I guess every form of refuge has its price

[workinprogressUK]

If it is true that relationships alone are not enough to satisfy my inner needs, it poses a practical problem: what should or can I do about it?  Some possibilities come to mind:  get drunk, watch porn, surround myself with pets, escape into the web, pour out my heart to God, book a flight to Vegas, follow every move and news item of the British Royal family. I am sure there are others as well.  For me, I like the pouring out my heart to God option the best.  Anyway, just pondering today.

65 Day Clean

It's a great post, Jixu. Brings us back to a commonly-discussed theme and one that JoePanic kind of touched on recently; Addiction fills up a heck of a lot of our life, like a cuckoo chick in a blackbird's nest, filling up all the available space and pushing out anything that competes for attention, until it's the only thing left. And in toppling that big, noisy, ugly, cuckoo out of our nest, we create a big vacuum that needs to be filled. And it can't all be filled by other people. We have to find healthy alternatives that keep us engaged and stimulated, to avoid the vacuum being filled by booze, P, gambling, food or "non-purposeful web usage". I'm so far away from cracking that nut myself. Novelty only seems to last so long. But I think the key is that some of the new things need to come from inside us, rather than from other people, via relationships. thanks for making me think about it

 

[J01]

WIP-thanks for the nice reply.  I in turn was thinking of what you said about finding good things from inside ourselves and something came to mind from your own posts-your coaching of kids in youth sports!  This is a great example; it provides a service to others, and it can bring joy, purpose, and a sense of accomplishment to yourself.  Plus, as an added bonus, your kids will never forget it!  Anyway, I appreciated your comments, and best wishes ahead!

67 Day Clean 

 

[Wasted years]

Sounds like you are on a great  path for healing. We must always keep our guards up. We are all on such a slippery slope. It seems like the longer we are clean the easier it is to slip and fall right back into the rut We have been in for so long.

 

[workinprogressUK]

We are all on such a slippery slope. It seems like the longer we are clean the easier it is to slip and fall right back into the rut We have been in for so long.

Not sure I'd agree with you there, my friend. I don't know whether anybody ever gets 100% "cured" and I certainly still feel at risk of a fall, myself. But I'm nowhere near as likely to slip as I used to be. That whole neuroplasticity thing has made my brain less wired to want P as I've gone further down the track, hopefully with better strategies and tactics for staying off the slippery slope. I think the longer we stay clean, the better chance we have of staying clean. Just my thoughts, anyway.

 

[TheNorman]

I have to agree with WIP, everyday away from P makes it seem that much more of an alien concept. I look at people differently, media differently...I just think differently. P is tapping into a part of your brain that produces a chemical response and the more you starve it of that empty shot of dopamine the more it calibrates to look for alternatives. For some that's not always a good thing unless you have a good source to replace it with, but in my case books, exercise, learning to cook etc. have been a much better use of my time and brainspace than P and the residual stuff that goes along with it. Feeling a pull towards P after a long time away probably means you're not replacing it with anything or fixing what made it such an issue.

 

[escapeandnevercomeback]

I have to agree with WIP, everyday away from P makes it seem that much more of an alien concept. I look at people differently, media differently...I just think differently. P is tapping into a part of your brain that produces a chemical response and the more you starve it of that empty shot of dopamine the more it calibrates to look for alternatives. For some that's not always a good thing unless you have a good source to replace it with, but in my case books, exercise, learning to cook etc. have been a much better use of my time and brainspace than P and the residual stuff that goes along with it. Feeling a pull towards P after a long time away probably means you're not replacing it with anything or fixing what made it such an issue.

Giving a break to our brain chemicals makes the brain function better. All the dopamine flooding that we do throws our brain off and we feel the repercussions. Your mind will always function better without porn because porn disrupts our dopamine system. The high levels of dopamine we subject ourselves to is not healthy.

It's true that if porn is one's only "joy in life" and/or one's only "medicine" for life, giving it up will create a void, a craving for them. If nothing else is available, it will be very hard but that's how people grow, by facing discomfort. Porn is the ultimate comfort, it will never teach us how to face the discomfort. That's why fuck it, even if we don't know what else to do with our life for the moment, it's better than porn. We adapt.

 

[J01]

Days have been moving by relatively uneventfully-until yesterday and the day prior, as some challenging urges arose.  Was able to deal with them, primarily by physically leaving the area for a bit, and today is a lot calmer.  You never know what a day may bring forth.

85 Day Clean

 

[Phineas 808]

Good job, jixu, in dealing with the challenging urges.

And congrats on day 85!

 

[Nick Simons]

Hey Jixu,

Fantastic work on reaching 85 days ... but more importantly on continuing to learn things every day you move forward (and backward) so that you progressively loosen the porn hold until it slips away altogether for ever. 

Keep up the fight. 

 

[workinprogressUK]

some challenging urges arose.  Was able to deal with them, primarily by physically leaving the area for a bit

85 Day Clean

Congrats on great progress, Jixu. Just walking away and removing yourself..... simple but valuable advice. The alternative being like an alcoholic, sitting in a busy bar with a vodka in each hand, and hoping for the best. Thanks for sharing.

 

[J01]

90 Day Clean    Hit a good number today and will probably stop posting day counts but will otherwise stay engaged!  WIP, Nick, and Phinn thanks for the encouragement and it is great to be in the battle with you guys! 

 

[workinprogressUK]

90 Day Clean    Hit a good number today and will probably stop posting day counts but will otherwise stay engaged!  WIP, Nick, and Phinn thanks for the encouragement and it is great to be in the battle with you guys!

  ;D
Congrats. Happy for you. Best wishes for next phase.

 

[Joel]

That's awesome, mate. Yep, keep focused, engaged, and keep your battle armor on!

 

[Phineas 808]

Congrats on 90 days, jixu!

 

[guitar1968]

Great message. I'm really hoping to find an accountability partner here on the forum and I agree with you, I'm not looking for hour long chats every day. Just someone like myself, near my age that we can discuss how we're feeling and encourage each other. I'm 53. I'm looking for an AP. I'm just getting started. I've gone cold turkey before, but I failed and I'm back. I need to make it stick this time.

 

[Wasted years]

Congratulations.  One more step to a new sober life. Thank you for the support.

 

[J01]

Have been facing some work challenges and have been quite tempted to get some "instant relief" the past two days.  I was not online or playing around or anything.  I was just "minding my own business" yet the urges and thoughts of instant medication hit pretty hard.  Various actions (including leaving the work area and going over some bible verses for a healthy distraction) led to a good outcome and things have settled down again.  Hoping for a series of non-eventful days ahead !

Porn never tells the truth. 

 

[Phineas 808]

Good job on dismissing the urges, jixu!

 

[J01]

Hit 120 days this week and am pleased with the over-all direction of things. The urges and life's challenges seem to stay the same in some ways but am better equipped to deal with them! Have let the exercise slip a bit and will get that back going today! Take care!

 

[Phineas 808]

Congratulations, jixu- on 120 days! That's 4 months, as you know, without that junk-sex in your life.

You are becoming, and are now already, a different man!