Until Its Gone

infiniti

Member
Thought I'd share some progress.

I've been through the cycle many times, and this time I'm doing things I've never done before.

Currently I'm on day 13 no sc, or mb.
Previous best 37 days without sexual content, 17 days without mb.

The bulk of my problems over the years have revolved around fetish/domination material, and progressively harder binge by binge.

I decided that I'd clean up all my devices, get rid of all the content I'm ashamed of, and everything else went onto a hard drive and locked away. I wanted to challenge myself to 100 days, to see how good my life can get without these obsessions, and videos. I said to myself, if my life doesn't improve dramatically. The videos are still there go get em. But if my life is significantly better, I'll do the good thing and get rid of everything.

Through the first 3 days were super hard. Fighting and fighting and fighting. I did look for a few seconds at some soft targets on youtube, but looked away within a few seconds, so I didn't count it as a slip. The important thing is I learned from it, as I had a couple of emails come through from website producers on updates, and I refused to click on the links (YAY). But the next step is to remove all need for that particular email account. That means making sure all accounts are dead, and I can get rid of it.

From day 4, I've experienced a flat line, with a morning hard, and then nothing. I've had very little desire, and I'd say less than 1% of women I've seen in public have had my heart racing. To my credit, I've been able to ignore potential fantasies, which lasted for 5-10 seconds. A lot of work is still needed in not ogling women.

Day 13 is interesting. I'm feeling some increasing activity, so being on guard is important. I've been here before and failed by testing, by edging and by being over confident.

Some positive changes I've been making that are definitely having an impact are

Going to uni every day, and studying, but importantly taking the time to socialize. Basically I leave at 8-9am and get home 8-9pm
Factoring in the gym I hardly have anytime to get caught out.
Spending more time talking to people, socializing
Spending more time on help/recovery forums
Making no excuses
Not feeling sorry for myself
not substituting free time with idle activities (mindless forums/Video games) ***Its amazing how much more time I have each day, and was very daunting at first
Rationalizing situations, like being stood up, or ignored. Basically looking at it from a more positive vantage point.
I know this is the easy part. When the temptations come after the flatline, will be the real challenge.


Any ideas, let me know.
 

vispren

Active Member
infiniti said:
Thought I'd share some progress.

I've been through the cycle many times, and this time I'm doing things I've never done before.

Currently I'm on day 13 no sc, or mb.
Previous best 37 days without sexual content, 17 days without mb.

The bulk of my problems over the years have revolved around fetish/domination material, and progressively harder binge by binge.

I decided that I'd clean up all my devices, get rid of all the content I'm ashamed of, and everything else went onto a hard drive and locked away. I wanted to challenge myself to 100 days, to see how good my life can get without these obsessions, and videos. I said to myself, if my life doesn't improve dramatically. The videos are still there go get em. But if my life is significantly better, I'll do the good thing and get rid of everything.

Through the first 3 days were super hard. Fighting and fighting and fighting. I did look for a few seconds at some soft targets on youtube, but looked away within a few seconds, so I didn't count it as a slip. The important thing is I learned from it, as I had a couple of emails come through from website producers on updates, and I refused to click on the links (YAY). But the next step is to remove all need for that particular email account. That means making sure all accounts are dead, and I can get rid of it.

From day 4, I've experienced a flat line, with a morning hard, and then nothing. I've had very little desire, and I'd say less than 1% of women I've seen in public have had my heart racing. To my credit, I've been able to ignore potential fantasies, which lasted for 5-10 seconds. A lot of work is still needed in not ogling women.

Day 13 is interesting. I'm feeling some increasing activity, so being on guard is important. I've been here before and failed by testing, by edging and by being over confident.

Some positive changes I've been making that are definitely having an impact are

Going to uni every day, and studying, but importantly taking the time to socialize. Basically I leave at 8-9am and get home 8-9pm
Factoring in the gym I hardly have anytime to get caught out.
Spending more time talking to people, socializing
Spending more time on help/recovery forums
Making no excuses
Not feeling sorry for myself
not substituting free time with idle activities (mindless forums/Video games) ***Its amazing how much more time I have each day, and was very daunting at first
Rationalizing situations, like being stood up, or ignored. Basically looking at it from a more positive vantage point.
I know this is the easy part. When the temptations come after the flatline, will be the real challenge.


Any ideas, let me know.

Hey man,
your post is inspirational. Keeping your mind busy and socializing is key. Excercise is a great way to build up confidence and belief in yourself.

I do think, you should wipe that hard drive, tho. It is just like a recovering alcoholic, who keeps a bottle in the house, as someone wrote. For me, that HDD would be like a little devil on my shoulder whispering stuff in my ear. Consider ripping his fucking head off and formating the son of a bitch.

Good luck :)
 

infiniti

Member
vispren said:
Hey man,
your post is inspirational. Keeping your mind busy and socializing is key. Excercise is a great way to build up confidence and belief in yourself.

I do think, you should wipe that hard drive, tho. It is just like a recovering alcoholic, who keeps a bottle in the house, as someone wrote. For me, that HDD would be like a little devil on my shoulder whispering stuff in my ear. Consider ripping his fucking head off and formating the son of a bitch.

Good luck :)
thanks. I failed a little after 17 days. I finally accepted i couldnt keep the collection. Its all gone. I still need to run an eraser and get rid of an email acct.now im about 7 days in, and life is so hard. Feeling down because instead of resorting to porn im seeking real relationships and its not working out too good so far and constantly feeling alone.
 
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