Trekking to Freedom
- Thread starter BigMog
- Start date
Thanks Faemer. I?m still working on it and still struggle too, but hopefully heading in the right direction. I was going to briefly mention Level 1 and Level 2 changes, i.e. Level 1 = making porn more difficult to access and Level 2 = making longer term life changes so you no are no longer reliant on it. Then I saw that WorkInProgressUK had already described that really well on your journal.
There is lots of good information on this forum.
Keep Trekking everyone.
21 Days Clean
There is lots of good information on this forum.
Keep Trekking everyone.
21 Days Clean
workinprogressUK
Well-Known Member
21 days = really good progress, BigMog. Three weeks clean and hopefully you feel good for it. You have a lot of time sober in the bank. A lot of positive brain rewiring already happened. Hope you have a calm weekend.
Thanks WIPUK!
I?m hanging in there. Actually the last few days have been really difficult at work with a lot to do and I?m going through a phase, at least I hope it?s just a phase, of getting several things wrong. A bad time like this, I find demoralises me and I can find that my ability and efficiency at work go down in a vicious spiral.
There are, however, a few positives I?m hanging on to:
It?s now the weekend and I have a few healthy things planned.
I know that eventually this bad period will pass.
In the past I may well have succumbed to some unhealthy therapy but now I?m determined that I won?t.
Of course, it?s possible that my mood about work is related to withdrawal symptoms of some kind and my brain is crying out for a fix of all the chemicals that PMO releases.
In any case, I?ll just ride it out and keep myself busy and do things that are good for me and worthwhile.
Keep trekking everybody. Sometimes it?s a rough road.
22 Days Clean
I?m hanging in there. Actually the last few days have been really difficult at work with a lot to do and I?m going through a phase, at least I hope it?s just a phase, of getting several things wrong. A bad time like this, I find demoralises me and I can find that my ability and efficiency at work go down in a vicious spiral.
There are, however, a few positives I?m hanging on to:
It?s now the weekend and I have a few healthy things planned.
I know that eventually this bad period will pass.
In the past I may well have succumbed to some unhealthy therapy but now I?m determined that I won?t.
Of course, it?s possible that my mood about work is related to withdrawal symptoms of some kind and my brain is crying out for a fix of all the chemicals that PMO releases.
In any case, I?ll just ride it out and keep myself busy and do things that are good for me and worthwhile.
Keep trekking everybody. Sometimes it?s a rough road.
22 Days Clean
Still going Ok though somewhat grumpy and disconsolate. Work is still difficult and my wife is perpetually miserable-she has her own problems with family, health, work and other commitments, all of which I try to help with but not with much success. Hey ho. Some of this mood on my part is probably withdrawal.
I can remember in my early twenties, at one stage, realising that after a couple of weeks, if I didn?t get a fix of PMO from a girly magazine I would disappear into a black cloud of misery. I think I?m more resilient now and this will pass, but it?s still a bit of a struggle. No real sign of ?Superpowers? yet, unless you count rambling on like this in a maudlin and self-indulgent kind of way as a superpower
.
Keep trekking folks!
26 Days clean
I can remember in my early twenties, at one stage, realising that after a couple of weeks, if I didn?t get a fix of PMO from a girly magazine I would disappear into a black cloud of misery. I think I?m more resilient now and this will pass, but it?s still a bit of a struggle. No real sign of ?Superpowers? yet, unless you count rambling on like this in a maudlin and self-indulgent kind of way as a superpower
.Keep trekking folks!
26 Days clean
switched_off_again
Member
BigMog said:
Snap in almost every way!
I'm not sure I'm expecting any great post reboot superpowers to emerge. I just don't want to feel that thoroughly trapped and pre-occupied way that I did when I had a PMO habit. Anything else is a bonus.
Keep on keeping on. You're doing well.
Many thanks for your support Switched Off.
So work is still fairly difficult but my morale was boosted by a reasonable meeting with my manager and then a very good call with a colleague who experiences similar difficulties to me with the the company. Knowing that it?s not just a problem with me helps.
No significant urges so far. This is my best run in 2019 and I?m hoping I can keep it going. Last year was my first year in hard mode and I had 66 day and 45 day streaks early on but fell off the wagon a few times later in the year.
The main differences I?ve made this year are
1. Journaling here
2. Being scrupulous about doing the guided mindfulness sessions every day
3. Putting extra safeguards in place to make it more difficult to access any porn in moments of weakness
Continuing from last year, I?m filling in the time and energy that was consumed by porn by reading, keeping fit and other hobbies and also trying to be more attentive to my family.
So at the moment, for me, things are pretty reasonable.
Keep trekking everyone!
30 Days Clean
So work is still fairly difficult but my morale was boosted by a reasonable meeting with my manager and then a very good call with a colleague who experiences similar difficulties to me with the the company. Knowing that it?s not just a problem with me helps.
No significant urges so far. This is my best run in 2019 and I?m hoping I can keep it going. Last year was my first year in hard mode and I had 66 day and 45 day streaks early on but fell off the wagon a few times later in the year.
The main differences I?ve made this year are
1. Journaling here
2. Being scrupulous about doing the guided mindfulness sessions every day
3. Putting extra safeguards in place to make it more difficult to access any porn in moments of weakness
Continuing from last year, I?m filling in the time and energy that was consumed by porn by reading, keeping fit and other hobbies and also trying to be more attentive to my family.
So at the moment, for me, things are pretty reasonable.
Keep trekking everyone!
30 Days Clean
C
cranm329
Guest
We'll done! Thanks for the 3 differences you listed - real help.
workinprogressUK
Well-Known Member
I remember an accountability partner who had a whole load of sobriety behind him, saying to me "for a recovering P addict, boring is good". Glad to read that things are uneventful, predictable and that you're staying strong. Good work BM.
