My journal to recovery- Could use support

BlueHeronFan

Respected Member
Crazy is right. We are universally turned upside down individually. It's tough to make sense of the best way to take of ourselves or each other. It really does come down to doing the best we can right now and being generous and understanding as we do.

Sending good vibes your way! Like we learn with urges, everything passes eventually. We just need to take care of ourselves until then.
 

quitforeverthenwin2

Well-Known Member
Thanks bro!

Wow been awhile since I updated this journal. Been dealing with some drama today feeling indignant. Someone acting pretty insane and accusing me of nonsense. I guess I got into one of those "argue with pigs roll around in the mud" situations. Just reminding myself that it will pass.

Over all building some good momentum, exercising a lot
 

BlueHeronFan

Respected Member
Sorry that happened, but it's good to see you around! I lost track of time and disappeared for a while, but it's good to start rebuilding some of the habits that just sort of disappeared during the last few weeks for whatever reason.

It's good to hear that you're building some momentum and exercising. I know I've been exercising a couple of times a day lately, just to keep the blood flowing now that I'm stuck at home all the time. It's good for the body and the emotions.

Keep it going, man!
 

quitforeverthenwin2

Well-Known Member
Thanks! I have been feeling a bit sad on off and off today and the support really helps me to feel better.

Really I can trace the bad feeling to talking to some girls today, we did yoga in the park. Then we talked a bit at the end I was uncertain and was like "see you around". I guess I just feel really bad and lonely about that, like I really want that company, to be around women. I just moved as well and feel a bit unsettled, but once I adapt I bet it'll be good.
 

quitforeverthenwin2

Well-Known Member
Hey everyone, went for a hike yesterday that was really nice. Making a few changes in my life. Thinking of perhaps logging here again, maybe doing a month ago. I just found this article which really I am finding helpful for future mindset/ preventing lapses or how to look at them:
https://www.unk.com/blog/3-relapse-prevention-strategies/?7233

It seems to be meant for therapists treating people, but I find it helpful for myself
 

quitforeverthenwin2

Well-Known Member
Hey everybody, last few days been going pretty good. Yesterday was great actually, I think I made some new friends.

Going to tighten up my diet a bit, been eating a bit too much. Nothing crazy just going to cut out a few things
 

quitforeverthenwin2

Well-Known Member
Thanks so much for the support man! Really appreciate it.

MO'd a few times with P type fantasy a few times this week. So, want to tighten things up.

Anyways, been putting it off and not on the forum much but think it could be cool to get more into it for a time. Thinking to set a 30 day goal/ day count going.

Going to make today day 1.
Day 1

Had a decent day. I was very tired but I took a nap and then went to the park, I ended up meeting a sweet girl and we went for a walk together for about an hour and a half. I am happy that I took things slow, ended on  a high note and we exchanged numbers and will likely hang out again next week
 

quitforeverthenwin2

Well-Known Member
Day 2

Thanks man! I really appreciate that, it reminds me of the good that happened yestarday. Funny I have pined away for girls so much then I have a great date and it doesn't seem like a big deal lol. Truthfully I don't see this girl being a girlfriend, but you never know what happens! It was  a nice time and I look forward to hanging out with her again.

Today was pretty nice, I have been worn out so just stretched as far as exercise. Met with a friend and we went back and forth saying what we're grateful for. I feel like my momentum is re building. Each day improving a bit
 

quitforeverthenwin2

Well-Known Member
Day 3. Trucking along. Had an urge earlier, but glad to say that I distracted myself and went for a walk and it has since passed.

Not super productive. I'd like to remind myself when I had a nice period of time  and m free, I had a lot more energy and focus, so that is one more thing to motivate me to keep this up! A big motivator.... As I'd like to make progress on some things that are very important to me.

I did a really nice stretching routine yestarday my body felt so much better. i may not do everything I planned today, but I'll do that. It's better to do it and be focused during it, but more important is to just do it! So I may watch tv while I stretch, at the least keep working to heal my body/keep it healthy.
 

quitforeverthenwin2

Well-Known Member
Hey all Day 2 again.

I moed for two days, once per  day. With non fetish/porn fantasys. Honestly still feeling great and did not notice negative effects. MO I will eventually reintroduce but I will have this month as a break from it.

Had a very good day. Did a lot of journaling to keep myself calm and focused on things I can control, kept working and doing things throughout the day and now I feel grateful and energized as well as accomplished.
 

quitforeverthenwin2

Well-Known Member
Thanks Kopp!

Hey everyone, I don't want to just disappear with no explanation....
I've been posting here a lot less.

Anyways. I likely won't post here much in the future, perhaps for awhile. This forum was great for me! And really helped me reach some new levels. I reached a new point. But at this point SMART recovery I have been finding very helpful. It's a systematized approach that works well to me. So I am immersing myself in that.

I have not full on PMO'd since 2015! Though I had lots of bad lapses like looking at porn then moing after (at separate times) but I still count that as a pretty big win ( I have not MO'd while looking at porn, both at the same time since 2015). Looking forward to future success.

I strongly reccomend smart recovery and learning the system/ their book and tool time meetings so here is a link for those interested https://www.smartrecovery.org/community/

Take care everyone and all the best
 

Sanders

Active Member
5 years is an amazing time, thank you for your story. I hope SMART helps you further develop yourself, all the best of luck!
 

BlueHeronMk2

New Member
Long time for both us, but I wanted to say hi. Congrats on the progress and all the best in the future!

I've got a new username, but I'm in the same journal. Stop by if you ever visit the forum again
 

quitforeverthenwin2

Well-Known Member
Hey guys just thought I'd update. Things are going pretty well. Dare I say in some months I may finally post a success story.

As mentioned it's been well over 5 years since I MO'd to P. ( But I had lapses with MO and P separately).

Anyways it's been over 6 months since I saw any P. Haven't Mo'd in awhile and my dating life is very good. I had some really good successful sex three nights ago and that morning a date the next day where I was kissing the girl and another girl I will probably see today!

Still I can improve and keep going. But glad I put in the work on this. Long ass road but it's nice to be in the winning position maintaining it while still growing vs. trying to get there!

I want to re acknowledge I still have challenges and will be humble - nothing wrong with a midnight walk/run in response to an urge! But I am in a solid spot with this whole recovery journey
 

quitforeverthenwin2

Well-Known Member
Quick little check in. Been texting risque stuff with a girl I just started seeing and I think it is something to watch. We also have been pretty wild with some of the stuff we are talking about/ doing. My erections still could use work. So this is something to watch. Finding the balance of being open minded and have a good sex life but also ENSURING that I can get erections and also balance my life out.

A sense of purpose is important!
 
Top