brandnewself
Member
Thank you for the kind words BlueHeronFan.
Unfortunately I did relapse in the evening. There was this cute exchange student that I like a lot but she has a boyfriend. After meeting with her yesterday I felt a bit down. I guess this and the stress of the exams led to the relapse. I was really close to just going to bed but I made the wrong decision in the end.
And I gotta admit that I relapsed again in the morning. The chaser effect gets me every time.
Now I need to clear my mind and think how to prevent the next relapse.
What I did right in the past few days was studying with friends and having a relatively regular schedule. I was also actively looking for help under cravings.
However my emotional instability coupled with the exam just made me turn to porn again. This is really tricky because I can't just convince myself that the exam is not important and I can't control how I feel about girls.
What I can do is to be mindful about it, I guess after all I need to practice meditation seriously. During the day I was mindful about my cravings and I didn't give in. In the evening I just led my feelings control me although I could've applied the same principle here. I didn't have many cravings to be honest but I just wanted to feel better and I went to the only solution I had.
If I can reinforce one technique at a time, I will have a lot of tools to battle this addiction. Now I just want to practice this mindfulness whenever I feel stressed, anxious, sad, angry or cravings. I'll also update here how well I do in this regard.
Unfortunately I did relapse in the evening. There was this cute exchange student that I like a lot but she has a boyfriend. After meeting with her yesterday I felt a bit down. I guess this and the stress of the exams led to the relapse. I was really close to just going to bed but I made the wrong decision in the end.
And I gotta admit that I relapsed again in the morning. The chaser effect gets me every time.
Now I need to clear my mind and think how to prevent the next relapse.
What I did right in the past few days was studying with friends and having a relatively regular schedule. I was also actively looking for help under cravings.
However my emotional instability coupled with the exam just made me turn to porn again. This is really tricky because I can't just convince myself that the exam is not important and I can't control how I feel about girls.
What I can do is to be mindful about it, I guess after all I need to practice meditation seriously. During the day I was mindful about my cravings and I didn't give in. In the evening I just led my feelings control me although I could've applied the same principle here. I didn't have many cravings to be honest but I just wanted to feel better and I went to the only solution I had.
If I can reinforce one technique at a time, I will have a lot of tools to battle this addiction. Now I just want to practice this mindfulness whenever I feel stressed, anxious, sad, angry or cravings. I'll also update here how well I do in this regard.