Thanks Jbow and WIPUK.
Yes, I think it all helps, whether it?s friendships, accountability partners in real life or here or just interacting with other folks on the forum.
It?s a bit early to say for definite yet, but for me, moving from being a ?lurker? to actually posting in my own journal and other journals seems to be making a difference.
However, as several people have said, there?s no single magic bullet; we just have to keep developing our skills and applying several measures and techniques to get through this.
Keep trekking everyone.
44 Days Clean
Yes, I think it all helps, whether it?s friendships, accountability partners in real life or here or just interacting with other folks on the forum.
It?s a bit early to say for definite yet, but for me, moving from being a ?lurker? to actually posting in my own journal and other journals seems to be making a difference.
However, as several people have said, there?s no single magic bullet; we just have to keep developing our skills and applying several measures and techniques to get through this.
Keep trekking everyone.
44 Days Clean
workinprogressUK said:
I like hearing that talk, working. Entering 19 days clean here. The first few days my brain felt weird. Would like to think that was part of the rewiring process. Still fascinated about how that works. If I could get to 100+ days and reach a point where the "factory settings" are restored, I will consider that a huge victory in the personal growth department. The idea of entering a new, better chapter of my life is so exciting.
Thanks for your support Rex and Stp215, I really appreciate your reading and commenting.
Just got back from a week away for work, something I always find stressful, and it was difficult but fortunately I stuck with my routines and actually barely had any thoughts about PMO. I did however experience some pretty extreme feelings, oscillating between anger, paranoia and helplessness. Fortunately, I managed to keep a lid on it, so I hope at worst I only come across as just slightly grumpy.
Admittedly, in some aspects of my current role I?m a bit of a fish out of water, but I don?t think it?s just a coincidence that I?m having these moods as I?m weening myself off the PMO. Still it?s a small price to pay for being free of the habit.
All is well now, I?m calm and enjoying being back with the family.
Have a great weekend everybody. Stay PMO free.
50 Days Clean
Just got back from a week away for work, something I always find stressful, and it was difficult but fortunately I stuck with my routines and actually barely had any thoughts about PMO. I did however experience some pretty extreme feelings, oscillating between anger, paranoia and helplessness. Fortunately, I managed to keep a lid on it, so I hope at worst I only come across as just slightly grumpy.
Admittedly, in some aspects of my current role I?m a bit of a fish out of water, but I don?t think it?s just a coincidence that I?m having these moods as I?m weening myself off the PMO. Still it?s a small price to pay for being free of the habit.
All is well now, I?m calm and enjoying being back with the family.
Have a great weekend everybody. Stay PMO free.
50 Days Clean
C
cranm329
Guest
Well going 50 days clean. I have had same feelings while rebooting.
switched_off_again
Member
Well done BigMog - it's great to read that you are managing to deal with ups and downs without resorting to PMO. I'm not there yet but still I'm happy that I'm a million miles forward from where I was last September.
Keep strong. You're doing great.
Keep strong. You're doing great.
Thanks for your comments cranm and switched_off.
Things are going OK. (Reaching out to touch wood as I say that. Doh! That sentence may not have come across in the way I intended! I mean the wood of the desk I?m sitting in front of, as an acknowledgement that I probably need a bit of luck with this journey, and mustn't get complacent).
Anyway, moving on, I?ve now equalled the longest streak that I?ve ever managed in hard mode. A few years ago I almost got to 90 days, but that was before I properly embraced YBOP and Rebootnation and it wasn?t hard mode so I don?t think that was healing and re-wiring my brain in the same way. Of course, I?m aware of the saying that it?s better to make the days count rather than counting the days, but, for me, as long as I don?t obsess about it, I feel it?s one simple measure of progress.
The last few weeks I?ve experienced ups and downs but crucially have been able to avoid MO and PMO. At the moment I?m really under pressure at work, but fairly philosophical about it, especially as I think it is understood and acknowledged that my group/department is particularly stretched at the moment.
I?m enjoying the sunshine and the bank holiday weekend and will shortly collect the family from church. I?m aware things may not always feel this good and I?m not the finished article, and that for me this trek will have to continue, perhaps indefinitely. But after years of failure, I seem to be heading in the right direction. (Though I know I must stay vigilant).
Keep trekking everyone.
66 Days Clean.
Things are going OK. (Reaching out to touch wood as I say that. Doh! That sentence may not have come across in the way I intended! I mean the wood of the desk I?m sitting in front of, as an acknowledgement that I probably need a bit of luck with this journey, and mustn't get complacent).
Anyway, moving on, I?ve now equalled the longest streak that I?ve ever managed in hard mode. A few years ago I almost got to 90 days, but that was before I properly embraced YBOP and Rebootnation and it wasn?t hard mode so I don?t think that was healing and re-wiring my brain in the same way. Of course, I?m aware of the saying that it?s better to make the days count rather than counting the days, but, for me, as long as I don?t obsess about it, I feel it?s one simple measure of progress.
The last few weeks I?ve experienced ups and downs but crucially have been able to avoid MO and PMO. At the moment I?m really under pressure at work, but fairly philosophical about it, especially as I think it is understood and acknowledged that my group/department is particularly stretched at the moment.
I?m enjoying the sunshine and the bank holiday weekend and will shortly collect the family from church. I?m aware things may not always feel this good and I?m not the finished article, and that for me this trek will have to continue, perhaps indefinitely. But after years of failure, I seem to be heading in the right direction. (Though I know I must stay vigilant).
Keep trekking everyone.
66 Days Clean.