Shemale Addiction

I will, tymas

...

I stopped jacking off twice a day again. I went a few days without doing it.

I think this big relapse had to do with either me being weak or just the way my body reacts to the season

I always wanna fuck/jack off more in november/december I don't know why.

Now I feel like I'm back to normal. Normal being relatively normal sex drive meaning like jerking off every 3-4 days.

I can live with that for now, though I will try to stop watching fucked up shit/edging cause that shit is not good for you.

I watched regular porn instead of shemale porn yesterday and already felt less digusted with myself afterwards. I tried to keep the nudity to a minimum too.

I feel like tranny porn is like regular porn for me now and when I watch real women I get just as attracted. Thats how fucked up It is.


 
I'm back on nofap
I don't know what day I'm on, maybe day 7
I think I got all the dick-jacking out of my system for atleast a few months, at least I hope

I started remembering why I stopped in the first place
Still, even I if I still remembered I think I would have slipped anyway

I'm not crazy or have been trying to reboot for nothing, porn is not good for me or anyone.

The main thing I realized when starting to watch it alot again is it drained my energy, made me soft and weak and also ashamed and anti-social. Thats alot to sacrifice for a hit of dopamine but when youre in a really shitty place its understandable why you would choose to so that.

Its like having rotten teeths from meth, to me its not worth it but some of these people are so low they don't care anymore

we have to be better than that

2021 is coming, a new year and a new opportunity to start fresh again, use that wisely and start the year strong guys.
 
Still going strong
I caught corona so being sick helps nofap...

I recently watched a video Jordan Peterson made and it made me see this porn addiction in a better way
I suggest everybody watches it, its only like 2-3 mins long

He basically talks about how saying we're trying to quit porn is not the right way to see things.
The goal is more that we wanna live a better life

That's the end goal, quitting porn itself is not, it just helps alot


 
I have to fix my whole life if I want to stay away from porn

If I start going off track and find myself bored and depressed than it will be easy to fall back to this old habbit

Just like a man who loses his wife and starts drinking again

I have to fix my whole life, cause thats whats quitting porn is about, living a better life

If I only quit porn its not enough, Its just attacking the symptoms without fixing the cause.
Its like a homeless drug addict, you gotta give him hope for something better than drugs if you want him to quit.
Cause without it, all he feels is the hole that lack of drug created.

Right now I don't have much going on, and I think about porn even if I know its bad for me.

I need to create a life that is better than porn
that is more pleasurable

cause pleasure is what we're after
theres no point in living a less pleasurable life

porn creates pleasure, thats why we seek it..
Its awesome in the short term but then it starts fucking with you slowly untill its not worth it anymore.

Then you feel the negative aspects of it 95% of your day to get that 5% of pleasure and realise its not worth it.

But hey.. when you're depressed 100% of the day you don't anymore so you go back to it.

What will it take for me to enjoy life to the point I don't even slightly wanna go back to porn? I don't know to be honest
I will start by working on my goals, getting self sufficient and keeping myself busy, try to work on my social skills and finding a girlfriend would be nice too.

After all, thats one of the reason I wanted to quit in the first place (PIED).
I realised that if I ever got with a girl I liked and couldn't get hard I would suck.

But now I don't even know what I want anymore really. Except keeping myself busy and away from porn so thats what I'll do.
 
Relapsed 2 days ago after 35+ days

It was a quick relapse, I didnt go crazy so its not too bad but still kinda sucks

two main reason caused the relapse

contact with attractive content on youtube that I cant really avoid, contact with the same stuff on netflix (probably even worse)

those trigger me to relapse more

and also the fact that I couldnt sleep so I thought it was sexual energy keeping me awake so I decided to jack off with no stimulus but I wasnt able to.

I rationalized in my mind that I needed something to help me and thats when I relapsed.

I also watch asmr videos to help me sleep and sometimes some of these girl's videos is like soft core stuff..

I know I should probably stay away but I don't feel like all the ffort I'm gunna make is actually going to be worth it because I'll just run out of willpower quicked and relapse anyway

I must find other ways to change my life situation and maybe that will help, but other than that I dont know what to do but just wait it out and hope I gets better with time which it has, just very very slowly.

Probably finding myself a wife later on would be the best option, but thats not for a little while I think.




 
Relapsed again... and again
Also relapsed on the corona
it keeps coming back every week or so but it aint too bad

Looked up tranny escorts in my area
They're pretty rare in these times

I don't know why I do it
Its not like I even want to get with one
I told myself the last time that I was done with all that last time

This shit is expensive and not always worth the stress that comes with it.
I literrally get sweaty and have diharrea hours before and start shaking.

