Lil update on me. I am on the right path. Dating a girl and another that is currently traveling - I expect that to resume when she returns as she has been nothing but really into me. ( How far I have come! Last summer when a girl I spent time with traveled I was "sure" she would meet someone else and lose interest).
At the moment I am working on doing lots of cognitive behavioral therapy to get my emotions/ underlying anxiety or pause straightened out. With the girl I am seeing I decided to take a week or two break from sex. I think just cuddling for a bit will be good for me to rewire ( and to make sure the sex doesn't get too porn like as it was).
Also - I am planning on working on BIG dreams. I am finding small "practical" goals don't do much for me. They stress me, I feel worried what I'll do after I achieve them, small ups and downs seem huge. A vision a dream seems to give me hope and inspiration. Besides, thinking to myself. I am an intelligent person I have shown tremendous initiative in my life ( like having horrible anxiety and introducing countless women as a teenager, totally a lone to build my confidence, or training 6 days a week to be able to beat bullies).
My point being why not set big goals? Being very successful, making a lot of money. Being able to support my mom so she can retire. There are people less smart and who had less initiative doing it, why not me? So yeah, it's a new beggining. I am 29 but I believe it's time to start creating a big vision for my future. I can be excited about it. Like a young teenager again planning out my life