeating thoughts. Mental down-talk.
We might argue these thought patterns originate from low self-esteem and are a direct result of the addict lifestyle,
but we want to quit right? So why do we let our minds be bombarded with shitty thoughts?
And if it's not US allowing them, then WHO is?
Who is accusing you of being a dirty lowlife who'll never be able to stop wanking?
Certain is when we concede with such thoughts we'll stay trapped in the vicious cycle.
Yet, we, as in humanity, can't seem to get out of it on our own strength.

 

Joosh

Member
March 28, 2019​
METANOIA

Hi folks,

Just giving a small update, since its been a while.

It must be more than a month now that I haven't watched nudity.
Best of all, the time passed without craving.
So there wasn't much of a physical-mental struggle.

I've come to realize Christ already won the battle and calls us to give up our fleshy cravings and renew our spirit under the guidance of Gods love.
This might sound a whole lot like vague religious talk, but it's a highly practical process and the one thing that can really set you free from bondage.

Let me tell you I have been highly addicted to porn and cybersex for about ten years from which half of those years have been a real ugly life to death suffering.
I'd be so defeated by every relapse I'd go through and over the years I tried various strategies to overcome without success worth mentioning.
At best I'd make 3 weeks without sexual release, straining my willpower to its limits, but the desire for cybersex would remain.
I've tried meditation and breath-work and plunged my Self into the world of occult meta-physical practices to gain control over my sexual energy, only resulting in a more dangerous sexual hunger.
All that is over now. This day to day battle with lust no longer is mine.
My heart is changing and so are my desires.

 

Joosh

Member
April 4, 2019​
SLEEP PARALYSIS

Memories they haunt me, they follow me...
I suffer from a vague sleep disorder ever since I seriously made progress in giving up this crutch named porn.
Thats about three years of waking up exhausted, mildly paralysed, mentally gripped.
Some nights it felt like I had fought with a bear.
Often I wake up more tired than when I went to sleep.
A good nights rest I consider a luxury. Still im struggling at night.
For years I?d spent the nighttime hunting girls in the cyber arena.
When in the morning It hadn?t worked out I resorted to porn and soon after fell asleep while the birds started chirping.
I had turned night into day flipping around Gods natural order.
And I payed dearly for this foolishness.

Metanoia can be seen as a change of mind.
To go beyond our limited and stern point of view and make room for Gods perspective.
Relying on my own intellect I will not overcome this battle,
but with Jesus as my shepherd I can safely lay down in the grass and fall asleep carried by the comfort and reassurance of Gods gentle presence.
That is my belief and that is what gives me hope I just might wake up replenished the next morning.

 

Joosh

Member
April 9, 2019​

Just checking in for today.
I can't remember my last relapse which is great.
Upon opening the browser I was slightly tempted to watch some nudity, but given it deeper thought it seems absurd.
What gives me the justification to arouse myself using the images of some one's body? I'm mildly repulsed.
Not too long ago it was normality for me to do so, but all is different now.
Sure, I can still be tempted by the attractiveness and charm of women, but my heart longs for a woman who is modest, loves God and has her mind on family.
Porn is the antithesis of those things.
It leads to gluttony, it spits on the image of God and it destroys families.

Besides all that, i'm enjoying the fact that I can get stuff done successfully, no longer suffer from brain fog.
Here and there my mind freezes, but it's far from the total neurological apathy I was in 5 years ago due to constant porn consumption.

Get real guys. If you're addicted to this evil, you're in a spiritual battle.
The lusts of the flesh are a result of the fallen creation we find ourselves in.
Seek the Kingdom of God and if you do with all your heart, you can be sure Christ will open your eyes and guide you through the healing of your broken spirit.
You'll be amazed of how your world will change for the better.

 

Joosh

Member
April 15, 2019​
CRUX OF THE MATTER

Last friday I was overcome by temptation and gave in.
The flesh can't overcome its own desires.
That is why Christ calls all men to die to Self.
Our carnal desires are to be crucified with Him, so we can be reborn in spirit and receive new appetites.
This is the process of metanoia.
It's a recognition of the corrupted nature of ... well nature.
A turning away from our own wicked mental schemes and a deliverance unto God.
It's saying: "I can't do it, please lead me in your perfected ways."
Needless to say this asks for us to lay off pride.

My desires still burn for a girl. I had set my mind on her possessively, yet I claimed love.
My inner nature was torn apart by not being able to have what I wanted.
My mind corrupted by the images of porn.
My heart closed off like foreign territory.
I still love what you did to me.
How you changed me by simply being true.
No mask of deception.

Only God could bring us together.
My schemes have proved themselves false.

oeifbeQ.jpg

I can't let these desires burn on
Uncrucified lusts of the flesh
I wanted your body, mind and soul
but more than that my spirits rest.