And also sometimes I worry about catching something. But also I think its not too bad because its their job and they wear protection cause they don't wanna be out of work. Still, sometimes I get paranoid.

But looking for them is like a hobby, like a game of trying to find some rare alien species to fuck. Its exciting, it takes time and you have to use judgement and timing of when to go for it or let it pass. Cause when the dirty motel door opens and you see an old crossdressing dude not looking so feminine you realize you fucked up

It might look like I'm encouraging you go have sex with hookers but I'm not, its just another bad habbit

Sure it can be fun but half the time its not like you excpect its gunna go down.

Its better and way more fulfilling to spend your time and money on finding someone you can make love to rather than just having sex.

I'm not even bothered by having relapsed at this point to be honest

The plan right now is to minimise pmo damage
Because I don't think stopping is possible long term for me right now

Even when I do stop for months I end up relapsing and when I do I crash pretty hard

I'd rather keep things as steady as possible


Things other than pmo related are going alright I guess
I'm pretty bored in general and feel like I need some change

Summer is coming pretty soon so thats good
Hopefully some things like gyms open up again

I'm thinking of getting an appartment pretty soon but idk
I also wanna travel but I'm broke and with this whole virus its pretty fucked

Living alone and just working seems pretty depressing to me right now so I don't know what I'm gunna do

 
Sun is coming out more and more
things are gunna get better, at least until next winter
Seems like the seasons are the biggest factor in my mental state

I still have the chinese virus its been 2+ months since I've had it now. Its bareable but it fucks me up a little too. I guess I'll be stronger when I'm all done with it but it could take awhile.

I regained some sex drive the last 2 days, and relapsed 4 times...
Full blown relapses

I don't even see it as a step back, it just happens and I'll move on. Its not that I even care so much at this point

Its not the porn I need to fix, its everything else in my life
I use porn because the  "everything else" is shit

I don't know how to fix my life.
What scares me is that when I'll have a stable job and an appartement, I'll still be in the same shitty mental place

I guess I have no choice but to try,
try everything until I get it right
cause you can't fix shit with your head


 
Things are alright I guess
The wheater is getting pretty hot so thats nice
Also I cant feel the chinese virus too much anymore so it may be gone

I kinda gave up on the whole nofap for awhile and let loose
I just wasnt in the right place mentally
I busted nuts but felt just as empty
Those few minutes who felt like seconds were nice, but its time to go back on track now

When I'm done studying and will start working I'll need a good routine to stay sane.
I need to give my body everything it needs, good sleep, good food, etc.

Also I will need to retain some man power, that semen in my nuts, to have energy.

Alot of things are gunna change pretty soon, I'm looking forward to it. Its time to step up and be on my own.
 
I've been fapping again
I do it when I feel like it which is like once every 2-3 days
I don't even know how long I even lasted on my last attempt at nofap but it doesnt matter

Its still one of my goals to stop but to be honest I don't have the same drive to stop as I used to
Its been 6 years already since I first wanted to stop
I'm focused on different goals right now

I heard DMX died not long ago at 50
his death was drug related
he was an addict who was trying to quit
At least even if we consider porn a drug it cant really kill you like that

It made me think about my addictions
I always wondered why I was able to quit weed an alcohol so easily and porn was so hard
But the thing is I didnt even enjoy those at all anymore, thats the only reason I was able to quit

Seeing the negative effects weed and alcohol had on me was easy but its hard to clearly see the negative effects porn has, even more when you're using it

I think only when I will clearly feel the negative effect porn has on me then I will be able to quit.

I don't plan on trying to go on a no porn/no fap streak anymore

But I still respect those who are still trying.
There is much to gain in terms of willpower and discipline by the simple fact of trying.

But when you do the same shit over and over for half a decade and expect different results... well thats pretty much the definition of insanity.. or of stubbornness.
 
I've been watching more and more porn since I stopped trying to reboot..

I literally feel like a flaccid dick daily
I'm ashamed of what I'm doing with my life and don't feel like a man

I started a new job and got injured right away and was forced to quit
Now I'm unemployed, porn addicted, depressed and constipated and I think I also got herpes

I got some yellow blister kinda thing on my lip and its most likely herpes. Fuck.

It must be from that nasty smelling hooker from last time. I still feel disgusted just thinking back about that night. They say symptoms can start to appear even a year later, and that theres actually no cure for it..

