I can do better in 2020

Hi guys, I'm almost 24 now and I've been addicted to porn since I was 16 years old. I'm too numb to even feel how terrifying it is to have my 8 years wasted on porn. There were several times that I was close to overcoming this addiction. These streaks were mainly before 2015 and since then I'm unable to truly committed to beat this addiction. In some sense, I gave up a long time ago although from time to time I would write a journal stating that I'd try again. It's literally learned helplessness that destroyed my confidence. Every time I wrote something, deep inside I didn't believe a word I said. I only wrote these things down to somehow make myself feel better. Promising not to do it again became another addiction in itself. I turn to porn to escape from life and then I turn to these "fake promises" to comfort myself.
All the time I told myself, it's ok to watch porn now because your life is too stressful, wait until this semester ends and then you will be more motivated to beat this thing. It never happened. It's all about the perspective.
I used to use yourbrainrebalanced but there aren't many active members now and I feel like if I want to stay in this fight, I need as much support as I could. So I opened this account here and hope to be a part of the community.


Active Member
fight and win!! no matter how many times you have been knocked down, you'll stand up again to fight back!! Keep fighting and you'll win.


Welcome mate, the only time to change a bad habit is today, no better year than now!

I'm 29 and avoided dating and lots of social scenes in my 20s, don't make my mistakes... There's no memorable porn where I think back "yeah that was worth having no energy and confidence for my goals"... It was all just procrastination. I did virtually the same thing with video games and junk food.

If I could say one thing, consider porn as a bad habit rather than an addiction. The latter sounds hard to give up, addiction is difficult by nature. While the former, a bad habit, is merely something shit we should prioritise giving up as soon as we can. Like fast food, or buying apple products.

Best of luck!
Thank you guys all for the kind reply! You guys are great ;D
I'm quite busy these days at the end of the semester in my university. It's a bit frustrating sometimes when I can't focus too well. Whenever I sit down, I would start thinking about all the unrelated stuff instead of doing my work. I really miss the time (in high school) when I wouldn't be distracted so easily. Besides that, I constantly feel sorry for myself and blame my surroundings for it although I'm the main reason why I'm not so satisfied with my life.
I will take this reboot as an exercise to build my mental toughness. There are tons of people who go through difficulties in life yet they don't complain. I have to learn from them.
It's going to be hard as I'm so used to escaping from reality, but this time I'll stand my ground.
The past few days have been very busy for me. That's why I didn't find the energy to post here. I was working on a very hard assignment and almost gave up. Eventually I found out the solution so it was quite rewarding. However, right after I finished it I felt empty inside. I was anxious and expected to be bored and do nothing else at night. In the end I went out with friends to downtown and I did have fun. On the one hand, I really love hanging out with my friends and I truly believe that they are the main reason why I can still enjoy my life. On the other hand, not being able to have fun on my own is a big issue that I have to fix. My friends won't be available 24/7 for me and I have to live my life no matter what. When I was a kid, I could just sit there and read books for a whole day and feel satisfied. Unfortunately I've lost that ability now. My mind is like a non-stop train that never gives me a break.
If I want to tackle this addiction I need to do better. Meditation is great but it's just a tool, I need to find more rewarding things to do. Learning something could be a good idea. Somehow I associated learning something as a very painful thing to do. This mindset is quite bad honestly. I need to focus on the process instead of the result, otherwise I'll never be able to reach my true potential.
Right now I'm studying abroad and I want to improve my language proficiency (Not English). Most people here speak English fluently so I'm not fully incentivized to learn their language. Nevertheless, I know it's crucial for me to learn it because I plan to do business between my home country and here in the future. Speaking English with the people here makes me an outsider. I didn't do well when it comes to learning this language. Now I want to plan for it carefully and then log my process and stay motivated.
Maybe I should also learn an instrument. Guitar? But I'm afraid that I will give up because I'm not sure I would be fully devoted to it.
Either way, I need to develop a hobby or something just to get outta my head.


Respected Member
I like the idea of doing something to get out of your head. I know things like that have been helpful for me. I know writing has been helpful for me: I spend some time each morning getting my thoughts out on paper. It helps me deal with things more productively and to get it all out of my head. Journaling through my recovery both here and in a personal journal has been really helpful for me
I relapsed after 7 days. It always goes like this, I have a lot of cravings and usually I'm able to get through it but end up being not productive. In the evening I would feel bad for not achieving anything during the day and then give in to the second wave of cravings. I knew exactly what was going to happen, I knew how I was going to rationalize all this but I just couldn't prevent it. It's like someone else wrote the script for me and I had to act according to this.
Once someone said reboot is like systematic project management in which we have to take care of a lot of things. Missing one thing could destroy the whole project. I should learn how to manage my reboot better.
Craving is a bitch but what gets me is always my inability to deal with stress and hopelessness. If I had firmly believed that urges come and go and life would be great without porn I probably wouldn't have given in.


Respected Member
I know the whole point of what we're doing is not to relapse, but they're also a part of the process. It's not all bad if you can learn from what went wrong this time. As much as I hate relapses and feel bad after, I've always learned something about myself and my recover after messing up.