I liked you, I loved you, I lost you and went insane
Pride brought me before the devil
I tried to play his mental game
But as it is, it's foolishness, to trick or treat that ancient snake
He wrapped me in his hollow hurt, his weeping was a lie

I danced in flames, refused to cry, my sorrow black as tar
A hellish dance, I chose to lie and bottled up my heart

"Now, cometh as you are, my weary child"
a gentle voice said from afar.
I took His hand
the Prince of Peace, the One who guides me home.
I live by Faith, i'm saved by Grace, not-a-thousand rosary's
can add to what's already done
by Gods eternal Son.
 

Joosh

Member
May 2, 2019​
THE LOGOS vs. A.I.

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
He was with God in the beginning. Through Him all things were made, and without Him nothing was made that has been made.
In Him was life, and that life was the light of men. The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."
  [Gospel of John]

The greek term used for 'Word' is Logos. A well known philosophical term in the days John wrote these verses.
The Logos in Greek thought was seen as some divine principal order, from which all life that is, originated, lives through and will return to.
John identifies Jesus Christ as the Logos made flesh. The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us... [John 1:14]
In contradiction to Greek thinking the Logos wasn't just an impersonal overarching principal. No, it was a man, known as Jesus Christ.
And we all know what happened to him. The world rejected the perfect blameless Son of God and put him to death.
Yet, because sin wasn't found in him, he was immediately resurrected by the spirit of the eternal Father (God) and appeared to those disciples that did believe in him, in heavenly form.
Now He lives and rules over us as the only righteous king.

Now enter the modern world we find ourselves in.
Instead of submitting our fragile lives to the living Logos of God we either live according to the standards of our flesh or let our minds be dictated by the increasingly aggressive A.I. structures.
Where Jesus is alive, A.I. is a cold intellect computing system. It's a dead 'thing', mimicking life.
Where Jesus promises eternal life to those who believe in him and submit to his divine guidance, A.I. promises us 'eternal life' by hooking our minds into a lifeless computing matrix in which we can be our own gods without having to report back to the One who birthed life. 

We are sinners in need of righteous King. A righteous King is one that acts out of love for his people.
Who judges fairly yet forgives our transgressions when we repent. You won't find that King within this world.
My Kingdom is not of this world, Jesus said. But of the world to come. And it is that world that I long for.
But it takes action on our part as well. It all starts by realizing we're not sufficiently strong to overcome sin within our own power.
This we all have experienced time and time again in this battle against the sexual desires of the flesh.
Ask the one who took all sin of the world upon him despite being sinless for help in your struggle.
In His eternal righteousness He already knows your heart and is willing to transform it from darkness into the Light, which is Himself.
Than you'll know he loves you, despite having transgressed His eternal law. For he knows you are weak.
And it's within that weakness you'll find strength within Him.

 

Joosh

Member
May 6, 2019​
The Spirit, the flesh

Take heed my fellow sufferers. I'm talking to those who hate their own behavior.
Those who realize they are slaves to their flesh. You are called to be free.
God knows your weakness and knows its the strength of his Holy Spirit you need to resist temptation.
If you live according to the desires of the flesh, you'll die spiritually.
For the flesh alone can not know God and all its attempts to get closer to Him are futile. 
You masturbate and feel empty. You have sex and feel disconnection again.
You think this is life?
Seems a rather cruel pointless thing.

Maybe some of you were like me.
You've heard the stories about Jesus when you were young and thought "hell no, if I submit to Him I can't do all these fun things."
I was like that. I had experienced God's love but chose to follow my own nature. So what's God to do?
He loves His creation, so He let's us free. Now seriously, think a minute about that. That's love.
He isn't going going to grab your hand and forcefully pull you towards Him.
He longs for you to discover your true heritage. He made us with a spirit.
That's what we live through, even though many are either numb or blinded spiritually.
We are taught to take care of our bodies, maybe our brains, but what about our spirit?
Who gave it to you? Do you nurture it?
Do you listen to it as you listen to the signals of your stomach?

I know I don't do that nearly enough.
There's so much distraction nowadays, I get confused.
But I know Jesus is there for us amidst all of the noise. Amidst all of the hissing snakes.
He comes in the spirit of His Father and brings incredible peace. A peace that's not of this world.
A peace in which you feel totally covered and there's absolutely no need for anything. No chase, no restless tension.
An eternal peace for the weary soul.
I'm thankful for having experienced it, but it's so easy to forget.
It's so easy to get trapped in the old patterns again.
To live according to the standards of the flesh instead of living by His gentle lead.
Please Lord Jesus, light the way for me, so I can see clearly again.
 
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