But it could be worse when I think about it, I could have catched aids or something

I haven't watched porn yesterday or today and I'm planning on cutting back on it. I'm tired of feeling like a degenerate fuck all the time, I need to get out of this mess
 
Haven't posted in awhile here, but I remember journaling was good for me
I still don't really know what to do with my life, but I think I'm on the right path
Yes I still watch shemale porn, but not alot of people know I do
I'm not ashamed to like that kind of stuff anymore anyway, but it doesnt mean I'm going to go tell everyone without them asking

I still don't have a girlfriend but I'm ok with it even though I've been wanting one all my life
I have to deal with a couple things first.
I've been using drugs like Lsd, shrooms, dmt, ketamine and ecstasy alot these days
But now I saw its not the way to a fulfilling life.

I still plan on using those drugs and there have been benifits, but not on a daily basis.
I started waking up earlier instead of 3pm
Started Implementing discipline and daily rituals into my life after having watched Wes watson on youtube, an ex-con.
I think this is the way to go.

Waking up early every morning and doing what I wrote I was going to do on a list the previous day is helping.

Even though I've still abused porn the last few days while doing drugs, the things I learned when trying to quit for 5 years are still valuable and I could still drastically reduce porn usage if I wanted to. I am doing so right now.

Hope everyone is doing well
 
Woke up at 8 am today to go do hot yoga
Checked alot of things off my list that I do every morning now like:
-Waking up at 8am
-Taking a shower while doing oil pulling
-Taking care of my athletes foot
-unclogging my nose
-taking a reactine with 2 glasses of water
-Not having a breakfast cause I'm cutting
-cleaning my room
-shaving, flossing, than brushing my teeth in that order

Then I'm ready to face the day with already a couple wins and momentum
all that takes about 20 mins

After that I do what I need to do on my list and add some things to the list too

I do EVERY SINGLE THING I think is good for me the best I can

With this comes alot of confidence and sharpness and removes any shame about what I do with my life.

I started doing this only 3 days ago and i see MASSIVE RESULTS

I'm adding journaling to my list so I should be posting here every day for awhile

I stopped smoking weed but I'm having trouble cutting back on the porn, when I do watch it I try to minimise the time I watch it
I don't feel bad after watching it anymore unless I'm abusing it

LETS GO!
 
Went a little hard yesterday
made me unable to wake up at 7am and ended up getting up at 10:30
Fuck.
It makes the day start with a loss and its harder to have a good productive day after that but I'll still keep going

With the shemale addiction I'm at the point now after 10+ years of watching this stuff where I can watch feminine boys with no operations and no tits that look and sound like women and I don't have any feeling negative or positive after watching it.

I know what I am and I'm fine with it. I don't have any fear of being gay or being called gay. It wouldn't even bother me if people called me gay.

The part that bothers me is that I'm torn between seeking shemales for sex and seeking a girlfriend to have a family with.
Maybe I should go to Thailand and fuck as many shemales as I can to get it out of my system first? I don't know
Its probably somethings I'll always have to control when I have a wife because I can't be cheating with shemales when I have a family, except it the wife knows about it and is ok with it, but even then its fucked up
 

Onmyway19

Active Member
Went a little hard yesterday
made me unable to wake up at 7am and ended up getting up at 10:30
Fuck.
It makes the day start with a loss and its harder to have a good productive day after that but I'll still keep going

With the shemale addiction I'm at the point now after 10+ years of watching this stuff where I can watch feminine boys with no operations and no tits that look and sound like women and I don't have any feeling negative or positive after watching it.

I know what I am and I'm fine with it. I don't have any fear of being gay or being called gay. It wouldn't even bother me if people called me gay.

The part that bothers me is that I'm torn between seeking shemales for sex and seeking a girlfriend to have a family with.
Maybe I should go to Thailand and fuck as many shemales as I can to get it out of my system first? I don't know
Its probably somethings I'll always have to control when I have a wife because I can't be cheating with shemales when I have a family, except it the wife knows about it and is ok with it, but even then its fucked up
I think part of the problem is your fixation on only using trans women, or " shemales" as you put it, for pleasure or sexual gratification. They're people too. Who want the same love, connection, support that all of us want. If that's what you're attracted to, wonderful, and good for you for knowing yourself. But to objectify a human that way and basically say you could never have a relationship with a trans person but they're ok to fuck. That's kind of messed up. The point of rebooting and rewiring is to create that real world connection, and focus on the whole person, not just the sexual aspects. Good luck with your journey.
 