You might relapse, but it's progress if you're not relapsing for exactly the same reason as last time. Keep on keeping on!


You can use relapses to benefit your recovery

If you relapse:

Identify the issue/s that lead to relapse, and do what you can to meet that challenge in the future.

Only through relapse, did I learn that my life needed many changes. Porn has been described as a symptom of a life that is not as fulfilling as we wish, rather than being the one and only cause.

I relapsed and realised I spent too much time online...
I relapsed and realised I did not exercise enough...
I relapsed and realised I was socially isolated...

Change these, whichever they may be for you, and the reasoning used to go back to the old habit is significantly diminished.
Thank you guys. You're right, I should focus on what to learn from my mistakes. Dwelling on a relapse and feeling defeated is a killer of motivation. Yesterday after my relapse I wrote down on a paper why I wanted to quit porn and what my life would be like without porn. It was quite helpful for me as it reveals how much I want porn gone from my life.
I think the main reason of any of my relapses is stress management. I'm always stressed about assignments, exams and other things to do in life. Whenever I'm not making a good progress, I tend to get anxious and stressed. Then I turn to porn for relief. The relapse would diminish my productivity and motivation and I would be stressed again. It's really a bad vicious cycle that has been here for years and I have to do something about it. Another problem is my chance of finding a girlfriend now is minimal and this also makes me feel bad. The reason for this is I'm studying abroad and the culture difference is huge. I don't have problems socializing with local people but finding a girlfriend is another story. There aren't many girls from my country here either.
Although finding a girlfriend isn't solely dependent on me, I could still try to manage my life better. These days I've been thinking about adopting a healthier lifestyle. I consume way too much meat and don't have a good workout/eating/sleep routine. I think I will start from here. I could be more productive and manage my emotion better if I'm not always tired from a shitty lifestyle. I will close my browser and do this now.


Ay brandnew. We'll be good strong and sexy soon you will see ;P I recommend you to start meditate everyday. Although there is small chance that it will destroy your addiction to porn it will make you more happy and peacefull about your life no matter what happens in it. I started one and a half year ago and i cannot express how much mental and physical benefits it gave me. Definetly worth giving it a chance. :)
I was doing meditation called Isha Kryia at the beggining but you can use any other proven method.
Cheers and let the nofap be with you man  ;D


Respected Member
That's the spirit! This isn't just about cutting porn out of lives. It's about improving every aspect of our lives and really healing from the inside. Stick with it, friend. We'll get it in time!
Thank you Rakses for the advice. I always wanted to do meditation but I was unable to be consistent with it. I know it has a lot of benefits so I'll try to be more serious about it. For now my most important goal is to get my lifestyle straight. Meditation does require some mental power and I find it hard to do it when I'm tired. I know they don't really conflict each other that much but I don't want to make too many commitments at one time. I'll do it casually when I feel like it.

And thank you BlueHeronFan for the encouragement, we will heal as we keep putting effort in it.

Today was not bad, I went to the library with friends since morning and did a lot of work. I could do better but I'm satisfied with what I've done today. I already made my draft workout plan yesterday and I'll adjust it to make it better as I go along. Tomorrow morning I'll make some stir-fried rice coupled with a salad to start my day. Then at 0900 my friend will pick me up to go to the library together. I'm quite tired now from the studies and lack of food during the day. I'll bring some healthy snacks tomorrow for the studies. I also did some stretches and it felt really good. I need to incorporate this into my daily life as my body is really tensed.


Respected Member
Yes! I know that my experience with porn has meant treating my body badly and then feeling bad about my body. I've tried to take much better care of my body in the last year or so, to make it my friend rather than my enemy, and it's made a big difference.

Keep on moving forward!
Today was very good. Tried my best to be productive. I studied with friends and also video called my friend back at home. The only downside is that I was too tired to go to the gym in the end. I'm just going to sleep now. Tomorrow is another day.
These days I've been preparing for my exam. Honestly I feel stressed and my addiction is trying to find its way back to me. Porn images pop up in my head quite frequently and I was tempted to just give in several times. I need to start implementing techniques I learned to dissolve these cravings. I stumbled upon a TED video a few days ago and it talked about how mindfully observing your cravings can help you quit addictions. I saw this video several years ago I think but I kinda forgot it. Now I just rewatched it and I think it makes a lot of sense. Every time I have a craving, I tend to try to run away from it but never did I succeed once. By mindfully observing cravings I can isolate myself from them as if I'm a bystander. I used to see a lot of techniques but always forgot about them very soon. I need to internalize these tools to make use of them.


Respected Member
That's an interesting thing that I've been working on doing too. I'm not very good at just letting thoughts and cravings pass over me. I hope you continue to have good success with it.

Good luck on exam prep. I'm in the middle of a stressful semester, so I know where you're coming from. Porn might make you forget the stress for a little bit, but it will only make it worse because you'll be that much more behind when it's done with you.

Keep up the good work--and don't forget to take some quiet time to refresh and recharge!