I think part of the problem is your fixation on only using trans women, or " shemales" as you put it, for pleasure or sexual gratification. They're people too. Who want the same love, connection, support that all of us want. If that's what you're attracted to, wonderful, and good for you for knowing yourself. But to objectify a human that way and basically say you could never have a relationship with a trans person but they're ok to fuck. That's kind of messed up. The point of rebooting and rewiring is to create that real world connection, and focus on the whole person, not just the sexual aspects. Good luck with your journey.
Well theres people who use women for sex who would never have a relationship with them too and vice versa. As long as you're both upfront about it I don't really see anything wrong with it. I usually pay for it too so its not like they get nothing in return. And the last escort I was with seem to have enjoyed it more than I did because she kept texting me back everytime she was was in town.

But when ''she'' started kissing me I didn't like it at all. I could sense the part of the trans woman that was not a woman on her breath. If I had real feelings for trans women I would maybe partake in them and accept them but it hasn't happened to me yet. Its purely sexual for me for now and I don't see anything wrong with partaking in that if I'm upfront about it, just like I would with any other female.

It would be wrong if i said to them that I loved them and lied, but I'm always upfront about my intentions.

But I see where you're getting at and I know its kinda messed up, but I'm kinda messed up too. I would like to show real love to them but I just haven't been able to. I also know its hard for them being that way and have relationship with straight men, but understand its hard for straight men to have relationships with them too.

And its not only the fact that you then have to tell everyone that you love a transexual, but the fact that if I want to have a family with that person, I can't. And that's what I really want long term.

My attraction to shemales grew from fantasizing about women with dicks to the realization that this did not exist. The idea that every transexual was a man that was turned into a woman disgusted me as first, but my sexual attraction was so high that I went against my disgust to the point where after 10 years I overcame the shame that came with jerking off to them.

I know what I've done is wrong and perverse but its part of me now and there is no going back. I can't really reverse this and I don't know if I would. I would never hurt anyone knowingly for my own pleasure and I only wish the best for people, trans or not.
 
Woke up at 9
was supposed to wake up at 8 but was too tired
small loss I was kinda pissed but doing everything else on my list made me fucking PUMPED

went to the gym on an empty stomach and did a leg workout
didnt kill myself with it like I usually do, just did high rep squats with a lil more than a 25 plate supersetted with some planks
went from a shitty morning to feeling better than I ever felt in FUCKING YEARS

cutting had alot to do with it and eating only clean ass food, same shit everyday almost doing a strict diet
STACKING THEM WINS

A cute girl that works at the gym said bye to me just as I was leaving by the door, smiling while moving her hair back behind her ear
Shit pumped me the FUCK up

She is really cute and sweet but she wears alot of makeup and dresses a bit provocatively which is not really the look I'm looking for.
That whole gym has kinda like this whole vibe of girls with fake tits and men on roids, I'll probably switch gym to a more conservative one.

Jacked off to shemale porn yesterday even though I wasnt horny, kinda felt like shit about that.
I don't feel bad if its quick and I'm horny just getting the job done but when I do it out of boredom thats not good

Just got my book TEN YEARS INCARCERATED, CREATING THE UNBREAKABLE MINDSET by WES WATSON

about to start reading it, Its the pumped ass mindset and lifestyle I want to live and push on others so they can be the best too,
I want everybody else to be their best and to empower them just like this guy did to me when I needed it most

lets FUCKING GO!!
 
Woke up at 8:30
Still not 8 o'clock but thats progress from yesterday!
Did not jack off yesterday which is a win
Stacked wins this morning by doing my morning routine, just came back from a walk

You need porn less when you have a good life
And to have a good life you need to stack them wins to feel good,
And to stacks them wins you need to have straight up non-negotiable discipline!

Like doing my bed every morning
I never did that shit
Why spend time doing that when you can just go to bed without doing it
But now I do that shit
Cause its not about the bed, its about the discipline and training your mind to do things like this
Things that you don't like but that you know should be done
So write it on the list, do it, and check that list
DONE
 
Woke up at 8:09
still not 8! but we're almost there
did everything on my list morning routine wise, added some stuff to it yesterday (reading 10 pages of wes watson's book and applying minoxidil on my scalp and face, cause I'm loosing my hair in my mid 20s and my beard is not fully grown)

went to the gym and trained some chest, went pretty easy on my body focusing on the movement and stuff, not overdoing shit like I usually did
felt pretty good

Didnt watch porn yesterday, now I only go to bed when I'm tired because if I lay in bed not tired I'll end up jacking off cause I cant sleep.
still grinding on my goals lets FUCKING GO!
 
Top